Okay, finishing my train of thought from last night....
I can go into a long account of my journeys back but to cut it short I realized I had three big issues:
1) I needed to know that there is a God in the first place, Christian God or not.
2) I needed to know that I could trust the Bible as being accurate and not just writings of some men who through in their personal thoughts and prejiduces.
3) I needed to find a way to not be ashamed of Christians, the Church, and our faith in general.
1) This was pretty easy for me to come to a conclusion about. Honesty, I've experienced enough in my life to know that something's still there, but to aid in that I began to read up on other people's experiences as well as a book called Fingerprints of God that details people's supernatural experiences outside of a strict christian only mentality. I acknowledge that some experiences may be more scientific or mental than supernatural, and that some of it could be lies, but there's just WAY too much to be coincidental.
Beyond that I also considered creation versus the Big Bang and all that. I just find most scientific theories that I read to be more unbelievable than creation. Everything is too perfectly made.
Obviously no factual proof in this type of figurings but I saw enough to convince me that something WAS up there.
2) Having decided that there is a God, I then needed to decide that the Bible was accurate and God's word. I refused to believe that it was inerrant and true because it said it was inerrant and true. Easily could have just bee written in there and still be faulty. I mean, Catholics have books in their Bible that Prodestants do not... which one is inerrent? How do I know that things included, such as talks about homosexuality, is actually God inspired and not just the prejudices of the time speaking through? Just because the Bible SAYING it's true and SAYING it's the word of God doesn't mean that it is. If people made mistakes on topics such as homosexuality, they could have made mistakes on those sections as well.
Honestly, this is one area that I'm still not completely convinced, but I've read and studied enough (though I fail to remember just about all of it) to convince me enough. There was a book called The Case for Christ and it took a lawyer's point of view of the Gospels and studied them outside of a religious or biblical point of view to decide how accurate they might be. This book convinced me that the Gospels are everything they say they are, or at least the writers believed them to be.
Also, with how long the Bible's been around, it's still relevant and affecting people and changing people every day for thousands of years. The answer to every question can be found in that book. This also makes me think that there may be more to it than some random old guys's ramblings.
This was a start of my workig on this problem of mine and I'm looking into other things that can make me feel sure about the rest of the Bible. I'm still struggling with aspects such as homosexuality (primarily this) but I've come to the conclusion that, if it is sin in God's eyes as the Bible says, I disagree, but I'll respect God's view on it. The example I usually give is that I'll be best friends with a gay Man. If he and another man get married I'll be happy for them and attend their wedding... but I won't encourage to the point of hooking him up with another gay buddy. Basically, I'll be happy for them out of my own beliefs but I won't encourage them out of respect for God, if that makes any sense. I WILL, however, vote for any rights that they don't have and everyone else do. I actually feel it's unchristian to deny a person basic rights because of their sexual orientation. It's no different from denying rights to women or african americans in my mind.
3) And now for the last one... how could I find myself unashamed of the Church and my own Faith? This one was a struggle because I HATED how Christians and Churches proclaim love but judge and belittle people who disagree. Gay Rights is a primary example of this right now. I hate how every single christian I knew, my entire church, believes that Gay people shouldn't be allowed to marry or claim each other on insurance and all that. I HATE IT! It's judgemental and bigoted. How in the world are we to show them that we love them by denying them happiness and all the things that we enjoy as straight people? I actually had a former pastor who proclaimed proudly that he would never allow a gay person to step foot in his church and then the congregation cheered. I never felt so disgusted (note... this was my former church). Also, I hate how so many Christians would boycot stupid things like Disney or Harry Potter... works and things of fiction and not at all witchcraft as they call it. These types of things just weighed on me.
Well... the difference maker here was finding a new church and people of like mind. I don't look down on my previous church (and that pastor I mentioned has been long gone due to having been found in a sexual affair) as they are simply trying to express their faith as they believe it to be true and how God wants them to express it. I disagree with it, but I respect their attempts... and while their hearts might not be in the right place with how I believe God wants it to be, I believe their hearts are in the right place for God himself.
But my current church isn't judgemental like that. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've seen a couple gay couples at the church. They aren't the type of church that "okays" homosexuality, but they don't condemn them either. They simply inform them in what the Bible says about it but then loves them anyhow. As one of the pastors had once said... we're called to love, not convert. Love them and let God work in their hearts... and if we're put into a place where God uses us to convert them, then so be it, but at no point should be condemn or turn them away. That's now how Jesus would do it and that's not how we do it.
It was refreshing to hear a church be loving and not judgemental and that sparked my respect a bit. Then the pastor did a message on the "Apology for the Church" that I posted earlier and that just blew my mind. Suddenly I have a lot more respect for Christians because suddenly not all of them are *****ebags. Not all of them are judgemental hypocrits. Not all of them are bigots. etc. Some of them think like I do, and that was encouraging.
I'm not one to promote different denominations, as I believe we are ALL God's people... but I do promote finding a church that is right for you. A church that goes against how you interpret the Bible and believe can only hurt your faith. Find one that is in sync with your faith and it helps you to grow.
Now, these are all just my own personal experiences that brought me back from not believing in God, from not believing the Bible, from not being ashamed of the Church. These are the things that happened to encourage my faith to where I wasn't ashamed to step foot in a church or have a christinaly conversation. Anyone else who is questioning or struggling with faith... I don't know your problems or concerns, but hey... feel free to throw them out there. This isn't a debate thread... we like to discuss and encourage... at least that's my hope.