CAP Alert

[Ben Urich]

What the ****?

 

[The Hero]

And Christians actually wonder why their religion is losing it's credibility.

 

[The Hero]

Ho-ly ****e.....

Tasteful.

 

[ToddIsDead]

I want this shirt. I just think it's a cool novelty shirt. It'd get some laughs.

EDIT: Damn, It says "GI 4 Jesus"

I thought it was just "G.I. Jesus"

That would have been so much cooler.

"Remember kids, never watch movies that express any sort of freedom of expression, because they're the devil's work. Geeeee Iiiiiiiii Jeeeeessssuuuuussss."

 

[Ben Urich]

Tasteful.

Religious extremists are what's wrong with America.

 

[The Hero]

Religious extremists are what's wrong with America.

Do you know who else says that?






Satan.

 

[The Hero]

Shortbus - NR. Awaiting a sponsor.
The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) - PG. Awaiting a sponsor.
Flags of Our Fathers - R. Awaiting a sponsor.
Saw III - R. Awaiting a sponsor.

Alright,my good people of the hype:We must ALL band together and make sure these films get reviewed. Something tells me if I let Shortbus go unreviewed it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

 

[Ben Urich]

How much money does he need?

 

[Upset Spideyfan]

Religious extremists are what's wrong with America.

Religious extremists are what's wrong with humanity.

 

[Ben Urich]

Religious extremists are what's wrong with humanity.

Good call.

 

[JackBauer]

Do you know who else says that?






Satan.

Church Lady

 

[The Hero]

How much money does he need?

If I remember correctly,he charges about $200 per movie.Technically you're not paying just for the (very little) costs related to the movie,but in fact paying his weekly salary so that he doesn't have to work for a living.All CAP Alert is is an online begging site;the only difference here is that he asks for money so that instead of supporting his family he can continue to provide a frivolous and unnecessary "service".


By his logic,if I spent my days walking up to strangers and asking if they need directions,and asked people over the internet to pay for my food and rent,I qualify as a non-profit organization.

 

[ToddIsDead]

Alright,my good people of the hype:We must ALL band together and make sure these films get reviewed. Something tells me if I let Shortbus go unreviewed it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I can only imagine what his Shortbus review would be like. That's just a delightful thought.

 

[The Hero]

I can only imagine what his Shortbus review would be like. That's just a delightful thought.

Let's see: Highly sexual plot + The actors actually having sex + Done by the same guy who did Hedwig and the Angry Inch a.k.a. "The most shamelessly gay film ever made" = Carder's head exploding.

 

[Ben Urich]

Carder's head exploding.

I'd buy that for a dollar.
But not $200. His life isn't worth that much.

 

[The BatDude]

jackass the movie
this one has to be my favorite review since he only saw the first 8 minutes of it

 

[ToddIsDead]

I love how he won't even type the title of the movie. "Jacka: The Movie"

 

[The Hero]

He even goes as far as typing "Austin Powers:The Spy Who _____ Me".

He HAS to review this movie,the name alone tells me it's his worst nightmare:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113416/

 

[DDRSkata]

He should review "Gaynig gers from Outer Space." His two least favorite things: gays and non-whites.

 

[The Hero]

And outer space.Damn lying scientists,if God had created other planets the Bible would have said so.

 

[The Hero]

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/flicka.htm

Alison (or a stand-in) is shown from behind in the bathtub with the side of her right breast showing. Certainly display of the injury on the right side of her upper back might be consequential to the context of the film, but it would have been very, very easy for her to hold her right arm against her ribcage and nothing of her breast would have been seen. It could even have been done not in a bathtub and through a torn shirt. But n-o-o-o,(For extra fun,do your best John Belushi impression when reading that part) Hollywood had to show the world the side of Alison's right breast. And I don't know and don't want to know why the MPAA thinks such as display is acceptable for the PG crowd.

Isn't freaking out over a young girl's body being shown in a perfectly non-sexual context an act of over-sexualization itself? It's like in his Incredibles review,when he complained about the 11-year-old girl's costume being too skin-tight.Or the time in Scooby-Doo 2 where Linda Cardellini was getting into a van and we were all "forced" to view her backside for a fraction of a second.I guess it's some sort of one-percent doctrine at work: If it's in any way possible that someone can get off on it,it shouldn't be there.

I guess we'll have to edit all movies that have shots of women's feet,some guys are into that.Hell,I've always liked girls with green eyes,I guess we're going to have to give all green-eyed actresses color contacts.Anything to keep youth of America from becoming attracted to girls they're not married to.

 

[The Llama]

I'd be offended if it wasn't so stupid.

 

[The Llama]

From The Flicka Review:
Offense to God (O)
Not one instance of the use of God's name in vain, occultism, Satanism or any other form of evil was noted.

Oh, really? That's funny....most touching girl/horse movies prominently feature occultism, Satanism and other forms of evil.

 

[The Hero]

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/realcancun_the.htm

As if we are supposed to believe that is the way it really is in Cancun during Spring break. If it really is that way, I wonder if it is that way because of movies like The Real Cancun which is clearly the dregs of the "Spring Break" movies.

That's right.If it weren't for spring spreak movies,teenagers would spend their spring breaks helping the elderly and reading their bibles.

 

[Flexo]

Check his review for the Prestige.

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/prestige_the.htm

In addition to two gunfire murders, this film presents a suicide hanging, a punitive hanging, terrible material for the modern teen who, on a daily basis, is battling corruptive attitudinal and character shaping forces beyond description already. [1 Cor. 15:33] Shame on you, Nolan, et alii.