Can You Ever Really Know Someone?

[SpideyVille]

In my travels, I have come across many people, some of who I have gotten to know on a personal level, and have found qualities that I admired and respected about them. However, I have noticed that some people will act a certain way when they are alone with me, but then act in a completely different way when they are around others and it has made me wonder, how well do we really know people? I feel like there's a real difference between knowing something about a person, like a fear of theirs or their favorite food, as opposed to something more aboout who they are, like in terms of character and behavior.

I know there are a number of things to take into account, such as the length of the friendship/relationship and how close you are to them and how much time you spend around them, but I guess my question here is how well do you know the people that you are round? Do you feel like you know a lot about them but nothing about who they are, or do you feel like you know them like the back of your hand? Also, how well do you think people know you?

 

[HR-PUFF&STUFF]

we all play our rolls for where we are. we act one way at work and another at home and with friends.

 

[Timstuff]

Yes-- if you fight them.

Spoiler

Oh wait, that movie was ******ed.

 

[Anubis]

If you stalked them.

 

[SpideyVille]

Yes-- if you fight them.

Spoiler

Oh wait, that movie was ******ed.

Touche.

If you friended them on facebook.

Fixed.

 

[TEDDY]

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know whatcha got til it's gone
You paved paradise and put up a parking lot... ya jerk

 

[Prison Mike]

Do what the Joker does. Stab them with a knife.

 

[Spider-Who?]

Do what the Joker does. Stab them with a knife.

see, i never got that with the Joker. He was all about "oh, i love knives! guns suck!1!! I killed cops with knives!", but...

1) They never mention or show any cops being killed by Joker.
2) The only guy he kills with a knife was the gang leader
3) They showed him with guns and other projectiles far more then they showed him with a knife.

 

[Blitzkrieg Bop]

He blew a cop's face off with a shotgun.

 

[Rocketman]

Great thread.

I think the recent online phenomenon with Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, YouTube, and whatnot, has claimed to have brought people together... but I think it's done the opposite. It's separated us more than ever before. I'll elaborate, because this is relevant to the thread.

First of all, I don't think you can ever truly know someone. The only time you're really yourself is when you're by yourself. Like Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage." We are constantly performing, or acting, in front of those around us. Even if we claim that we're 100% ourselves when we're around others, we're truly not. You're only yourself when you know no one's looking. You pick your nose, flatulate, *********e, eat like a total pig, and so on. While some may do this in front of other people without care, it's still not quite what I'm talking about.

Who you are in front of your spouse is not who you are in front of your boss. Who you are in front of your friends when you're downtown drinking is not who you are in front of your grandmother.

As far as the Internet, I'll stick to Facebook as an example. You have your profile with your picture, your favorite movies, your favorite books, music, quotes, your activities, what your religion is, etc. While all of this may describe things about you, it doesn't describe who you are. It doesn't give us any insight into who you are as a person, deep down. If you looked at my profile, there might be another profile somewhere in the world that has the EXACT same likes and dislikes, with my same name, and with a picture that looks a lot like me... yet we're not the same person. So I think Facebook has disconnected our culture as far as truly knowing each other. We only know basic facts, nothing more. That's the complete opposite of connecting. Terms like "social networking" and "chatting" are incredibly superficial and not at all intimate. One is a robotic term for talking while the other one is an unimportant throwaway term that implies that what you're saying with someone doesn't mean anything.

It's why I hate sites like eHarmony so much. You answer a bunch of questions, and then it matches you with someone who had the exact same answers. How is that love? Can't two people disagree on everything and still be in love? Are you really trying to find an exact clone of yourself who has opposite naughty parts? I know me and my girlfriend disagree on almost everything, and we've been together for four years. That's because there's something more between us that doesn't involve opinions or language. There's a communication there beyond language - I don't know what it is.

It seems really ironic to me that the age of technology and being connected and talking to people all over the world is the same age where we've become disconnected as a species. You'd think that such amazing advances in technology would bring us closer together. Instead, we're sharing videos of pandas sneezing and babies laughing.

 

[GhostPoet]

My wife and I know everything about each other. We are practically mind-melded. There are many times we don't even need to verbalize what we're saying.

Now...when it comes to other people...I find getting to know someone to be a very difficult and challenging path. People in general tend to have so many hang ups you need to consider. I don't share those hang ups...i'm willing to open up and be friends with just about everyone...but I don't meet many who are the same. It seems to take a heck of a lot of work to get to know most people. And even then, it's not like you see on TV where the friends are always hanging out together up until they die in their old age.

 

[Gentleman Owl]

Why would you want to know someone completely anyway? Me and my partner have been together a couple of years now and she still surprises me and that isn't a bad thing. If I knew everything about her I'd probably be so bored of her company. And if that makes me shallow or whatever, then fine. I'm shallow.

 

[GhostPoet]

Eventually you are going to know that person completely. If you are with them enough. But there will always be surprises here and there. People are random.

 

[Gentleman Owl]

So I guess that answers it, then. You can never truly know a person completely because people are transient beings.

 

[Sloth7d]

Live with them long enough and you'll know... Because you'll hate them.

 

[SpideyVille]

My wife and I know everything about each other. We are practically mind-melded. There are many times we don't even need to verbalize what we're saying.

This is something I hear a lot in regards to two people, your spouse and your best friend, which in a lot of cases are the same person. And I think its very reasonable and shows just how strong of a bond is there.

Now...when it comes to other people...I find getting to know someone to be a very difficult and challenging path. People in general tend to have so many hang ups you need to consider. I don't share those hang ups...i'm willing to open up and be friends with just about everyone...but I don't meet many who are the same. It seems to take a heck of a lot of work to get to know most people. And even then, it's not like you see on TV where the friends are always hanging out together up until they die in their old age.

This is more of what I meant when I started the thread. It's almost like people hide certain parts of themselves to certain people, and in a lot of ways, its almost really hard to judge which is the real side. I knew this one girl who told me she doesn't curse or drink or anything, but then I saw her around her other friends and she was cursing and talking about how she was drunk and partying and stuff, and it really made me look at her differently. And I've noticed a similar trend with a lot of people lately.

Why would you want to know someone completely anyway? Me and my partner have been together a couple of years now and she still surprises me and that isn't a bad thing. If I knew everything about her I'd probably be so bored of her company. And if that makes me shallow or whatever, then fine. I'm shallow.

LOL, this reminds me of Barney from How I Met Your Mother, where he said the more you know someone, the more likely you'll come across that "Ooohh!" moment that will change the way you look at them forever.

 

[DieSmiling]

This is more of what I meant when I started the thread. It's almost like people hide certain parts of themselves to certain people, and in a lot of ways, its almost really hard to judge which is the real side. I knew this one girl who told me she doesn't curse or drink or anything, but then I saw her around her other friends and she was cursing and talking about how she was drunk and partying and stuff, and it really made me look at her differently. And I've noticed a similar trend with a lot of people lately.

I think that's the way most people are. I can tell you, I act differently around A) my family, B) my friends, and C) my girlfriend.

It doesn't mean I'm a phony with any of them, just that they bring out different parts of my personality.

 

[Gentleman Owl]

LOL, this reminds me of Barney from How I Met Your Mother, where he said the more you know someone, the more likely you'll come across that "Ooohh!" moment that will change the way you look at them forever.

Jokes aside, Barney does often make a lot of good points about life in general.

 

[Lord Valumart]

I think that the vast majority of the ti9me you'll never really know someone. I mean I know that I change when I talk to people. Like one to one I can be cool, confident, hell even charming. But in a group I always have to try and one up people in some way and be a bit of a dick. I've seen it in other people as well. We're all acting. But the most terrifing thing is that we are truely ourselfs when we are alone, and I've honestly surprised myself with some stuff I do when alone...

 

[Lunar_Wolf]

Great thread.

I think the recent online phenomenon with Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, YouTube, and whatnot, has claimed to have brought people together... but I think it's done the opposite. It's separated us more than ever before. I'll elaborate, because this is relevant to the thread.

First of all, I don't think you can ever truly know someone. The only time you're really yourself is when you're by yourself. Like Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage." We are constantly performing, or acting, in front of those around us. Even if we claim that we're 100% ourselves when we're around others, we're truly not. You're only yourself when you know no one's looking. You pick your nose, flatulate, *********e, eat like a total pig, and so on. While some may do this in front of other people without care, it's still not quite what I'm talking about.



Who you are in front of your spouse is not who you are in front of your boss. Who you are in front of your friends when you're downtown drinking is not who you are in front of your grandmother.

As far as the Internet, I'll stick to Facebook as an example. You have your profile with your picture, your favorite movies, your favorite books, music, quotes, your activities, what your religion is, etc. While all of this may describe things about you, it doesn't describe who you are. It doesn't give us any insight into who you are as a person, deep down. If you looked at my profile, there might be another profile somewhere in the world that has the EXACT same likes and dislikes, with my same name, and with a picture that looks a lot like me... yet we're not the same person. So I think Facebook has disconnected our culture as far as truly knowing each other. We only know basic facts, nothing more. That's the complete opposite of connecting. Terms like "social networking" and "chatting" are incredibly superficial and not at all intimate. One is a robotic term for talking while the other one is an unimportant throwaway term that implies that what you're saying with someone doesn't mean anything.

It's why I hate sites like eHarmony so much. You answer a bunch of questions, and then it matches you with someone who had the exact same answers. How is that love? Can't two people disagree on everything and still be in love? Are you really trying to find an exact clone of yourself who has opposite naughty parts? I know me and my girlfriend disagree on almost everything, and we've been together for four years. That's because there's something more between us that doesn't involve opinions or language. There's a communication there beyond language - I don't know what it is.

It seems really ironic to me that the age of technology and being connected and talking to people all over the world is the same age where we've become disconnected as a species. You'd think that such amazing advances in technology would bring us closer together. Instead, we're sharing videos of pandas sneezing and babies laughing.

Too true.

 

[knowsbleed]

We do not know who we are until we are connected to someone else. We are better people when we are with the person we are supposed to be with.

 

[AndThePickles]

I hesitate to say that anything is impossible, so I won't say you can't ever truly know someone inside and out. I think that it is more of a lifetime goal, however. That includes knowing yourself. I still manage to surprise myself frequently.

 

[SpideyVille]

It's why I hate sites like eHarmony so much. You answer a bunch of questions, and then it matches you with someone who had the exact same answers. How is that love? Can't two people disagree on everything and still be in love? Are you really trying to find an exact clone of yourself who has opposite naughty parts? I know me and my girlfriend disagree on almost everything, and we've been together for four years. That's because there's something more between us that doesn't involve opinions or language. There's a communication there beyond language - I don't know what it is.

I agree, I remember an episode of Seinfeld where he was dating a girl just like him and it freaked him out because it was like he was dating himself. I know some people, including myself at one point, feel like the more you have in common, the more compatible you are with a person. But at the same time, there's also the belief that opposites attract. And since both seem to contradict each other, it goes to show that there are no rules or formulas. You either hit it off with a person or not, and you'll never know that until you actually try to get to know the person and that goes for any kind of relationship in general.

I think that's the way most people are. I can tell you, I act differently around A) my family, B) my friends, and C) my girlfriend.

It doesn't mean I'm a phony with any of them, just that they bring out different parts of my personality.

Well I mean I think it goes without saying that you'll treat people differently and act differently based on your relationship and bond with a person. But what I mean is more like if you have two friends that are similar, why would someone act differently around one and the other.

I mean, I know for me, if I meet a girl that's single, I'll try to impress her and get to know her, but if I meet one that I know is in a relationship, I'll be more myself since there's no pressure. I feel like people do similar things to even just friends. Like people will try to impress me by acting one way, but then act completely differently around another friend.

Jokes aside, Barney does often make a lot of good points about life in general.

True. That show in general holds a lot of life lessons and its one of the reasons why I feel in love with it so fast even though I just got into it a few months ago.

I think that the vast majority of the ti9me you'll never really know someone. I mean I know that I change when I talk to people. Like one to one I can be cool, confident, hell even charming. But in a group I always have to try and one up people in some way and be a bit of a dick. I've seen it in other people as well. We're all acting. But the most terrifing thing is that we are truely ourselfs when we are alone, and I've honestly surprised myself with some stuff I do when alone...

I agree on both things. I mean I like attention, but when I'm in a group, I'll tend to be more quiet and just be a spectator, yet I'm more confident and vocal when talking to someone directly. But like you said, a lot of the time, its all an act. We act like our true self when no one's around because we feel like no one's watching, so there's no reason to act.

 

[Zephyr Alexian]

I think that you can only know as much as a person is willing to reveal.

A man who had been married for 50 years said that there were things that he was still learning about his wife. That's one of the most intimate relationships on the planet. I kind of think that if it's like that for the different type of relationships: Yes, we can believe that we know someone / No, we truthfully can never know them. . .or does knowing them entail knowing "everything" about them? I don't know "everything" about most of my best friends, even my folks. Do I truly "know" them? I think so. Then again, maybe I just "believe."

_________________________

Oh...and "red pill, blue pill, you are the one, blah, blah, blah, go save insani, I mean humanity."