To all those budding song writers/musicians. (LYRIC THREAD!)

Discussion in 'Books and Music' started by The Amazing Lee, Apr 29, 2006.

  1. The Amazing Lee Don't call me chicken!

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    So, I want to have a thread where I can show people the lyrics I write and I want you to show people the lyrics you wrote. You've also gotta understand that this thread is for criticism at a professional standard so NO trolling ;)

    I'll start with something I wrote. All criticism welcomed. :)

    Verse:

    the cash that you earn
    placed right in your hands
    before you go and count it
    it's gone to the man

    the tax that you pay
    takes your money away
    you thought you earnt a fortune
    but it doesn't seem to be your day

    Chorus:

    You've got a problem with
    MONEY
    you've gone and spent what you ain't got
    you wanna eat but you blew the lot and you blame
    MONEY

    Verse:

    it seems that day to day
    that you'll find another way
    your poncing off a fiver
    cuz yer paycheck's running late

    money's not an enemy
    but then again not yer friend
    it can treat you when you have it
    but when ain't yer round the bend.
     
  2. DOG LIPS El Señor Presidente

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    I step into a dream
    It's not what it seems,
    but I can't believe
    That my own eyes would decieve
    and that sanity would leave,
    but I fight and I scream
    and pray that it truly is
    a dream.


    Wrote that just now as I typed it. Blame suckage on fastness.
     
  3. E. Bison Registered

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    [​IMG]::sniff:: ::sniff:: That song hurts in the wallet and in my pants.
     
  4. Ultimate Hulk HULK SMASH!

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    It'd be easier to judge the lyrics if there was a melody to follow. Some lyrics can be rubbish but backed with a strong melody they make more sense.

    Would this be sung to an acoustic ballad type of feel or full cranked up rock guitar etc ?
     
  5. The Amazing Lee Don't call me chicken!

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    More kinda....ska...punk...but more mellow than say a punk choon.
     
  6. DOG LIPS El Señor Presidente

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    I wrote this song a couple years ago when I was sad after a break-up. It hurts me to post it, but I'm over her enough to reveal my inner heart.






    Toy all your thing on me, baby.
    Toy all your thing on me.

    Gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão,
    gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão.

    In Portugese it means “bring your ass”,
    on the floor, and move it real fast.
    I want to see your kitty and a little bit of ass–
    wanna know where I go when I’m your city?

    Girl, don’t you worry about all the dough,
    because a cat is coming straight outta the know,
    ready to rock them shows all the way to Rio.
    Bring that Brazil booty on the floor.

    Up, down, all around
    work that ***** to the funky sound.
    Going to see where I’m going owe

    Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão
    Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão

    Gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão,
    gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão.

    Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão
    Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão

    Toy all your thing on me, baby.
    Toy all your thing on me.

    I want to see some Popozão
    Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão
    Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão

    Toy all your thing on me, baby.
    Toy all your thing on me. (repeated)
     
  7. Ultimate Hulk HULK SMASH!

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    Ah, I see, something with a bit of pace. I can kinda get a better feel for the sentiment now.

    Yeah those lyrics would suit that sort of style.

    Got any more ?
     
  8. E. Bison Registered

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    [​IMG]PLAGIARISM!!!
     
  9. DOG LIPS El Señor Presidente

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    I wrote it two years ago! K-Fed stole it from ME! :mad:
     
  10. The Amazing Lee Don't call me chicken!

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    A song I wrote for the band I am in. our first song which you can hear at
    www.myspace.com/thecontradictators

    it's called who's the daddy? and the lyrics are these:

    The condom split
    my juices flowed
    9 months later
    I'm in death row

    just casual sex
    no strings attached
    no morning pills
    STDs catched

    2 life ruined
    one life produced
    who's the daddy
    we want the truth.

    No party nights
    or fun and games
    changing nappies
    it's not the same

    Chorus:

    Who's the daddy, who's the daddy,who's the daddy,Who's the daddy,who's the daddy, who's the daddy, who's the motherf**king daddy x 2

    Who's the daddy, Who's the mummy, who's the aunts and uncles, the sisters and the brothers and grans and grandads. x 2

    Verse 2

    Baby's sleeping
    in it's cot.
    gets no loving
    it's gonna rot

    no role models
    to idolise
    just young parents
    and all those lies

    No morals gained
    or lessons learned
    bad education
    from childbirth

    mum's a ****
    dad's on the run
    no luxuries
    no childhood fun.

    Bridge:

    So I'm told the daddy's gone
    off to sing another song
    50 kids in 50 homes
    all brought up to live alone.
     
  11. The Amazing Lee Don't call me chicken!

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    I have a folder of about 40-50 lyrics. I write when I get bored :D
     
  12. Ultimate Hulk HULK SMASH!

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    ^ Those are really good, I prefer these to the first lot you posted. :up:
     
  13. The Amazing Lee Don't call me chicken!

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  14. The Amazing Lee Don't call me chicken!

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    Let's see what other lyrics are on my computer.
     
  15. The Amazing Lee Don't call me chicken!

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    Verse:

    A warrior branded from an ancient land
    An unsung hero from the Wulfings clan
    Spend your time to sing and celebrate
    Till the dark beast comes to obliterate.

    Too drunk to act and too drunk to care
    The savage beast from a hidden lair
    Comes to feast on an army that sleeps
    Then the hero must act till he has slain the beast.

    Chorus:

    Beowulf (he fights)
    Grendal (attacks)
    An arm (from the socket)
    He’s dead (that’s a fact.)



    Verse:
    Grendal defeated the hall celebrates
    But the tale isn’t over and danger awaits
    A warrior is killed as the beast strikes again
    In the form of the mother who’s out for revenge

    A lair which is hidden in the depths of a lake
    The hero must act and his life is at stake
    A sword in his hand and armour so strong
    The beast is beheaded and the danger is gone

    Chorus:

    Beowulf (He fights)
    The mother (attacks)
    The head (cut right off)
    She’s dead (that’s a fact)

    Verse:

    Now king to his people, and sat at the throne
    But a danger still lurks and he must act alone
    A treasure has been stolen and the guardian leaves in rage
    This beast is so angry that the whole town is a blaze

    A dragon so fierce that the men back away
    except for the hero who's here for the slay
    The dragon is killed and the people are saved
    he fought for the good but now lies in a grave.

    Chorus:

    Beowulf (He fights)
    The Dragon (Attacks)
    the hero (Victorious)
    The end (That's a fact)
     
  16. DOG LIPS El Señor Presidente

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    My garage band broke up after 2 years of fighting, and I have like 500 pages of lyrics. They all suck ass, but that's why we were stuck in the garage. :(

    I'll dig some up. :D
     
  17. Ultimate Hulk HULK SMASH!

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    Are the lyrics in brackets backing vocals ?
     
  18. The Amazing Lee Don't call me chicken!

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    Yeah, me thinks.
     
  19. E. Bison Registered

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    [​IMG]LIES!! BLASPHEMY!! HERESY!! ::hisssss::
     
  20. The Amazing Lee Don't call me chicken!

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    go on go on go on :D
     
  21. jaguarr Be Your Own Hero

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    Lee, as one musician to another let me be the first to say that thread's like this are a GREAT way to get your song ideas stolen from you. :o

    jag
     
  22. DOG LIPS El Señor Presidente

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    These lyrics are lame, but this was our best-sounding song:

    Do you change for me?
    Or do you change for you?
    Can't you see you HURT ME!
    With all the things you do.
    But I deal with it,
    cause I can't watch you leave.
    I know you can change, it's what I believe.
    But then you decieve me, and you rip my heart out.
    There is no trust, there's only doubt.
    Scarring me is what you love to do.
    You're not being evil, YOU'RE JUST BEING YOU!

    (Chorus)

    Clean life, dirty life, it's all the same to you
    Clean life, dirty life, it's all THE SAME TO YOU!
    All the same.
    All the same.
    All the same to yoooouuu.

    And.. um.. I can't remember the second half. :(
     
  23. The Amazing Lee Don't call me chicken!

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    I do realise that. ;)

    But to be honest....most of the lyrics I write won't get used. so f**k it :up:
     
  24. DOG LIPS El Señor Presidente

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    I'll sue you in England! :mad:
     
  25. jaguarr Be Your Own Hero

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    DOG LIPS is an emo! :o

    jag
     

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