To all those budding song writers/musicians. (LYRIC THREAD!)

[The Amazing Lee]

So, I want to have a thread where I can show people the lyrics I write and I want you to show people the lyrics you wrote. You've also gotta understand that this thread is for criticism at a professional standard so NO trolling

I'll start with something I wrote. All criticism welcomed.

Verse:

the cash that you earn
placed right in your hands
before you go and count it
it's gone to the man

the tax that you pay
takes your money away
you thought you earnt a fortune
but it doesn't seem to be your day

Chorus:

You've got a problem with
MONEY
you've gone and spent what you ain't got
you wanna eat but you blew the lot and you blame
MONEY

Verse:

it seems that day to day
that you'll find another way
your poncing off a fiver
cuz yer paycheck's running late

money's not an enemy
but then again not yer friend
it can treat you when you have it
but when ain't yer round the bend.

 

[DOG LIPS]

I step into a dream
It's not what it seems,
but I can't believe
That my own eyes would decieve
and that sanity would leave,
but I fight and I scream
and pray that it truly is
a dream.


Wrote that just now as I typed it. Blame suckage on fastness.

 

[E. Bison]

::sniff:: ::sniff:: That song hurts in the wallet and in my pants.

 

[Ultimate Hulk]

It'd be easier to judge the lyrics if there was a melody to follow. Some lyrics can be rubbish but backed with a strong melody they make more sense.

Would this be sung to an acoustic ballad type of feel or full cranked up rock guitar etc ?

 

[The Amazing Lee]

It'd be easier to judge the lyrics if there was a melody to follow. Some lyrics can be rubbish but backed with a strong melody they make more sense.

Would this be sung to an acoustic ballad type of feel or full cranked up rock guitar etc ?

More kinda....ska...punk...but more mellow than say a punk choon.

 

[DOG LIPS]

I wrote this song a couple years ago when I was sad after a break-up. It hurts me to post it, but I'm over her enough to reveal my inner heart.






Toy all your thing on me, baby.
Toy all your thing on me.

Gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão,
gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão.

In Portugese it means “bring your ass”,
on the floor, and move it real fast.
I want to see your kitty and a little bit of ass–
wanna know where I go when I’m your city?

Girl, don’t you worry about all the dough,
because a cat is coming straight outta the know,
ready to rock them shows all the way to Rio.
Bring that Brazil booty on the floor.

Up, down, all around
work that ***** to the funky sound.
Going to see where I’m going owe

Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão
Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão

Gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão,
gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão.

Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão
Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão

Toy all your thing on me, baby.
Toy all your thing on me.

I want to see some Popozão
Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão
Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão

Toy all your thing on me, baby.
Toy all your thing on me. (repeated)

 

[Ultimate Hulk]

Ah, I see, something with a bit of pace. I can kinda get a better feel for the sentiment now.

Yeah those lyrics would suit that sort of style.

Got any more ?

 

[E. Bison]

I wrote this song a couple years ago when I was sad after a break-up. It hurts me to post it, but I'm over her enough to reveal my inner heart.






Toy all your thing on me, baby.
Toy all your thing on me.

Gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão,
gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão.

In Portugese it means “bring your ass”,
on the floor, and move it real fast.
I want to see your kitty and a little bit of ass–
wanna know where I go when I’m your city?

Girl, don’t you worry about all the dough,
because a cat is coming straight outta the know,
ready to rock them shows all the way to Rio.
Bring that Brazil booty on the floor.

Up, down, all around
work that ***** to the funky sound.
Going to see where I’m going owe

Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão
Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão

Gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão,
gatinha sai do chão, vai descendo o popozão.

Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão
Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão

Toy all your thing on me, baby.
Toy all your thing on me.

I want to see some Popozão
Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão
Po, Po, Po, Po, Popozão, Popozão

Toy all your thing on me, baby.
Toy all your thing on me. (repeated)

PLAGIARISM!!!

 

[DOG LIPS]

PLAGIARISM!!!

I wrote it two years ago! K-Fed stole it from ME!

 

[The Amazing Lee]

A song I wrote for the band I am in. our first song which you can hear at
www.myspace.com/thecontradictators

it's called who's the daddy? and the lyrics are these:

The condom split
my juices flowed
9 months later
I'm in death row

just casual sex
no strings attached
no morning pills
STDs catched

2 life ruined
one life produced
who's the daddy
we want the truth.

No party nights
or fun and games
changing nappies
it's not the same

Chorus:

Who's the daddy, who's the daddy,who's the daddy,Who's the daddy,who's the daddy, who's the daddy, who's the motherf**king daddy x 2

Who's the daddy, Who's the mummy, who's the aunts and uncles, the sisters and the brothers and grans and grandads. x 2

Verse 2

Baby's sleeping
in it's cot.
gets no loving
it's gonna rot

no role models
to idolise
just young parents
and all those lies

No morals gained
or lessons learned
bad education
from childbirth

mum's a ****
dad's on the run
no luxuries
no childhood fun.

Bridge:

So I'm told the daddy's gone
off to sing another song
50 kids in 50 homes
all brought up to live alone.

 

[The Amazing Lee]

Ah, I see, something with a bit of pace. I can kinda get a better feel for the sentiment now.

Yeah those lyrics would suit that sort of style.

Got any more ?

I have a folder of about 40-50 lyrics. I write when I get bored

 

[Ultimate Hulk]

^ Those are really good, I prefer these to the first lot you posted.

 

[The Amazing Lee]

Thanks. up:

 

[The Amazing Lee]

Let's see what other lyrics are on my computer.

 

[The Amazing Lee]

Verse:

A warrior branded from an ancient land
An unsung hero from the Wulfings clan
Spend your time to sing and celebrate
Till the dark beast comes to obliterate.

Too drunk to act and too drunk to care
The savage beast from a hidden lair
Comes to feast on an army that sleeps
Then the hero must act till he has slain the beast.

Chorus:

Beowulf (he fights)
Grendal (attacks)
An arm (from the socket)
He’s dead (that’s a fact.)



Verse:
Grendal defeated the hall celebrates
But the tale isn’t over and danger awaits
A warrior is killed as the beast strikes again
In the form of the mother who’s out for revenge

A lair which is hidden in the depths of a lake
The hero must act and his life is at stake
A sword in his hand and armour so strong
The beast is beheaded and the danger is gone

Chorus:

Beowulf (He fights)
The mother (attacks)
The head (cut right off)
She’s dead (that’s a fact)

Verse:

Now king to his people, and sat at the throne
But a danger still lurks and he must act alone
A treasure has been stolen and the guardian leaves in rage
This beast is so angry that the whole town is a blaze

A dragon so fierce that the men back away
except for the hero who's here for the slay
The dragon is killed and the people are saved
he fought for the good but now lies in a grave.

Chorus:

Beowulf (He fights)
The Dragon (Attacks)
the hero (Victorious)
The end (That's a fact)

 

[DOG LIPS]

My garage band broke up after 2 years of fighting, and I have like 500 pages of lyrics. They all suck ass, but that's why we were stuck in the garage.

I'll dig some up.

 

[Ultimate Hulk]

Are the lyrics in brackets backing vocals ?

 

[The Amazing Lee]

Yeah, me thinks.

 

[E. Bison]

I wrote it two years ago! K-Fed stole it from ME!

LIES!! BLASPHEMY!! HERESY!! ::hisssss::

 

[The Amazing Lee]

My garage band broke up after 2 years of fighting, and I have like 500 pages of lyrics. They all suck ass, but that's why we were stuck in the garage.

I'll dig some up.

go on go on go on

 

[jaguarr]

Lee, as one musician to another let me be the first to say that thread's like this are a GREAT way to get your song ideas stolen from you.

jag

 

[DOG LIPS]

These lyrics are lame, but this was our best-sounding song:

Do you change for me?
Or do you change for you?
Can't you see you HURT ME!
With all the things you do.
But I deal with it,
cause I can't watch you leave.
I know you can change, it's what I believe.
But then you decieve me, and you rip my heart out.
There is no trust, there's only doubt.
Scarring me is what you love to do.
You're not being evil, YOU'RE JUST BEING YOU!

(Chorus)

Clean life, dirty life, it's all the same to you
Clean life, dirty life, it's all THE SAME TO YOU!
All the same.
All the same.
All the same to yoooouuu.

And.. um.. I can't remember the second half.

 

[The Amazing Lee]

I do realise that.

But to be honest....most of the lyrics I write won't get used. so f**k it

 

[DOG LIPS]

Lee, as one musician to another let me be the first to say that thread's like this are a GREAT way to get your song ideas stolen from you.

jag

I'll sue you in England!

 

[jaguarr]

DOG LIPS is an emo!

jag