Batman Quotes: The Best of the Best

[The Batman]

"Somedays you just cant get rid of a bomb!"

 

[The Question]

Does anyone here have a copy of The Killing Joke? I had to get my quotes from some exerps online and they didn't have the loony song. Could someone here post the loony song?

 

[superpower]

when the world is full of care and every deadline screams despair, wehn all is rape, starvation, war and life is vile....then there's a certain thing i do which i shall pass along to you, that's always guaranteed to make me smile......i go looo-oo-ooony as a light bulg battered bug sumply loo-oo-ooony, sometines foam and chew the rug......mister, life is swell in a padded cell, it'll chase those blues away....you can trade your gloom for a rubber room. and injections twice a day! Just go loo-oo-ooony, like an acid casualty, of a moo-oo-nie, or a preacher on tv when the human race wears an anxious face when the bomb hangs overhead when your kid turns blue it wont worry you, you can sile and nod instead. when you're loo-oony then you just dont give a fig....mans so pu-uu-ny and the universe so big. if you hurt inside get certified and if life should treat you bad dont get even get MAD.

sorry for my lack of punctuation and all, it was looooong

 

[The Question]

The Killing Joke is full of awesome Joker Quotes.

 

[clark_kent89]

Classic!!!

 

[superpower]

The Killing Joke is full of awesome Joker Quotes.

Yeah it is.

 

[The Chairman]

Here are my favorite quotes from the Burton movies:

"Jack My Friend Is Dead. The Name's... Joker, and as you can see I'm a lot happier." - The Joker

"Wing Freaked Terrorizes...Wait Til They Get A Load Of Me." - The Joker

"This Town Needs An Enema" - The Joker

"Did You Ever Dance With The Devil In The Pale Moonlight" - The Joker

"You Wanna Get Nuts?!" - Bruce Wayne

"Hi. I believe the word you're looking for is...Aaaaaaaaaah!" - The Penguin

Max Shreck..."And you, Oswald Cobblepot, filling the void..."
Penguin (eyeing an attractive image consultant): Ugh, I'd like to fill her void.

Catwoman: I come to you with one clause...Batman. The thorn in our side, the fly in our ointment
Penguin: Ointments? Scented or unscented?

Batman: Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it
Catwoman: A kiss can be deadlier if you mean it.

And the best line of them all:

"Bruce Wayne, Why Are Dressed Up Like Batman" - Max Shreck

 

[DarkKnightJRK]

Death Strikes At Midnight and Three

Batman: Milo, drink your wine. Savor it. Then put your affairs in order and call your dear friends and tell them goodbye. Tell them your next address will be a prison or a grave because--hear me, Milo--I will find the blind man and I'll return and I'll destroy you. I'll watch you whimper and beg and crawl.

 

[nite-owl]

From the Dark knight Returns

''You've got rights. Lots of rights. Sometimes I count them to make myself feel crazy''

from the Long Halloween

''I made a promise to my parents that I would rid the city of the evil that took their lives.''

 

[DarkKnightJRK]

The Dark Knight Returns

"Then...something shuffles, out of sight...something sucks the stale air...and HISSES...gliding with ancient grace, unwilling to retreat as his brothers did...eyes gleaming, untouched by love or joy or sorrow, breath hotwith the taste of fallen foes...the stench of deadthings, damned things...surely the fiercest survivor--the purest warrior...glaring, hating...claiming me as his own."

"Your time has come. You know it in your soul. For I am your soul... You cannot escape me... You are puny, you are small. You are nothing--a hollow shell, a rusty trap that cannot hold me. Smoldering, I burn you--burning you I flare, hot and bright and fierce and beautiful. You cannot stop me--not with wine or vows or the weight of age. You cannot stop me, but till you try--still you run. You try to drown me out...but your voice is weak..."

"This should be agony. I should be a mass of aching muscle--broken, spent, unable to move. And, were I an older man, I surely would...but I'm a man of thirty--of twenty agian. The rain on my chest is a baptism. I am born again."

"There are seven working defences from this positon. Three of them disarm with minimal contact. Three of them kill. The other--hurts."

"It takes nearly a minute to fall from this height. And dispite what you may have hard, you're likely to stay conscious all the way down. Thoughts like that keep me warm at night."

Batman: I see...a reflection, Harvey...a reflection.

"They don't even wait for the order. Young people these days...no respect for history."

"Rubber bullets. Honest."

Batman: Remember, rats carry diseases. Don't eat any.

 

[Fledermaus]

From the Kingdom Come TPB:

(Bruce, Diana and Clark are at the "Planet Krypton" restaraunt)

Waitress: "Hi, I'm Robin."
Bruce:"Of course you are."
Waitress: "Are you ready to order?"
Bruce: "What do you recommend?"
Waitress "Today's special is the Power Girl Chicken Sandwich."
Bruce: "The cut...?"
Waitress: "Breast."



HAH!

 

[darkknightlife]

thats why superman works alone

 

[DarkKnightJRK]

thats why superman works alone

...

...

Dude, your ass is SO going to be ripped open...

 

[Fledermaus]

From All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder #2

Dick: "Who the hell are you anyway, giving out orders like this?"
Batman: "What, are you dense? Are you ******ed or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn Batman."

 

[DarkKnightJRK]

Blind Justice:

"For a man who cannot sleep, dreams pose a curious threat. Bruce Wayne's dedication is unstinting. His motives--though some might argue otherwise--are noble.

"But still, one dream torments him. And the odd part is...he's wide awake.

"Awake or asleep--it scarcely matters anymore. The nightmare never seems to end.

"It taunts him around the clock--subverting his resolve as insidiously as any foe he's ever faced.

"Each time, his parents die before his eyes. Each time, he is the instrument of their doom.

";You could've let it scar you for life, but you didn't.' That's what the girl said. She admired him then. If only she'd known.

"Suffering is universal. Most people put it aside, look to the future, set on with the business of living.

"And some of them have surely suffered more than Bruce. Why can't he follow their example?

"Night after night he reopens the same bloody wound. Does he CRAVE the pain, the sense of violation? Does he THRIVE on his own torment?

"He's rich, handsome, powerful. Why can't he be GRATEFUL for what he has?

"Why, why, and WHY. All at once, with lacerating clarity, the answer is upon him:

"...THAT'S HOW BATMAN WANTS IT.

"The world is full of EVIL. It NEEDS a Batman--to help the weak, to mete out JUSTICE. And yet, each night, it's Bruce who pays the cost.

"If justice turned it's eye on Bruce, Batman would surely set him free. He'd make friends, fall in love, LIVE HIS LIFE--as normal people do.

"There'd be no more ANGUISH. No more DREAMS. No more wracking GUILT when he tries to do the right thing--and FAILS. Surely, he deserves no less...

"But justice is BLIND. BLIND AS A BAT."

 

[darkknightlife]

and why is that??????

 

[DarkKnightJRK]

and why is that??????

...What the hell are you talking about?

 

[Steel Spider]

I think he was referring to your "Dude, your ass is SO going to be ripped open..." post.

 

[SHADOWBAT69]

"My life is really...complex."

Michael Keaton (Bruce Wayne), Batman 1989

 

[DarkKnightJRK]

I think he was referring to your "Dude, your ass is SO going to be ripped open..." post.

Oh.

Posting a particularly bad line from "That Clooney Movie" is probably not the most healthiest things to do around these parts.

 

[Steel Spider]

Oh.

Posting a particularly bad line from "That Clooney Movie" is probably not the most healthiest things to do around these parts.

I agree. Batman & Robin should never be brought up around these parts.

 

[elorenishii386]

Classic!!!

lol...that one always makes me laugh

 

[SHADOWBAT69]

Oh.

Posting a particularly bad line from "That Clooney Movie" is probably not the most healthiest things to do around these parts.

what about, "I'll cancell the pizzas"?

 

[droogiedroogie2]

From Justice League International:

Blue Beetle: ...You think maybe it's too late to petition for a new Green Lantern? Hey, Bats--mabe you could wear the ring...
Batman: It would only get in my way.
Blue Beetle: ...Yeah...besides, who'd ever buy a super-hero called the "Green Batman"? I mean, that's almost as dumb as--
Batman: The Blue Beetle?
Blue Beetle: Well...um...ah...

Blue Beetle: You have any idea how many hours we've been here...
Batman: Nine-point-two hours.
Blue Beetle: Thank you, Mr. Spock.
Batman: Pardon me?
Blue Beetle: Just a little joke, Bats.
Batman: Spare us the humor, Beetle. This is serious business.
Blue Beetle: Isn't it always?
---
Batman: Can you follow them--but from enough distance so we're not noticed?
Blue Beetle: Sure can!
Batman: Okay then, Mr. Sulu--Warp seven!
Blue Beetle: Hey everybody--Batman made a funny! BATMAN MADE A FUNNY!!
Batman: Don't push your luck, Beetle.
Blue Beetle: Sorry, Bats.

Batman: Be a good boy now, Guy--or I'm going to have to keep you after CLASS. You wouldn't want that, BELIEVE ME.

Maxwell Lord: You're upset, Batman. I can see that.
Batman: You're very perceptive.
Maxwell: Let's talk about this like reasonable men.
Batman: But I am NOT a reasonable man.

Guy Gardner: Geez--I don't know how I let myself get CLOBBERED like that.
Batman: Don't blame yourself, Guy. It wasn't your fault.
Guy: Say what?
Batman: You can't help it if you're an IDIOT.

Booster Gold: If we keep standing around out here in the open, he's gonna be finding US preety soon.
Batman: Good idea, Booster--we'll stay right where we are and let him come to us.
Booster: But I wasn't suggesting--
Batman: I like the way you think. Keep up the good work.
Booster: Was he kidding--or what?
Black Canary: Well, I seem to remember him making a joke once--it was...let me see...four..no, five years ago.. He's about time for another--and that might've been it.

Batman: Then let's see if we can knock that thing out of the sky.
Mr. Miracle: If we can't--I'll eat my mask.
...
Batman: How would you like that cooked?
Mr. Miracle: Rare...with a mild cheese sauce.

Which issues are those from?

And is the one about being ******ed, is that seriously from a comic book? I thought it was a joke somebody did.

Anyway, here's the best Batman quotes ever:

Batman: I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Thug: What are you?!
Batman: I'm Batman.

Batman (In Bruce Wayne voice): Excuse me. Did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? (Punches Joker.)

Joker: And where is the Batman? He's at home, washing his tights!

Joker: If the Presidency doesn't have to be on speaking terms with reality, why then should the governorcy?

Batman: You've been recalled, Joker.

Joker: Meanwhile, back at the WRENCH...

Joker: Yes, this is all incredibly boring...

 

[DarkKnightJRK]

Which issues are those from?

Justice League International. I believe you can find that and a whole bunch more in the TPB "Justice League: A New Beginning."

And is the one about being ******ed, is that seriously from a comic book? I thought it was a joke somebody did.

Nope, it's from "All-Star: Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder," #2.