Disharmony

[November Rain]

So abaddon, basically i feel that you are the equivalent to a game player that saves after every small jump.

there seems to be far too many parts where you stop and analyse things and i've found that when you stop and analyse, you take yourself out of the equation and then you stop 'living'.

If you merely got on with the life you have at hand, then things would fall more smoothly into play. There is nothing wrong with going through bad patches but i guess that the world has painted this as a bad thing. What's far more dangerous is to purposely allow yourself to try and avoid every little situation based on some experiences you have still to truelly come to terms with in your youth (which i feel is the case).

if everyone was to give an analysis of themselves, i'm sure the majority of us would come up with some sort of numerous ideas of our own personas which may at first seem weird for others to hear but truthfully sounds incredibly familiar. A lot of what you said sounded incredibly familiar.

What i should say is that you should try to stop over analysing yourself and this is usually done by keeping your mind too busy to slip back into that mode. This is done by completely overwhelming your free time so you don't physically have the time to do so, OR (what i've done) completely invest your time in helping out the ones around you who you love. you seem to have a gift of being able to see things others count or look at things from outside the box so use it to help your friends in relationship situations, financial ones, general life queries, perhaps if that is not enough, branch out and start going to homes and shelters and engulfing yourself in your surrounding community trying to help other people out. It's amazing how much such a little apparently 'selfless' act can actually do to benefit you personally.

 

[Abaddon]

Much as the post is nicely soul searching and everything else, and when I was thirteen I might have been hopping about the room yelling YES! YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL! right now I can read it and think 'meh...'

Whenever I hear someone talking about 'oh, I've got this dark side of me' I just want to yell at them "GET OVER IT!" Seriously. Its not some dark evil side of you. Its just a set of thoughts and desires that you've decided to classify that way. Its not that you're all oh so messed up and stuck in disharmony. You're just making a mountain out of a molehil. Ignore it, work around it, get on with it, learn to use it, it goes away. Most people do it. Most people don't even notice it. Most people find it doesn't affect them in any way whatsoever.

So, you've realised that you've changed a lot over the years and you haven't always felt in control. Ok....

I understand that. But "ok, get it over, move on" doesn't solve anything. In fact I was sort of it over it the minute it was posted. I was a little more concerned that I have some mental illness, which from what I've read about depersonalization, is probably the case. So yeah, the sort of, brush it off your shoulder approach is bullcrap, given that I'm not thiking this way every second of every day. I do get that I have a life to lead and all.

First and foremost, if anyone posts "too long/can't read" in this thread, I will personally knock your post count down to zero [or the negatives if I'm in a really bad mood], and strip you of your avatar/sig/title. That's spam, and I won't tolerate that kind of bull****.

Aba, you're really not as "alone" as you might think in your condition. I tend to do that myself, as well. Though, admittedly not to the extent you get it. I'd often talk about different sides of myself using different names, as if I had DID myself. I'd use Drak to refer to my darker side, refering to stuff about my studies, being a bit of a hermit, bit of a bookworm, where it's not that I'd feel awkward in social surroundings, just more that I'd rather avoid them altogether because of how I interact with people. [I'll break these down later]. I'd use Dick Dynamite pretty much as the antithesis of Drak, where I'd be outgoing, do anything for a laugh, and loved having the spotlight. And, of course, Dave [my real name] would be my professional face, the face of the friend. If I had a friend in jail, I'd pawn my fake leg to get him out. If you needed backup in a fight, it's be Clobberin' Time.

See, I have this weird knack. You can ask anyone I know, including several online friends. I have some sort of Super-Empathy. I know more about people after talking to them for an hour than most of their friends do in months. I pick up on things super fast, I remember things about people that most would forget. I know what a lot of people are thinking before they think it. I blame that on the Drak side of my personality. I end up studying people, sometimes unintentally.

Yeah, that's me. 'cept I do have a habit of studying people intentionally.

Whenever it's unintentional I usually end up judging them.

Yes, I can see where you'd tend to put others in front of yourself even if they don't deserve it. And you end up feeling conflicted about it because you think that you have every right to be better along than they are. Think of it from my perspective. Here I am, 22 years old, and out of work because my prostetic leg no longer fits after ten years of having it. And every day, I hear people complaining about work. On one hand, yeah, I see where it sucks. On the other, "**** you!" because I'd like to be able to go back to work with the people and such. It's like donating to charity so much to the extent that you're almost poor, and you see people complain that the food they had cooked for them isn't very good, so they throw out the entire meal, when you're starving. It's a slap in the face to anyone who's worked for what they want. Truth be told, it all boils down to the four nastiest words in the human language--"Nice guys finish last."

But, on the whole, I can understand the problem within your rant. Of all the dangers in the world, not knowing yourself can be the most dangerous, because without knowing yourself, how will you know others, or how will others know you? I know it sounds like Confusious or whatever, but it's really true. Even with our internet, our XBOX360s, and our 215inch Plasma TVs, for all the sciences we've developed over the course of history, we still don't fully understand the human brain. And that, my friend, can be dangerous if you put too much thought into it. My advice? Don't think about it that much. Each part of your personality comes up to be the complete Abaddon. I wouldn't be me without Drak and DD! and Dave--you're in the same boat. Just put out your sails and let the wind take you for a bit.

I'm sick of it, tho.

lolz...

Now why in the world would anyone feel the need to pour their life's story out on a internet message board... lmao

lol, this is barely chapter, babe. And well, it's at least a break from pouring out other people's life stories.

 

[Abaddon]

So abaddon, basically i feel that you are the equivalent to a game player that saves after every small jump.

there seems to be far too many parts where you stop and analyse things and i've found that when you stop and analyse, you take yourself out of the equation and then you stop 'living'.

If you merely got on with the life you have at hand, then things would fall more smoothly into play. There is nothing wrong with going through bad patches but i guess that the world has painted this as a bad thing. What's far more dangerous is to purposely allow yourself to try and avoid every little situation based on some experiences you have still to truelly come to terms with in your youth (which i feel is the case).

if everyone was to give an analysis of themselves, i'm sure the majority of us would come up with some sort of numerous ideas of our own personas which may at first seem weird for others to hear but truthfully sounds incredibly familiar. A lot of what you said sounded incredibly familiar.

What i should say is that you should try to stop over analysing yourself and this is usually done by keeping your mind too busy to slip back into that mode. This is done by completely overwhelming your free time so you don't physically have the time to do so, OR (what i've done) completely invest your time in helping out the ones around you who you love. you seem to have a gift of being able to see things others count or look at things from outside the box so use it to help your friends in relationship situations, financial ones, general life queries, perhaps if that is not enough, branch out and start going to homes and shelters and engulfing yourself in your surrounding community trying to help other people out. It's amazing how much such a little apparently 'selfless' act can actually do to benefit you personally.

I don't have the time or the energy to devote to contributing to the community. I help people whenever the opportunity arises. Again, like I said to Ky, it's not as if I'm laying about not engaging life because of some emotional disturbance. I have school, a job, friends, etc. to worry about. All things considered, I lead a pretty well-adjusted life.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

First and foremost, if anyone posts "too long/can't read" in this thread, I will personally knock your post count down to zero [or the negatives if I'm in a really bad mood], and strip you of your avatar/sig/title. That's spam, and I won't tolerate that kind of bull****.

My goodness

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

I feel like venting.

Over the years I’ve grown to think of myself in parts(which contributed to the problem). Much of this was because I usually exhibited two distinct temperaments : one being more shy and reserved, and the other much more vocal and outgoing. A lot of the former was based on some insane idea in my mind where I felt like I was inferior. My needs weren’t that important, my thoughts didn’t matter, and when I knew other people had more I felt it was because I deserved less. And “ugh this sooo emo”, well shut the **** up and let me finish my story, or get your disinterested ass out of my thread. Of course no one ever realized this, because I made a habit of burying my feelings. But my state of mind was completely different. And I guess over time it became a part of a bizarre code of stoicism wherein I thought somehow it was noble to put up with crap and be silent. It was also completely baseless. While my family life has always been a little chaotic, I knew my family cared about me. I was always supported by them even for things that never felt important to me. Being the youngest, I was also the favorite. I was well-behaved, I’d done well in school, and never really asked much in terms of material things. But I guess all the support in the world wasn’t going to shed any self-doubt. even in all that there was a secret ugliness that would drag me down into self-doubt. I still have moments now where I think back and ask “why?” I mean it’s a wonder I survived childhood being someone so fragile. The most recent idea I’ve been chewing on is that it was because I may some genetic predisposition towards depression, but that’s a whole other story. Eventually my self-confidence did grow and I began channeling the more assertive temperament more often. Enough so that I probably started suppressing the other. It didn’t matter much because at one point I was forced into a family crisis and it completely opened me up on the inside. Everything I’d every suppressed as the lesser resurfaced and I ended up flooded by everything that ever bothered me, tenfold. It was like reliving a nightmare and for time I regressed. I fell into a depression during early adolescence during the drama(and it‘s slightly worse aftermath). And I was all “Blah, I’m depressed. God, life is sucky. Pain and darkness, something or other

” But not all the time, and without the trendy, I’m-looking-for-attention-but-still-wanting-to-keep-people-at-a-distance-because-I‘m-rejecting-the-world-and-being-a-nonconformist-because-I-feel-compelled-to-give-corrupt-society’s-norms-the-finger appearance. Anyway over time I grew to HATE everything the lesser was, and sort of blamed him for wanting to feel crap. Naturally, he continued his metastatic existence, but I had enough control and awareness to try and keep him out of the driver’s seat.

I became more introspective during the ****storm that was my teen years and became more aware of the various different personas I’d developed. Each being the same, but slightly different from one another(And no, it‘s not a DID type thing). I look back and it feels like I’ve lived a million lives. Different time, different point in development, and different feelings. About a month ago I realized that each of those vaguely distinct “identities” have all been manifestations of both temperaments(the lesser and the greater). But even more than that, the temperaments were themselves just representations of two distinct fundamental modes of thinking in my mind. One being more aggressive, driven, and optimistic. The other being more resigned, stoic, and despondent. So the basis of my internal existence has been a struggle between these two different modes of thought and how I related them and the different forms they took. For a while I believed that I was growing into the self-confident and driven individual as I should be, but it seemed like at every positive turn the other would poke its head out and sabotage my own work. On the one hand I feel as though I’m completely helpless. Nothing I do makes a difference and I’m destined for failure. What ever happens happens, and there’s nothing I can do about it. And to some extent I want to fail. During the more stressful reflections on myself I realized I enjoy suffering, and I always have, which is pretty sick in and of itself. I think back to all those moments in my childhood when something made me feel bad, and I know there was some secret enjoyment in that feeling. It was sort of this weird understanding, but I think as painful as it might’ve been, I just liked that it felt more real to me than anything else I did. I even suspect, I’d go out of my way just to feel (emotional)pain. Also the stoicism was a part of it too, because I guess I thought it was noble to suffer in silence.

On the flip side, I do want to succeed. I do want the best that I can get. I’d had to make great efforts to truly fight for myself only to find the person who’s really standing in the way is myself. But not exactly myself, but a different self, with different motivations, or lack thereof. So basically I’ve been pulled in two directions with one voice saying “It won’t matter what I do. Failure and disappointment are inevitable. I’ll never get what I want. I’m not meant to have normal things, so I may as well not want it" And the other saying “NO! **** that ****! I deserve better. I want it all! GIMMEE, GIMMEE, GIMMEE!” For a while I thought it’d be best to completely remove the influence the former has over me, but then I realized that the latter isn’t really developed enough because the other has usually been stronger(though I guess circumstances just allowed for that). But I’ve gotten tired of having to play big brother to myself so that I can stick up for myself and not get taken advantage of. So I think of me and, there’s the other, and itself, and everything in between. But anyway, I have considered the idea that both temperaments existed because of one another. Sort of like a shadow self, but less shadowy. Like there was a void that needed to be filled for a greater sense of completion, so something else was put in it’s place. There’s also trouble in that I think both are probably completely genuine, but making assessments gets confusing with the others that end up falling in between. I’ve started thinking of them as tiny shards of glass that reflect a different point in my emotional development. They really aren’t that different, but distinct enough that I can feel them whenever someone makes an assessment of me. Every time I’m described in one way, a piece of me resonates and I know that there’s an occasion when the opposite might’ve been true. I can feel all the identities and their differences(though I probably shouldn’t refer to them that way, seeing as theyre actually much less than identities, and again I don’t want to give the impression that I have DID. A is A, and all that. Though I have been known to dissociate on occasion, or depersonalize rather) But they have more to with perceptions than anything and they’re more or less symbolic stand-ins and variations of the interaction between the big two.(I’m soooo Morg’s CT circa 2005.=(

We’re all different, but we’re supposed to be the same, or part of the same anyway. But I think the stress of it may have contributed to some of the other issues that have plagued me in recent years. I think in the course of this struggle I developed some not so healthy ideas. One being a sense of superiority. It’s weird because it isn’t just a sense….I know this. Don’t get me wrong, when I realized this I was a little horrified(or maybe I just felt like I should be) , especially considering where I came from, but what should be even stranger is that it’s true. Or rather I would think it’s true, but I know this like I know I have 5 toes on my foot. It’s a little scary because it’s so ingrained. I know it’s true, even though I shouldn’t. I’ve spent a great deal of time trying the wear it down so that I can even accept it as a thought, but while it’s been easy enough for me so far to get to a point where I can make a greater effort to acknowledge it as an idea, I think I probably want to believe it because it’s easy. I don’t want it to turn me into something arrogant and ugly, but I can stop bleh, I can’t even express the thought. It’s in my heart and I know it goes against my own standards, but it’s true. I mean it isn’t, but gah! I think that in itself has also contributed to my greater sense of isolation and not-connectedness.(http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showthread.php?t=209433) Though to be fair, it’s better now than it was a few years ago. Still, I know I don’t get too attached to people more now than before and a lot of it is because I’ve been hurt and disappointed in the past, but it’s also because I think I’m better(or, more than think really). It’s all incredibly frustrating. Really I know I’m only getting a sense of what the two fundamental forms are, and it’s hard not to get confused with the different manifestations and protean representations. I’m still in the ****ing cave.:cmadbutthere'sasmileylimitation:

I know much of this was born out of unpleasantness and general things I didn’t have control over. But I don’t want that to mean that it will continue to effect me in the same ways, and in the future when I face with harder trials. In my experience with my family it’s seemed like these kinds of trials, and drama leave too many scars. And I know it’s stupid to expect to be able to wade through s**t without getting dirty, but I don’t want to be damaged any more than I already feel. I know that there are rough patches in people’s lives that leave them bitter, and bring out all kinds of ugliness in them, and I don’t be one of those people. I don’t want to turn into something I wouldn’t be happy with. My worry is that when the next big trial that test my character comes, I’ll be completely unprepared.

I think maybe my dissociative habits have a lot to with it. It was some time ago that I mentioned feeling disconnected, and it’s become more clear that I feel as much as I’m disconnected to others, I’m disconnected to myself. Probably when I was entering early adolescence I was dealing with a lot of stress, both within and without, and I felt very different. I know it sounds stupid but I remember at some point moving and changing schools and completely losing my sense of self. It was as if I’d left something behind, and I kept trying to make up for the part of me that was missing. And when things became stressful and I started opening up(on the inside) I could almost recognize the person I was as a child(as what I believe is a manifestation of the Lesser, complete with feelings of inferiority and all) as separate. I remembered everything I felt, and everything I’d suppressed but it was still hard to remember how[/]b I thought. I mean, I guess it’s true of anyone, I was so different then. And maybe on the surface I can say I was still the same person I am on, I had the same qualities and such, but something was so fundamentally different that it felt like a separate person. It was probably during adolescence that I began depersonalizing(though it might‘ve been in it‘s minor stages so I wasn‘t even aware until much later). I still have moments every now and then where I look in the mirror or in a photograph and I feel like the person there isn’t me. Like it belongs to someone else. And it’ll sound weird, but I did entertain the thought that maybe I actually wasn’t. And that maybe my mind/soul is a replacement of what was here, and possibly what’s still supposed to be here. Like my voice, my face, and my life to some extent doesn’t belong to me. And I guess since I’m already on the subject of revealing strange private thoughts, on some level I just don’t want any of it. It isn’t mine. If I could give it to someone else who would make better use of it, then I would. And well, maybe the fact that I don’t want it means I don’t really deserve it. Of course there are people who’d say I have a lot to be thankful for, and I know I do, but if I could trade my existence for oblivion, I would because it isn’t worth it to me. I want a lot and I can’t have it because of who I am, and the life I’ve lead, all the baggage, along with the natural sucky stuff that’s part of the human condition. And well, sometimes with all these wants, and conflicting feelings, it’s like being in a kind of hell, so the idea of having some kind of pause from feeling anything is attractive to me. I get sick of all these thoughts and feelings, and how they conflict from each other, and analyzing how they differ, recognizing all these distinctions, the sabotage, the thoughts thinking thoughts, and suffering from myself, and I can’t make it stop.
Eh, I’m curious now if these are symptoms of depersonalization too. But who couldn't admit this mortal coil business is a pain in the ass

It doesn’t help either that I don’t think anyone else really knows me. I don’t like to get too attached to people, but the ones I’ve been closest to tend to get surprisingly(to me) inaccurate perceptions. And sure, some of that has to do with projecting a certain image, but I guess I forget that even the people who know me fairly well, really don’t know much at all. Example- I just remembered this one occasion where I was hanging out with a friend of mine, and she mentioned something about her falling in the street or getting hit by a car(I forget which, but it was all hypothetical) and said I’d probably laugh. What the Hell?! I wound NEVER do that. Considering the expectations I have of others, and the fact that I have empathy coming out of my rear , it is completely outside the realm of possibility that I could ever be so callous. And so it’s hard not to feel cut-off sometimes when you can’t even be seen for your whole self.

But again, I’ve always had trouble with these perceptions and misconceptions. I’ve known myself to be so many different things, and all those things stay with me. I can’t stop recognizing the distinctions. I see it other people, and I see it in myself, where it’s particularly damaging because for everything I can acknowledge there’s an opposite that exist. I can’t think in terms of absolutes, and so for every single characteristic I know there’s another that counters it. Every distinction is noticeable. I can feel all of them. It’s hard to focus on what’s real and absolute truth when they are all real and so different. So there’s me and there’s the two forces that give rise to these small “entities“, and then the individual “entities” and everything wants to acknowledge. I can’t pretend they don’t exist. And so I’ve made small efforts to put the pieces to together so that someone can see, if not me, what the big picture is. I can’t tell what it is because of knowing the differences. I can see all the different nuances and inconsistencies, but I can’t tell what the it is as a whole. I know all the parts and pieces, but I don’t know what they mean together. I just don’t see it, and that’s probably because I see too much. I don’t want to lose myself to myself. Although, I guess it might just be a disease of the mind that creates this extreme self-awareness, or it’s some pumped up by-product that comes with being self-possessed in ways that may not be healthy. Ultimately I think I’d just like to know, or at least for someone else to know, and recognize the sum of all parts. What I really need is to reach a state of Becoming, and though it would mean a kind of suicide of the self, it‘s necessary in order for me to be the person I need to be. For now I’d just like myself, the other, and the small things, to have some sort of peace. Blah, it’s probably more complicated than I can explain, but it should make sense, mostly.


Stop looking at me like that!

 

[DOG LIPS]

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Our e-brother Abaddon is trying to reach out to us.

 

[PLAS]

I don't have the time or the energy to devote to contributing to the community. I help people whenever the opportunity arises. Again, like I said to Ky, it's not as if I'm laying about not engaging life because of some emotional disturbance. I have school, a job, friends, etc. to worry about. All things considered, I lead a pretty well-adjusted life.

then, why feel bad about anything?

 

[Sensi]

First and foremost, if anyone posts "too long/can't read" in this thread, I will personally knock your post count down to zero [or the negatives if I'm in a really bad mood], and strip you of your avatar/sig/title. That's spam, and I won't tolerate that kind of bull****.

Aba, you're really not as "alone" as you might think in your condition. I tend to do that myself, as well. Though, admittedly not to the extent you get it. I'd often talk about different sides of myself using different names, as if I had DID myself. I'd use Drak to refer to my darker side, refering to stuff about my studies, being a bit of a hermit, bit of a bookworm, where it's not that I'd feel awkward in social surroundings, just more that I'd rather avoid them altogether because of how I interact with people. [I'll break these down later]. I'd use Dick Dynamite pretty much as the antithesis of Drak, where I'd be outgoing, do anything for a laugh, and loved having the spotlight. And, of course, Dave [my real name] would be my professional face, the face of the friend. If I had a friend in jail, I'd pawn my fake leg to get him out. If you needed backup in a fight, it's be Clobberin' Time.

See, I have this weird knack. You can ask anyone I know, including several online friends. I have some sort of Super-Empathy. I know more about people after talking to them for an hour than most of their friends do in months. I pick up on things super fast, I remember things about people that most would forget. I know what a lot of people are thinking before they think it. I blame that on the Drak side of my personality. I end up studying people, sometimes unintentally.

Yes, I can see where you'd tend to put others in front of yourself even if they don't deserve it. And you end up feeling conflicted about it because you think that you have every right to be better along than they are. Think of it from my perspective. Here I am, 22 years old, and out of work because my prostetic leg no longer fits after ten years of having it. And every day, I hear people complaining about work. On one hand, yeah, I see where it sucks. On the other, "**** you!" because I'd like to be able to go back to work with the people and such. It's like donating to charity so much to the extent that you're almost poor, and you see people complain that the food they had cooked for them isn't very good, so they throw out the entire meal, when you're starving. It's a slap in the face to anyone who's worked for what they want. Truth be told, it all boils down to the four nastiest words in the human language--"Nice guys finish last."

But, on the whole, I can understand the problem within your rant. Of all the dangers in the world, not knowing yourself can be the most dangerous, because without knowing yourself, how will you know others, or how will others know you? I know it sounds like Confusious or whatever, but it's really true. Even with our internet, our XBOX360s, and our 215inch Plasma TVs, for all the sciences we've developed over the course of history, we still don't fully understand the human brain. And that, my friend, can be dangerous if you put too much thought into it. My advice? Don't think about it that much. Each part of your personality comes up to be the complete Abaddon. I wouldn't be me without Drak and DD! and Dave--you're in the same boat. Just put out your sails and let the wind take you for a bit.

Nicely said. I would like to say something that I thought might would help but I just don't know what to say. i do feel for you and I understand .

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Our e-brother Abaddon is trying to reach out to us.

He murdered his own "cool".

 

[Duende Verde]

tired of

?



Then try

 

[Halcohol]

LOL

That's gold.

 

[Mr Sparkle]

"why don't you die?" LMAO

 

[AndThePickles]

Abaddon, I had to copy your post into Microsoft word because for some reason it was too long horizontally to fit into the Hype's main text window......it took up over 4 pages single spaced.

What you're going through is normal, and I know it sucks. You're "discovering yourself," and there is no set time period in which that happens. It's always hard when you've had periods of depression in the past as well...I did when I was younger and that is no fun, and yes, it can make you feel like that part of you was a separate person.

While I have by no means "discovered myself" completely, I know that I have endured the bad experiences for the better...life has helped shaped me into the person I am now. For your sake, I hope you DO have hard experiences, because if you can get through them, I really think it helps make your character stronger and shows you more of who you are as a person.

 

[Abaddon]

I'd throw one of these: "" at you, but that made me lol.

Our e-brother Abaddon is trying to reach out to us.

I'm not reaching out, just venting. I already know for the most part, you guys don't have any advice I could ever use, which is why I didn't ask for any. And I don't mean that as an insult, it's just common sense.

then, why feel bad about anything?

Because I'm human, and fallible, and it isn't enough for me.

Abaddon, I had to copy your post into Microsoft word because for some reason it was too long horizontally to fit into the Hype's main text window......it took up over 4 pages single spaced.

What you're going through is normal, and I know it sucks. You're "discovering yourself," and there is no set time period in which that happens. It's always hard when you've had periods of depression in the past as well...I did when I was younger and that is no fun, and yes, it can make you feel like that part of you was a separate person.

While I have by no means "discovered myself" completely, I know that I have endured the bad experiences for the better...life has helped shaped me into the person I am now. For your sake, I hope you DO have hard experiences, because if you can get through them, I really think it helps make your character stronger and shows you more of who you are as a person.

I agree. But I'm not focused on the self-discovery thing so much. I already know myself for everything. It's more a matter of looking at the whole picture. Like with those ink blot things where it can be a cup or two ladies. I know it's a cup, I know it's two ladies, and I know it's all just one splotch of something that can be seen either way, but I keep figuring there is a whole way to see it that doesn't negate either perspective.

But yeah, people keep saying the same thing. It's normal, ok nice. Live your life, well what else would I possibly do? Just ignore it and hope it goes away, well sure, if I'm an idiot.

But I'm sure it;s well-intentioned and I'm not singling anyone out, I just get annoyed when people tell me things I'm already well aware of, as if they haven't occurred to me. :heart:

He murdered his own "cool".

I won't lose sleep over it.

 

[Mee]

I don't have the attention span to read that post, so I'll just go with...

 

[AndThePickles]

I

But yeah, people keep saying the same thing. It's normal, ok nice. Live your life, well what else would I possibly do? Just ignore it and hope it goes away, well sure, if I'm an idiot.

I'm definitely not saying to ignore it, just saying that it's normal because you aren't in the minority at all with these feelings. BUT, I do think like all those other people, unfortunately time will be the thing that helps the most You know, wisdom comes with age and all those other cliches. I don't think you should stop trying to solve things for yourself though.

 

[Abaddon]

Nah, i don't intend to. I just don't want to get to a point where things get worse before they get better. I guess there realy isn't any other option but to wait it out. I'll post a progress report next year.

 

[sassycat]

It's gonna be OK

 

[tzarinna]

Of course you know venting helps in the healing process.
But I just wanted to say it.

When I was feeling like this I did a lot of searching of mystical/witchcraft/supernatural and such. I think it made it worse.

 

[Adi Azhar]

Down to zero. Any other takers?

What the ****?

 

[Danger Mouse]

What the ****?

You have been duly warned. Testing Drakon's resolve is not a smart thing to do. Please direct any complaints via PM. Do not clutter this thread unless you would like to test my resolve.

 

[Master Chief]

Sucks Abbba. Could only skim it over because. Damn. 8 paragraphs. But I'm pretty much like you, just the lite version. You're like, the extreme. From reading what I skimmed. It's kind of like when I read those personality tests that tell you yer traits, y'know? Yep yep. Yep.

Anyhooo, hay Drak, can you make my post count the negatives? I want to see what it does to my posts per day.

 

[Babs Gordon]

In recent retrospect, Abaddon, do you feel that in your state of mind while you wrote this you overdramatized anything? I tend to do that when I pms or am stressed out and even though the points I make are somewhat valid... the things I feel are coming from somewhere, it's never as bad as I feel like it is on those vent-alicious occasions. Just a thought or question.

 

[Kritish]

I just wasted about 45 seconds of my life reading that post. I'm glad I'm a speed reader, but I still want those seconds of my life back...