The James Bond Series "Caption This!" Thread

[The Chairman]

You know the drill. Take any picture from a James Bond movie and caption it with anything you can come up with.

I'll start.

"I'm warning you, 007. As soon as I find a way out of this suit, I'll kill you."

I know it's lame. Let's see what you guys can come up with.

 

[Dr. Fate]

HOLLY [exhausted]: "Mmm... I haven't been f***ed like that since grade school..."

TERI HATCHER: "Wait till the girls back on Wysteria Lane hear about this!"

MISS CARUSO: "Hi, um, I lost my mantra."

PATRICIA FEARING: "Oh damn it, James stole my nurse uniform again! That's the third uniform he's stolen from me this weekend!"

PLENTY O'TOOLE: "Did someone say pork rines?!"

PLENTY: "Wait - do you think the audience can see my ass through these panties?

CRAIG BOND: "Size matters, b1tch."

 

[thealiasman2000]

Honey Ryder: Look at me! I'm the first chick that banged James Bond!

James Bond: Why is this picture in black and white, if the movie is in color?

Honey Ryder: How the hell should I know? I'm not paid to think.

James Bond: A mystical force that surrounds us and all living things, that is The Quickening.

Auric Goldfinger: Why, WHY didn't I just shoot Bond instead of capturing him so he can escape later?

Auric Goldfinger: I am rich, therefore I golf, because rich people in movies MUST play golf.

"Mr. Largo": I am Blofeld's number two man... Number Two.

Mr. Largo: I lost this eye when I tried to pet Blofeld's *****...hehehe...

 

[Dr. Fate]

GEORGE LAZENBY: "I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip."

 

[Kevin Roegele]

This is the oddest photo caption contest ever.....for a start, there are hardly any photos...

 

[Dr. Fate]

Help us then Kev - cut & paste whatever Google Bond images you can find!

GEORGE LAZENBY: "'Winged Freak Terrorizes'? Wait'll they get a load of me..."

 

[Mr.E.Nygma]

Jaws : What do you mean I become a nice guy in Moonraler???!?!?!?! IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!

Boris : Sorry old chap, this film got to be a little bit kid friendly because you were scary in TSWLM

Jaws : And if I brutally disconnect your computer how will you write the end of this movie????

Boris : Damn, now you got me, my balls are squeezed

 

[thealiasman2000]

James Bond:He draws a stick, you draw a gun. He sends one of you to the hospital, you send one of them to the morgue. That's the Chicago way.

Blofeld: Why did they give you Christian Bale's speech from "American Psycho"?

James Bond: They couldn't think of anything else forme to say since I haven't been in any other movie other than this one.

James Bond: This never happened to Sean Connery...specially because he has a career and I don't.

Blofeld: Now WHERE IS MY LOLLIPOP!?

James Bond: Now this would be very erotic if it weren't for that stupid children's choir in the background...

James Bond: I don't know what's worse, being replaced by Timothy Dalton, or being replaced by Val Kilmer...

Kananga: Yo man! I be Mr. Big, shizzle! Bond, man, I'm gonna bust a cap on yo ass, bro!

 

[Dr. Fate]

CRAIG: "Next one who calls me James Blonde is gonna get it right between the balls!"

 

[Dr. Fate]

MISS CARUSO: "I don't know who the father is!" [starts crying]

 

[thealiasman2000]

Scaramanga: You must join me, Mr. Bond, and together we will destroy the Sith!

Sheriff J.W. Pepper: Hey, aren't you that guy from that movie with Jean-Claude Van Damme?

James Bond: No. you must be thinking of a different person.

James Bond: Hey baby...wanna se MY "golden gun"?

Moneypenny: Why won't you have sex with my, James?

James Bond: Moneypenny, you are far too pretty to contract VD.

Mary Goodnight: I'm, like, totally an MI-6 agent! Isn't that cool? Like, I have license to kill and all!

James Bond: I always liked schoolgirls better than figure skaters...

Scaramanga: My Uruk-Hai warriors... who do you serve?

James Bond: What?

 

[Dr. Fate]

"James, do you really expect me to walk all the way back to my office naked?"

 

[thealiasman2000]

Anya Amasova: I'm a XXX agent, just like Vin Diesel. And I can't act worth crap, just like Vin Diesel

AnyaAmasova: So, are you my friend or my enemy? Am I supposed to shoot you or bang you? And how the hell can I be your enemy if I don't even have a cat to pet?

James Bond: You bastard! You killed Roy Scheider! DIE!

Jaws:Wrong Jaws, James.

James Bond: So, that was really you in "Inspector Gadget"?

Jaws: Hey, gimme a break, I needed the job. At least it's better than working with Adam Sandler

Melina Havelock: Hey, you don't look too sexy with your shirt off.

James Bond: Oh, shut up!

Melina Havelock: Hey, what the hell am I doing with this crossbow? I'm a Bond Girl, I'm not supposed to have weapons!

James Bond: Why do I look like Super Mario?

Melina Havelock: And why does that guy have a shoe for a head?

 

[Flame on!]

"...and some skittles..."

 

[thealiasman2000]

James Bond: You know...I like banging any woman no matter what race they are.

May Day: I pity da fool dat messes wid me!

James Bond: D.J., I am your father.

James Bond:Weewooiuyuouothyyaieoouwaaa!!!!

Kara Milovy: I guess you lost your mind after that movie with Fran Drescher...

Kara Milovy: What the hell am I supposed to do with this things? Why do they keep giving weapons to people that can't use them?

Kara Milovy: You know, the damn cello looks hotter than me in this picture...

General Pushkin: With this historical figures, I am finally gonna pass my History class! EXCELLENT!

 

[Dr. Fate]

ANYA: "You auctioned off my panties you bastard!"

 

[The Chairman]

"Toga, toga, toga!"

 

[Dr. Fate]

ANYA: "In certain extreme situations, the law is inadequate. In order to shame its inadequacy, it is necessary to act outside the law. To pursue... natural justice. This is not vengeance. Revenge is not a valid motive, it's an emotional response. No. Not vengeance. Punishment."

 

[thealiasman2000]

James Bond: By the moons of Mongo, I now delcare you husband and wife!

James Bond: Now why Do I feel like I'm trapped in a "Miami Vice" episode?

James Bond: I'm Irish, we let people know how we feel.

Xenia Onatopp: No, you're not.

Xenia Onatopp: I TOTALLY don't look ridiculous on this clothes!

James Bond: My bussiness IS my pleasure.

James Bond: Yeah, they may seem like they are trying to kill us, but I can assure you that they come in peace.

James Bond: You want fries with that, beeyatch?

 

[Palpadious]

]

" I put your what where?

 

[Dr. Fate]

MISS CARUSO: "I'm a nice girl. No really, I am a nice girl. I was a virgin until I was 24 which is around the time that I met James and he said he would make me a woman."

 

[Dr. Fate]

PLENTY O'TOOLE: "I wish I could quit you."

 

[Henry Hill]

Goldfinger, leaning on golf stick: Do you notice my ass?

James Bond: .....Yes....

Goldfinger: Touch it?

James Bond: ....No...

Goldfinger: Please?

James Bond, repulsed: No!

Goldfinger: It's made of gold!

 

[Dr. Fate]

GOLDFINGER: "If I make this next hole, you buy da booze and da b1tches. Deal?"
BOND: "Deal."