Should I take the offer?

[Danger Mouse]

Hi.

First, I welcome only sound advice from mature posters, preferably posters with careers and kids. Nevertheless, anyone with sound advice is most welcome. Anyone else shall be ignored.

Okay, some of you know and some don't, I'm a lawyer. I run my own practice which I've built with my own blood and sweat since 2002. I've hit rock bottom and dug further, and I've seen financially good times. My practice carries my own name and I'm darn proud of it. Not exactly a Fortune 500 law firm, but I bring the bread home. Don't see myself a millionaire in 10 years time, but hey, who knows.

I am also a single parent to a 5-year-old daughter. And since my time is my own, I get to spend time with my kid whenever.

Now comes my problem:

I've been offered by a major law firm (one of the biggest in the country) a partnership, heading their litigation department. I'm talking serious money here. And autonomy. Being a partner and head of a department, they'll leave me alone provided that I bring in the loot.

The catch is that I have to close my current practice. And bigger firm means more work. More work means less time at home.

When I first opened up my firm, I planned on perpetuating a legacy - one that I can perhaps one day pass over to my daughter - that is assuming she becomes a lawyer. But even if she doesn't, there's that legacy. My own firm. Something to be proud of by me, my kid and her children.

But this new prospect promises a far better financial security. Money-wise, I'll be rolling in money far sooner than I expect if I were to maintain my own practice.

But then again, it's not like my current practice is in dire straits. I'm doing okay.

So, your thoughts, please.

 

[Uncanny Orb]

Well I have my own buisness and I do ok. I personally would never go to work for someone else unless I absolutely had to, there is nothing better than being your own boss. On the other hand, if you are one of those lawyers that thinks about nothing but money, is a complete *****e bag with no soul then you will take the offer.

 

[Super_Ludacris]

Financially what's the status of your current place first of all. Because it would not hurt to have a partnership to spread liability and share assests.

 

[Noon]

You have to choose which you believe will be more beneficial in your daughters upbringing: having a parent who was always there possibly making her a happier human being when she is older, or giving her a secure financial future so you know you will be able to send her to university etc.

Some children can become resentful when they have parents who seemed to busy to spend time with them, but this depends on the child.

Providing a financially secure future for your family is also important, and many children would be more appreciative of the wealthy lifestyle.

It is your choice but as a parent your first duty is to what is best for your child, you must decide which option is best for your daughter.

 

[Morg]

well depends, how's your financial DM would the extra money help in any existing debts? Do you have to move? I was wondering about that since I'm sure your daughter has friends she would miss if you do move. Of course if you work for that law firm and have less time with your daughter due to more work seems a downer, I would spend as much time possible with my kid. But the extra money is tempting, raising a kid isn't cheap and college is expensive.

I like being my own boss, having my own hours, I'll never be rich but I get by and kinda proud people think I'm a honest and fair dealer that they spread the word about my business

I think you need to have a long thought about this DM, look at your daughter.
Is the money worth it for the business you built that you are proud of?

 

[redmarvel]

How old is your daughter? Is she old enough that you can sit down with her and discuss it? If she's not that old than decline the offer, she needs you more than she needs more money. If she is old enough than make the decision together. Make sure she understands that you would have less time to do things together.

I had a "stay at home" mom and so did my husband. Since you are the only parent the more time you can spend with your child the better it is for the child. However, you must also make sure you have enough money to keep a roof over your head and food on the table. Anything beyond that is "gravy" and while it does make life more enjoyable, isn't as important as family.

If you choose the other job, who will be with your daughter while you're working. It is extremely hard to find trustworthy people to watch your child. My sister went through more nannies than I would have thought possible. While none of them abused the children (thank God), one of them was a kleptomaniac.

 

[Morg]

redmarvel, re-read it. He says 5 years old

 

[demento]

Is the money the only thing that makes the new job appealing to you? If so, and if you're still perfectly happy with your current situation, then stay on track and keep on keepin' on. I know from personal experience that money does not equal happiness.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

^Yeah, but money = tuition. I've had to watch my parents bend over backwards to send me to Catholic school for 15 years and now college.

 

[redmarvel]

redmarvel, re-read it. He says 5 years old

whoops... then I say, pass on it. A five year old needs a parent around more than they need money.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

I wish I could retract my vote. After reading R.Marvel's post above, I realized that if more parents did spend more time with their kids at impressionable ages like 5; then the kids of tomorrow might not be as screwed up as they are now.

 

[Zilleraut #66]

If you have comfort being your own boss then stick with it. Nothing is worse than answering to a pack of *******s and playing "The Game" inside of offices.

 

[Erzengel]

And the cats and cradles and the silver spoon....

Lil boy blue and the man in the moon...

When you coming home Dad I don't know when...

But we'll get together then....

::sniff::

 

[Colossal Spoons]

^and now I know what I'll be humming all morning...jerk

 

[Grimm Reaper]

I figure as long as you're financially stable and not scraping by, stick with yer own place.

 

[Darthphere]

I say take it....or shoot the hostage.

 

[Erzengel]

^and now I know what I'll be humming all morning...jerk

And when Danger Mouse hung up the phone it occured to him his lil girl grew up just like him...his lil girl was just like him....

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Oooh, if only I could download music on campus.

 

[Elijya]

Tough call, old friend. If you're really doing ok for the time being, there's really no reason to leave your current practise. But if you have any, any at all, financial concerns for the future, you should take this position. Oppurtunities like this can be rare. Plus, I know you love your daughter, and I'm sure she knows that, so you won't be sacrificing any quality time with her, just a bit of quantity. I know she's young, but see what she has to say about it.

 

[jaguarr]

Finances vs. job satisfaction vs. time to be a parent. Man, that's a tough equation to figure out for ourselves, as so many others have pointed out. I think the suggestion to talk about this with your daughter is a very good one, but ultimately it's going to come down to you having to make some very hard decisions about what you want the balance in your life of those three things to be like. You'll have to evaluate whether you want to give up everything that you have worked for and what could wind up being your lasting legacy for the allure of a seemingly more promising financial future and decide whether your being able to spend less time with your daughter will be worth it in the long run. Because, make no mistake, if you go to work for a large corporation, you will have much less time to spend with her. Period. Speaking as someone who works for a large corporation myself, I can also tell you a large corporation is NEVER going to take the well being of you or your daughter into consideration. They will ALWAYS do what seems to make the best fiscal sense at any given time. That means that you will always be expendable to them, no matter what they tell you to the contrary. And, they'll absorb absolutely as much of your free time as they possibly can. This seems to be more true the higher up the corporate food chain you are, and it sounds like you'd be starting at a relatively elevated position. It can be financially rewarding to work in a corporation, but the bureaucracy, politics and the ever-present possiblity that you could be cut tomorrow for whatever reason and their ability to cut into your personal time are something you should be considering. I'll put it this way; if I were to discover a way to make even 2/3'rds or my current salary by being my own boss and not have to put up with some of the crap that I do, I would do it in a heartbeat. Food for thought. Good luck in making your decision. It's not an easy one.

jag

 

[guitarsingerguy]

Hmmmm, well, you know what they say. Money isn't everything. Hell, I'm going to college to be in a career that is gonna make me jack squat. Were it me and I was financially stable, then I'd probably stay where I was, but I'm not you. It's gonna be a tough decision.

 

[Asteroid-Man]

Look man. You shouldn't be coming onto a Superhero forum for advice like this. This is life changing. See if what your daughter thinks. Sure she is only five but she is the most important person in your life. Then you have to think things through for the both of you. And sure your in some financial trouble but either way you you gotta make this decision yourself. For this reason I didnt vote

 

[Lackey]

I am also a single parent to a 5-year-old daughter. And since my time is my own, I get to spend time with my kid whenever.

...



More work means less time at home.

I think you answered your own question right there.

 

[Drakon]

Asteroid, think of it like this-he's been here for about 4 or 5 years now. He's seen people come and go. He's talked to many of us, and have become very close friends. I consider him a damn good friend, and one of the best fathers I've ever spoken to. So, sure, it's SHH, but the way he sees it, it's the place to ask some of his best friends.

That said, you're really in a pickle, my man. Sure, a little extra loot never hurt anyone. But the amount of time you're gonna lose with your daughter isn't worth it, especially at that age. I know from experience. My daughter turns 4 this year, and since I ended up moving to Cincinatti to try to better myself [college and what not], I've seen her for all of 3 hours in the last 3 years, and spoke to her for about the same. Of all the pain I've felt, there's nothing worse than not talking to her or seeing her everyday.

If you take this job, yes, your time with her is gonna be severly crippled. Working all day, sometimes into the night, and you finish a big client, you could be too tired or stressed out to play hide-and-seek [I'm not saying you WILL be, but exaustion hits when it's least wanted]. You'll miss a lot of little things, too. Also, since you're a single dad, that would mean that if you're not there, she's gonna spend a lot of time at the babysitter. If you get family to watch over her, then great and good. But it's never a good idea to spend more time with your babysitter than it is to spend time with your parents.

My advice? Don't do it, for now. If they ask again, when she's a little older and able to do more on her own, then re-consider the offer.

 

[Superman79]

Wow DM, this really kinda sucks. I mean most people work for years to become a partner in a major firm, and some never reach it, here you have it right in front of you.

At the same time, you have a family and a child at a very formative age (well for girls that age goes one til they are 24 ) Jokes aside, I do not envy you.

My questions would be simply this:
1) Do you see yourself coming out ok (not rich, but not wanting) by keeping your own firm? Can you provide for life and college as you are? If so, then stay where you are better to live comfortably but with fewer 000's in the account and be there for your family.

2) Do you see your firm growing at all so that it DOES outlive you by many years even without your daughter taking over? That sort of thing is huge...

3) What sort of billable hours requirements and family-time plans does this big firm have??

4) Can you work toward more of a supervisory role in the big firm as the years move on, so that maybe in 3-4 years you will be doing less work and more supervision? (That would be huge as you'd be able to be there for the 4th grade plays and high school activities, despite being less avaliable early on).

5) Finally, remember in your desire to leave a legacy behind you, both your firm and your daughter ARE your legacy and you owe it to yourself to make them both the best they can be.

That said, I would be conflicted but of course...not having a family myself, I figure I'd go with the big firm. If I were you, I'd likely stay and work on my own firm, be there for your daughter (cause really, you blink and they're gone, so I'm told)...besides you've only practiced for 4 years, most lasting firms take a good 5-7 to really get a steady establishment, you'll do just fine...especially if you hire a couple smart young turks out of good law schools to help you out

Best of luck in your decision.