To all those budding song writers/musicians. (LYRIC THREAD!)

So, I want to have a thread where I can show people the lyrics I write and I want you to show people the lyrics you wrote. You've also gotta understand that this thread is for criticism at a professional standard so NO trolling

I'll start with something I wrote. All criticism welcomed.

Verse:

the cash that you earn
placed right in your hands
before you go and count it
it's gone to the man

the tax that you pay
takes your money away
you thought you earnt a fortune
but it doesn't seem to be your day

Chorus:

You've got a problem with
MONEY
you've gone and spent what you ain't got
you wanna eat but you blew the lot and you blame
MONEY

Verse:

it seems that day to day
that you'll find another way
your poncing off a fiver
cuz yer paycheck's running late

money's not an enemy
but then again not yer friend
it can treat you when you have it
but when ain't yer round the bend.

 

More kinda....ska...punk...but more mellow than say a punk choon.

 

A song I wrote for the band I am in. our first song which you can hear at
www.myspace.com/thecontradictators

it's called who's the daddy? and the lyrics are these:

The condom split
my juices flowed
9 months later
I'm in death row

just casual sex
no strings attached
no morning pills
STDs catched

2 life ruined
one life produced
who's the daddy
we want the truth.

No party nights
or fun and games
changing nappies
it's not the same

Chorus:

Who's the daddy, who's the daddy,who's the daddy,Who's the daddy,who's the daddy, who's the daddy, who's the motherf**king daddy x 2

Who's the daddy, Who's the mummy, who's the aunts and uncles, the sisters and the brothers and grans and grandads. x 2

Verse 2

Baby's sleeping
in it's cot.
gets no loving
it's gonna rot

no role models
to idolise
just young parents
and all those lies

No morals gained
or lessons learned
bad education
from childbirth

mum's a ****
dad's on the run
no luxuries
no childhood fun.

Bridge:

So I'm told the daddy's gone
off to sing another song
50 kids in 50 homes
all brought up to live alone.

 

I have a folder of about 40-50 lyrics. I write when I get bored

 

Thanks. up:

 

Let's see what other lyrics are on my computer.

 

Verse:

A warrior branded from an ancient land
An unsung hero from the Wulfings clan
Spend your time to sing and celebrate
Till the dark beast comes to obliterate.

Too drunk to act and too drunk to care
The savage beast from a hidden lair
Comes to feast on an army that sleeps
Then the hero must act till he has slain the beast.

Chorus:

Beowulf (he fights)
Grendal (attacks)
An arm (from the socket)
He’s dead (that’s a fact.)



Verse:
Grendal defeated the hall celebrates
But the tale isn’t over and danger awaits
A warrior is killed as the beast strikes again
In the form of the mother who’s out for revenge

A lair which is hidden in the depths of a lake
The hero must act and his life is at stake
A sword in his hand and armour so strong
The beast is beheaded and the danger is gone

Chorus:

Beowulf (He fights)
The mother (attacks)
The head (cut right off)
She’s dead (that’s a fact)

Verse:

Now king to his people, and sat at the throne
But a danger still lurks and he must act alone
A treasure has been stolen and the guardian leaves in rage
This beast is so angry that the whole town is a blaze

A dragon so fierce that the men back away
except for the hero who's here for the slay
The dragon is killed and the people are saved
he fought for the good but now lies in a grave.

Chorus:

Beowulf (He fights)
The Dragon (Attacks)
the hero (Victorious)
The end (That's a fact)

 

Yeah, me thinks.

 

go on go on go on

 

I do realise that.

But to be honest....most of the lyrics I write won't get used. so f**k it