What's the deal with popcorn?

[Noir]

So for a while I was off popcorn. The stuff was just too hard to eat. It was either too soft or too hard and it didn't taste that great and it was killing me inside. So now I'm in a bit of a rut and I had to eat some popcorn, the orange kind, and I did, and now there are little popcorn pieces all over the f**king place. Why? Why is popcorn like this?

I'm hungover and now I have to whip out the goddamn vacuum, which I haven't used in a while since I don't have a carpeted floor. F**k you popcorn, f**k you.

..HOW TEH **** DO YOU FAIL AT EATING POPCORN!? DO YOU HAVE A HELMET?