The Official "Most Vile Jokes" Thread...

[InsaneMembrane]

Why was it so cold in John Wayne Gacy Jr's house?

Spoiler

because there were 24 below

 

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

What's the difference between Jews and a Pizza?

Spoiler

Pizzas don't scream when you burn them in an oven.

What do a coke machine and Monica Lowinsky(sp) have in common?

Spoiler

They both say "insert Bill here"

I heard that Jew/pizza joke in school. I was like
I felt bad when I laughed though.

 

[Elisha Cuthbert]

how many jews can you fit in a car?

Spoiler

1005. 2 in the front, 3 in the back, 1000 in the ash tray

 

[Leto Atrides]

I've got one that's terrible, but I'd get in trouble.

 

[SuperFerret]

Ok, here's a starter.

What has four legs and an arm?

 

[Boom]

Where do one-legged girls work?

Spoiler

IHOP.

 

[Tsunulia]

Where do one-legged girls work?

Spoiler

Ihop.

LOLz

 

[Byrd Man]

Siamese twins who share and arm?

 

[Boom]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Spoiler

To prove that he swings both sides.

 

[SuperFerret]

Ok, here's a starter.

What has four legs and an arm?

A happy pitbull.

 

[Leto Atrides]

NVM. I retract it.

 

[Dew k. Mosi]

Superferret, are you aware that my son died as an infant?

 

[Byrd Man]

Two brothers are opening presents at Christmas. The younger brother has 20 presents and the older one only has one. The younger brother says to the older one, "Haha, I have 20 presents you only have one!" The older brother replies "Haha, you have cancer."

 

[Hooligan32]

Superferret, are you aware that my son died as an infant?

But the jokes about jews in ashtrays are ok? I'm sorry for your loss, but I think that's kind of a double standard.

 

[Hooligan32]

A ten year old boy runs into his living room and yells to his mother: "Mommy, mommy! Daddy hung himself in the kitchen!!!" She leaps up and runs to the kitchen where she finds nothing at all. The boy laughs and says: "April Fools!!!! He hung himself in the garage."

 

[Tsunulia]

So when are we ever gonna get an answer to that Bush one?

 

[rodhulk]

So when are we ever gonna get an answer to that Bush one?

Who cares?

Here's one:

If a man dies of viagra, how do they close the casket?

 

[Jack O'Lantern]

So a Jew and a man from the Czhek Republic go to the zoo and a lion eats the Czchek. The animal tamer asks the Jew which lion ate the man and the Jew says he's in the male. The lion is cut open and the man isnt in there. The moral is to never believe a Jew when he says there is a check in the mail.


Now I need to go appologize to my Jewish relatives.

 

[JackBauer]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Spoiler

To prove that he swings both sides.

 

[JackBauer]

Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

 

[SickBoy]

What's black and red and doesn't like sex very much?

Spoiler

A rape victim

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

Spoiler

nail his other hand to the floor

What's the best thing about siamese twin babies

Spoiler

threesomes

If a tree falls on a baby in the woods and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?

How do you keep a baby from drowning?

Spoiler

take your foot off his head

How do you know know you're at a gay picnic?

Spoiler

the hot dogs all taste like ****

What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?

Spoiler

a woman

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill himself?

Spoiler

you would too if your name was nnnggyyaaaghghrraah

Why couldn't Ray Charles read?

Spoiler

because he was black

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

Spoiler

because she was a woman

Whats the difference between a blonde and a walrus?

Spoiler

one has fishy flaps and whiskers. The other is a walrus

 

[Reptile]

i hate that terry fox joke
im from the same small town as him
so he always been an inspiration to me

back to the jokes:
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

 

[moop501]

Q:Why was half of Helen Keller's face burnt?
A:The phone rang and she picked up the waffling iron.
Q: Why was the other side of her face burnt?
A:They called back.

Q:What do you call a black boy with a bike?
A:Theif!!!

Q:What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
A:No...not soccer,silly. Cross Country.