What constitues an affair?

[Abaddon]

I think some of you are confusing cheating and having an affair.

why is a distinction necessary?

 

[BRUTAL]

What's the difference? Length of time?

 

[Abaddon]

I guess cheating could be anywhere from a one-time incident to a series of indiscretions, while an affair would just be a continued relationship with someone other than your main squeeze.

 

[jaguarr]

why is a distinction necessary?

Because two single, unattached people can have an affair together with absolutely no cheating involved as there's no one they are cheating on. It is also possible to do something that constitutes cheating to the person you are in a relationship with without it being an affair at all.

jag

 

[Abaddon]

Because two single, unattached people can have an affair together with absolutely no cheating involved as there's no one they are cheating on.

well yeah, but that's not the context in which an affair is meant to be discussed.

It is also possible to do something that constitutes cheating to the person you are in a relationship with without it being an affair at all.

jag

yeppers.

 

[jaguarr]

You lost me after "Well, yeah...", Abaddon. It was all you needed to say, anyway.

jag

 

[Abaddon]

lol, just tune out what you don't like.

 

[jaguarr]

lol, just tune out what you don't like.

An affair is still an affair, whether it's in the context of cheating or not.

jag

 

[Abaddon]

An affair is still an affair, whether it's in the context of cheating or not.

jag

Context is everything. We aren't talking about two random people meeting up and hitting it off.

 

[BRUTAL]

I hate to say it, but I'd have to agree with Abaddon...

 

[jaguarr]

Context is everything. We aren't talking about two random people meeting up and hitting it off.

If they weren't two random people before they met and hit it off, what were they, then? Strangers? Isn't that the same thing? Random people meet and hit it off to the point it escalates into an affair all the time. Their marital or relationship status doesn't seem to be a factor, there, for those that do. Some are in relationships, some aren't. They all still are involved in an affair they want to keep quiet and all to themselves for whatever reasons, be it a spouse or significant other or not wanting their parents or pastor to find out.

jag

 

[Abaddon]

If they weren't two random people before they met and hit it off, what were they, then? Strangers? Isn't that the same thing? Random people meet and hit it off to the point it escalates into an affair all the time. Their marital or relationship status doesn't seem to be a factor, there, for those that do. Some are in relationships, some aren't. They all still are involved in an affair they want to keep quiet and all to themselves for whatever reasons, be it a spouse or significant other or not wanting their parents or pastor to find out.

jag

well if it's a relationship that's meant to be kept secret then whether or not the people involved are already committed to other people is essential in defining the relationship. Besides affair almost always comes with a connotation that involves infidelity.

 

[jaguarr]

well if it's a relationship that's meant to be kept secret then whether or not the people involved are already committed to other people is essential in defining the relationship. Besides affair almost always comes with a connotation that involves infidelity.

You've just acknowledged that while many people usually think of an affair as involving infidelity of some sort, there IS another connotation to the word that is just as valid; the same one I have been pointing out, that an affair can be had between two people without fidelity being an issue.

jag

 

[Abaddon]

You've just acknowledged that while many people usually think of an affair as involving infidelity of some sort, there IS another connotation to the word that is just as valid; the same one I have been pointing out, that an affair can be had between two people without fidelity being an issue.

jag

I know, that's why I didn't say you didn't know what the hell you were talking about before.

I was actually thinking things like a "business affair", or like a crazy incident or something.

I don't think it's as valid since it's pretty much an anachronism. Who uses the term in that context anymore?


ps- I can't stop thinking about "An Affair to remember" now.

 

[jaguarr]

My wife has a friend...very single....who was having a big fling with some guy she met.....also very single. They constantly referred to it as an affair. I called them "sex partners" just because they hated the term , but, yes....it was an affair.

It's just as valid in it's usage as it would have been if one or both of them had been married.

jag

 

[Abaddon]

My wife has a friend...very single....who was having a big fling with some guy she met.....also very single. They constantly referred to it as an affair. I called them "sex partners" just because they hated the term , but, yes....it was an affair.

It's just as valid in it's usage as it would have been if one or both of them had been married.

jag

It might also be that they're just using the term because of the illicit connotion it carries. Obviously when people think of affairs, they imagine a scandalous relationship, born out of infidelity. It's probably fun for them. Because really, who's giving a **** that she's boinking some guy? Who's judging her? Who? WHO?

Whether or not they're already in relationships makes all the difference.

 

[jaguarr]

From Merriam-Webster Online

Main Entry: af·fair
Pronunciation: &-'fer
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English afere, from Anglo-French afaire, from a faire to do
1 a plural : commercial, professional, public, or personal business b : MATTER, CONCERN
2 : a procedure, action, or occasion only vaguely specified; also : an object or collection of objects only vaguely specified <their house was a 2-story affair>
3 also af·faire a : a romantic or passionate attachment typically of limited duration : LIAISON 2b b : a matter occasioning public anxiety, controversy, or scandal :

Says nothing in there about the two people involved in a romantic liaison being married either to each other or to other people. It's just not mentioned at all. YOUR perception of the word is that it requires some sort of infidelity to necessitate secrecy, which is fallible.

In the case of my wife's friend, she didn't want her mother to know she was involved in a sexual tryst and hid it from her. It became an affair because of that secrecy.

jag

 

[BRUTAL]

I didn't know semantics could go on this long...

 

[Abaddon]

From Merriam-Webster Online

Main Entry: af·fair
Pronunciation: &-'fer
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English afere, from Anglo-French afaire, from a faire to do
1 a plural : commercial, professional, public, or personal business b : MATTER, CONCERN
2 : a procedure, action, or occasion only vaguely specified; also : an object or collection of objects only vaguely specified <their house was a 2-story affair>
3 also af·faire a : a romantic or passionate attachment typically of limited duration : LIAISON 2b b : a matter occasioning public anxiety, controversy, or scandal :

Says nothing in there about the two people involved in a romantic liaison being married either to each other or to other people. It's just not mentioned at all. YOUR perception of the word is that it requires some sort of infidelity to necessitate secrecy, which is fallible.

In the case of my wife's friend, she didn't want her mother to know she was involved in a sexual tryst and hid it from her. It became an affair because of that secrecy.

jag

Not mine, but GENERAL perception is that the word requires infidelity to facilitate it. May be fallible, but that in itself makes that particular usage anachronistic(especially in today's society where things are more acceptable than when the usage originated).

af·fair [&#601; fér]
noun (plural af·fairs)
1. occurrence: an event or occurrence that has been referred to or is known about
that odd affair at work last year

2. matter of concern: a concern of a particular person or group
What he does with the information is his own affair.

3. social event: a social event or gathering
4. something of particular kind: an object or item of a particular kind
The house is a ramshackle affair.

5. sexual relationship: a sexual relationship between two people not married to each other
6. scandalous incident: an incident that attracts public attention or notoriety

Microsoft® Encarta® 2007. © 1993-2006 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

hmm....

 

[jaguarr]

Not mine, but GENERAL perception is that the word requires infidelity to facilitate it. May be fallible, but that in itself makes that particular usage anachronistic(especially in today's society where things are more acceptable than when the usage originated).

But I'm sitting here telling you that it's used in the context I am referencing as well. Just because YOU don't hear it used that way doesn't mean it's not.

hmm....

Excellent. Now show me the part of the definition that says that they're married to ANYONE or in a committed relationship.

jag

 

[Abaddon]

But I'm sitting here telling you that it's used in the context I am referencing as well. Just because YOU don't hear it used that way doesn't mean it's not.

so to bring things full circle, what constitues an affair?

Excellent. Now show me the part of the definition that says that they're married to ANYONE or in a committed relationship.

jag

touche.

 

[Abaddon]

I didn't know semantics could go on this long...

you probably haven't stuck around long enough in the religion threads.

 

[BRUTAL]

you probably haven't stuck around long enough in the religion threads.

you would be correct...

 

[jaguarr]

so to bring things full circle, what constitutes an affair?

I already answered this one, but to summarize: An illicit relationship which the participants intend to keep secret at least to some extent; usually short-lived in duration and non-committal and also usually sexual in nature.

touche.

Indeed.

jag

 

[Drakon]

I didn't know semantics could go on this long...

Have you MET me? I was in a conversation JUST LAST NIGHT that lasted an hour, over semantics. I could explain the situation, but you might not get it without a lot of backstory.