So what's new for the Marvel Universe in 2008?

[PhotoJones]

Sometimes I hate me, too. Like, in this case.

 

[Xofenroht]

Have a beer, then you'll love your self.

 

[PhotoJones]

I've already had a few.

 

[TheCorpulent1]

So where does that leave you on the self-love scale? You think you're kind of cute but wouldn't go to the trouble of asking yourself out?

 

[PhotoJones]

I look alright, but the gas is keeping me from making out with myself.

 

[TheCorpulent1]

Maybe you should get your wingman to occupy you while you go and talk to your hot friend.

 

[PhotoJones]

Am I my wingman and my hot friend?

 

[Xofenroht]

Yeah, then you'll be "Macking" in no time.

 

[TheCorpulent1]

Am I my wingman and my hot friend?

Not unless you've drunk a lot of beer.

 

[Xofenroht]

Am I my wingman and my hot friend?

What are you smoking?

 

[PhotoJones]

Intelligence?

Not unless you've drunk a lot of beer.

Well, that won't be happening tonight, unfortunately.

 

[Xofenroht]

Man, now I want some beer.

 

[Dread]

What's new for the Marvel Universe....


IIIN THA YEEAAR TWWOOO-THHOOUU-SSAAAAAANNNNDDDDDDD....

(sorry, couldn't resist. I'm not the biggest Conan O'Brien fan, but I do like that bit).

- The Marvel event of 2008 is SECRET INVASION, in which Skrulls once again take on the forms of superheroes and other figures to take over the world from within and without. Only, uh, this time they MEAN IT. While other books will tie in, and some have started already (stuff from Brian Reed, Dan Slott, and others), Bendis will write the core event. My prediction? It will be 1-3 issues too long. The first 3 issues will have nothing but a lot of taking. Character histories will be retconned for no damn reason besides whim, like OMD. Superheroes with over a decade of experience will act like immature children who never cooperated for any reason, ever. And someone will appear out of nowhere, chastise everyone, and hand them the answer on the silver spoon. Even money is on Nick Fury. Only that happened in SECRET WAR, but Bendis like imitating himself (see Ronin).

- Kitty Pryde is rumored to die or vanish in either MC or AXM, prompting Colossus to randomly join the Last Defenders with Blazing Skull, Nighthawk, and She-Hulk, where he will struggle to seem important next to the latter Jade Giantess, who does everything he can, but better (and with boobs).

- Dan Slott will debut on ASM, a move fans have begged for for years. In order to maintain some amount of fan outrage, with Joe Q believes is money in the bank, OMD is the backdrop to make things as nasty as possible. Thousands online vow to drop the book in disgust. The end result? Sales fall a whopping 2.5%, and all goes as planned.

- AXM will finish Whedon & Cassaday's "2 year story" after almost 4 years...just in time for Halloween.

- THE ORDER will be canceled for low sales, because angry fanboys don't support little books, and Marvel don't support new franchises.

- The Ultimate Universe will continue to struggle to be seen as important, prompting the universe to merge with Marvel Zombies to become Ultimate Zombies.

- ULTIMATES 3 #2 will be so terrible, even Rob Liefield will gag.

- CAPTAIN AMERICA, AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE, NEW WARRIORS, CAPTAIN MARVEL, and THOR will continue to rock ash.

- NEW AVENGERS and MIGHTY AVENGERS will continue to be the most underwhelming efforts by a writer who is the #1 of the industry in a point in time, ever. In an attempt to be original, Clint Barton will ditch his Ronin costume back to Echo, in exchange for becoming Frog-Man II. Wonder Man will continue wearing his 80's reject clothes, forgetting he can fly until most convient, and act merely as Ms. Marvel's boyfriend. Tigra will be slapped around by some other villain looking to seem tough. Iron Fist will continue saying 2 lines per issue and punching random scenery to seem important. The rest of the New Avengers will act as if BND is not happening. And Dr. Strange will continue to wax and wane between omnipotent and useless, and then Joe Q will complain about how magical characters don't work.

- Ramos' run on RUNAWAYS will be mistaken for the newest works of Picasso, attracting snobby art enthusiasts.

- Wolverine, Iron Man, Spider-Man, and Storm will continue to compete for most appearances in comic books.

- IRON MAN the movie will be a blockbuster hit, and in order to make 616 Iron Man as heroic as he is there, and not the Czar Imperial of SHIELD, Joe Q will have Stark make a deal with Mephisto to revert back to his pre-ARMOR WARS self. Kang, who was the cause of the last silly Iron Man retcon during the 90's, will be jealous.

- YOUNG AVENGERS the mini will sell well. The writers strike will free up Allen Heinberg to at least plot an arc, and perhaps even write or co-write some issues. Still, Marvel will drag their feet with volume two.

- Some fan, somewhere, will ask Kevin Smith at a con about DAREDEVIL: TARGET #2. And then that fan will be fatally mauled by Jason Mewes.

- A third writer will move on to write ULTIMATE X-MEN who is claimed to be "buying time for the Brian Singer" arc.

- ANNIHILATION CONQUEST, despite not being as good as the original, will be better than the core Marvel event with half the hype & attention.

- Following on DC's lone triumph of 2007, Marvel will reveal that while good Nova Centurians have Yellow energy, bad ones use Red, cowardly ones use blue, and stoned ones use Green. Tucan Sam will then threaten the universe, before being slain by Rocket Raccoon.

- The Hood will meet his match against The Sleeves.

- People will continue ignoring WOLVERINE ORIGINS, yet it will not be canceled easily.

- X-MEN: FIRST CLASS will produce more issues of the first class of X-Men than originally existed in 616 before GIANT SIZE in the 70's.

- Four issues of Millar & Hitch's FANTASTIC FOUR run will ship, because they like being ironic.

- Jim Cheung will draw more covers than interior pages...in one month.

... done for now. And I bet no one laughed.

 

[3dman27]

i like the idea of retconning shellhad back to an HONORABLE HERO do that to ALL MARVEL :stark

 

[TheCorpulent1]

Uh... have we seen the same previews for Iron Man? Tony's at least as much of an a**hole in them as he is in the comics. I doubt the movie will have much effect on what has become a highly commercially and critically successful character progression on Marvel's part.

 

[shapeshifter]

there will be some other war.
A galactus war
an apocaliptic war
a mutant uprising leading to a mutant holocaust
some here to unknown alien species will arrive and threaten the world and force the heroes to bond again.
something will happen with war in the title.
Marvel has Wars. DC has one crisis after another, and both go on forever as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow.

 

[Dread]

i like the idea of retconning shellhad back to an HONORABLE HER do that to ALL MARVEL

I kind of don't, because I still remember THE CROSSING. Shudder...

Uh... have we seen the same previews for Iron Man? Tony's at least as much of an a**hole in them as he is in the comics. I doubt the movie will have much effect on what has become a highly commercially and critically successful character progression on Marvel's part.

He looks like an ***hole in the beginning, then he likely will find some sort of redemption with his "second chance at life" as Iron Man.

 

[PhotoJones]

He looks like a hilariously, lovable dukeebag in the begininng, and like you said, that'll change by the movie's end. I've got high hopes for the movie.

 

[Dread]

He looks like a hilariously, lovable dukeebag in the begininng, and like you said, that'll change by the movie's end. I've got high hopes for the movie.

Oh, I do as well. It looks ****ing awesome. I get chills every time I see that Iron Man suit, it looks so cool. After X-MEN and SPIDER-MAN, Marvel films have been hit or miss, mostly miss, with new movie franchises (HULK, DAREDEVIL, ELEKTRA, two FANTASTIC FOUR films, GHOST RIDER), but IRON MAN really looks like they recaptured that magic when we first sat down for SPIDER-MAN in 2002. I'm counting down the weeks, man.

 

[PhotoJones]

Even the video game graphics look ****ing fantastic. What's funny is that Marvel Films seem to be putting every once of creativity and hard work that they possibly can into their movies while Marvel Publishing is going the route of doing whatever shock value piece of trash they can to make a quick buck.

 

[shapeshifter]

marvel could do one of these options
A. Marvel tries to gather an adult audience with Marvel porn
B. Cash in on the reality TV craze by making the Avengers Mansion into a reality TV show. Or do a wife swap with Reed and Sue, and Storm and T'challa
C. Nothing, nothing at all
D. wait and see what DC is doing, and then do the opposite.

 

[Darthphere]

D. wait and see what DC is doing, and then do the opposite.

That's a good thing most of the time.

 

[Red]

- Following on DC's lone triumph of 2007, Marvel will reveal that while good Nova Centurians have Yellow energy, bad ones use Red, cowardly ones use blue, and stoned ones use Green. Tucan Sam will then threaten the universe, before being slain by Rocket Raccoon.

- The Hood will meet his match against The Sleeves.

Did Dread just make a funny

 

[Dread]

Even the video game graphics look ****ing fantastic. What's funny is that Marvel Films seem to be putting every once of creativity and hard work that they possibly can into their movies while Marvel Publishing is going the route of doing whatever shock value piece of trash they can to make a quick buck.

That is because some of the people in Marvel Studios realize that the heart of the Marvel characters can appeal to mass audiences if done faithfully.

Marvel Publishing has no faith in their audience, which is why they lie to them, take them for granted, and believe angering them is the best way to their wallets. Also, the people at Marvel Studios admire the past, while at the Publishing, even Tom B. is poo-pooing 70's comics (while, ironically, Joe Q resents Spidey back to 1971).

Did Dread just make a funny

I was trying. Did I succeed? t:

 

[Stallion9979]

has anyone given any thought to the idea that maybe the Cap that was killed may have been a Skrull and that the real Cap could return during SI...

that Civil War itself may have been an attempt by the Skrulls to divide the heroes of Earth and soften them up for an invasion...

Divide and Conquer style....maybe both Cap AND Iron Man were skrulls....

it just sounds like something marvel would do these days in their books...