The Official "Most Vile Jokes" Thread...

[Hooligan32]

Let's hear 'em. The most tasteless jokes you've ever heard.

 

[Hooligan32]

I'll start with a light one. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

 

[MaskedManJRK]

What's the oppisate of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken.

...

I'm going to cry now.

 

[Tsunulia]

Someone who's alive.

 

[Gamma Ray]

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?


Bizarro

 

[kypade]

Christopher WALKING< HAHAHAHA

 

[Hooligan32]

next.

 

[Gamma Ray]

What's the difference between George Bush and a rose bush?

 

[Hooligan32]

a rose bush is smarter and smells better?

 

[ABC]

what?

 

[Tsunulia]

One's a little thorny?

 

[Gamma Ray]

a rose bush is smarter and smells better?

Don't be ridiculous.

 

[Hooligan32]

Hurry up, before I post another joke.

 

[The Comedian]

How do you kill a one legged fox?

Spoiler

Make him run across Canada

What did the lesbian Vampire say to her girlfriend?

Spoiler

See you next month!

 

[Hack and Slash]

Let me hump you , precious

 

[ShadowBoxing]

A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."

The man says, "But, this is really special."

The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"

He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I take her. After a minute of this, my kids come out and begin to do the same."

The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man continues, "Just when my daughter hits the highest note in the song, my son and I switch partners."

The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part: our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to lick each one. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow."

He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"

The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"

"The Aristocrats!"

It's Chevy Chase's version. I editted it heavily...fill in the blanks yourself.

The object of the joke is to make the act as repulsive as possible. Some versions go on for hours.

 

[Byrd Man]

What do you give a blind, deaf and dumb kid for christmas?
























cancer.

 

[Hooligan32]

The South Park "aristocrats is the best.

Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?

 

[Hooligan32]

What do you give a blind, deaf and dumb kid for christmas?
cancer.

LMAO

 

[The Comedian]

The South Park "aristocrats is the best.

Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?

Love your sig, that david cross album is great!

 

[ShadowBoxing]

The South Park "aristocrats is the best.

Not familiar. I need to see the movie as well.

 

[Hooligan32]

Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?

Cause every time he turns a corner he gets nailed to the boards.

 

[thedeadite]

the terry fox one kills me everytime....so horrible..yet still makes me laugh

 

[Tsunulia]

So what's the answer to the Bush one?

 

[JTIZZLEVILLE]

What's the difference between Jews and a Pizza?

Spoiler

Pizzas don't scream when you burn them in an oven.

What do a coke machine and Monica Lowinsky(sp) have in common?

Spoiler

They both say "insert Bill here"