Badger
Side-Kick my Ass!
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- Jul 28, 2005
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Please answer the following questions and give us your thoughts behind each answer.
Would you rather be mildly sick for a week or really sick for 3.5 days?
*The half day of sickness would be the first, and you'd have a "normal" feeling morning before the onset.
* "Sick" can mean a variety of things, but the main feature is "general malaise." (This may include, but is not limited to: fever, cough, sore throat, congestion, nausea, headache, lightheadedness.)
* "Mildness" is determined by having either few or mild symptoms. (You do not get to pick the symptoms).
* "Really"ness is determined by having many or severe symptoms (you do not get to pick them, and they would be sufficiently severe to cause you to miss some work).
* Severe illness would disrupt your plans.
* You could still do things while mildly ill (e.g. go to work), but you'd feel ****ty.
* If you pick severe sickness, there is a very small chance that your severe illness could be Ebola or flesh eating bacteria, which may kill you within the 3.5 days.
Would you rather be famous or be bitten by a dog on the ass?
* Keep in mind, you have no idea what you'll be famous for. Think Scott Peterson, Natalee Holloway, Tom Cruise and Anna Nicole Smith too, not just the fun/life is good kind.
* A dog bite would hurt a lot, and you would have to sit on one of those donuts for at least one week
* The dog may be a stray and/or foaming about the mouth.
Would you rather be addicted to donuts or heroin?
* Either way you get to know the local police, at least with donuts you will have a common bond.
* Donuts will make you fat, more than likely.
* Heroin will make you skinny, more than likely.
* Both will eventually kill you
Would you rather: Eat Spam OR Receive a lot of Spam?
* You have to eat the entire can, mmmmmmmmmmm yummy.
* Your Spam Filter is very unreliable, so you have to sift through the Spam folder to make sure something important wasn't sent there.
Who would you rather accidentally make a culturally insensitive remark to?
* A midget
* An albino
* An albino midget
Would you rather be a Dream Crushing Weasel or have your dreams crushed by a Dream Crushing Weasel?
* Assume you have dreams worth crushing and that getting them crushed would depress you a lengthy period of time.
* As the Dream Crushing Weasel, it is a sickness and you constantly do it. It is not a one time deal.
* Being referred to as The Weasel, basically makes you Pauly Shore.
Would you rather eat fried chicken with Colonel Sanders or pancakes with Aunt Jemima?
*Assume each would make their signature dish and that caloric intake for both meals is equal.
*Assume with Colonel Sanders there would liquor involved and that he likes to have people sit on his knee.
*Assume that Aunt Jemima is like Oprah's character in The Color Purple.
Would you rather kill the environment or kill an environmentalist?
* The environmentalist is Ed Begley Jr.
* By killing Ed Begley Jr, you make him a martyr and his message becomes even stronger.
* His family immediately forgives you, because they're good like that.
* Ed Begley Jr will feel no pain because he is not human
* Good God man, just kill him already!!
Would you rather kill a turtle or have one of your good friends become a Scientologist?
* The turtle is exotic, rare, and older than your oldest living relative.
* The turtle is named "Sam" and people call him "Sam the turtle."
* There is a 0% chance that you'll be able to convince your friend to renounce his/her scientologist beliefs.
* There is a 66% chance that your friend will try to convert you to scientology. This would, at the very least, be quite annoying.
* There is a 100% chance that the turtle will die when you kill it.
* You could keep the turtle shell as a memento.
* Sam's terrarium will look quite empty without him.
* You could kill Sam in any manner that you choose.
Would you rather be a **** or have everyone think you're a ****?
* If you picked to be a ****, you could be discreet.
* Haha, I know, a discreet ****.
* If everyone thinks your a ****, why not have the fun and just become one.
* ****!
Would you rather get a paper cut or eat a placenta?
* Assume that the placenta is cooked and entirely safe to eat.
* The papercut is severe enough to make you curse out loud.
* The placenta is not yours and is not related to you.
* The placenta might be gross to eat.
* Nobody likes paper cuts, except maybe emos and they don't count.
Would you rather have a dozen kids or be infertile?
* One or the other, and they can't be adopted or stolen.
* The 12 kids will all be born in 15 years.
* 12 could make you go ****ing bat **** crazy.
* No kids could make you sad and want to off yourself or the diners at the local Golden Corral.
Would you rather dissect a human corpse or go skydiving?
* Your scared of heights and a very downsy looking person packed your chute
* The corpse is a family member you like and you are not Bones, so this will haunt you forever and you will take no enjoyment in it.
Would you rather milk a cow or have your nipple bitten by an animal?
* Milking a cow could be udderly disgusting.
* Having your nipple bitten would hurt.
* What kind of animal would bite my nipple? How the hell should I know.
* It might be embarrassing to show your bitten nipple to a doctor.
* The cow might bite your nipple when you try and milk her.
* The cow will hit you in the back of the head with her **** crusted tail.
Would you rather lose an eye in a fireworks accident or get mauled by an animal and end up with a Michael Jackson nose?
* Michael Jackson's nose? Yes, his nose (or lack thereof). Assume that it comes with none of his other oddities (paleness/cleft chin/singing talents/high pitched voice/predilection for sleeping with children).
* What kind of animal? One capable of mauling you.
* If you only have one functioning eye at present, you would end up blind.
* Assume that your breathing would not be negatively affected by a MJ nose.
Would you rather eat a bowl of cereal or have a jetski?
* Assume that the cereal/jetski is of average quality and brand.
* Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
* A jetski is worth a lot more than a bowl of cereal.
* You might win a prize with this bowl of cereal.
* Jetskis claim many lives per year.
* Similarly, people have been known to choke on cereal.
Would you rather have a perpetual George Hamilton tan or skip the age of 33?
* Skip 33? Yes. You would go from 32 to 34 on your birthday. If you are already over 33, then you automatically become a year older (33 is retroactively skipped).
* You might freak people out if you were always kind of orange looking.
* If you were already pretty tan (albeit orange), it would be hard to get sun burn.
* Skipping 33 puts you that much closer to 40. And 50. And the grave.
* Assume that you would suffer no ill effects from skipping a year, although your body would age 365 days.
Would you rather always be hungry or always be fat?
* Assume that you are not always hungry if you choose 'always be fat'.
* Assume that 'fat' means fatter than you are now, fatty.
* If you were hungry you could eat, but that wouldn't satisfy the hunger.
* Always being hungry could lead to being fat.
* Being fat could lead to being depressed and more eating, which might land you on TLC or some such channel.
Would you rather be mildly sick for a week or really sick for 3.5 days?
*The half day of sickness would be the first, and you'd have a "normal" feeling morning before the onset.
* "Sick" can mean a variety of things, but the main feature is "general malaise." (This may include, but is not limited to: fever, cough, sore throat, congestion, nausea, headache, lightheadedness.)
* "Mildness" is determined by having either few or mild symptoms. (You do not get to pick the symptoms).
* "Really"ness is determined by having many or severe symptoms (you do not get to pick them, and they would be sufficiently severe to cause you to miss some work).
* Severe illness would disrupt your plans.
* You could still do things while mildly ill (e.g. go to work), but you'd feel ****ty.
* If you pick severe sickness, there is a very small chance that your severe illness could be Ebola or flesh eating bacteria, which may kill you within the 3.5 days.
Would you rather be famous or be bitten by a dog on the ass?
* Keep in mind, you have no idea what you'll be famous for. Think Scott Peterson, Natalee Holloway, Tom Cruise and Anna Nicole Smith too, not just the fun/life is good kind.
* A dog bite would hurt a lot, and you would have to sit on one of those donuts for at least one week
* The dog may be a stray and/or foaming about the mouth.
Would you rather be addicted to donuts or heroin?
* Either way you get to know the local police, at least with donuts you will have a common bond.
* Donuts will make you fat, more than likely.
* Heroin will make you skinny, more than likely.
* Both will eventually kill you
Would you rather: Eat Spam OR Receive a lot of Spam?
* You have to eat the entire can, mmmmmmmmmmm yummy.
* Your Spam Filter is very unreliable, so you have to sift through the Spam folder to make sure something important wasn't sent there.
Who would you rather accidentally make a culturally insensitive remark to?
* A midget
* An albino
* An albino midget
Would you rather be a Dream Crushing Weasel or have your dreams crushed by a Dream Crushing Weasel?
* Assume you have dreams worth crushing and that getting them crushed would depress you a lengthy period of time.
* As the Dream Crushing Weasel, it is a sickness and you constantly do it. It is not a one time deal.
* Being referred to as The Weasel, basically makes you Pauly Shore.
Would you rather eat fried chicken with Colonel Sanders or pancakes with Aunt Jemima?
*Assume each would make their signature dish and that caloric intake for both meals is equal.
*Assume with Colonel Sanders there would liquor involved and that he likes to have people sit on his knee.
*Assume that Aunt Jemima is like Oprah's character in The Color Purple.
Would you rather kill the environment or kill an environmentalist?
* The environmentalist is Ed Begley Jr.
* By killing Ed Begley Jr, you make him a martyr and his message becomes even stronger.
* His family immediately forgives you, because they're good like that.
* Ed Begley Jr will feel no pain because he is not human
* Good God man, just kill him already!!
Would you rather kill a turtle or have one of your good friends become a Scientologist?
* The turtle is exotic, rare, and older than your oldest living relative.
* The turtle is named "Sam" and people call him "Sam the turtle."
* There is a 0% chance that you'll be able to convince your friend to renounce his/her scientologist beliefs.
* There is a 66% chance that your friend will try to convert you to scientology. This would, at the very least, be quite annoying.
* There is a 100% chance that the turtle will die when you kill it.
* You could keep the turtle shell as a memento.
* Sam's terrarium will look quite empty without him.
* You could kill Sam in any manner that you choose.
Would you rather be a **** or have everyone think you're a ****?
* If you picked to be a ****, you could be discreet.
* Haha, I know, a discreet ****.
* If everyone thinks your a ****, why not have the fun and just become one.
* ****!
Would you rather get a paper cut or eat a placenta?
* Assume that the placenta is cooked and entirely safe to eat.
* The papercut is severe enough to make you curse out loud.
* The placenta is not yours and is not related to you.
* The placenta might be gross to eat.
* Nobody likes paper cuts, except maybe emos and they don't count.
Would you rather have a dozen kids or be infertile?
* One or the other, and they can't be adopted or stolen.
* The 12 kids will all be born in 15 years.
* 12 could make you go ****ing bat **** crazy.
* No kids could make you sad and want to off yourself or the diners at the local Golden Corral.
Would you rather dissect a human corpse or go skydiving?
* Your scared of heights and a very downsy looking person packed your chute
* The corpse is a family member you like and you are not Bones, so this will haunt you forever and you will take no enjoyment in it.
Would you rather milk a cow or have your nipple bitten by an animal?
* Milking a cow could be udderly disgusting.
* Having your nipple bitten would hurt.
* What kind of animal would bite my nipple? How the hell should I know.
* It might be embarrassing to show your bitten nipple to a doctor.
* The cow might bite your nipple when you try and milk her.
* The cow will hit you in the back of the head with her **** crusted tail.
Would you rather lose an eye in a fireworks accident or get mauled by an animal and end up with a Michael Jackson nose?
* Michael Jackson's nose? Yes, his nose (or lack thereof). Assume that it comes with none of his other oddities (paleness/cleft chin/singing talents/high pitched voice/predilection for sleeping with children).
* What kind of animal? One capable of mauling you.
* If you only have one functioning eye at present, you would end up blind.
* Assume that your breathing would not be negatively affected by a MJ nose.
Would you rather eat a bowl of cereal or have a jetski?
* Assume that the cereal/jetski is of average quality and brand.
* Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
* A jetski is worth a lot more than a bowl of cereal.
* You might win a prize with this bowl of cereal.
* Jetskis claim many lives per year.
* Similarly, people have been known to choke on cereal.
Would you rather have a perpetual George Hamilton tan or skip the age of 33?
* Skip 33? Yes. You would go from 32 to 34 on your birthday. If you are already over 33, then you automatically become a year older (33 is retroactively skipped).
* You might freak people out if you were always kind of orange looking.
* If you were already pretty tan (albeit orange), it would be hard to get sun burn.
* Skipping 33 puts you that much closer to 40. And 50. And the grave.
* Assume that you would suffer no ill effects from skipping a year, although your body would age 365 days.
Would you rather always be hungry or always be fat?
* Assume that you are not always hungry if you choose 'always be fat'.
* Assume that 'fat' means fatter than you are now, fatty.
* If you were hungry you could eat, but that wouldn't satisfy the hunger.
* Always being hungry could lead to being fat.
* Being fat could lead to being depressed and more eating, which might land you on TLC or some such channel.
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) Because they're insane!"
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