Hype Survivor SHH Survivor 30: Big Brother (Week 4) - Choose it, CHOOSE IT!!!

[Spider-Fan]

Now that challenge is over, I want to toss in my 2 cents:

Matt- You seem to follow a similar style to me, at least in this challenge. You focused on personal drama and put the horror elements in the backdrop. This is my philosophy on writing, also: hook the reader on my characters first. Your submission wasn't scary in a traditional sense, but it had a lot left to my imagination, which I like. It also had me focus on a different type of horror.

Very well done story

Immortal - No easy way to put this, but this needed a lot of improvement. The werewolf turn is too sharp and you focus too much on describing what is going on, but you don't add atmosphere. Without atmosphere to balance out your action, I can't get scared. I think you needed to isolate this story more. With 500 words or less, less is more. Too much is going on, and it gets gross for my taste.

Kal - I like your story a lot. My one complaint would be clarity. I got lost on a few things and had to reread your story a couple times in order to get a few things cleared up. However, that can be a strength to it as I look back. It is one of those types of stories. I love the ending and you did a great job at being creative and letting me imagine. Not spell it out for me.

Iron Fist - Your story I think had the best overall horror atmosphere. You added atmosphere to it, and did it well. I felt like I ws reading a traditional horror story. I also like that you knew when to change paragraphs and isolate speak from action. Not many on here do that efficiently. I may not have done the dream ending, though. I normally find that cheap, but that is just me.

Alex - First, seperate paragraphs! Your story was hard to read. You did things I liked, but in a challenge on horror, I think you went too Army of Darkness. You also hit the wall of explaining vs insinuating. Always insinuate, never spell out in horror. Imagination is scarier. I also may have picked something creepier than slime, or made the slime somehow more menacing. I also think you needed to fix how your doctors talk. You had some good ideas, though, and I think with work, this is very salvageable.

My personal favorite was Matt's submission, but not by that much. It was pretty close for me between Matt, Kal, and IF.

Well done guys

 

[Alex The Great]

Yeah, I was madly typing the story on my Blackberry, and since my style is more of a long story with drama/comedy, I couldn't do well with horror. Thanks for the criticism guys

 

[JewishHobbit]

Congrats IF!!!

And now my two cents. Do note... I hate horror so I have little experience watching or reading it to compare:

Matt - I really enjoyed your entry and when I received it I thought you had it in the bag. It was written well and you took the story from a very real, and flawed, human emotion of cowardice in the face of adversity. I loved it!

Immortal - I hate to say it but this was my least favorite of the submissions, but then it also tells me that this likely isn't your thing. I don't know if you're not much of a writer or not a big horror guy but something was off for your entry (to me). I think the other judges covered it well enough. You have it in you to do well at challenges, this just wasn't your challenge.

Kal - Remember when I said there was a submission that I either loved or hated and was debating on? That was you, punk. After reading it over a couple times and sitting on it I decided that I not only loved your submission, it was my favorite of the bunch and pick to win. I realized that you were going for the twist that it was actually the guy killing the police officer and I thought that was very clever. It's the only submission that made me WANT to go back and read over it again, not twice, but three times. Excellent job

Iron Fist - Your's was a mixed back for me. I'd say yours was very original and I was definately into it. The parts that turned me off were the ending (I hate the dream ending in stories) and the video game aspect. Now, I'm not saying the video game aspect was bad, because it was definately unique and stood out, but I'm just not a gamer so it didn't appeal to me specifically. That said, I loved the setting, the mood, the creepy guy, etc. It was definately up there with Matt and Kal's but I don't think it was better than either of theirs. Good job though and congrats on teh win, I'm glad to see you get one

Alex - Here's my thoughts on your story... it was good but could have been a lot better. I like the fact that you didn't go for the cliches in vampires, werewolves, and zombies. Also, I get the idea that you were genuinely trying to be scary. I think this would have worked, however, if you would have actually made it a little cheesier and went for the Army of Darkness type of horror or something. The goop was intersting and it reminded me of some of the older horror movies I've seen, but giving it more detail could have been interesting. Like I said, it was good but could have been better. But learn to break into paragraphs... that kills me as a reader.


So my pick would have been Kal's.

And for the record... I also think SF's mock submission was fabulous. As a father, that last line sent chills up and down my arms and spine.

 

[Alex The Great]

Give the PoV to SF!

 

[JewishHobbit]

ATTENTION

Iron Fist!!!!!!! Hi YA with the horror foo!!!

You have up to 12 hours to either use the PoV and save Alex or Immortal, or you can choose not to use it. The sooner you use it the sooner we can get to the voting.

Kal... be ready to name a replacement nominee. If IF saves one of the nominees you may name the replacement asap. The replacement cannot be IF or whoever he saves.

 

[JewishHobbit]

Yeah, I was madly typing the story on my Blackberry, and since my style is more of a long story with drama/comedy, I couldn't do well with horror. Thanks for the criticism guys

I totally get that. I write novels so the idea of writing 500 words is a kick in the nuts to me. I've tried, I'm just not good at it.

 

[Spider-Fan]

Yeah, I was madly typing the story on my Blackberry, and since my style is more of a long story with drama/comedy, I couldn't do well with horror. Thanks for the criticism guys

As a writer, even if you're writing unfamiliar territory (I am not a horror writer really either), write what you're good at and make it into the other genre later. I am a drama and character guy, and no matter my genre, I always write there and add atmosphere to fit the drama. Like my mock submission. That was a drama, but I added horror aspects to it.

But like I said before, I saw potential in your entry

Give the PoV to SF!

LOL! Thanks man

I'm actually thinking of converting that story into a short film.

 

[Marx]

I want to thank the judges once again. The results came in VERY quickly, and I think you guys did a great job critiquing this challenge

It's very refreshing to have judges that actually tell you why you got your score, rather than "phoning it in" like I have seen in past Survivors. Kudos to you judges!

This was a fun challenge to judge.

 

[enterthemadness]

Just want to defend myself to why my story sucks...I didn't really plan it in advance...just made it up as I went...and I only like writing action scenes. So it literally took not long. Way under an hour to type.

but at least I didn't gete NEGATIVE POINTS.

 

[Matt]

Your submissions were judged by 3 very capable judges in NotAHenchwench, Marx, and Erzengel!

Our first submission was written by Matt:



Here is what the judges had to say, starting wth Henchy:



Total of 12 pts from Henchy

Here is what Marx had to say:



Total of 9 pts from Marx

And last but not least, Erz:



Total of 15 pts from Erz!

12+9+15= 36 out of 45 for Matt

Very strong score

Matt- You seem to follow a similar style to me, at least in this challenge. You focused on personal drama and put the horror elements in the backdrop. This is my philosophy on writing, also: hook the reader on my characters first. Your submission wasn't scary in a traditional sense, but it had a lot left to my imagination, which I like. It also had me focus on a different type of horror.

Matt - I really enjoyed your entry and when I received it I thought you had it in the bag. It was written well and you took the story from a very real, and flawed, human emotion of cowardice in the face of adversity. I loved it!
.

You idiots! It was about vampires! Not zombies! Argh! Worst! Judges! Ever!


Sorry, I figured what is Survivor if no one *****es at the judges?

Thanks guys. I'm glad you enjoyed. It was definitely a strong competition. Congrats to IF Kal as well. Both were fantastic.

Of course, if I were a judge, no one would've won as IMO we all paled in comparrison to SF.

 

[enterthemadness]

Yes, I'm not good at writing horror. I written 5 scripts before, all covered by WGA E or WGAw...but in all my writing and fan fiction, my straighth is ACTION SCENES. Everything else is harder, esp when I quit writing.

 

[Alex The Great]

Another weakness of yours is grammar.

 

[enterthemadness]

Another weakness of yours is grammar.

This is true.

 

[Marx]

Just want to defend myself to why my story sucks...I didn't really plan it in advance...just made it up as I went...and I only like writing action scenes. So it literally took not long. Way under an hour to type.

but at least I didn't gete NEGATIVE POINTS.

I don't think we were allowed to give negatives.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

Yes, I'm not good at writing horror. I written 5 scripts before, all covered by WGA E or WGAw...but in all my writing and fan fiction, my straighth is ACTION SCENES. Everything else is harder, esp when I quit writing.

I find it kind of funny that you say you've written scripts, and your dialog was something that completely killed your story. Also, if Action is your thing, then you should have written an action sequence. All action sequences have some form of suspense in them. So, always write what you know. Better luck next time.

I don't think we were allowed to give negatives.

+1

 

[Spider-Fan]

You idiots! It was about vampires! Not zombies! Argh! Worst! Judges! Ever!


Sorry, I figured what is Survivor if no one *****es at the judges?

Thanks guys. I'm glad you enjoyed. It was definitely a strong competition. Congrats to IF Kal as well. Both were fantastic.

I actually thought it was vampires

It was a great story, though

Of course, if I were a judge, no one would've won as IMO we all paled in comparrison to SF.

 

[enterthemadness]

I find it kind of funny that you say you've written scripts, and your dialog was something that completely killed your story. Also, if Action is your thing, then you should have written an action sequence. All action sequences have some form of suspense in them. So, always write what you know. Better luck next time.



+1

anybody can write a script and have it copyrighted or protected under either WGA. Never said I was good. I wrote my 5 scripts between 17-20. I'm 23, I rather go to film school for directing than write.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

anybody can write a script and have it copyrighted or protected under either WGA. Never said I was good. I wrote my 5 scripts between 17-20. I'm 23, I rather go to film school for directing than write.

Well right, but you should have a certain kind of pride in your work. Stop back-peadaling and retconning about your writing. Own up to the work you put out there.

 

[Alex The Great]

Hurry the hell up, Iron Fist!

 

[Marx]

Well right, but you should have a certain kind of pride in your work. Stop back-peadaling and retconning about your writing. Own up to the work you put out there.

 

[Spider-Fan]

anybody can write a script and have it copyrighted or protected under either WGA. Never said I was good. I wrote my 5 scripts between 17-20. I'm 23, I rather go to film school for directing than write.

Directors need to have an eye for story, too. Directors take the script and bring that story out visually. You don't need to focus on writing, but you need to be able essentially visually write to direct.

If you want to direct, I think you need to improve your writing first. Especially if you yourself think you need to improve.

 

[enterthemadness]

What do u want me to say? I already said I wrote a story in under an hour. I'm not a good writer. You don't have to be a good writer to be a good director. Paul W S Anderson is my fav director and he sucks at writing his scripts. As a director my focus would be on action, so maybe I should be action director or 2nd unit? As a director I would find challenge in making movie with bad script, be more fun. I would give actors more freedom, just say have fun with silly script, I do best to make movie look cool.

 

[JewishHobbit]

Directors need to have an eye for story, too. Directors take the script and bring that story out visually. You don't need to focus on writing, but you need to be able essentially visually write to direct.

I've been told I should have somehow looked into that direction for a career. Every person who's read my writings tell me that the way I write it they can always see it as a movie.

I've considered trying to write a few ideas out as movie scripts but it's something I've never even looked into so I've never bothered. Maybe one of these days when I'm not working on an actual novel I'll consider this.

 

[Matt]

I've been told I should have somehow looked into that direction for a career. Every person who's read my writings tell me that the way I write it they can always see it as a movie.

I've considered trying to write a few ideas out as movie scripts but it's something I've never even looked into so I've never bothered. Maybe one of these days when I'm not working on an actual novel I'll consider this.

 

[JewishHobbit]

In my book, Stewie dies