What constitues an affair?

[BRUTAL]

Have you MET me? I was in a conversation JUST LAST NIGHT that lasted an hour, over semantics. I could explain the situation, but you might not get it without a lot of backstory.

... and you are?

KIDDING!

 

[Abaddon]

I already answered this one, but to summarize: An illicit relationship which the participants intend to keep secret at least to some extent; usually short-lived in duration and non-committal and also usually sexual in nature.

jag

well, you aren't wrong much.

But the general discussion in this thread came in the context of infidelity. That's the immediate direction it took, and I can assume with a degree of certainty that it what was intended. I think that was my original point. Probably.

 

[jaguarr]

well, you aren't wrong much.

But the general discussion in this thread came in the context of infidelity. That's the immediate direction it took, and I can assume with a degree of certainty that it what was intended. I think that was my original point. Probably.

Ahhh, but the original question is "What constitutes cheating?" not "What constitutes an affair?". They're two different things as we've already established.

jag

 

[BRUTAL]

I cheated on SHH once... ONCE

 

[Abaddon]

Ahhh, but the original question is "What constitutes cheating?" not "What constitutes an affair?". They're two different things as we've already established.

jag

I'm going to assume you have that backwards.

I can any number of posts(I'd say all of them, but I haven't given each one a look) where an affair and cheating are used interchangeably, even in the very first post! In fact, a bunch of people immediately brought up cheating. Including....

Honestly, it's really a subjective topic and every couple in a committed relationship is going to have a different definition of what constitutes cheating, whether they both agree on it or not. Every person is different in their views on this, and they bring that to the table in a relationship. I would say that the closest you could come to defining what constitutes an affair would be: Any type of physical or emotional connection with a person different from the one you are in a committed relationship with that violates the sanctity and trust of your committed, intimate relationship with them. Outside of that very general guideline (notice I said guideline, not hard and fast rule), it's going to vary on a case-by-case basis.

jag

 

[Drakon]

... and you are?

KIDDING!

I'm Batman.

 

[jaguarr]

I'm going to assume you have that backwards.

I can any number of posts(I'd say all of them, but I haven't given each one a look) where an affair and cheating are used interchangeably, even in the very first post! In fact, a bunch of people immediately brought up cheating. Including....

Ahh, yes, I did get them jumbled. Still, they're two separate things, despite my initial post.

jag

 

[Abaddon]

Ahh, yes, I did get them jumbled. Still, they're two separate things, despite my initial post.

jag

well it's irrelevant now that we're talking about what constitutes an affair in terms of cheating. Actually we sorta aren't, but you catch my drift.

 

[X-Chick]

I honestly am too tired now to read through all those posts. I guess a two year old's birthday party will do that. Anyway, cheating can be defined as pretty much anything your partner thinks is cheating. A one-night stand is cheating, cyber sex might be cheating, hitting on someone else, whatever. An affair is usually defined as: A romantic and sexual relationship, sometimes one of brief duration, between two people who are not married to each other. The difference between an affair and cheating is that an affair is usually in reference to at least one person being married or at least otherwise seriously committed and its over a period of time, even if its a short period of time.

 

[Kyalesyin]

Is it cheating if you imagine that your partner is someone else in bed?

 

[Drakon]

Hmm, that COULD be. Is it someone you know personally, or is it someone famous, or even someone who doesn't really exist, or what? I think in that aspect, it'd be dependent on the feasibility of the potential relationship with the one being imagined. If it were someone that you COULD end up being in a relationship with, or even just having sex with, I'd say yes, but less so with something like, imagining Angelina Jolie or Charisma Carpenter.

 

[Kyalesyin]

Hmm, that COULD be. Is it someone you know personally, or is it someone famous, or even someone who doesn't really exist, or what? I think in that aspect, it'd be dependent on the feasibility of the potential relationship with the one being imagined. If it were someone that you COULD end up being in a relationship with, or even just having sex with, I'd say yes, but less so with something like, imagining Angelina Jolie or Charisma Carpenter.

Hotter than hell...

Considering that I was thinking about Hugh Jackman last time, I think the possibility is pretty much nil... so I'm not cheating.

Saying that, my wife's imaginary partner is much more giggle-worthy...

 

[Drakon]

I'll bite. Who?

 

[Kyalesyin]

I'll bite. Who?

I'm not allowed to tell anyone... not that its hard to work out given that I'm a wolvie fan, but it ain't no wolvie fansite she made me put in my sig.

I've gotten scarily good at the accent...

 

[Arkady Rossovich]

So me and someone were discussing this: what

For that matter, how would you define "affair?"

Nearly anything can be called an affair these days,people have such little trust with their other.

 

[Drakon]

Well, I'll agree with you on Charisma....Yowza.

And I can dig ya on the accent, too. It's hard to master, but once you get it, it's something worth noting. In my french classes, I always had the best pronunciation, and it was well noted, if you get my drift.

 

[Kyalesyin]

Well, I'll agree with you on Charisma....Yowza.

And I can dig ya on the accent, too. It's hard to master, but once you get it, it's something worth noting. In my french classes, I always had the best pronunciation, and it was well noted, if you get my drift.

For me, it involved watching lots and lots of re-runs of the orignial animated series to get a handle on the mannerisms and inflections. I'm glad my tastes are so much simpler...

I am probably gonna regret saying all this in the morning. ****ing blood sugar.

 

[Noir]

Afair = touching other guy in ways only ment for Husband.

 

[Drakon]

For me, it involved watching lots and lots of re-runs of the orignial animated series to get a handle on the mannerisms and inflections. I'm glad my tastes are so much simpler...

I am probably gonna regret saying all this in the morning. ****ing blood sugar.

I can delete these posts, if you want. But it's not like you can't trust me. You know better than that :P

 

[Kyalesyin]

I can delete these posts, if you want. But it's not like you can't trust me. You know better than that :P

Nah, its ok... its not like I haven't said it before somewhere I'm sure... The things we do to satisfy our partner's bizzare fixations...

 

[Shuley]

women cheat cause they are not getting what they want out of the relationship that they are currently in. #1 excuse by women for cheating? "He was perfect for me" Men cheat cause they are just plain horn dogs..or they are sick of thier current girlfriend/wife...but like having a maid around.

 

[kainedamo]

So me and someone were discussing this: what constitutes an affair?

Does physical desire for someone else, without any action count? What about a strong emotional connection with someone without any physical contact?

Firstly, physical desire. Technically, it doesn't count as an affair. But it CAN be grounds for a break up. It depends on how strong the desire is. If your boyfriend clearly desires other women in a physical way all the time, he may not have had an affair, but he's not a good boyfriend.

Emotional connection. This is a little bit more difficult. I think if a person has an ex they were with for a long time, they'll always feel SOMETHING for that person. It depends on if you personally can handle that. Myself, I don't think that's a problem. Unless my partner was actually full on in love with another person.

What about physical intimacy, but without any feelings? What about a one night stand? How about phone or Internet sex? What about distance (the different time zone thing)? Are affairs limited to only those who are married or do they apply everyone? For that matter, how would you define "affair?"

Physical intimacy counts as an affair and SHOULD, ideally, be grounds for breakup 100% of the time. I don't buy the "it just happened" bull**** type excuses. We're all adults. We all may WANT to do something in the heat of a moment but we have control. Internet and phone sex also counts as an affair in my opinion.

So yes... physical desire, not an affair but if it's too much then it should be cause for breakup. Any physical intimacy is an affair. Internet and phone sex is an affair.

 

[AndThePickles]

I'm going to slightly change your question X-Chick, and just talk about what constitutes CHEATING. Because like some have mentioned, I think an affair is considered to be applied to marriage and is longer termed, although perhaps I'm wrong.

Does physical desire for someone else, without any action count?

The desire isn't cheating, but if you're desiring someone besides your sig other then you may want to ask yourself if you should be in a relationship. I'm not talking about just seeing someone and thinking "Yeah, they're hot," I mean seeing a person and having strong fantasies about them, etc.

What about a strong emotional connection with someone without any physical contact?

Yes. You could easily be in love with someone else without ever touching them, for example.

What about physical intimacy, but without any feelings?

Yes.

What about a one night stand?

Yes.

How about phone or Internet sex?

Yes.

What about distance (the different time zone thing)?

If you can't handle the long distance then do yourself and your sig other a favor and break-up instead of cheating.

Are affairs limited to only those who are married or do they apply everyone? For that matter, how would you define "affair?"

Dictionary.com's definition (lol) : A romantic and sexual relationship, sometimes one of brief duration, between two people who are not married to each other.

 

[kainedamo]

Desire for another man/woman is not wrong, but acting out on it is IMO. I think everything you listed counts as cheating besides simple lust. You can look all you want, you just can't touch.

It's a grey area. But I think desire CAN be wrong. It depends. You can look... but you can't look too much. If your guy is CONSTANTLY looking at other girls, it's a bad sign and means he doesn't appreciate what he has.

 

[X-Chick]

We aren't just speaking in terms of guys though. What's applicable to both sexes? For the most part, I agree with "look but don't touch." Unless its a case where its looking and loving but not touching. Like in that Hinder song. That, to me, would be an affair and by definition of affair, cheating.