Supporting a friend?

[SuperDan007]

Also, with regards to the family, I'll always remember a quote from Judge Judy on The View that when there is a broken home, you have to love the children, more than you hate each other, and that's well and truly not the case here.

 

[TheDreamMaster]

SuperDan, can I ask a question, and please don't take offense to it? How well do you know this friend? Like, you say you are far about, is this totally an online relationship, or do you know each other in person but moved or whatever? Because I have friends I've made online, some I've kept, others have left, and its always a good thing to worry about someone. But if its only an online thing, no matter how strong, and there's nothing you can do physically, you should also take a step back.

I don't mean distance yourself completely or ditch this friend in her time of need, but from the sounds of things, its putting a lot of stress on you mentally as well. You sound like you're doing all you can, but you also need to make sure you are handling yourself ok. Its never a good thing to stress yourself, especially if its something you truly can't do anything to help.

Just my two cents.

 

[SuperDan007]

SuperDan, can I ask a question, and please don't take offense to it? How well do you know this friend? Like, you say you are far about, is this totally an online relationship, or do you know each other in person but moved or whatever? Because I have friends I've made online, some I've kept, others have left, and its always a good thing to worry about someone. But if its only an online thing, no matter how strong, and there's nothing you can do physically, you should also take a step back.

I don't mean distance yourself completely or ditch this friend in her time of need, but from the sounds of things, its putting a lot of stress on you mentally as well. You sound like you're doing all you can, but you also need to make sure you are handling yourself ok. Its never a good thing to stress yourself, especially if its something you truly can't do anything to help.

Just my two cents.

No worries. Before I tell you this, I want to put it out there that I know myself that this is absolutely crazy to feel like this.

It's totally an online thing. I get this feeling about people. I think I inherited it from my Mum because she was always a good judge of character. Even though I've only been friends with her on Facebook for about 2 weeks, and really only spoken too her over the last few days to help her with the stuff she's going through, I get this feeling about her that I have honestly never got about anyone before.

It's hard to explain but I have the urge to check her Facebook profile to see if she's posted anything to see if she's okay. I have the urge to message her to see if she's okay. I want to reach through the computer and give her a big hug, that is the reason that I get so defensive/protective of her and sometimes these feelings are so strong, that I can't concentrate on anything else. I guess you could call them brotherly feelings.

Now, you'd think it'd be easy for me to push these feelings away, but it simply isn't, and that's why I can't walk away from her, even though I only know her through the computer. I know it's absolutely crazy, believe me I do. But that's the way it is. I think that contributed to the fact that I got so angry that I had to walk away from the computer today (along with the personal experience).

 

[SuperDan007]

However, that said we're 20km apart, but I don't have a drivers licence. I'm only on my learners.

 

[the last son]

Not trying to be rude, but sounds like her sister gave good advice.

 

[TheDreamMaster]

Well first, I'm going to admit, I had to google 20km into miles. That's not that far.

I'm not going to downplay you on what you feel, if you believe u known people as you say, by all means won't argue with you about that. However, I'd still be concerned on how much of this is for some sort of attention. I don't discount a person has real problems they need to work through, but if they've gotten into a situation where people from a friend list of 40000 are harassing her, I can only imagine whatever started it all was posted with the knowledge that many people would be seeing it. And sadly, I have known people that would talk about, and sound very serious, about ending it all, only for it to be a play for peoples attention, and to get an emotional response. It'd concern me to begin with that this person amassed so many Facebook friends, in that many people its just an invitation for some *******s to get into more than they need to of someone they don't know.

I'm sorry if I come off as a bit heartless, but I'm just trying to be real with you based on the information you've given.

 

[Isildur´s Heir]

I don't pretend to know how it feels since i never got bullied or cyber bullied, then again, i don't have facebook or other social media garbage.
As for school bullied...i was never an easy target, i heard crap once or twice, some wouldn't bother me (they would stop for lack of reaction) and others i would face them and they would stop.

Like many have stated, the best is to erase the account and start over; but before that, your friend needs to understand why she needs to much validation from others to the point of having complete strangers as "friends".
I know that's a problem with today's society, but still, your friend needs to get to the button of it before jumping back in.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

I know from experience that there is also a fair amount of bias when I like a girl so I'll take her side without realizing much of what she may be doing to cause the problems. Not saying that's the case here but something to be aware of. Most things in life are a two way street.

 

[ComicChick]

you know why facebook stinks? cuz everyone airs their dirty laundry out there.

horrible joke, but very true. i've seen family members go all out on social media and it's been ridiculous. stuff that would be much better dealt with in person, not behind a screen, and without an audience.

if it were me, i'd delete the entire exchange. it's just going to bring her down even more and if she can remove any temptations or triggers that will make her sad or depressed, then that will help her

 

[SuperDan007]

Well first, I'm going to admit, I had to google 20km into miles. That's not that far.

I'm not going to downplay you on what you feel, if you believe u known people as you say, by all means won't argue with you about that. However, I'd still be concerned on how much of this is for some sort of attention. I don't discount a person has real problems they need to work through, but if they've gotten into a situation where people from a friend list of 40000 are harassing her, I can only imagine whatever started it all was posted with the knowledge that many people would be seeing it. And sadly, I have known people that would talk about, and sound very serious, about ending it all, only for it to be a play for peoples attention, and to get an emotional response. It'd concern me to begin with that this person amassed so many Facebook friends, in that many people its just an invitation for some *******s to get into more than they need to of someone they don't know.

I'm sorry if I come off as a bit heartless, but I'm just trying to be real with you based on the information you've given.

I can see where you're coming from, but I don't believe this is the case knowing the situation that she's been through.

 

[ComicChick]

No worries. Before I tell you this, I want to put it out there that I know myself that this is absolutely crazy to feel like this.

It's totally an online thing. I get this feeling about people. I think I inherited it from my Mum because she was always a good judge of character. Even though I've only been friends with her on Facebook for about 2 weeks, and really only spoken too her over the last few days to help her with the stuff she's going through, I get this feeling about her that I have honestly never got about anyone before.

you have only known her 2 weeks time total?

It's hard to explain but I have the urge to check her Facebook profile to see if she's posted anything to see if she's okay. I have the urge to message her to see if she's okay. I want to reach through the computer and give her a big hug, that is the reason that I get so defensive/protective of her and sometimes these feelings are so strong, that I can't concentrate on anything else. I guess you could call them brotherly feelings.

Now, you'd think it'd be easy for me to push these feelings away, but it simply isn't, and that's why I can't walk away from her, even though I only know her through the computer. I know it's absolutely crazy, believe me I do. But that's the way it is. I think that contributed to the fact that I got so angry that I had to walk away from the computer today (along with the personal experience).

are you sure this isn't what she wants? people invested and paying attention to her? i'm trying to see all sides here. i'm going to assume you're both also the same age?
but like others said, if this is a strictly online only friendship, this might actually be where you want to take a step back from the situation if it's affecting you so negatively as well.

 

[SuperDan007]

you have only known her 2 weeks time total?



are you sure this isn't what she wants? people invested and paying attention to her? i'm trying to see all sides here. i'm going to assume you're both also the same age?
but like others said, if this is a strictly online only friendship, this might actually be where you want to take a step back from the situation if it's affecting you so negatively as well.

I have known her longer than that, but we only started becoming really close over the past 2 weeks.

She's 3 years younger than me. It's a bit hard for her to get attention now, because she's deleted her FB after messaging me today that she couldn't go on any longer, and that she was going to delete her Facebook (she has) and was going to OD on sleeping tablets. She went through with deleting her FB, I'm worried she's gone through with ODing and I can't get in contact with anyone that can stop her.

 

[ComicChick]

you don't remember her sister's name or profile on facebook? message her

 

[SuperDan007]

you don't remember her sister's name or profile on facebook? message her

Ended up getting in touch with her other sister through her boyfriend. All is fine thankfully.