Bought/Thought August 27th, 2008

[Dread]

Fair enough.

 

[fifthfiend]

typo's

 

[BrianWilly]

WHY ARE YOU SO BIASED AGAINST BUTTS BW? I AM OUTRAGED BY YOUR CALLOUS DISREGARD FOR THE SUFFERING WHICH SO MANY INNOCENT BUTTS ARE FORCED TO ENDURE.

Yeah, I totally give a ****, honest.





Now everyone try!

 

[TheCorpulent1]

Trinity #12 and 13
RYAN CHOI OUT OF NOWHERE~! up:

I was like, "Uh, this dips*** again?" But then Ray Palmer also showed up, so I was happy.

 

[Blader5489]

*sigh*

What I was basically saying was that I understand why Dread reads Bendis' horrible books and why he thinks it's important, but I would never put myself through that because I don't think knowing what's going on with the core of the Marvel Universe is worth rolling my eyes while reading something I detest.

So I get it, but I don't think it's worth it. At least for me. And I wouldn't recommend anyone else do it. But Dread can keep on keeping on, because I tend to skip over his New/Might Avengers reviews, anyway. Not because I'm tired of his Bendis bashing, but because I just don't give a damn what's happening in those books.

Oh, see, I thought you were being sarcastic earlier since you referenced a ****load of comics that have absolutely nothing to do with SI or Bendis' Avengers.

If I read that wrong, my mistake.

 

[Manic]

I was being partially sarcastic earlier. Moreso in one post than the other.

 

[BrianWilly]

I was like, "Uh, this dips*** again?" But then Ray Palmer also showed up, so I was happy.

I will stab you with a spork.

 

[Doc Destruction]

Hmm...I don't know that one, but if you hum a few bars, I could try.



Hey, did you ever end up going to one of those conventions so you could criticize him face-to-face?

Not yet dammit

Still trying to set up a face to face with my LCS owner who knows him pretty well.

 

[Dread]

Now for something different. There is a new video game store in my neighborhood called GO GAMES and they actually happened to have a small section with comics. Most of these are foil/hologram stuff from the 90's at inflated prices or signed 90's era IMAGE or VALIENT stuff, but they did have one of those "50 Cent/3 for $1 bins". In the age of eBay and whatnot, these are becoming very rare in normal comic shops. I did some hunting.

TIME-WARP FROM THE 50 CENT BIN:

WHAT IF? (vol.2) #21: Ah, this was like a time warp back to 1991, which was when it was published. The paper is non-glossy. The coloring isn't all fancy-pants digital and is old school dots and colors. The cover price is $1.25, back when a kid could afford a comic without spending, like, half a week's allowance on a single issue. The advertisements are for NES games for THE PUNISHER and WRATH OF THE BLACK MANTA, which were, erm, hardly considered classics for the system. The back cover offers the NES add-on from Konami, the worn-on-head, voice activated LASER-SCOPE, which was a horrible flop to squeeze cash from kids' parents. Oh, and the trading card series, MARVEL SUPERHEROES SERIES 1 was just on the way. You couldn't be a kid in a school yard in 1991 without comic knowledge (even if everyone I knew were still Ninja Turtle fanatics). My Mom had subs for ASM, WEB, THOR, and HULK back then, so I could read comics for free whenever I felt like digging through her room (without getting caught). Those were the days.

This WHAT IF, like many of the time period, focused on Spider-Man; WHAT IF SPIDER-MAN MARRIED BLACK CAT? One of the flaws of these WHAT IF stories is that often knew they could get away with killing off characters, so the writers usually did. The stories usually ended in a somewhat bleak and depressing way. I only purchased a handful of these comics throughout WHAT IF's long run, which ended in the late 90's. This issue is written by Danny Fingeroth and drawn by Jim Valentino.

Watcher, the perennial series narrator, gives the run down; in this universe, Peter broke up with Mary Jane over fears of endangering her life with his career as Spider-Man. Rather than selling his soul to a Hell-Lord, he contacted his old partner Black Cat and rekindled their romance, eventually leading to marriage (which may not have been entirely legally binding, as they married under assumed aliases in Vegas; Peter used one of his tried and true aliases, "Peter Palmer"). Unfortunately, Black Cat was still in her "crazy cat-woman" phase. Let me explain; when she first debuted, she had genuine interest in Spider-Man's secret identity. But back in the 80's, just as now, the idea of Peter settling down with any woman full time scared the bejeesus out of the editorial board. So they decided to just make Felicia a bit crazy and have her all but revile Peter Parker, only being interested in Spider-Man like a crazed groupie. While I always liked the idea of a woman who actually fell for Spider-Man instead of Peter Parker (as most of Peter's lovers, including MJ, had), this seemed a little extreme, as if deliberately made to cause the reader to lose sympathy for Felicia. I recall the letters pages of Spidey comics around this period were full of hate for "Cat" as a result, wondering when Peter would dump "the broad" and stick to MJ. Ah, such simple minded fools. At least he had 20 years with MJ (barely).

The public knew by this period that Spider-Man and Black Cat were crime fighting partners (even then detective Jean DeWolfe knew), and while Cat cared little about secret identities, Peter still had a family and friends to protect. Which meant that Felicia Hardy and Peter could never be seen together, lest someone catch on. This involved all sorts of stealth games with visiting apartments, which usually infuriated Felicia. She also hated that Peter still considered MJ a friend (and vice versa), and was insanely jealous of MJ, all but threatening to assault her if she sent Peter another birthday card. See? "Crazy Cat woman". No fan in the 80's missed her. Also during this period, Silver Sable and her Wild Pack had debuted in ASM and were sometimes involved in his adventures; her Wild Pack consisted of Paladin and Sandman.

The story of course hits things off with a bang when a low-bit hood calls a "mysterious figure" via payphone claiming that by overhearing Felicia one night, he heard Spider-Man's secret identity and is offering it for $1 million. The figure, it turns out, is Adrian Toomes, a.k.a. the Vulture, who kills the hood rather than pay him. He blows up Aunt May's halfway house, but luckily she avoided death by hiding in the basement. Vulture gases Black Cat and sets his trap for Spidey; when Spidey angrily crashes in, the bird-brain chastises him about his blabbermouth partner. Spidey beats the crap out of Vulture before yelling at Cat about how careless she is. Silver Sable shows up and collects the bounty on Vulture, even sharing a cut with Spider-Man. They share a chat at her apartment and discover both of their pasts involve tragedy; Sable warns the web-head to not steel his heart as she had. Spidey tries visiting MJ, but leaves when he finds her dating a guy named "Brad". Vulture tries escaping from Rikers Island, putting a guard in a coma in the process, and is seemingly killed by a shadowy figure. He manages to croak "Spider-Man" as his last words, and suddenly the web-slinger is framed for the death and Sable and her squad are hunting him for the bounty. It turns out that Black Cat (of course) was the one who killed Vulture to protect Peter's identity and try to cover her mistake. When MJ stumbles onto the hectic fight scene, Black Cat grabs her and leaps to a rooftop; Paladin assumes she is taking MJ hostage and fills Felicia full of lead, mortally wounding her (and hardly feeling guilty about it later).

The ending actually interested me. It seems to end in darkness; Felicia dies in Spidey's arms, MJ falls from the rooftop and Peter has his 500th flashback to the death of Gwen Stacy while saving her. MJ leaves Spider-Man behind. BUT, there still is Silver Sable. Having grown closer from the experience, the two become partners and eventually, lovers.

Yes, all that happened within 22 pages. 1991 stories were like that.

The ending interested me because it reminded me a bit of how a recent WHAT IF story went. It came out in Jan. 2008 and it was WHAT IF: SPIDER-MAN VS. WOLVERINE by Jeff Parker, Clayton Henry, with a cover by John Romita Jr. The crux of that was Peter eventually choosing the "darker side" of superhero life, leaving his civilian life in the dust to keep them safe, and embracing the superhero one full on. He wound up with a black ops lover and a level of satisfaction. Danny Figeroth's story basically ends that way about 17 years sooner. Nothing's original, baby.

Naturally, the tale from 1991 shows it's age a bit in many ways. But it was nice for a time-warp.

 

[fifthfiend]

I combed the above for grammatical errors but I couldn't find a single one.



Come on Dread, why you gotta do me that way?

 

[imdaly]

I combed the above for grammatical errors but I couldn't find a single one.



Come on Dread, why you gotta do me that way?

Wellll...he was SOOOOO close...

...BUT!...

...in the very last paragraph...

Naturally, the tale from 1991 shows it's age a bit in many ways. But it was nice for a time-warp.

The tale shows it is age, huh?



Just messin' with ya, Dread!

 

[Mr. Green]

Ha! What a ball-buster!

 

[fifthfiend]

AUGH! And I missed it!

Shame of such magnitude can only be expunged one way - ritual suicide in the tradition of the Grammar Pedant. If you will excuse me I must go now and disembowel myself with a copy of the American Heritage dictionary.

 

[TheCorpulent1]

If it's any consolation, Dread also put volume 1 when he really meant volume 2. What If (vol. 1) #21 looked like this:

Nary a Spider-Man nor a Black Cat to be found, and comics weren't 75 cents in 1991.

 

[Hans]

Is Reed wearing a jet-belt?

 

[TheCorpulent1]

Well, how else is he supposed to fly?

 

[Hans]

The Fantasti-Car?

 

[RockSP]

Well, how else is he supposed to fly?

Weed?

 

[Darthphere]

Jack Kirby?

 

[Bubonic]

Just read the Ghost Rider Annual #2 and although I liked the main story concerning a fallen angel who kills people holding back from committing suicide due to their religious constraints. This frees them from their pain and grants them access to heaven.

Then they had a reprint of Ghost Rider volume 1 #35 which was actually a pretty awesome retro story, yet I have mixed feelings about reprints in annuals.

I sort of end up feeling jipped, seems like a far cry from the 64 page annuals I remember as a kid where you'd usually get 3 or 4 stories out of it. This just felt like it could have been Ghost Rider #27 with a reprint tacked on.

 

[Dread]

I combed the above for grammatical errors but I couldn't find a single one.



Come on Dread, why you gotta do me that way?

Such is life.

Wellll...he was SOOOOO close...

...BUT!...

...in the very last paragraph...





The tale shows it is age, huh?



Just messin' with ya, Dread!

Naturally. It is an error I make a lot.

AUGH! And I missed it!

Shame of such magnitude can only be expunged one way - ritual suicide in the tradition of the Grammar Pedant. If you will excuse me I must go now and disembowel myself with a copy of the American Heritage dictionary.

Whatever makes you happy.

If it's any consolation, Dread also put volume 1 when he really meant volume 2. What If (vol. 1) #21 looked like this:

Nary a Spider-Man nor a Black Cat to be found, and comics weren't 75 cents in 1991.

You're right. I actually didn't know that the stuff from the 80's-90's was actually Vol. 2. I thought it was all one volume that continued for decades. I edited my review accordingly.

The real question would be: if I were to nitpick another poster, would everyone chuckle in good jest or declare me the Internet Anti-Christ as what usually happens? Because while I've learned to enjoy some of the barbs in MB jest over the past year or so, if I run a post a little long and personal, I'm usually automatically declared a bastard. It seems a little unequal. One day I would like to initiate some ribbing of my own.

Just read the Ghost Rider Annual #2 and although I liked the main story concerning a fallen angel who kills people holding back from committing suicide due to their religious constraints. This frees them from their pain and grants them access to heaven.

Then they had a reprint of Ghost Rider volume 1 #35 which was actually a pretty awesome retro story, yet I have mixed feelings about reprints in annuals.

I sort of end up feeling jipped, seems like a far cry from the 64 page annuals I remember as a kid where you'd usually get 3 or 4 stories out of it. This just felt like it could have been Ghost Rider #27 with a reprint tacked on.

Yeah, I flipped through that in the store and got that feeling. I didn't feel that the story was especially worth $4 extra last week. Jemas banned annuals before the Joe Q tenure because he felt they usually were worthless and sold worse than the regular issues, so he preferred they just sell an extra regular issue instead of an annual. Joe Q kept this philosophy into the first few years of his EIC run until ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN ANNUAL #1 made a wave and, like with many things, Ultimate initiated the return of annuals.

Yet most annuals have reverted to what made them seem pointless in the old days; rather than have a vital story, like USM ANNUAL #1 had, they just offer random one-shot stories (sometimes by fill-in talent, like the GR ANNUAL here) that usually can be missed. The ESSENTIALS also make sticking random reprints into annuals almost a waste because the ESSENTIALS are far more economical.

Personally, if a random filler story is good, I don't mind it. Sometimes it can seem like a break to the standard storyarc, like the MOON KNIGHT ANNUAL last year. But that's my taste, and it doesn't fit for everyone.

 

[Brainiac 8]

Sorry Dread, no ribbing for you.[/soup nazi]

 

[Dread]

Sorry Dread, no ribbing for you.[/soup nazi]

Damn you, Soup Nazi! Damn you, I say!

While on the topic, I love the fact that the real-life soup chef in Manhattan (the "Soup Nazi" was based upon a real soup kitchen and chef in midtown) originally hated SEINFELD for parodying him like that, and all but sued him. But years later when he's used that infamy to boost his business, he turned an about face. People are so full of **** sometimes over money. Nothin' like good unabashed hypocrisy to lighten my day.

 

[Brainiac 8]

Money brings out the real person in many cases.

 

[fifthfiend]

I don't really see that as necessarily hypocritical. He may have been entirely sincere in his original anger at being parodied, but after the N millionth person told him ha ha hey it's the Soup Nazi then who isn't going to break down and say a hundred million Seinfeld viewers think I'm the ****ing Soup Nazi, I guess I might as well grind some cash out of the deal. Making lemonade out of ******** that life's handed you doesn't mean that you necessarily like said ******** or that you're even a hypocrite for using this ******** you dislike to make said lemonade.