Sequels SM4 Writing competition

[FaT_tONle]

Act 3 Scene 4

(At Gwen’s house)

Gwen: The police are ending this Parker... it’s too late.

Parker: Then we are running out of time. Look we can do this. We have the cure for goodness sake.

Gwen: We think we have the cure. We don’t even know if that damn thing we formulated will even work.

Parker: Well we have to at least try it. We can’t give up now.

Gwen: Peter... look. I care about Conner’s. I want him back just as much as you do, as does his family and wife. He deserves better. But the man killed my father for Christ sake. I can’t let that go. And what’s to stop it from killing someone else’s father.

Parker: Look I can’t do this without you. Lets go back in there one more time. Before the police shoot and kill him.

Gwen: We can’t even get in there. The police have blocked out every exit and entrance to the city’s sewage system. Not even Spiderman could crawl his way in there. Its locked down completely.

Parker: You were the captain’s daughter. You can get us clearance to get in. You know you can.

Gwen: And what are we going to do Parker? Tell that beast we have the serum to cure it and just expect it to lay down while we administer the shots. Its not going to work that way.

Parker: Spiderman will help us.

Gwen: Spiderman? Oh yeah he will help us. Help let that thing kill us just like he let it kill my father. I don’t trust that masked creep one bit anymore.

Parker: Gwen... he tried. Spiderman was the last person responsible for your father’s death.

Gwen: Oh for God’s sakes Peter. What is it with you and SPiderman? Is he your best buddy or something? Is he really going to throw his neck on the line to help rescue your former professor? Think about it.

Parker: I guess your right...

Gwen: We tried Peter. Just let the police end this before more people get hurt.

Parker: I guess there is no way to convince you.

Gwen: You guessed right.

Parker: Look, I don’t need you to come in with me. Just get me those blue prints to the sewage system. I know you have access to them. I’ll do this by myself... and Spiderman of course.

Gwen: I’ll see what I can do...



If you are reading... hope you are enjoying it... I’ll finish this act some time next week. Act four probably some time after I see SM3 just to make sure most of the pieces fit. Thanks for reading...

 

[FaT_tONle]

Rest of Act 3...

Act 3 Scene 5

Wilson Fisk stands at a podium ready to address a mob of reporters. He is accompanied by Gore Rubinski, interim captain of the NYPD. Fisk begins his shortly prepared speech:

Fisk: Good evening. I am afraid I won’t have the time to take any questions of yours as I am pressed for time. Let me start by commenting on the Lizard phenomena. As you all know of course, Fisk Inc. funded Dr. Curt Connor’s research. We take full responsibility for the botched experiment and the victims that were injured and killed as a result. Everyone from the Fisk Inc. family offers their condolences to the Stacy family and the greater family in the NYPD. Your new captain of the NYPD would now like to share a word.

Rubinski: (Into the podium steps Gore) Obviously this is a very sad moment for everyone in the city. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Stacy’s. As to the creature that still remains at large, we will still proceed with caution and try to bring the specimen in… alive. If there is any chance of bringing in Dr. Connors we have every intention of bringing him in safely. Questions….

Reporter 1: What makes you think you will be able to revive Connors?

Rubinski: No idea… not a scientist.

Reporter 2: What’s to stop the Lizard from killing again?

Rubinski: Look, we don’t even know for sure if the Lizard killed the Captain Stacy. We need to gather all the facts and be sure about this before jumping to any conclusions. In the meantime, this interrogation appears to be going nowhere. (Leaves the podium)

Rubinski and Fisk walk off together. They exchange some words.

Rubinski: I can’t thank you enough Wilson.

Fisk: We aren’t out of the blue yet. Any word on your brother…

Rubinski: He’ll kill it soon enough. It really doesn’t even matter at this point.

Fisk: And if he doesn’t?

Rubinski: Then I will send in a swat team and put it out of its misery.

Fisk: This cost me a heck of a lot of money Dmitri. Most of my financial assets are gone. I hope this will be worth it.

(The Chameleon): Let’s not fool ourselves… we got the entire NYPD under our belts now.

 

[Victarion]

I like your treatment of the Lizard. My only nitpick is that Fisk is owned by Fox. Instead, I imagine Sony would substitute Jason Macendale, or whoever it is that becomes the Hobgoblin.

I've been mulling over a treatment, though I imagine everyone'll hate me when they see it.

 

[FaT_tONle]

If they can't get Fisk they can't get Fisk... but I think you need at least one overarching villain in every film 4-6... he makes sense to me

Act 3 Scene 6

Gwen meets with Peter and brings the sewage blueprints with her. She goes through the layout.

Gwen: Look Pete… I can’t get us clearance. But I did manage to get the blue prints. There seems to be only one way in.

Parker: I am sure the bug can find more than one way of getting in.

Gwen. Well I would advice you tell that wall hopper otherwise. The cops have sensors at every way inside and outside tracking any movement. They will pick him up. It’s an unnecessary risk.

Parker: Then how do I get in?

Gwen: You?

Parker: You know what I mean.

Gwen: He can swim. There is a small lid leading into the sewer. If he can pop the lid he can get in.

Parker: And where is this lid?

Gwen: Beneath this canal. He’ll need to swim down the Gowanus Canal to get near the lid. He has to pop it under the water. Though it will be almost a mile… I hope he can swim.

Parker: I never asked.

Gwen: Just makes sure he corks the lid back on once he’s in. Otherwise he’ll flood off that entire section. He could drown in there along with Connor’s if he doesn’t.

Parker: I’ll tell him to keep that in mind. Where will I be?

Gwen: We’ll wait by the abandoned harbor near by. Hopefully Spiderman can bring Connors to us while we stay dry. Then we’ll administer the cure.

Parker: We? I thought you said you weren’t coming.

Gwen: I am not letting Connors give you all the credit once we get him back. I helped synthesize this serum too…

Parker: Well then… glad you came around. (They pause and stare at each other. Peter puts his arms around Gwen’s shoulders). We’ll bring him back… together.

Gwen: It doesn’t change the fact that he killed my father Peter.

Parker: He couldn’t control himself Gwen. But if we don’t do something…

Gwen: You’re right… I want Connors back too…


Last Scene coming up... this is where the story turns

 

[L0ngsh0t]

How will this competition be judged?

 

[FaT_tONle]

Not really a competition... I doubt many people are reading my entire script anyway but I would appreciate more comments/suggestions... but this thread is for eveyone to post their own plots... doesn't have to be detailed as mine but I do want to hear other DETAILED ideas too...

I know some people had concerns if Lizard/Kraven could hold the movie alone, which I don't think they can... this act explains why I got King Pin/Gargan and all these other characters in the script.

Act 3 Scene 7

Wilson Fisk, Gore Rubinski, and Sergei Kraginoff pull into an abandoned facility. They are followed by a stealthy Macdonald Gargan, who is observing intently from a safe distance. He takes out his camera and starts shooting away. He gets clear shots of all three men together. He recognizes Gore as the new interim Captain, but is unfamiliar with Kraven’s face. He sees the two men exchange a hug. The Kingpin motions to Kraven and hands him a small briefcase. It is opened and Gargan realizes it’s a large chunk of cash.

Fisk: It’s all yours Sergei.

Kraven: It was nothing really

Gore: And the Lizard…

Kraven: I’ll be glad to bring in his head. It’s why I came here.

Gore: You have three days Sergei… otherwise I take care of this thing myself.

(Gargan can’t make out the conversation and heads back to Kingpin’s head quarters. He has some questions for an old colleague)

Laura Simone, Kingpin’s secretary, walks out of Fisk Headquarters and heads to her car. She fumbles her keys but gets the door opened and steps in. She is about to start the car until the cusp of another hand clutches her mouth and a knife is raised next to her throat. She tries to scream but the grip is to firm

Gargan: One peep out of you and that will be the end of it. Now I have a few questions that need some answers. You try anything other than answering them and this knife goes through your neck you understand? (Slowly releases her mouth)

Laura: I told you people everything I know… I swear to God…

Gargan: What people? Who are you talking about?

Laura: Those thugs of Justin Hammers… I don’t know anything else on Fisk… and I already told them everything about the murder of that witness in that murder trial.

Gargan: Wait a minute… you were Hammer’s witness to that job I pulled?

Laura: (Looks in her windshield mirror and recognizes the face) Gargan?

Gargan: (Grabs her mouth) You better explain yourself real good then…

Laura: Hammers paid me off… I was planning on leaving Fisk. Some of his men threatened me for inside information on Fisk. I didn’t have anything but I told them you might know something on Fisk… Hammers needed leverage on you

Gargan: And why were you even there when I pulled the trigger on that witness…

Laura: Fisk had to hold something over you… in case the murder was connected to him. He ordered I be there… I had no choice…

Gargan: So you sell me out to Hammers to save your own neck?

Laura: Mac… I’m sorry… please don’t do this…

Gargan: (Takes out the pictures he took of the three men) Tell me who these men are.

Laura: Fisk, Rubinski, and… Kraven.

Gargan: Kraven?

Laura: Fisk hired him earlier to take out the Lizard.

Gargan: And why is Rubinski with them?

Laura: Fisk said something about needing a replacement for… you… he said he had another man on the inside… it’s possible that…

Gargan: Fisk hired Kraven to get rid of Captain Stacy… and replace him with his new boyfriend… as the Captain of NYPD… am I right?

Laura: It can’t be…

Gargan: Jesus… Fisk set this thing up from the start…

Laura: Look… you can’t go to the police with this… with the Kingpin’s new man running the show. Fisk will know I tipped you off… he’ll kill me…

Gargan: Your lucky I don’t kill you right here Laura

Laura: You might as well… Fisk would find ways to do much worse.

Gargan: I got a better idea… (steps out of the car)

Laura: Mac wait… Hammers still wants info from you… he will bring that old case back up and make me testify against you…

Gargan: Then get out of here…

Laura: Where? They'll find me...

Gargan: (Reaches into his wallet and pulls out 500$)… Take the money and get out of town… call me when you are out of the city… (Walks away)

Laura: Mac… (He turns around and looks at her)… thanks.

Gargan: Don’t mention it…



I'll finish it up in a while... comments always appreaciated

 

[englishtrebor]

I've read the whole thing so far. Some problems I'm thinking about:

- How does Gargan survive falling off a fifteen story building?
- Lizard, Kraven, Kingpin, Scorpion, Electro, Chameleon, etc. You're introducing a lot of bad guys but haven't developed any of their characters. Sandman had a single scene in the movie where he talks to his daughter, but yours doesn't really make us care for any of the characters other then their part in the plot.
- Mary Janes seems to be awfully kicked out of the story which couldn't possibly happen?
- The police seem to know Lizard's exact location at some points but lose him completely the next second. Maybe sewers explain that....
- At one point, Peter seems to suggest that Gwen help him cure Connors while Spider-Man subdues him. Would Spider-Man risk Gwen's life like that?
- Was the Black Cat mention just a mention?
- There is no character development for Peter. The Mary Jane relationship subplot resembles what it was in Spider-Man 3.
- There needs to be less Spider-Man and more Peter Parker. There aren't many scenes between each action bit, usually only one or two. Every time we see Peter, he's talking to Gwen about stopping Lizard. Seems kind of like a one story for Peter.
- Gwen is starting to sound like the New Goblin II.....

I like Mac's investigation of Kingpin, though. Overall, it's actually one of the better fan scripts I've read.

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

Well, I'm not much into competing for things, but I am looking for good Prose writers who can write some Daily Bugle scenes for my fanfiction i'm percolating. Anyone interested will obviously get credited as a co-writer because I'm like that. Just send me a PM.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

Act 4??

 

[FaT_tONle]

Damn thought this thread got deleted while back... I need to rewrite it. Its overkill here... not enough focus on the main characters... It's doubtful I'll rewrite it since all these Lizard/Kraven stories are redundant... let me give you the jist of how it would go a second time around though...


1) King Pin defintely stays in... that's the bottom line... he is essential for the sequels

2) Gargan is out... I would save his character for SM5 alone... I wanted to really develop this guy but considering Scorpion really isn't an iconic villain I'll just save the character for SM5 and use him as a plot device.

3) Toomes would be in co-working with the King Pin without the suit but just as a master thief.

4) Chameleon is OUT... I was thinking about going with avenging the dead brother plot for the sequels but I thought against it... too many other villains to explore.

5) Dillon/Electro is most likely out... maybe I'd reduce him to a cameo tops... but I'd probably introduce the character in SM5... and fully develop his mean side in SM6.

6) Felicia for SM5... I can't fit Black Cat into this now that we have Gwen... and no way I am going to ignore the Stacy's when they were just introduced in SM3.

That's as far as the villains would be concerned... if news doesn't pick up in the next couple of weeks I'll might post up a rewrite in the fan fiction... but it is really redundant at this point... for those who read it... I hope you enjoyed it and I'll be happy to finish it up if people want me to.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

Finish it up! Your script is a BIT like how mine will be....

 

[FaT_tONle]

I'll tell you what... I'll write a detailed summary of how it would go... but the screen play stuff is a waste of time... no one has the patience to read all that except a few peopleinterested in writing their own scripts, and its not like Sony is making a pitch to the fans to come up with scripts. But you are free to take any ideas you like from the script and incorporate it into what you got.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

I'll tell you what... I'll write a detailed summary of how it would go... but the screen play stuff is a waste of time... no one has the patience to read all that except a few peopleinterested in writing their own scripts, and its not like Sony is making a pitch to the fans to come up with scripts. But you are free to take any ideas you like from the script and incorporate it into what you got.

Aw, I was hoping for a script lol

that's okay though. and my script is not that much like yours, I read your script after I thought of my script's idea. The only similarity is that Kingpin hires Kraven to take Lizard out. However, everything else is very different.

 

[RySmack]

If I wrote a script...it'd be to take out Venom in SM3 or introduce him in the end. Didn't like how Raimi seemed to tie-in the Venom story.
But if it could be possible my script would be with Kraven, The Lizard, and Venom...somewhat involved.
And i do would like to become a screenwriter and write my own Spiderman saga.
But i like what i've read. Very good. So i say you finish it up.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

When are you continuing (or writing a summary of how it would end)?

 

[Blader5489]

If I wrote a script...it'd be to take out Venom in SM3 or introduce him in the end. Didn't like how Raimi seemed to tie-in the Venom story.
But if it could be possible my script would be with Kraven, The Lizard, and Venom...somewhat involved.

That doesn't make any sense. You didn't like what Raimi integrated Venom into the movie's plot, so you're going to do the exact same thing?

 

[DestinyMakerX]

That doesn't make any sense. You didn't like what Raimi integrated Venom into the movie's plot, so you're going to do the exact same thing?

I think he means that he would INTRODUCE venom at the end, but not kill him off

 

[QWoods]

flash takes harry's place as his friend and he is with felicia who pete also befriends

dr.connors becomes lizard and spiderman cannot stop him so kraven is hired and he plans to kill spiderman also

maryjane goes out of town for a show for half the movie or something happens to her who cares

lizard kills gwen and her father ends up in the hospital trying to take out lizard on his own

kraven gets away so there can be a sinister six

gwen does fall in love with peter again after seeing how much of a changed man he is.

mj and peter plan to just take it slow or take a break

 

[chaseter]

This isn't a competition, it is Fat Tonie's SM4 premise thread...damn those are long.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

I'll tell you what... I'll write a detailed summary of how it would go... but the screen play stuff is a waste of time... no one has the patience to read all that except a few peopleinterested in writing their own scripts, and its not like Sony is making a pitch to the fans to come up with scripts.

when will your detailed summary be?

 

[Venom'sDad]

This is a very misleading thread.

 

[FaT_tONle]

when will your detailed summary be?

I think I am gonna pass... kinda too lazy to do it.