Fave TV show quote, and by who?

In the first ever episode of Rescue Me, Denis Leary has a monlogue at the beginning of talking to new recruits and one at the end to a therapist. Both awesome and also shows how completly wasted Denis Leary's talent has been all these years. Sorry I cant remember them whole but they were both about his characters experience with 9/11 at ground zero.

 

Tommy Gavin: You want to know how big my balls are? My balls are bigger than two of your heads duct-taped together. I've been in the middle of **** that would make you piss your pants right now. Uptown, downtown, Harlem, Brooklyn. But there ain't no medals on my chest, *******s, 'cause I ain't no hero. I'm a fireman. We're not in the business of making heroes here. We're in the business of discovering cowards, 'cause that's what you are if you can't take the heat. You're a *****, and there ain't no room for *****es in the FDNY.

[to a snickering recruit in the first row]

Tommy Gavin: What are you laughing at, ****head? Huh? What's so god damn funny?

Recruit: I just... .

Tommy Gavin: Shut up! You speak when spoken to.
[to the entire upper class]

Tommy Gavin: You *****es better pray you don't get assigned to my firehouse. Because I have seen it all. I knew sixty men who gave their lives at Ground Zero. Sixty. Four of them from my house. Vito Castella... found him almost whole. Ricky Davis... found him almost whole, hugging a civilian woman. Bobby Vincent... found his head. And my cousin, Jimmy Keefe, my best friend. You know what they found of him? What I was able to bring back and give to his parents? A finger. That's all. A finger. These four men were better human beings and better firefighters than any of you will ever be.

Firefighting Class Instructor: Say "thank you," firefighting upper class!

Firefighting Upper Class: Thank you, Firefighter Gavin, sir!

 

Townsperson: That girl is a witch!

Captain Malcolm Reynolds: Yeah, but she's our witch.

*points his gun at the crowd*

Mal: Now cut her the hell down.

 

Doug Heffernan: "I hate my dirty suck...face!"

 

[Reading cards from the complaint box]
Dave: "You suck." "You suck." "Howard Stern rules." "If you can read this you are a dork." "Coupon for one free kiss from Joe if you are a girl." "We need more complaint cards." "Coupon for one free kiss from Joe if you are a guy."
Joe: Hey.
Dave: [pulling out a fortune cookie slip] "You will go on a journey, happy long time." "Matthew is a moron." "No I'm not." "Yes you are." "No I'm not infinity." "Yes you are infinity plus one." And this one, "I have doobie in my funk," which I assume is some sort of reference to the Parliament Funkadelic song, "Chocolate City." Uh, "You got peanut butter in my chocolate. You got chocolate in my peanut butter. Together they taste like crap." "Matthew has been staring at me all day... and I like it." I don't think I get this one, it says, "I try to be good hard-worker-man, but refrigemater so messy, so so messy."
Lisa: I think that one's probably from Milos, the janitor.
Dave: Oh. Refrigem... oh, then that one's legitimate.
[continues reading the complaint cards]
Dave: Uh, "Who's the black private dick who's the sex machine with all the chicks."
Bill, Beth, Lisa, Matthew, Joe: SHAFT.
[Bill: I thought we'd all enjoy that.
Dave: [reading one last card] And, "Help, I'm being held prisoner in a complaint box," which is actually kinda funny.

I miss this show

 

Uncle Phil: What do you mean I've gained weight? I was just as much as I did in high school.
Will: Yeah, if you add up all four years.

Another goodie from The Fresh Prince of Belair...

 

From BTAS

Two-Face-"Get out of my face clown!"
Joker-"Which one?"