FROM A TO B: HOW SUICIDE GOES TO MURDER
So for me getting to the place of thinking it only took the bully and torment factor. Eventually they lower your self-esteem to zero and you feel dead to the world and to yourself. What's the point in living? From there you contemplate suicide. I had to hold myself back from several counts. Then you get angry that the tormentors have led you to want to kill yourself. That anger begins to build. Finally you've had enough, you make a threat but then that threat expands and you start thinking- "maybe I should, it would teach him and everyone else a lesson. Have my voice heard, I will not die in silence." Kind of the beliefs of a martyr. Dying and killing for the cause of getting your message across: we have had enough. Then that thought sits on your brain for a while. You start to even question your humanity due to it- mainly due to zero tolerance all of these guys looking at themselves as monsters. Am I a monster for feeling this way? You start thinking that they are right, that that is who you are and there's no way escaping that. Then that begins to stick and you think about getting a gun, a weapon. Then it escalates from there- okay, want a weapon, want my voice heard- how do I get one without being caught?
Now here's the dividing line for me. I wasn't able to get a weapon or know how to make bombs (which I thought about) without being caught and being in trouble before I could even do something, so the reasons for not doing it were really only personal for me back then: don't know how to get it without being caught.
Then there's those who know how to get a gun. They get a gun, they begin to formulate their ultimate revenge as Eric and Dylan call it. Day comes. They go to school. They have a power-rush, they are in control. This is new. I like being bad, it makes me happy. Now they are in control of fear and they just let rip and as the Columbine shooters stated "have fun."
I know that part because as part of that whole knife incident I stated earlier, when the tables turned. I had broke off from reality. I was going to kill the kid, even taunted him, that's how much I had snapped. It was fun for me. It was power and control, too much for me to handle. He also called a friend over while I was locking my sister in the bathroom. He came, I threatened him, he ran away scared- of me. Now it was me and him and if my sister hadn't come out before it was too late, he probably would be dead right now. This goes on to show how one's fight to gain control of fear that's been taken away can lead to the power rush feeling. Explaining also why it goes out of hand and just shoots everyone in sight. It's too much for them and any person to handle. Even though in an odd way I was the hero because he was stopped and I saved my sister's life- so you could chalk that up to being a 'Death Sentence' type switch being turned off.
They realize what they did. There's no turning back. And that lead's to suicide. The whole suicide thing spawns from not wanting to be observed under a microscope and labeled (as all of these guys are by the public and media) "monsters." So I see suicide as the only end after all is said and done.
That's how one person, or at least that's how I went from A to B. While luckily being blocked from completing that journey. I'm thankful that a gun was not in my house or easy to get. Because I know if it was the temptation would be that much easier because the main thing that held me back was not knowing to go about and acquire one without getting caught. I didn't care about them, to me they had angered me to the point in which they were just monsters in a video game that had no soul. If I was in that state of mind and had a gun in my backpack, I might not be here today and that thought haunts me every day I'm reminded of back then. Seeing that alternate reality terrifies me. I'm sad that I thought that way back then. I've come to realize and understand it, but it's nothing that leaves you or who you are. It's a burden you carry and outside of here no one knows... because as the Flash said in Smallville, "you should have seen the way they looked at me- I just knew things would never be the same." I know how fragile perception is and I don't want family and friends looking at me differently (a huge reason why the autobiography film only briefly touches on that part of my life and doesn't go any further, hints but doesn't go all the way (in other things I can go that far because it is fictional, this one I can't)). And go into detail of the fear about people knowing below:
Help or just afraid to tell?
There are some who don't want help, but there are also some who do. Sometimes you don't even know if this person wants help because they are incommunative. These schools need a safe atmosphere where a student can admit to thinking things like this without fear of zero tolerance hand cuffing them. You take away that fear, chances are you may take away some of the fear of talking about it. Or maybe I'm just like Clark Kent and believe there is good in everyone, or at least these guys, if you try to help them through their problems.
I know this because I never reached out for help either, although I wanted help. I was afraid of what people may think of me and that the school may do something against me do to Zero Tolerance. That's why I personally find that policy as a hinderance other than something that helps. I had to go through this alone and I just managed to survive. Also scared of quacks because, they start digging- they'll find out, tell my parents, tell the school = I'm in deep ****.
So I'd say many do, even though it doesn't appear that way, want help but are afraid to recieve it because of how people may respond (how often do we label shooters who were pushed victims also rather than "monsters" (a term that certainly doesn't help one's self-esteem for feeling this way)) in addition to the actions a school may take.
Several films have already been made
And 'The Guard' there have been SEVERAL well respected and serious films about the subject; the idea isn't original, opinion is though:
- Bang, Bang You're Dead
- Zero Day
- Elephant
'Bang Bang You're Dead' and 'Zero Day' are available online in their ENTIRETY even. So kind of confused about what you mean by no serious films have been made about this subject because plenty have and they have all gone on to win awards (or at least 'Zero Day' and 'Elephant', unsure about 'BBYD'). They came out around early 2000s, which may be why you don't know of them?
Among several TV show episodes as well such as Cold Case: Rampage (mall shooting, but stirred on by bullying and a girl being raped) as well as Without a Trace: Dark Matter.
Also interestingly, in my research I found that this same strive for revenge is akin to a girl being raped, which goes on to explain why episodes dealing with young shootings in which the two guys are bullied and the girl is raped (there have been two episodes of this sort to my knowledge) has been shown as a combo factor on television episodes.
All of these are very serious films that have dug into what causes these events to occur, the best one being- imo- 'Bang, Bang You're Dead' because it has a more gray area to it.
There are also several great books and documentaries. 'Give a Boy a Gun' is a great read and Steven King had a book- but it went off shelves because some school shooters were supposedly inspired by the book. There is also the renknowned play 'Bang, Bang You're Dead' (also behind the film) and a great documentary about Teen Violence and Bullying, I believe it's called "Teen Truth."
So there have been several films, episodes, books, plays and documentaries about the subject that take the subject matter very seriously and all went on to win awards, I believe.
My 'Teenage Wasteland' written for my Multus Tempestas: Virtual Series (highly inspired by my own real life experiences, but only slightly heightened due to the subject of the show (MT is a VS for 'Supernatural')). Plus, there's actually going to be a very similar character in my next Spider-Man fan screenplay which I'm promoting below (don't worry that character is NOT Carnage).
College shooting films have never been made though.
But, if it's about high school- as said before- feel free to ask me any questions that you may have. Because I've been to the same place these guys heads are at, only real difference is I don't pull the trigger. No one gave this boy a gun, always been scared about what may have happened if someone did though.
SENSITIVITY
Yeah, we all react differently. Some shrug it off. Others are deeply troubled and think about murder. Those of which of those fantasies, sometimes pull the trigger. Which is another thing that sets in that- "I'm alone" and "am I monster for thinking this way?" thoughts that accompany this, from my experience.