The "I gotta rant about how horrible this movie is" thread

[Kabuki_Jo]

Superman Returns...first time I've dozzed off so many times during a flick.

 

[Dr. MIX]

if you didn't like 2 as much as you just said, then you probably ought to just ignore trinity... it'll probably make your head explode.

I figured so, thanks for the warning though.

 

[murdock_matt]

Without a doubt, my most single hated film of all time is Attack of the Clones. I had so much hope for this movie. I wasn't THAT disappointed by Phantom Menace... but AotC was a complete waste to me.

I think my anticipation of the film increased my hatred of it. It's hard to truly hate something like "Bride of Chucky" or "Demonic Toys" or "Josie and the Pussycats". Those are just films you look at and say, "Well, that's just not my kind of flick." And you walk away.

Every single, solitary moment of Attack of the Clones infuriates me. And I'm not even that big of a Star Wars fan. Of course I grew up with the original trilogy. Of course I owned every piece of the Kenner toy line. Of course I had Luke and Han and Chewie on all of my pajamas... I mean, who didn't?

And the prequels came out, and I was so stoked. But...

The acting was terrible. Kevin Smith nailed it in "Clerks II"... "I am Mannequin Skywalker. My ****ty acting is ruining saga."

And the plot? Obi Wan finds out about the clone army through a case of mistaken identity? Not through Jedi cunning. Not though deep investigation. Not through using the Force. What does he do? He pauses and says, "What? Umm, yeah. That's me. I'm umm... yeah, I'm the guy who commissioned... this umm... army. Sure. Now, why don't you tell me about this whole thing... that I ummm... hired you to do, eh?"

And then everybody's so shocked about the existence of this army. "Terrible thing this is, yeeeessssss hhhhhmmmmmm." And then the Jedi simply take control of the clone army and use them against the bad guys. I'm sitting there thinking, "Wait, I thought this army was a bad thing."

Not to mention the whole cafe scene that looked like it was shot on the set of freaking Seinfeld.

Or the deleted scene where Padme is standing at the kitchen window with a woman (I think it was her mother) washing dishes (WASHING DISHES IN A STAR WARS MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!) while looking out at Anakin in the back yard. Lucas could have left that scene in the film (with Anakin playing kiss chase with NSYNC, no less) and it wouldn't have made the film any worse in my eyes.

I know people pledge alliegence to these films, and I do not belittle them at all. But I hate this movie with every fiber of my being.

How's that for a rant?

 

[The Kid]

excellent.

 

[batman7289]

okay i change my vote i orignally said that bloodrayne was the worst movie i saw... i just watched date movie
DATE MOVIE is the worst movie ever created

 

[xwolverine2]

i hate anything that scorcesse directs.everything he has made needs about 2hrs of the movie to be cut.it utterly boring.

when george from seinfeld wanted to make a sitcom about NOTHING, nw i know what he truly meant.....the aviator.

uwe boll is the worst filmaker in the history of cinema.

just saw miami vice and it sucked...lol

hostel sucked...tarantino had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!

scary movie 4 was the worste comedy ever made....along with napoleon dynamite

 

[That-Guy]

I'd like to rant about how horrible "Poseidon" is. Part of me doesn't want to, simply because it was so bad that I had a great time laughing at it. But since MST3K no longer exists, I unfortunately can't refrain from my insults and wait for Mike and the 'bots to do a better job. Plus, this movie was so bad that it even went so far as to feature one of the Black Eyed Peas in a minor role, and that's a crime against humanity. Sure she's hot... but (IMO) her music sucks and as anyone who has seen this movie knows, so does her acting (fortunately we don't see much of it).

So... I think Richard Dreyfuss only took on this role to cement the death of his already fading career. I can understand why an actor would want to take on playing a gay character, but why someone as seasoned and respected as Dreyfuss would take on the part of the most stereotypical gay character ever written, I have no idea. There's a part where he and another survivor are climbing across an elevator shaft, inches away from certain death. During this sequence, Dreyfuss actually takes the time to HIT ON THE GUY. Now I don't care what your sexual orientation is... if you're about to fall to your death in an elevator shaft, the LAST thing on your mind is going to be how attracted you are to the person who is helping you survive.

And then there's the whole Old-Weathered-Action-Hero versus the Young-Radical-Action-Hero subplot this movie has going on. I swear, Josh Lucas might as well have been carrying around a little steno pad and jotting down notes as Kurt Russell gave him action hero lessons. Seriously, that is what he does throughout this movie. It's as if Russell sat back, examined his entire career, and realized that the majority of roles he's had consisted of him punching out people and running from explosions. And then when he received the script for "Poseidon" he said what old Jack Burton always says... "What the hell." As for Lucas... he may be a decent actor from time to time, but with this and last summer's "Stealth" bomb, he might want to consider never doing an action movie again before he's dubbed "the poor man's Vin Diesel." His character is so vapid that there is literally no reason to root for him. Now, normally when I watch a stupid action movie, as much as I'd like to see the idiot hero die a gruesome death, I enjoy the fact that he survives because there tends to be something cool about the dude... maybe he makes a few good jokes... he's suave with the babes... he just has a badass looking gun, whatever. But Lucas's character is just a total *****ebag from start to finish. He has almost no personality at all, and what little he does have is completely unlikeable.

Of course there are all the other cliches of a bad action/disaster movie... scenes that were literally RIPPED from another film (in this case, Titanic), the rebellious daughter who has a boyfriend her hardened father doesn't want her to marry but by the end he "gives" her away to the kid, heroes who all appear to be normal people at first glance but we soon learn had convenient backgrounds as Navy SEALS or firemen, etc. I could go on and on for hours about how awful this movie was, but it does have one redeeming factor, as stated before: its so awful that you'll have a great time laughing at it.

Bottomline: "Poseidon" is proof that the biggest turds don't float... they sink to the ocean floor.

 

[JLBats]

i hate anything that scorcesse directs.everything he has made needs about 2hrs of the movie to be cut.it utterly boring.

when george from seinfeld wanted to make a sitcom about NOTHING, nw i know what he truly meant.....the aviator.

uwe boll is the worst filmaker in the history of cinema.

just saw miami vice and it sucked...lol

hostel sucked...tarantino had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!

scary movie 4 was the worste comedy ever made....along with napoleon dynamite

I disagree inherently with you about Scorsese. His films generally have a very slow pace. They linger on detail and are a monument to silence and empty space. They create this intense aura and style that some consider slow and plodding.

I consider it the essence of what cinema is.

It's one of the reasons I dislike Crash. Crash is loud and quick, brash and streamlined, filled with imagery that fits together and clicks... but ultimately, that streamlining of human emotion and thematics belongs on television. To me, Scorsese is one of the few current filmmakers who actually gets cinema, and really understands it as a visual medium. He seems to revel in telling a story through the dream-like unfolding of narrative, the most involving art-form. Film is the only art form that truly envelopes US... and to me, Scorsese is an absolute testament to that in its purest form.

 

[Hades]

I just got back from Miami Vice. Good lord it was horrendous.

I don't even know where to begin. First of, there's no character developement.

The two main characters, rarely talk, they pretty much just try to act badass and once in a while solemnly look off into the distance. And I thought this was supposed to be a buddy cop movie. SONNY AND RICARDO DON'T EVEN TALK TO EACH OTHER. Then there's the horrible tacked on sex scenes/love plot crap.
It's like they're just randomely dropped in to break of the jumbled convulted plot.

I mean they're pretty much exactly the same. First sex scene is between Ricardo and his wife, In the shower then the bed. While this horribly dancy techno r&b stuff is playing. Then the next one is between Sonny and some ****e that gets passed around like a frisbee. Shower, horrible music, sex in bed.
Pretty much sex scene 1 but redone by the other main characters. Let's see, then the plot. Horribly convulted and hard to follow. I've mentioned that already, I guess. It's also hard to understand what's going on in part to the mumbly mush mouth dialouge delivered by the cast. Most with thick accents. And the horrible dance/techno/trance or whatever the hell kind of **** music it is blarring in the background during all times doesn't help either.
And course every villain has is foreign and has a thick as hell accent. Cause, you know....it's so original.

The only thing I liked about the movie was how some of the scenes were shot. Mostly the ones where a camera was panning over a landscape. Or when the cars were racing across the speedway. Other then that. HORRIBLE HORRIBLE movie. I almost walked out.

 

[Octoberist]

i hate anything that scorcesse directs.everything he has made needs about 2hrs of the movie to be cut.it utterly boring.

when george from seinfeld wanted to make a sitcom about NOTHING, nw i know what he truly meant.....the aviator.

uwe boll is the worst filmaker in the history of cinema.

just saw miami vice and it sucked...lol

hostel sucked...tarantino had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!

scary movie 4 was the worste comedy ever made....along with napoleon dynamite

God,I hope that you've seen his older films like Raging Bull and Taxi Driver before you make a statement like that. I'm not forcing you to like him, mind you but keep in mind, I think his last good geniune movie was 'Casino'.

His latest movies are still good, but they're forgettable..

 

[xwolverine2]

I disagree inherently with you about Scorsese. His films generally have a very slow pace. They linger on detail and are a monument to silence and empty space. They create this intense aura and style that some consider slow and plodding.

I consider it the essence of what cinema is.

It's one of the reasons I dislike Crash. Crash is loud and quick, brash and streamlined, filled with imagery that fits together and clicks... but ultimately, that streamlining of human emotion and thematics belongs on television. To me, Scorsese is one of the few current filmmakers who actually gets cinema, and really understands it as a visual medium. He seems to revel in telling a story through the dream-like unfolding of narrative, the most involving art-form. Film is the only art form that truly envelopes US... and to me, Scorsese is an absolute testament to that in its purest form.

yes but theres a limit and he crossed it....

like have you seen reservoir dogs or pulp fiction?...THATS how you make a slow paced movie.all the dialog just hooks you no matter where or what there doing.

but thats just my opinion.

God,I hope that you've seen his older films like Raging Bull and Taxi Driver before you make a statement like that. I'm not forcing you to like him, mind you but keep in mind, I think his last good geniune movie was 'Casino'.

His latest movies are still good, but they're forgettable..

casino is what got me to completely hate him. however i liked the color of money because it was about pool..lol.if raging bull and taxi driver are as slow paced as his others then they fall into the same hole for me.

HADES i agree with you 100% about miami vice

 

[JLBats]

yes but theres a limit and he crossed it....

like have you seen reservoir dogs or pulp fiction?...THATS how you make a slow paced movie.all the dialog just hooks you no matter where or what there doing.

but thats just my opinion.

I would agree were it not for the fact that Tarantino steals everything he writes, and is dialogue is pop culture stylised to the point of ridiculousness. Dialogue like that works in a Tarantino film, because it's a Tarantino film.

For me, Scorsese never broke any limit. He's set the bar for quality film making in my eyes for years to come, and pop culture savant fan boys like Tarantino will never reach his level, unless they start making real films that exist for a real reason beyond being avant garde pastiches.

 

[Majik1387]

Adding more to my list.
**** The Star Wars movies, old and new. Yeah it was groundbreaking ad all but I just think the storylines suck. The only thing I liked about them were the action figures.
****Terminator 3. I liked the Terminatrix character and that was about it. Nick Stahl can't act for anything, even that Carnivale show of his, he sucked. Claire Danes wasn't believeable, and oh yeah, they kill Sarah Connor in the dumbest way. Lukemia? Please.
****Wedding Crashers. Not as funny as I thought it would be and it's mostly just cheap laughs. I'm getting sick of the comedy that spawns from Wilson, and Vaughn.
****Die Another Day. Not only for Halle's bad acting, but for a lame story and it was too predictable.
****Little Man. I don't even have to explain why this sucked.

There will be more to come.

 

[Octoberist]

Little Man is a cinematic epic...

 

[xwolverine2]

avant garde pastiches.

okaaayy....... lol!!

lets see....what else can i bash....

CASSHERN -you either like it or hate it. i hated it....nothing makes sense and i was dissapointed by the action.

ZATHURA-sucked ass because it tried so hard to be a family film and forgot to be better than jumanji.

 

[Octoberist]

I really liked Jumanji as a kid. I don't understand some of the hate.

 

[xwolverine2]

I really liked Jumanji as a kid. I don't understand some of the hate.

i never said jumanji was bad

i meant that its a classic masterpiece(yes masterpiece!!)...

that movie will never get old NEVER. zathura was trying do copy them and failed horribly!

 

[Octoberist]

did it? I've never seen it.

I hope that Jon is the right guy for Iron Man...

 

[xwolverine2]

did it? I've never seen it.

I hope that Jon is the right guy for Iron Man...

however the robot in zathura looked incredibly real......im not even sure if it was fake or not ...

hes an ok filmaker.... and passionate about ironman... hell be perfect

 

[Octoberist]

I hope that's the case, since X-Men is pretty much done neglecting th spin-offs...Spider-Man is ALMOST done.

Marvel needs a new and GOOD franchise fast. Ghost Rider could be good, but damn, it should be a summer release not a Feb release. Or at least March.

 

[xwolverine2]

I hope that's the case, since X-Men is pretty much done neglecting th spin-offs...Spider-Man is ALMOST done.

Marvel needs a new and GOOD franchise fast. Ghost Rider could be good, but damn, it should be a summer release not a Feb release. Or at least March.

GR wont last past the first movie.... nic cage said he doesnt want to make a sequel because sequels are never good.

ironman doesnt seem like a good franchise type movie.theres only F4 left....which i dont trust at all

 

[Octoberist]

what's the point of getting Nick Cage then? Damn it. I've suggested Wes Bentley who ironicly is playing the semi-goth villain.

They needed someone younger and who is open to sequels. Johnny Depp would of been cool too (wasn't he in consideration) since he still looks very young and he's popular.

And Fantastic Four 2, it seems like Fox is rushing it..just like they rushed out the first movie and X3. Why? Esp when you got the Silver Surfer?

Anyway, I want to hear your input and then we have to get back on topic.

 

[xwolverine2]

what's the point of getting Nick Cage then? Damn it. I've suggested Wes Bentley who ironicly is playing the semi-goth villain.

They needed someone younger and who is open to sequels. Johnny Depp would of been cool too (wasn't he in consideration) since he still looks very young and he's popular.

And Fantastic Four 2, it seems like Fox is rushing it..just like they rushed out the first movie and X3. Why? Esp when you got the Silver Surfer?

Anyway, I want to hear your input and then we have to get back on topic.

as a fanboy im sad that its gonna be hard to put together a GR2.but when you think about it... it would FORCE them to make a better sequel which i respect.

as for F4 2 im not sure who exactly is rushing it...but it seems to me its tim story..lol.hes like that exact opposite of james cameron(who takes eternity to make one movie).i have too much doubt in that franchise.

this could very well be the end of the marvel franchises....
however you could tell that there making iron man and antman or w/e so that they can start on avengers which might help out marvel.

the new and WAY better hulk director which i trust will resurect the cold and dead hulk.....again....for avengers..lol

 

[XCharlieX]

however the robot in zathura looked incredibly real......im not even sure if it was fake or not ...

hes an ok filmaker.... and passionate about ironman... hell be perfect

Hes made some kid films so im so confused as to where hes going to take the material. Im hoping for a "war suit and the poor dead bad guys who get in the path of it" type of flick. Thatd be awesome. In the sequel perhaps war machine and iron man duke it out or something before becoming allys. If they keep it real and make the story and script top notch i may have found my next fav franchise

 

[IronMan_2005]

The last two Matrix movies! good lord I hate those overhyped pieces of sh**!