My favorite Joker lines? There's so many:
"I won't even waste the usual "Joker" venum on you, but give you something you can understand! Lead!"
"The Joker" Batman #1 (1940)
"To the victor belongs the spoils!"
"Hand over the jewel case, by pretty! Or must I kill you first?"
"Joker meets Cat-Woman" Batman #2 (1940)
"Each one of these objects has been part of a major crime! Your fingerprints are now on them! I could hand you over to the police..They could accuse you of being involved in those crimes! Now
if you work for me, you will make money-Refuse and it means jail. Which is it? Money or jail? Perhaps death?"
"Wanted: Practical Jokers!" Batman #7 (1941)
"Me employing the divine gift men call madness!"
"Without the game that the Batman and I have played for so many years, winning is nothing! He shall live!"
"Joker's Five-Way Revenge!" Batman #253 (1973)
"They call me the Joker...But remember, in the game of life the Joker is wild."
"Stacked Cards" Power Records PR-27 (1975)
"The fish share my unique face! If colonel what's-his-name can have chicken's when they don't even have mustaches--and you deny this to me! You see why I am forced to crime!"
"Heed my words, fat man! I know you bid for the Batman's identity! I don't want that secret penetrated--ever!--since it would take away my fun--The thrill of the joust with my perfect opponent! The Joker must have the Batman! Nay, the Joker deserves the Batman! What fun would there be in humbling the mere policemen?"
"The Laughing Fish!" Detective #476 (1978)
"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children. Don't like it? I'm crazy for it."
"As I look at it I'm making a killing...And anyway, money isn't really a problem. Not these days."
"You see, she thinks she's a coffee table edition.."
"Remember? Ohh, I wouldn't do that! Remembering's dangerous. I find the past such a worrying anxious place. Memory's so treacherous. One moment you're lost in a carnival of delights, with poignant childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all the sentimental candyfloss...The next it leads you someplace you don't want to go.."
"Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children."
"Music, Sam...
When the world is full of care and every headline screams despire, when all is rape, starvation, war and life is vile..
Then there's a certain thing I do which I shall pass on to you, that's always guaranteed to make me smile...
I go LOO-OO-OONY...
As a light-bulb battered bug,
simply LOO-OO-OONY,
sometimes foam and chew the rug...
Mister, life is swell in a padded cell,
it'll chase those blues away...
You can trade your gloom for a rubber room,
and injections twice a day!
Just go LOO-OO-OONY, like an acid casualty,
or a moo-oo-nie,
or a preacher on T.V."
"Don't get even, get mad!"
Killing Joke (1988)
"Loosen up, tight ass!"
"How is the Boy Wonder? Started shaving yet?"
"Enough madness? Enough? And how do you measure madness? Not with rods and wheels and clocks surely?"
"Two-Face has pissed himself again!"
"Card games. You know me, I just adore card games! Well, I see two angels screwing in the stratosphere, a constellation of black holes, a biological process beyond the conception of man, a jewish ventriloquist act locked in the trunk of a red chevrolet.
What about you, Batman? What do you see? Not even a cute little long-legged boy in swimming trunks?"
"Oh, don't be so predictable, that is his real face! And I want to go much deeper then that. I want him to know what it's like to have sticky fingers pick threw the dirty corners of his mind."
"This guy goes into the Hospital...His wife just had a baby and he can't wait to see them both. So he meets the Doctor and he says, "Oh, Doc, I've been so worried. How are they?" And the Doctor smiles and says, "There fine. Just fine. Your wife's delivered a healthy baby boy and they're both in tip-top form. You're one lucky guy." So the guy rushes into the maternity ward with flowers. But it's empty. His wife's bed is empty. "Doc?" He says and turn's around and the Doctor and the nurses wave their arms and sceam in his face, "April fools! Your wife's dead and the baby's a spastic!!"
Arkham Asylum (1989)
