When you head to the theater to see a movie called
Dragonball: Evolution, you obviously arent expecting Shakespeare. From the advertising, the whole thing gives off a feeling of light, campy, action-packed fun that you would hope would allow you to just sit back, relax and turn off your brain for 90 minutes or so. Yeah, well, thats why we have words like hope as a counterpoint to guarantee."
Dragonball: Evolution may very well be one of the worst films of the past 12 months or so - I am actually struggling to think of the last movie I thought was quite as bad as this one was. And its not one of those cases where its just not my cup of tea
No, this is a flat-out
bad movie in pretty much every area that makes up a motion picture.
Based on the popular anime series of the same (or at least
similar) name,
Dragonball: Evolution follows Goku (played by Justin Chatwin) who carries out his grandfathers dying request to find Master Roshi (played by Chow Yun-Fat) and locate all seven of the powerful Dragon Balls. He already has one of them, but with the help of Bulma (played by Emmy Rossum), Master Roshi and Yamcha (played by Joon Park), he must find the others before the evil Lord Piccolo (played by James Marsters) does, whose intentions are to use them to take over the world.
Now let me just point out that I very much represent those who are not fans of the source material, and in fact know next to
nothing about it. I can say without reservation that I am in the majority - if youre a fan it may
feel like everyone in the world is a fan of the cartoon, but trust me, most of the general movie-going population (who will be exposed to this through TV and other marketing) will barely even have
heard of it, never mind having seen any of it.
So I then have to judge the film purely on its own merits, without having the prior knowledge to be able to compare and contrast it with the source material. Some fans of the cartoon may get a kick out of seeing such things as a certain costume or a hairstyle appear in some form, but as a movie this thing flat out stinks. And not even in a
yeah it was bad, but kind of fun in spite of that kind of way - in pretty much all areas you can think of, it is
awful.
The main problem with the film is the script, meaning both dialogue
and the story. First off, I cant believe how bad the dialogue was in this movie. From the very first scene in the film, which sees the movie starting off with a short back story explanation, the dialogue is painful. Near the beginning of the movie we see Goku being trained to fight by his grandpa while balancing on two ropes - and the back and forth exchange of dialogue is like something written to sound cool, but is delivered and pulled off so poorly that its cheesy and downright cringe-worthy.
Thats pretty much representative of the entire movie right off the bat - everything comes off as cheesy, nothing can be taken seriously, not even when Goku is supposed to be upset right after his grandfather dies (which happens within the first 10 minutes, so thats not really a spoiler). Every time a character opens their mouth and delivers this atrocious excuse for dialogue, I felt like covering my ears and shutting my eyes in embarrassment (which I
did do a handful of times, Im not even kidding).
Well, you might be thinking so what? Who cares if the dialogue is bad and high on the cheese-meter? The action has to make up for that, right? Well, wrong. Actually,
dead wrong. Action is the one thing that could have saved this movie from the abyss, but they even manage to muck that potential up. The action is not just mediocre or even sub-par - oh no, its
worse than that - its
terrible. Director James Wong clearly doesnt know how to direct the needed action (although he seemed to do okay with Jet Lis
The One), and the attempts he makes are reminiscent of a young kid having fun in a special effects studio, just randomly pressing any of the fancy buttons on display.
They attempt to have
300-esque action scenes of things going from normal speed to slow-motion and then suddenly speeding back up to normal again. But for such a technique to be effective you have to know what youre doing, and its evident from this movie that Wong doesnt. Zack Snyder, although using it a bit
too flippantly in
300, timed the slowing down thing pretty much perfectly, matching up exactly with the action on-screen and giving that extra bit of kick. But here its used far,
far too often for no reason other than to just have it in there for the sake of it. Theres a strange sense that the movie thinks what its doing is cool
but laughable is more the accurate description.
You probably want to know how the cast did
Well unfortunately, like the rest of the movie, pretty awful. Justin Chatwin is completely miscast in the role of Goku (for some reason an American playing this character just doesnt feel right), Emmy Rossum is hot but nonetheless terrible as Bulma, and I feel embarrassed that Chow Yun-Fat has gone from amazing stuff like
Hard Boiled and
The Killer to eye-rolling stuff like this. The only actor who did all right (and I stress, just
all right) was James Marsters as (an underused) Lord Piccolo - hes not in any way
good, but, lets just say
he was less terrible than the rest of the cast.
The only thing I can think of thats even
remotely positive about
Dragonball: Evolution is that the special effects are pretty cool at times. Not during some of the hand-to-hand combat scenes (where the effects are so obviously
effects, if you know what I mean), but when they use what is known as KI attacks, which are basically blasts of different colored energy from their hands.
Props go to
Amalgamated Dynamics for creating special effects which are, on their own, quite visually stunning. Also, the movie is really quite short, so at least I didnt have to sit through the pain for all that long.
However, thats pretty much where the positive stuff ends - you just
know a movie is in trouble when you are literally
straining to think of something you liked about it.
I dont know if the story they used here in any way resembles the original cartoon/anime stories, but how they told it in the movie was abysmal. There were clearly elements taken from the source material, and it is then clearly a story (or
one of the stories
I dont know, Im not a
Dragonball fan) that may work well in a cartoon but it does
not work well on the big-screen. Not for even the slightest moment.
I lost count of the number of times I rolled my eyes, snickered, groaned, and shook my head in embarrassment and shame during this movie. I cant actually believe the filmmakers looked at the script and thought, Yes, this is good stuff. Lets go ahead and make it! Its probably just one of those cases where they saw the popularity of the source material and thought that they could make a quick buck by just throwing anyone in the roles, sticking together bits and pieces from the cartoon to form something resembling a story.
So needless to say I dont recommend
Dragonball: Evolution. I wasnt expecting this to be any good, but I dont know if I was expecting it to be
this bad. Please, if you believe in the magic of cinema, avoid this with as much effort as it takes.