The Joker's Memoirs in (mostly) his own words

SuperMonkey

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As you know, we are all mourning the loss of our beloved Joker. But, in his long hype career, he made many posts, that I feel, he would be glad to see me publish, with some added comments that are very Joker-like:

Here are the Joker's Memoirs
This Man, This Knowledge , This Burden

by

TheJoker and SuperMonkey

Edited by

SuperMonkey





Chapter 1
_____________________

My name is -- well, I guess I can't tell you me real name.

Call me The Joker.

My name is the Joker and I know things.

John F. Kennedy was not assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald. He took his own life in the motorcade after learning that the game Starfox 2 for NES was cancled. How did he learn this information decades before the game was even announced? TIME TRAVEL.

The only countries that really exist are America, China, and Guam. These are the only countries that have ever exisited. Anyone you have ever met claiming to be from a country other than those listed is a government agent, sent to drive up paranoia and insane patriotism to get you to do what they want. This is the real reason why every hollywood celebrity who has ever said "If X wins the presidential election, I will move to Canada/France/other country" has never actually done so.

You know vampires? REAL. But, they only drain the blood of willing victims, and are usually quite pleasant, once you get to know them, despite the fact that they are demons in human skin. Barrack Obama is actually a vampire, and has been so for the last 68 years.

The flouride in the water is not there for sanitation reasons, but is actually designed to mind control you. It doesn't work, but they had to keep putting it in after they started, just so no one would become suspicious. It does however make people 98% more likely to enjoy Will Smith movies, regardless of the fact that Will Smith has never actually existed.

Over the years, I have recieved many responses like "thank you, man. I once was blind but now I see. " Fools. The government only wants you to think that you can now see. The sense you have actually regained is the long lost 6th sense of being able to sense a chinese person only by gently stroking there hair. It's a totally useless sense, but you have regained it. Level up.

Jesus Christ was actually an anarchist who preached about the path to heaven (a nite club he planned on starting) through robbery and murder. But that's an entirely different book (Things The Vatican Doesn't Want You To Know). He only listened to country music, and actually performed only clog dancing.

Ronald Reagan was actually a robot, designed complete with alzheimers disease. He was the most sophisticaded artificial intelligence made until 1998, when the robot unit N'Sync were created, and inserted into history. In 2015 N'Sync will become president of the united states, and end world hunger.

And robots? The sparks and wires are only there for show. The real secret of robotics is not wires or computer chips, but creme filling. All computers, robots, and technological deviced actually are powered by a delicious, creme center.

9/11 was caused by terrorists...but they were from Guam, the only nation not involved in the world wide Chinese/American union. They have also been shipping lead filled toys, claiming that they are from China, trying to destroy our nations beautiful union of communism and capitalism working together for space exploration in the earths core.

I used to use scat porn to satisfy my joint sexual/fecal urges, but I recently stopped, I didnt want the government to put my IP on there lists of people who have gone to scat porn websites. They have lists for EVERYTHING.

I never looked at blueberry porn, but, a few years ago, I promised further investigation into it...here's a hint at what I found- the government doesnt want you to know about it.


Chapter 2
_____________________

Eskimos? They don't exisit. It's all propaganda.

If any of you are under the impression that you have met Will Smith, you're a government sheep. You never actually met him. The government just wants you to think that you met him. Did I just totally blow your mind? Oh yes, I think I did.

Now to a more serious subject; the Reptoids. I want you to know that SumOfGod was really put here to spread misinformation about the acts of the Reptillian Humanoids. They were not responsible for 9/11, and are a peacefull race of subeterannean dwellers.

SumOfGod's slander about the lizard peeps was funded by the real 9/11 attackers- the insect people of Quel'Jar 9.

Why are so many you people wearing tin foil hats these days? Don't they know that tin foil actually increases the amount of waves the government can pump into your head. It's like an antenna. Antenna = a device created by the bug people.

A lot of people think that the government doesn't want you to know that water could be a potential successor to gasoline, the government is fine with this one being in the know...hell, the government wants you to know, so that it will help crush your spirit and bow to your oily masters...btw, everyone who runs the oil companies is actually made out of oil, that's what the government doesnt want you to know.

Many people think these "bug people of Quel'Jar 9 are a serious threat, that's what they want you to think...thankfully we have Bruce Campbell to kick all there asses in the future...too bad by then they will have destroyed most of the human race and enslaved the rest...that's right, the movie Alien Apocalypse was actually non-fiction, and sent from the future to warn us by our lord and savior, The Camp-Bell

Well, I guess that's it for my memoirs.

Love, The Joker and FunBob
 

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