CAP Alert

[The Hero]

You know what? Forget it. Just ****ing forget it. I really shouldn't get caught up in these arguements online.

Now let us all get on with what this thread is all about:

Making fun of this man and his ridiculous mustache.

 

[The Hero]

So, any word yet from the CAP guy's latest stupidity?

He put up a review of The Wicker Man a week or two ago.He seems to be going through a donation dry spell.I'm sure he personally blames Satan.

 

[The Question]

I'm telling you, we should get him to reveiw Hair. I think he'd probably have a heart atack.

 

[The Hero]

I would love to see him review Hedwig And The Angry Inch and Heavenly Creatures.They're like every paranoid homophobic nightmare he's ever had come true.

 

[The Question]

Still, the sodomy song alone would give him a seizure.

 

[The Hero]

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/everyoneshero.htm

Wow...he actually does a sermon on "not judging by mere appearances ".Isn't this the same guy who believes that all homosexuals are card-carrying members of NAMBLA? In fact,he has this link in every one of his reviews:

Moral of the story:Never judge people by appearances alone...unless your pastor told you they drink each other's urine.

 

[Max J Power]

Under sex/homosexuality, one of the movies had "suggestive eye movement." Ha.

I'm a Christian and I think this site is one of the most idiotic things I've seen on the internet.

 

[The Hero]

It get's more insane than that.He thinks that the Spongebob Squarepants Movie was trying to corrupt the children of America because Patrick says "You're hot" to a girl.

If that kind of thing offends him,this guy must projectile vomit whenever he turns on Mtv.(not that that isn't a perfectly understandable reaction)

 

[DDRSkata]

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/everyoneshero.htm

Wow...he actually does a sermon on "not judging by mere appearances ".Isn't this the same guy who believes that all homosexuals are card-carrying members of NAMBLA? In fact,he has this link in every one of his reviews:

Moral of the story:Never judge people by appearances alone...unless your pastor told you they drink each other's urine.

So...gay people turn into the Hulk and touch androgynous little boys?

 

[The Hero]

I'm pretty sure that was the last fifteen minutes of Brokeback Mountain.Greatest plot twist ever.

 

[The Hero]

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/openseason.htm

Cute. Colorful. A couple good things to say. A couple not-so-good things to say. But why all the human underwear?

The father of one of my teenage daughter's friend's took his kids to see Open Season and wondered what on Earth it was teaching our children with all the human underwear in it. He was right. Human underwear appears being used by the forest animals in a variety of ways. One use is as a slingshot. And a teddy bear is used to emulate thong underwear. Oh, well. It's PG. I guess that makes it okay. At least, it is likely a few kids who see it will have less inhibition about public viewing of underwear.

DEAR GOD........UNDERWEAR!!!!!! *runs away screaming*

 

[The Hero]

And one time one of the characters was called a "fool." Though Mr. T of "A Team" fame used this term so often as to make it seem innocuous, God disagrees. Inspection of Matthew 5:22 reveals that such a term is not acceptable to God. While there may be a "context" differential between the script and Matthew 5:22, it is not wise to try to permit societal accommodation to "second-guess" God's Word.

First of all:That's definitely sig-worthy.

Second:That pretty much sums up Carder's beliefs.Every single line in the Bible must be taken as literally as possible,and anything that contradicts it is evil,context be damned.

And I checked the Bible verse he said deemed fool an unacceptable word:

Matt. 5:22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment [krisis: accusation, trial]: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca [senseless, empty headed: a term of reproach among Jews at the time of Christ], shall be in danger of the council [sunedrion: adjudication]: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool [moros: impious, godless], shall be in danger of hell fire.

That seems to be more about anger and animosity than specifically calling someone a fool.But,everything must be taken literally at all times no matter what,so I guess Mr. T is going to hell.

*sniff* We had a good run,T.We had a good run.

 

[The Hero]

Yes, it is sinful for even actors/actresses to engage in or suggest sexual behaviors onscreen. Not only in the behavior itself but in the influence of it on others, even if just in lustful thought or desire."Acting" does not excuse the demonstration of sin.

But.......I....you.......That's it.I give up.You win,Tom.I don't think I can take the pain anymore.

 

[Flexo]

But.......I....you.......That's it.I give up.You win,Tom.I don't think I take the pain anymore.

There there, Snowden, there there.

Unless you've ever seen nudity or provacative clothing/acts, in which case...

 

[The Hero]

Well,there was this one time...this girl leaned over in front of me...and I could kind of see her.....Oh God,I can't! It's too horrible!!! *runs away screaming*

 

[MaskedManJRK]

Now let us all get on with what this thread is all about:

Making fun of this man and his ridiculous mustache.

...

...

I think that guy's a math teacher at my school.

 

[Batman]

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/batmanbegins.htm

Batman Begins was delightfully lite on sexual matters.

That... that just kinda makes me sad. And even more hopeful that Bruce starts banging models left and right in TDK.

 

[The Hero]

We need more. Futurama, South Park, The Simpsons, Monty Python, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the list goes on and on.

I was once watching a Christian channel,where I caught an ad for one of those "The Evil Media's Influence On Children" tapes.Right in between the expected clips from Harry Potter and Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a clip of Stephen Spielberg accepting an award.Throwing a hissy fit over gay films must not be enough,now I guess we have to keep those nasty Jew men from making movies,too.

I would love to see his reaction to Buffy The Vampire Slayer.Given his thoughts on Hellboy,I wonder what he would think about Angel.

 

[The Hero]

From "Jesus Never Said Anything About Homosexuality":

He also never said anything about rape, incest or domestic violence. Are those things okay, too?

Wow.The best argument he could come up with was that homosexuality is a sin because Jesus never said that it wasn't a sin? Hey,Jesus never said anything about dowloading music off of the internet,so maybe that's a sin too.

And from "The Gay Revolutionary":

My, how convenient that once this revealing work of apparently the real truth about the focus of the practitioner of homosexuality becomes well-known that some would try to deny its credibility as factual and accurately respresentative of the topic.

So he honestly believes that this nut is the true face of the dreaded Homosexual Agenda? (dum dum dum!) That's like saying Osama Bin Laden is the true face of Islam.

 

[The Hero]

Question,our prayers might just get answered:

Maybe I should watch a couple of the Buffy, the Vampire Slayer before making such a suggestion.

I love how he calls it "the Buffy, the Vampire Slayer".Yeah,kids today and their damn Mtv video games.

But it may have come with a price...

Jesus Camp - PG-13. No sponsor, not done.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES!

 

[Max J Power]

What is "ghosting of female anatomy through clothing?"

 

[Elijya]

Somethingawful just started a thread on CAP ALert http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2128529&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

 

[The Hero]

Ha! This stuff is great.

Half of the Blair Witch condemnations read like blurbs from the back of the box. This "story of the mutilation murder of five men" includes "long sequences of in-your-face stark terror". Includes "137 uses of the most foul of the foul words" (is this '****'? I bet it's '****')! Can you contain the horror of..."motel cohabitation"?? Can your mind survive the ravages of "several instances of drinking alcohol"?!?! From the "fight between cohorts" to the "screaming terror sequence", Blair Witch is the hide-under-the-covers-while-on-the-edge-of-your-seat white-knuckle thrill-ride of the summer!

My favorite is Belly, which he couldn't sit through. He writes:

"I am a hard and severe man and can break three sandwiched boards with a single forward punch...but I could not stomach this movie."

He looks like he'll rape me then talk about star trek afterwards.

And then he'll break three sandwiched boards with a single forward punch! For Christ!

I'd hate to see what three forward punches could do.

This man could crush the world as we know it. All for the name of our children, then they will finally get to see movies and stories with no conflict or lessons!

Offences against God:

*sandwiched boards destroyed in unrealistic manner, repeatedly

 

[Ben Urich]

Oh man, have you guys seen the shirts on the site he links to?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. t:

 

[The Hero]

Maybe Carder drinks that magic elixer that gives Pat Robertson his super-strength.That would explain alot.