Anybody else hate feeling obligated to do small talk?

[IronMan42]

Nope. You need to work on your people's skills.

I'm actually fine when I'm with people who can deep talk but I just don't feel like it's worth the effort to engage people who only talk about trivial things.

 

[IronMan42]

I'm an extreme introvert and engaging in small talk was exceedingly difficult when I approached it thinking I had to be the one to initiate conversation. Cause I'm awkward and really bad at it.

Now it isn't nearly as hard for me as it was before. I just mostly listen, and ask questions. We're introverts, right? We like to listen, normally. Or at least we prefer listening to talking. And people loooove talking about themselves.

Also, conversations get a lot more interesting when you get to the meat right away. I find talking to older folks to be much more interesting than talking to people my age or younger, because most older folks will just say what they mean, right away. No "small talk" or "putting on appearances."

Just today I went to the ice rink and found myself in conversation with an older woman just learning to skate. I had brought an art project to photograph there, and she commented very positively on it, so that was our original ice breaker. Later I came over to compliment her skating, and less than 10 minutes later she was telling me about how she was a nurse during the AIDs epidemic in the early 80s and how scary it was because they didn't know anything about it. And how she ran down the stairs of the WTC during 9/11 and now she just does what she wants (including not being scared of learning to skate) because everything else is small fry.

All that stuff is MUCH more interesting than talking about the weather. As introverts, we're actually better built to get to the real meat of a conversation and find out more about people.

But that only applies if you're actually interested in people, which I am. My fiance is even more of an introvert than I am and I bet he doesn't care about what people do, really.

MEATY Conversation - that's what I crave!!!

 

[IronMan42]

I heavily agree about introverts getting to the meat of a conversation most of the time. Literally every extrovert I know talks out of their ass and just jokes around like a clown, they're not teenagers by the way. One thing I've learned in life is that introverted people are way more intellectual than your average attention seeking extrovert. I get **** from a lot of my so called friends because I like to get into debates and interesting arguments. We're in our very early 30s and they still, like high schoolers, say that that's being a downer.

Right, I'm being a downer because I'm acting like an intelligent mature and confident adult and don't want to engage in conversations about nothing as I like to call them.

With all that being said, not all extroverts are like that of course, but once again, in my experience, I would say a very large percentage are.

Yes, yes SOOOO true! I am the downer of the group. Whenever I try to introduce a meaty, deep topic, I get shot down and look like a fool. Maybe I need new friends...

 

[IronMan42]

I also dont care for small talk, especially with people I dont know. What makes a person that I've just met and will likely never see again think that I have any interest in their personal lives?

Small talk with people I am friends with or at least know? I'm fine with that. But I do feel obligated when a total stranger wont shut up. God forbid I tell them I dont care. People might think I'm unfriendly.

First paragraph nailed it for me Wish I could print that out and paste it on my forehead lol!

 

[Bruce Banner]

Yeah, I hate small talk. Especially conversations about the weather. I don't give a **** about the weather. I check it once, then for the rest of the day, I'm good.

I'm an introvert, but if I'm going to talk, I want it to be something worth chatting about, otherwise I get abrasive.

My entire family based their conversations around me with small talk...

 

[terry78]

My mom and sister are the talkers, me and my dad are just the quiet ones.

 

[Hotwire]

It's tough for me. I work in sales. So, I end up having to write up a work order which takes a little time. Meanwhile, silence. I try to make a little small talk just to keep it from being so quiet. The hard part is when the small talk turns into a full blown conversation.

 

[lightrunner]

I find talking to people a strange experience. A lot of the time I am not too interested in what they are saying unless I know them really well (and thus have a particular interest in them), I sometimes feel like I am going through the motions of a conversation just because I feel I should. In reality I often zone out, I am not trying to be rude to them I just find small talk doesn't stimulate me in the same way a conversation about problem solving that one line of Java code that doesn't add up, or discussing news and such. I guess it comes down to what you define as small talk?

I find my definitions are very contextual and more often then not this revolves around the person and the subject rather then one individual factor. That said there are only so many times I can talk about the weather in one day.

 

[Lighthouse]

Nope, not a single one. Is that really that weird?

I'm not interested in sports either. I think watching someone else play sports is incredibly boring, and I don't care who wins what championship. Every time I watch sports, I think I'd rather be outside playing that sport instead.

 

[knowsbleed]

I once had a casual conversation with a college career counselor, accidentally transitioned into her clothes, and got her to shop at Kohl's later that day.

This story needs to be expanded upon.

 

[Hobgoblin]

Sometimes small talk is just impossible. My brother and I went out to eat with my dad and his friends last night and neither of us hardly said anything. The rest of the group was significantly older than we are and were talking about their health and how expensive things are. They've wondered in the past why my bro and I never say anything.

Meanwhile I was chatty with an old classmate when we went to the zoo last weekend and talked about the animals, evolution, etc. They wouldnt have been able to say anything in that conversation.

 

[knowsbleed]

Generational gaps are definitely barriers when it comes to small talk in groups. I find myself best off in groups of 3-4 people. Any more or less than that is not within my circle of comfort.