Sequels The Official "How YOU would do Spider-Man 4" thread

[HughJackFan420]

No offense, but every time I read one of your scenes I get the feeling more and more that it seems better suited for a kids animated movie than it does for a live-action feature film. The dialogue is way too straight forward and everything is so over-stated that it makes feel like I should be a six year old.

For example, the very first line:
"Spiderman: Great Eddie has the whole Bugle staff hostage. Alright no time to lose. I'm gonna go hide up in that building"

Spider-Man doesn't need to say this. You can just show a shot of him looking at the Bugle and then the audience can watch him go hide in a building. The characters do not need to say everything they are doing - we don't need a play by play. No one does that in real life. Let the action tell the story. Only use dialogue if it forwards the plot or develops character. That first line does neither.

appreciate the feedback i will consider this when I'm writing my final draft. again this is just brainstorming and outlining for me. thanks again.

 

[arachnid-guy]

HughJackFan420, I know you're trying hard.

But to be honest, the masses of dialogue coupled with the far too complex plot makes for a mess. Do you even know where you, yourself are going with this script?

I mean, for example, with Mr. Aziz- it seems you just put him there for the sake of it. Adding in all these different characters, I think you lose focus. A script needs to be tightly held together. Not just throwing in every villain you like [i.e. Venom] and hope for the best.

If I were you, I'd figure out a unifying theme, omit any unnecessary characters from the mix and come up with an interesting story.

Im not trying to dump on your work, there ARE good parts there, it's just less 'filler' dialogue, less characters, more story and more FOCUS.



Good luck with it.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

Awesome! So great! Just...the ending should some up into a movie theme. EG:

SM1 - Power vs. Reponsiblity
SM2 - Doing the right thing vs. Giving up dream
SM3 - Revenge vs. Forgiveness

 

[DestinyMakerX]

Guess what? I am currently working on my own SM4 script, but it is more professionally written. By the look of it, it should be completed by September, and that is when it should be posted. However, here's the deal:

Villains: Lizard, Kraven (also featuring Kingpin)
New Important Characters: Kraven, Kingpin, Jason Jerome, Felicia Hardy
Theme: Letting your fears push you over vs. Fighting your fears

See ya then!

 

[HughJackFan420]

HughJackFan420, I know you're trying hard.

But to be honest, the masses of dialogue coupled with the far too complex plot makes for a mess. Do you even know where you, yourself are going with this script?

I mean, for example, with Mr. Aziz- it seems you just put him there for the sake of it. Adding in all these different characters, I think you lose focus. A script needs to be tightly held together. Not just throwing in every villain you like [i.e. Venom] and hope for the best.

If I were you, I'd figure out a unifying theme, omit any unnecessary characters from the mix and come up with an interesting story.

Im not trying to dump on your work, there ARE good parts there, it's just less 'filler' dialogue, less characters, more story and more FOCUS.



Good luck with it.

all i have to say is wait till the end. as far as the Mr. Aziz part that was just a cameo of an old character a scene to set up the re-introduction of Eddie/Venom. in the final alot of the "filler" material will be scrapped. the final draft will be tightly knitted.

 

[spi-park]

this is my take on how the next 3 spiderman movies should end up, if you want to stick with a realistic approach. first of all, carnage should be skipped due to his graphic nature as well as being very one-dimensional. with him out, spidey 4 should be strictly the Lizard+Kraven storyline that i'm sure you've all heard plenty of by now, following the "Kraven's Last Hunt" storyline. in the beginning have Spidey quickly defeat the Vulture, who is in the process of a bank heist, and have him incarcerated. In the meantime, introduce Roderick Kinglsey buying Oscorp in part 4. At the end, have the Lizard cured and Kraven killed.

In Spidey 5, introduce the Chameleon as the mastermind wanting revenge on Kraven's death against Spidey and using hired muscle for the job. He brings in Mysterio whose suit and equipment he helps create, and then have the two of them break the Vulture out of prison to aid in defeating Spidey. In the end, have the Chameleon meet his end due to some mishap with him somehow impersonating spidey and one of the other villains accidentally killing him. have the other two defeated and jailed. also show further developments with Kingsley and Oscorp and him discovering the Goblin lair and journals.

In Spidey 6, have Roderick Kingsley become the Hobgoblin and use his new guise for his own selfish gains, then after spidey starts to interfere, have him experiment with Max Dillon, an oscorp employee, to become Electro and aid him in defeating Spidey. at the conclusion have electro somehow overload due to not being able to control his newfound powers, and spidey ultimately defeat the Hobgoblin, finally eradicating and erasing all oscorp/goblin material.

this could properly end the Spidey saga, with most of the major villains covered. no idea how they could interweave spidey's personal life in here, i.e. mary jane, gwen stacey, black cat, aunt may, etc. This just covers a realistic approach to the villains with the omission of the symbiote/venom/carnage. i agree venom was not given enough screentime in part 3, but at this point, if you must continue the series realistically without rebooting, you must accept the fact of what happened.

 

[KangConquers]

Its still a little too light for my taste... Electro is a bit overrated... I'd prefer Kingpin doing his dirty work from SM4 itself and eventually forming a Sinister 6 to cap it off... that would connect the villains more seemlessly. Say what you want but a S6 wouldn't be too campy for me if handled properly.

Yes, The Kingpin pulling all of the strings would be great.

Vulture and Electro are too thin story wise. There are too many characters with good storylines (Lizard, Kraven, Chameleon, Kingpin, Morbius...heck even The Scorpion, Mysterio and Rhino have better stories than Electro and Vulture.)

People want Electro for the SFX cluster****.

 

[ThatDamnNinja]

Yes, The Kingpin pulling all of the strings would be great.

Vulture and Electro are too thin story wise. There are too many characters with good storylines (Lizard, Kraven, Chameleon, Kingpin, Morbius...heck even The Scorpion, Mysterio and Rhino have better stories than Electro and Vulture.)

People want Electro for the SFX cluster****.

Don't think of Electro as a one-dimensional character who'd only be good for SFX... think of him as a blank slate character, someone with whom the writers can create a good story. I mean, with both Doc Ock and Sandman, the movie writers pretty much had to make up new storylines for them, and it worked fine (though with Sandman, it's arguable).

 

[DestinyMakerX]

When is the next part coming out?!

 

[BlackSuitSpidey]

Great stuff!! Keep it coming!

 

[TwilightPro101]

all i have to say is wait till the end. as far as the Mr. Aziz part that was just a cameo of an old character a scene to set up the re-introduction of Eddie/Venom. in the final alot of the "filler" material will be scrapped. the final draft will be tightly knitted.

If you're going to do drafts then at least take the time to make us wait and develop the script. Rewrites exist for a reason. We should be seeing the final draft, not the rough draft.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

Hey y'all.

I'm currently workin on a SM4 script. Unlike most of the scripts on the site, this one is done in a more professional format. Here are the details:

VILLAINS: Lizard, Kraven (also featuring Kingpin).
OTHER NEW CHARACTERS: Felicia Hardy, Jason Jerome
TRAILER RELEASE DATE: August 10, 2007
RELEASE DATE: September 21, 2007

Please post thoughts and suggestions below!

 

[SalaciousVC]

cool

 

[pjspider1C]

This might be a stupid question, but who is Jason Jerome?

 

[DestinyMakerX]

This might be a stupid question, but who is Jason Jerome?

In a story arc in "The Spectacular Spider-Man", Peter went to London to fight some villains. While he was gone, MJ met up with an old acting partner, Jason Jerome. Feeling lonely, they went out for dinner together, and Jason made a move on MJ. For a while, MJ was torn between Peter and Jason. This will be a minor storyline in my script.

 

[pjspider1C]

In a story arc in "The Spectacular Spider-Man", Peter went to London to fight some villains. While he was gone, MJ met up with an old acting partner, Jason Jerome. Feeling lonely, they went out for dinner together, and Jason made a move on MJ. For a while, MJ was torn between Peter and Jason. This will be a minor storyline in my script.

Oh, okay. Thanks!

 

[FaT_tONle]

Certainly have a good taste for villains Destiny...

 

[DestinyMakerX]

Certainly have a good taste for villains Destiny...

Thanks! I really hope they are the villains...

 

[FaT_tONle]

Funny thing is I had the same villains in my fan script a while back... I think they are the perfect fit for SM4.

 

[DestinyMakerX]

Funny thing is I had the same villains in my fan script a while back... I think they are the perfect fit for SM4.

I read your script....it's somewhat like my script, but it's really only the villains that are similar.

 

[HughJackFan420]

If you're going to do drafts then at least take the time to make us wait and develop the script. Rewrites exist for a reason. We should be seeing the final draft, not the rough draft.

i would if i had the time but unfortunately I have to work and i do this while i'm at work. i will have a final draft in script format for those interested in the future. but for now sorry but i have to make this really rough draft. thanks for those who are enjoying this i will have more on the way today.

 

[HughJackFan420]

(Meanwhile Lizard starts to claw his way up the building where Carnage, Black Cat and Spidey are. But across we see Venom laying in a alley on a dumpster now indented to the impact of Carnage throwing him out the building. Venom notices Lizard climbing the building with the soundwave machine.)

Venom: (Talking to himself) That's right. Go after Cassidy. Help Parker while we take care of those who hurt us. We'll be waiting for you Parker and the next time we meet you'll witness the death of those close to you. You will feel our pain. Hahahahaaaaaa.....

(Venom swings away down the streets. Capt. Stacy & cops look up and see him.)

Capt Stacy: He's going after them. Alright boys looks like Spiderman is busy at the moment we have to stop that creature. Let's move out.

(Capt. Stacy rush in to squad cars, SUV's, along with SWAT and peel out after Venom. Meanwhile Carnage and Black Cat are battling it out. Black Cat is using her whip to her advantage trying to swing her self in for multiple kicks and punches into Carnage. Carnage swipes at Black Cat and tries to shoot webbing at her but she's really fast, ducking and dodging all of it. She gets grazed with cuts here and there tearing her costume little by little. Running circles around Carnage she throws explosive & smoke bombs concealing her as she attacks. Meanwhile Lizard notices Spiderman tied up in webbing and goes to help him. He bites and claws the webbing off him in a snap.)

Spiderman: Thanks Doc.

Lizard: Let's take this jerk down.

(Finally Carnage gets fed up and when Black Cat whips at him again his blades get larger and sharper and cuts the whip and webs her feet down. One blade for an arm gets larger and turns serrated and lethal and looks like an axe.)

Carnage: Let's see you kung fu kick your way out of this without the your legs...AAAAaaaaahhhhhh....

(Carnage charges at Black Cat and right before he is about to slice her in half. The soundwave machine is turned on by Lizard and the symbiote on Cletus Cassidy goes crazy. But as the symbiote is peeling off Cletus the blade forms on the symbiote is now in multiplies and the symbiote acts like a living creature. The creature is still red and black It slices and dices around the roof destroying the building's roof and the rest little by little. the symbiote has completely removed itself from Cletus and Cletus falls on the ground weak and half naked with torn up clothes and looks very sick. Lizard Black Cat and Spiderman are trying to dodge the creature.)

Lizard: His aggression, his traits must've fed enough energy into the symbiote for it to solidify on it's own. As if Cletus is now a part of the symbiote. Not only does it take control of you but it takes a part of you with it. Fascinating.

Spiderman: Which explains why Venom knew so much of me. Anyways I thought the soundwaves would weaken it.

Lizard: It is weak. It can't function because of my machine but I wasn't prepared to catch it in this form.

Black Cat: Great so now what do we do??

Spiderman: Its other weakness is fire but how can we burn it?? How could we get enough fire to burn this thing down??

Lizard: I have no id....

(A blade from the creature swipes Lizard almost in half vertically taking out his leg and arm at the sametime causing him to drop the soundwave machine.)

Lizard: Aaaaarrrggghhh....

Spiderman: DOC!!!

Black Cat: Oh no....

(The machine smashes to the floor. Causing the creatures blades to retract into a more liquid state now. SWAT breaks through the door to get access to the roof. Lizard's limbs start to grow back.)

SWAT officer 1: Spiderman the black creature is heading towards the women you just saved and....what the??? Is that the other creature??

(The symbiote is idle at the moment just slowly moving around.)

Black Cat: No the creature you want is over there.

(Black Cat points to Cletus and the SWAT team recognize him.)

SWAT officer 1: Cletus Cassidy...your not looking so good there handsome.

SWAT officer 2: He looks like he's going through withdrawl.

SWAT officer 1: Take him away boys.

(Cletus stares at Spiderman with one eye open as he is hauled off.)

Spiderman: Which way was Venom heading???

SWAT officer 1: To the eastside of downtown. Capt Stacy and the rest of the team is going after him. You were busy...and we just....

Spiderman: Damn you Eddie?? If you hurt them I will....

(All of a sudden the black and red symbiote reacts violently but still in liquid form.)

Lizard: Spiderman watch out!!!!

(Everyone watches as the symbiote flies at Spiderman and attaches itself to him.)

Black Cat: Spiderman!!!!

Spiderman: AAaaaaahhhhh....Nooooo!!!

(The suit covers him completely still in the red and black similar to Carnage. Spiderman slowly stops yelling and fighting and and he just stands there in silence. Everyone is looking at him.)

SWAT officer 2: Spiderman??? Are you ok???

Lizard: Spiderman???

Spiderman: (very monotone and quietly he says)....Brock...you're dead...

(Spiderman leaps off the roof so fast and zooms across the city barely using his webbing mostly just jumping really far heading towards Venom.

Lizard: Spiderman wait!!!

Black Cat: Is he going to be ok??

Lizard: Let's hope so.

(Meanwhile Venom has finally caught up to an ambulace holding Gwen, MJ, and Aunt May. Their being checked by the paramedics for injuries.)

Gwen: Are you ok Mary Jane??

MJ: Yeah I'm just shaken up a little bit.

Aunt May: I couldn't blame you sweetheart. You're always being kidnapped by some hideous monster.

Gwen: Yeah what's up with that?? Are you close to Spidey or what??

MJ: (very quietly she says)...more than you know...

(A call comes into the CB radio of the ambulance...)

Capt Stacy: This is the NYPD please be on the look out for a creature on it's way after the hostages in your ambulance. I repeat there is a creature....

(Paramedics in the front are looking at each other.)

Paramedic driver: Creature??? Again??? I thought they had that under con....

(All of a sudden Venom swings down and lands on the hood of the ambulance.)

Venom: Hello there.

(His tendrils crashes through the windshield and attaches themselves to the driver's and passenger's heads. The tendrils are sucking out the energy of the paramedics.)

Paramedic in the back: What the hell is happening??? Hey you guys alright up there???

Venom: Mmmmmm feel much stronger...

(The ambulance goes a little out of control pushing cars out the way. Still flying down the street because the driver's foot is heavy on the gas.)

MJ Gwen Aunt May Paramedic: AAAAAAaaaaahhhhh!!!!

(Venom starts talking to them from the front on the hood.)

Venom: We know ladies we hate traffic too. So sit back, keep your feet and hands it at all times and enjoy the ride Muhahahahaaaaa....

(Venom jumps ontop the ambulance and flies off of it and webs it up and yanks it along with him. Now Venom is carrying the whole ambulance heading towards the docks with the women screaming in the ambulance. We see Capt Stacy and Co. following after him. And not to far behind them is Spidey leaping fast and far swinging racing to catch up to Venom. But Spidey is not himself.)

Spiderman: (thinking to himself) I'm gonna rip out your still beating heart and squeeze it in your eyes Brock. You've messed with my family and friends for way too long. I'm going to enjoy watching you take your last breath. Hmmm hmmm hmmm.

 

[HughJackFan420]

(Venom reaches a pier near the docks and starts webbing up the ambulance so the women inside don't go anywhere. The SWAT team Capt Stacy and Co. along with news teams on the ground and in the air arrive and surround Venom.)

Venom: Ah our adoring fans.

(Capt Stacy steps out of his vehicle with a bullhorn.)

Capt Stacy: This is Capt George Stacy of the NYPD. We have you surrounded give up or we will open fire.

(Venom jumps on top of the ambulance.)

Venom: Take your best shot George maybe you might hit your daughter.

Capt Stacy: Hold your fire. Eddie I know who you are and I gurantee you that you won't make it outta here if you hurt anyone in that ambulance.

Gwen: DADDY HELP US!!!!

Venom: (mocking Gwen) Daddy help us...daddy can't do anything for you sweetheart.

MJ: Wait till Spiderman gets a hold of you!!!

Venom: Spiderman?? Hahahaha yeah...right he's gonna stop us?? We can't wait until he shows u....

(Spiderman flies in and swings down hard onto the pier and looks at Venom)

Spiderman: Brock....

Venom: Hey buddy that's a good color for you. Guess Cassidy is done for. You wanna play a little game of fetch...here you go boy...fetch....

(Venom jumps in the air webbing the ambulance and flings it into the air towards the ocean far away with the women screaming. Spiderman starts to run to leap for it.)

Venom: Oh no you don't.

(Venom shoots webbing on Spiderman and pull him back and slams him on the pier.)

Spiderman: Alright Brock...after I'm done with you I'll burn you alive along with that suit.

Venom: My my my whats with the new attitude. We love it.

Spiderman: Aaaaaahhhh....

(Spiderman lunges at Venom and wrestles him to slam him down through the pier causing the pier to start falling apart. The police and news teams
scatter to safety. Spiderman and Venom fall into the water below punching and attacking each other. Spiderman punches Venom so hard he sends him flying into the air near the docks and warehouses nearby. Spiderman starts to swim really fast towards the ambulance. Meanwhile in the ambulance the girls are going deeper in the ocean and water is seeping in everywhere. Their panicking and screaming. Venom falls on a small warehouse roof and jumps back up and can sense the symbiote suit in the water below him so he uses his webbing to yank Spiderman out the water and pulls him towards the warehouse where he is at.)

Venom: Bait...hook...and catch.

(Venom swings into the warehouse where Spiderman comes crashing down. Venom jumps into the warehouse.)

Venom: I think you've seen enough of what is going to happen to your loved ones. Now it's your turn. Time to punch out Parker.

(Venom and Spiderman stand facing each other for the final showdown.)

 

[pjspider1C]

Just out of curiousity Destiny, would your Kingpin be the same Kingpin that was in the Daredevil movie? Or would your Kingpin be viewed as completely seperate from that and have no relation to the Daredevil movie whatsoever?

 

[HughJackFan420]

(Meanwhile the rest of the team of police and SWAT has caught up with the rest of team already at the docks. Capt Stacy is on a walkie talkie.)

Capt Stacy: I need a scuba team right away!!!! And I mean yesterday!!! My daughter is in trouble. Oh my little princess...hang on...

Lizard: Don't worry Capt I'm on it.

Capt Stacy: Be careful.

(Lizard looks back at Capt Stacy and dives in the ocean flying through the water until he comes up on the van still sinking to the bottom. The water in the ambulance is rising and now the women inside have only their head above the water. Lizard grabs onto the ambulance and starts to claw and bite his way through the webbing. The ambulance fills up and now the women are suffocating. Lizard finally rips off the back doors and grabs the women. They hold on to him and he dashes towards the surface. Meanwhile back in the dock warehouse.)

Venom: We're going to enjoy killing you Parker.

Spiderman: Bring it Brock. I defeated you before I'll defeat you again.

(Venom and Spidey are in a dock full of boats and Venom grabs one with his webbing and flings it at him. Spidey catches it with his hands and flings it back at him. Venom gets hit and is sent flying to where the majority of the boats are. He crushes most of them causing a lot of gasoline leakage.)

Venom: Grrrrr we can dance all night Parker.

(Spiderman starts to swing out of the warehouse when he is caught again in Venom's webbing and is pulled back this time slammed hard on the floor. Venom jumps in the air and comes down crashing to crush Spidey's body but Spidey dodges him.)

Venom: Your starting to become a pest.

(Venom shoots his webbing at him to pull him in but they have a little tug of war. Spidey shoots his own webbing. Spidey's webbing is red and black like his suit and much stronger. Spidey grabs both Venom and his own webbing and pulls Venom into him and grabs Venom and begins punching him in the face over and over again.)

Spiderman: Rrrrr....RRrrrrr.....Aaaaahhh...

(Spiderman delivers a final blow sending Venom flying into the air. Spiderman shoots his webbing and pulls him back down to catch him by his throat.)

Spiderman: You wanna kill us so bad...well come on Brock... kill me...

(Spiderman is choking the life out of Venom.)

Spiderman: Your life is mine...but first let's get you out of that suit. Raaaaaaa....

(Spiderman throws Venom in the puddle of gasoline then grabs a really thick power wire nearby and tears it off the wall. Then with the live wire in hand ingintes the gasoline on the floor. Spiderman starts webbing up Venom. Venom catches on fire and the symbiote starts melting off him.)

Venom: Nooo NOOOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!!! AAAAAAaaaahhhhh....

(the warehouse starts catching fire and Spiderman just watches as Eddie Brock starts to burn.

Eddie Brock: Parker....Save me!!! It's burning....AAaaaahhhh...

(the symbiote seeps through the floors of the warehouse and disappears.)

Spiderman: That's right Eddie...burn in hell...wait the suit...it's turned me into Cassidy??? Oh no I forgot all about MJ Aunt May and Gwen....Noooooo!!!!

(Spiderman flies out the warehouse pulling Eddie out of the fire at the same time. The warehouse collapses in a blaze into the ocean putting itself out. He swings to where the police are.)

Spiderman: Arrest this man I'll go after....

Lizard: Spiderman.

Spiderman: Doc.

Lizard: They're going to be ok.

Spiderman: Oh thank God. Where are they??

Lizard: Over there.

(Lizard points to MJ Aunt May and Gwen sitting outside of another ambulance. Capt Stacy is with them.)

Spiderman: You guys ok???

MJ: Yes thank you Spiderman.

Gwen: And thank you ummm uh

Lizard: It's ok you're welcome.

Aunt May: Spiderman what's with that stuff on you???

Capt. Stacy: We need to get that off you as soon as possible.

Spiderman: I'm fine.

Lizard: Spiderman that stuff is dangerous.

Spiderman:I SAID I'M FINE!!!

(everyone looks at Spiderman strangely)

Capt Stacy: Well I'm glad this is all over. We'll take him in and make sure he has no sign of that stuff on him.

Spiderman: Where is he???

(Spiderman sees Brock sick and being arrested. Spiderman runs over there.)

Spiderman: Die Brock Aaaaahhhhh...

(Spiderman starts beating up a now weakened Brock. Breaking bones and leaving him pretty beat up.)

Lizard: Spiderman please. Everyone is safe now. You don't have to kill him. It's over...it's over

(Lizard leans in and whispers to Spiderman)

Lizard:...they're watching you...

(Spiderman holding Brock like he's gonna punch him again looks around and notices everyone looking at him in disbelief. Especially MJ, Aunt May and Gwen.)

Spiderman: I'm sorry Capt Stacy.

(Lizard whispers again)

Lizard: Let's go get this symbiote off of you.