What a Serious B***CH!!

[Sabretooth]

Ya know,when I first read the original post I figured everyone was gonna flame this guy's ass,like we flame everyone else who makes a personal issue thread. Odd.

 

[Erzengel]

Well Mr. Tooth, it's all about presentation and subject material. Some threads yes are asking for it.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

He shoulda stretched out with his feelings and turned off the targeting computer.

 

[Darthphere]

He shoulda stretched out with his feelings and turned off the targeting computer.

Use the force.

 

[jaguarr]

Well if it was only me that it was happening too or thinking it then yes I would second guess myself. But his brother is falling outside of the picture as well.

This is someone who I use to see pretty much every other weekend even when he was with his ex. Since this one has come into the picture that's gone to 6 times in the last 3 years, and it's not just me, it's other friends (who are closer in proximity) and family.

Well I have this to say, I have other friends who felt that if those who didn't say anything had piped up it would have saved them a lot of grief, even if they hadn't listened, they've been grateful to the people who had.

I'm guessing that you and your wife are fairly happy and though your friends might have become second to you they have disappeared altogether as it's been in this particular situation.

I'm not someone to just jump into a course of action, but I have thought this through and I've second guess myself the whole way. It's the nature and tone of her e-mail that got to me and the fact she brought up stuff that I hadn't even mentioned to him, so obviously there are things that have been bothering him as well.

If it was just myself then yes I would say I would just keep my mouth shut, but it's not, it's his other friends and family and in my mind that makes a huge difference.

Well, bottom line is it's his life and his relationship and you're only going to make things worse by protesting. The best advice I could give you is get some one-on-one time with your buddy and apologize to him and tell him that you just want what's best for him and that he's got your support even when you don't fully agree with his decisions. If you want to keep him as a friend, that will go a long way towards that cause.

As for not getting time with him, it's natural for people who are in love to want to spend more time with one another than they do with their friends. I don't know a close couple who hasn't had that happen, to be honest with you. My wife and I have a GREAT relationship, but we also allow each other space to be with our other friends both as a couple and as individuals. We also didn't really bring any issues to the table that would force either of us to have to choose between our friends or our relationship. I guarantee, though, if any of my friends decided to do some of the things that you have done, it would result in a pretty heavy conversation and, if it persisted, the termination of the friendship from my side.

Cheers,
jag

 

[Darthphere]

Well, bottom line is it's his life and his relationship and you're only going to make things worse by protesting. The best advice I could give you is get some one-on-one time with your buddy and apologize to him and tell him that you just want what's best for him and that he's got your support even when you don't fully agree with his decisions. If you want to keep him as a friend, that will go a long way towards that cause.

As for not getting time with him, it's natural for people who are in love to want to spend more time with one another than they do with their friends. I don't know a close couple who hasn't had that happen, to be honest with you. My wife and I have a GREAT relationship, but we also allow each other space to be with our other friends both as a couple and as individuals. We also didn't really bring any issues to the table that would force either of us to have to choose between our friends or our relationship. I guarantee, though, if any of my friends decided to do some of the things that you have done, it would result in a pretty heavy conversation and, if it persisted, the termination of the friendship from my side.

Cheers,
jag

Good post Dr. Phil.

 

[Mrh7448]

how dare she ruin your special day. oh wait, it's HER WEDDING!



she's right. it's their relationship.

I know it's their relationship, and I just wanted to say I was concerned that he was doing the right thing, he told me he believed he was and I was quite content to leave it at that until she e-mailed me, and that's what's gotten to me.

Of course it's her day, and this is the Stag and Doe not the wedding. But if people who are important in your significant others life shows up, do you not think it's polite to even come over and say hello?

 

[Franklin Richards]

Tell me about your mother.

 

[Darthphere]

WTF?! Is the Stag and Doe, sounds like those two people who took over for Bo and Luke Duke.

 

[jaguarr]

Good post Dr. Phil.

Gracias, El Chacal.

jag

 

[Mrh7448]

Well, bottom line is it's his life and his relationship and you're only going to make things worse by protesting. The best advice I could give you is get some one-on-one time with your buddy and apologize to him and tell him that you just want what's best for him and that he's got your support even when you don't fully agree with his decisions. If you want to keep him as a friend, that will go a long way towards that cause.

As for not getting time with him, it's natural for people who are in love to want to spend more time with one another than they do with their friends. I don't know a close couple who hasn't had that happen, to be honest with you. My wife and I have a GREAT relationship, but we also allow each other space to be with our other friends both as a couple and as individuals. We also didn't really bring any issues to the table that would force either of us to have to choose between our friends or our relationship. I guarantee, though, if any of my friends decided to do some of the things that you have done, it would result in a pretty heavy conversation and, if it persisted, the termination of the friendship from my side.

Cheers,
jag

I grant you that if they had that time and space but they don't. Again, this is not just me not getting to spend time with him, it's his family and other friends so it's not just me being whiny about it.

Yes I plan to try and talk with him, I know he's not going to change his mind, that's okay it's his life but I know that if I go to this wedding, I'm not sure I will be able to hold my piece and if she believes what she said then I would prefer not to go and just let them enjoy themselves.

 

[Mrh7448]

WTF?! Is the Stag and Doe, sounds like those two people who took over for Bo and Luke Duke.

It's like the Stag and wedding shower all in one, no strippers though. It's used a lot to try and make money for the wedding.

 

[jaguarr]

I grant you that if they had that time and space but they don't. Again, this is not just me not getting to spend time with him, it's his family and other friends so it's not just me being whiny about it.

Yes I plan to try and talk with him, I know he's not going to change his mind, that's okay it's his life but I know that if I go to this wedding, I'm not sure I will be able to hold my piece and if she believes what she said then I would prefer not to go and just let them enjoy themselves.

You are aware that boycotting your friend's wedding will probably be the demise of your friendship, aren't you?

jag

 

[Darthphere]

Gracias, El Chacal.

jag

Damn, im never gonna live that one done am I?


chacal

 

[Erzengel]

Seriously you have to grow up a little. You are upset and hurt and trying to make a point by not going but it is very childish of you. If you are his friend, go.

 

[Mrh7448]

Ya know,when I first read the original post I figured everyone was gonna flame this guy's ass,like we flame everyone else who makes a personal issue thread. Odd.

LOL...Honestly that's what I thought was gonna happen.

 

[The Female Torch]

I can't believe this.

My friend is get married to the Queen Bi*** of the universe. We've known each other for about 14 years, since High School, as well as a couple of other High school friends we went to the Stag and Doe.

His Fiance didn't even come over and say Hi when we came in. I took 3 pictures for their raffle so they could make some money for their wedding. She decides to keep them, I was kind of offended because if I didn't feel they should give them away I wouldn't have offered them in the first place.

Also since I'm an usher I expected that they would have me do something but they never asked, so I couldn't be bothered to offer. I just wanted to have some fun after working all day. They had a BBQ which I couldn't make for I had some family obligations, yet they could still e-mail, call or MSN me easily. I offered to get them good door prizes but they didn't follow up so too bad.

The party was lame, bunch of games crap music and felt like a high school dance. But there was booze so okay, and I got pretty drunk, except not in a destroy the Stag kind of way. At the end of the night with the clean up obviously I was still kind of out of it and didn't think to offer assisstance, but if they had asked I would have given. The whole time she talked down to my friend like he was a child and when he said he wanted to go and hang out with his old friends she got really mad. So they had a full house as we crashed at their place and they didn't even sleep in the same bed.

So the next day we went for breakfast, and we voiced our concerns, well I started it. How she seemed controlling and dominant, that we wondered if there might have been an ultimatum etc. Just that we were a bit concerned he was making the right choice which he kept assuring us he was.

So today she sends me an email all sweet an honey like on the surface but dripping with poison underneath. How that I shouldn't judge her or their relationship, that he always has time for stuff like the gym and jui-jutsu. That I should have offered to help at the Stag, and that her friend who did help should have allowed to stay at their place while I didn't do anything and stayed. Basically she's trying to defend her and the relationship and it's all about her. I never mentioned anything to him about his Gym/Jui-jutsu stuff, nor the impression I had when I first met her, and yet both of these things came up in her e-mail.

This just makes me more concerned about it, and I know I can't go to the wedding now, as much as I want to support my friend, it's not right. Dammit what a B***CH!

Cripes if she had e-maile telling me how much of an A**hole I was being I would have felt better about, at least she would have shown she had some passion, or trying to make sure I got to talk with her more to try and prove that she was the right person, but the crap she sent, no way.

I can't deal with it, or her. Guess I'm gonna lose a very good friend but that's the way it's gotta be.

Damn I hate her right now...


Am I right, wrong and idiot? Damn it I'm not even sure what to think right now that I'm so pissed off!

Sucks for you, I HATE women like that

 

[Darthphere]

Sucks for you, I HATE women like that

No, you just hate women period.

 

[jaguarr]

Damn, im never gonna live that one down am I?


chacal

Most likely, no you won't.

jag

 

[Darthphere]

Most likely, no you won't.

jag

Thats cool


chacal

 

[Mrh7448]

Definitely, but you get one shot at that conversation and you have to make it count. It will also likely be taken more seriously if you dont' slag out on things like helping out with the party and getting completely wasted instead, and then bringing up the fact that you don't like your friend's fiance at breakfast the next day, etc., etc. Besides, rarely does anyone ever get talked out of marrying another person by their friend(s), in my experience (and I've seen a few valiant efforts at it in my days). Sometimes, the best you can hope for is to maintain the friendship somehow and hope that the person your friend is marrying doesn't f**k up their life (or your friendship with them) too badly.

jag

Well I was quite willing to help, the day they had the BBQ to dish out chores I coudn't make it as it was my Grandfather's B-day and family comes first. However, I have e-mail and phone and I often asked the Groom to be what he wanted me to do and he never got back to me.

I wasn't completely wasted, but not completely sober I could still stand and if I had thought about it I would have helped or if my helped was asked for I would have and felt like an a** anyway ( which I do in any case because yes I should have asked and I usually do) The groom was pretty wasted himself in any case so I was not the only one.

Again, I was quite content to leave things until she took it upon herself to clarify things, it just clarified my feelings towards her and the fact that his brother feels the same way about her.

So I guess my mind is made up and I'm guessing my friendship will end, but I still feel that I can't go to the wedding, that my presence their would only be a strain between them on that day.

 

[jaguarr]

Well I was quite willing to help, the day they had the BBQ to dish out chores I coudn't make it as it was my Grandfather's B-day and family comes first. However, I have e-mail and phone and I often asked the Groom to be what he wanted me to do and he never got back to me.

I wasn't completely wasted, but not completely sober I could still stand and if I had thought about it I would have helped or if my helped was asked for I would have and felt like an a** anyway ( which I do in any case because yes I should have asked and I usually do) The groom was pretty wasted himself in any case so I was not the only one.

Again, I was quite content to leave things until she took it upon herself to clarify things, it just clarified my feelings towards her and the fact that his brother feels the same way about her.

So I guess my mind is made up and I'm guessing my friendship will end, but I still feel that I can't go to the wedding, that my presence their would only be a strain between them on that day.

Maybe you need to talk with your friend and find out how much damage you may or may not have done to your friendship and see if you're really welcome to the wedding or if he'd really rather not have you there. Just a suggestion. At any rate, good luck with it.

jag

 

[Erzengel]

But you didn't help. End of story.

And you should know your friend better that he would tell his fiance everything you told him. You should have told him by yourself and not "ganged up" on him the way you did. Another mistake you did.

 

[Mrh7448]

You are aware that boycotting your friend's wedding will probably be the demise of your friendship, aren't you?

jag

Yep I'm aware of this and it sucks huge, but I don't feel I can go and keep my mouth shut or enjoy myself when I do go. I won't be alone either another mutual friend of ours is planning to do the same thing.

Damn it this sucks!

If she hadn't e-mailed me I would not have felt the need to do anything else. I know I should just be able to go and deal with it, there are very few people that I can't deal with and just look beyond, unfortunately she's turned out to be one of them.

 

[jaguarr]

Yep I'm aware of this and it sucks huge, but I don't feel I can go and keep my mouth shut or enjoy myself when I do go. I won't be alone either another mutual friend of ours is planning to do the same thing.

Damn it this sucks!

If she hadn't e-mailed me I would not have felt the need to do anything else. I know I should just be able to go and deal with it, there are very few people that I can't deal with and just look beyond, unfortunately she's turned out to be one of them.

Don't take this the wrong way, because I'm really not trying to attack you, but perhaps your friend is better off this way if you're unable to step outside your own issues regarding his marriage and just let him be happy and be supportive of that. Friends who don't back each other once a final decision has been reached, regardless of whether they agree with it or not, don't usually last as friends very long, anyway.

jag