G5: The Wooden Anniversary Edition

[Pink Ranger]

I honestly don't know why she'd invite me and spideyboy to the dinner...especially since she flat out said that she doesn't take back any of the horrible things she has said to me in the same email.

You definitely don't seem comfortable with this idea at all, and you should never, ever do anything you are this uncomfortable with. And especially in a way that requires you to bring in a far more important relationship into contact with this one.

At the same time, I know from experience there are certain people who will never, ever apologize for anything, no matter how wrong they are. Instead, they will make gestures like this that are meant for you to take as a substitute for an apology.

 

[Lasirius]

I met a new Boyfriend today:

Spoiler

Saw this on the Dark Knight Rises Facebook page. I'm so jealous.

On another note, I just received an email from my best friend's mother. I haven't returned her call from the other day because I really have nothing to say to her. She said that she knows I am "still upset with her, but she doesn't take back anything that she has said". She went on to invite both spideyboy and I to their annual thanksgiving dinner too. This email was far more "nice" in tone than the last one (obviously) or the voicemail where she put the blame for the "ridiculousness between us" on both of us. The fact that she still does not apologize for anything she said really bothers me. I also have no idea if I'll accept their dinner invitation for thanksgiving or not. It's something we've done for years but things aren't the way they normally are. I feel like I need to respond to the email but I'm really going to have to watch what I say and how I say it. I don't want anything I say to her to negatively affect my relationship with her daughter.

I agree with Speedball and Pink Ranger. She probably invited you to put you on the spot, that way you can't get away from her by inviting you to what seems to be a nice Thanksgiving dinner. After all, she did say that she doesn't regret the hurtful remarks she's said before and hasn't even apologized. If she was making ammends by inviting you to this dinner, she would had done that already.

I say, don't respond to any of her requests -- not one, and move on with your life. Nobody wants nor needs this unnecessary nonsense.

 

[The_Raganork]

Saw this on the Dark Knight Rises Facebook page. I'm so jealous.

i'm jealous of yesterday me right now too...haha.

And what page? The page I run with Yurka or some other page?

 

[Lasirius]

Yeah, the hype community one. I also saw the Gary Oldman photo.

This is making me seem like a stalker.

 

[The_Raganork]

lol..No, no. That's why the page is there, I'm glad people are looking at it.

 

[Lasirius]

That's where I get my TDKR information from. With the New York shooting that's going on right now I've been having tons of notifications from the page, which is great and easy to access.

 

[The_Raganork]

 

[spideyboy_1111]

Yes but he's my best friend. Its just too awesome hanging out with him

ive been there.. it never turns out well you gotta change how you feel about him. and take control of the situation.

 

[spideyboy_1111]

...so spideyboy met my best friend this past saturday. It was a little surreal to see them finally sitting across the table from one another. Aside from a couple moments of awkwardness and some sarcasm (on my best friend's part), it seemed to go well for the most part.

lol she was pretty intimidating, but seems like fun

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way. I always get slightly weirded out whenever two friends/partners who I've known for years but never met each other actually meet each other for the first time.

lol, try having 2 worlds combine after coming out... and in my case also merging groups of friends from 2 separate parts of the country! i had some ohio and cali friends meet before. it was very crazy watching one of my friends get drunk with another lol.

 

[spideyboy_1111]

I agree with Speedball and Pink Ranger. She probably invited you to put you on the spot, that way you can't get away from her by inviting you to what seems to be a nice Thanksgiving dinner. After all, she did say that she doesn't regret the hurtful remarks she's said before and hasn't even apologized. If she was making ammends by inviting you to this dinner, she would had done that already.

I say, don't respond to any of her requests -- not one, and move on with your life. Nobody wants nor needs this unnecessary nonsense.

problem is it's not really that simple. It is his best friend's mother... I'd argue however that if his best friend is truly a best friend, she should understand the situation fully. or at least respect how you feel about it, no matter what you decide about with her mother.

 

[Marx]

I can understand that.

But do you think this is a trick?

I think it's an attempt to trap me in a conversation that I don't want to have. I just don't feel comfortable going over there for a "big family dinner among friends" when there's the potential for awkwardness all around. I don't want to put myself, or spideyboy, into that type of situation. It's bad enough that spideyboy has had to listen to all of my complaining about it.

I say: F*** the b****. I've had enough friends over the years that just abandoned me or treated me like s***. I've gotten to the point where if someone treats me the way that person is treating Marx, I break off all contact with them and get them out of my life. I'll probably be doing that with my roommate when I move out.

You definitely don't seem comfortable with this idea at all, and you should never, ever do anything you are this uncomfortable with. And especially in a way that requires you to bring in a far more important relationship into contact with this one.

At the same time, I know from experience there are certain people who will never, ever apologize for anything, no matter how wrong they are. Instead, they will make gestures like this that are meant for you to take as a substitute for an apology.

I agree with Speedball and Pink Ranger. She probably invited you to put you on the spot, that way you can't get away from her by inviting you to what seems to be a nice Thanksgiving dinner. After all, she did say that she doesn't regret the hurtful remarks she's said before and hasn't even apologized. If she was making ammends by inviting you to this dinner, she would had done that already.

I say, don't respond to any of her requests -- not one, and move on with your life. Nobody wants nor needs this unnecessary nonsense.

problem is it's not really that simple. It is his best friend's mother... I'd argue however that if his best friend is truly a best friend, she should understand the situation fully. or at least respect how you feel about it, no matter what you decide about with her mother.

The problem is that my best friend has never spoken against her mother on this. When I first brought it up shortly after her mother sent me the email back in June, she basically dismissed it in a way that made me feel she agreed with everything her mother had said. Since then, it's been like an elephant in the room. My best friend knows that I am incredibly upset by what her mother said but that's as far as she goes. It was just the other day that my best friend's mother used my best friend's phone to call me and try to trick me into talking to her.

I'm just tired of all of the drama. My best friend has repeatedly said that the problems between her mother and I are "between you and her" but I wonder how long that'll last...

 

[The_Raganork]

Sometimes to end the drama you just have to put up with some more.

I can't imagine her asking you to dinner is her trying to to damage to you. It sounds like she's trying to apologize and make amends.

If it were anyone else other than your best friend I'd say not to do it.

Being the bigger person sometimes sucks.

(though I'm sure Spideyboy doesn't mind )

 

[Marx]

In my mind, being the bigger person is not stooping to the level of my best friend's mother's actions. It has taken everything in me not to tell her off, to be honest with you. I could have fired off an immediate response to the email and told her exactly what I thought, but I chose not to. I chose to take the higher road and not acknowledge it in any way.

This all started because my coming out caused an issue between her daughter and I. My best friend has struggled with it...not because she's homophobic, but because it hurt her horribly that I "didn't trust her enough to tell her sooner about my being gay".

 

[The_Raganork]

I understand but it may not even come to that. You may just have dinner. This may thin the ice.

However I don't think either choice you make will be the 'wrong' choice. It's your life, all you need to do is stay happy and do what's best.

I just want to illustrate that this could be the turning point. Sometimes it doesn't come with an apology, sometimes it happens silently. It doesn't do the receiver of the pain any good but hopefully it all becomes water under the bridge.

Ultimately you share something in common. You both care for your best friend and it hurt to have that secret kept from her. Her mother is only looking out for her daughter albeit in the wrong way, you both care about her.

 

[Lasirius]

It could go either way if you attend dinner, it all falls now on how you would feel about it.

By the way, happy birthday!

 

[Marx]

I just don't feel right about this dinner. It's going to be incredibly awkward without question if I went and it could very well be a trap to have a conversation I don't want to have.

And thank you Las!

 

[Pink Ranger]

Don't do anything you are this uncomfortable with.

On the other hand, ignoring someone's repeated communications isn't necessarily taking the high road either, and may in fact come off as extremely rude.

You can simply leave communicate a message of some sort, saying you appreciate the invitation, but that it's going to take some time before you feel comfortable meeting with her again, and particularly bringing someone very important to you into this situation. And leaving it at that. Taking the high road here means keeping your language very neutral, as if nobody's to blame, almost like you're sending a rejection letter to a job applicant.

You could always lie and say you and spidey have other plans, but that likely won't work as your best friend is close to the situation.

 

[Marx]

I'll probably send some sort of email response to her mother. I'm just not quite sure how I'll word it. I won't be rude by any means...

 

[Scarlettess]

I agree with Rags I think it sounds like she's trying wash water under the bridge, but without actually doing it. Some people are very stubborn and won't ever apologise for something even if they know they're in the wrong (such as my Mum), I mean I don't know her, but if she's this type of person, then sounds like the email is her way of trying to amend things. She doesn't want to apologise because she doesn't want to admit you were right. That's probably all that is to it. Like Pink said, sometimes subtler actions have to acummulate for an apology.

Plus if it's a Thanksgiving dinner, won't that mean that your best friend will be there too? As well as other people? I don't see why she would try and trap you into a conversation infront of a load of other people, especially in the presence of your best friend.

I can see why it's an uncomfortable situation, but I wouldn't keep trying to avoid her, as that's gonna be virtually impossible if your best mate is close to her.

Oh and Happy belated Birthday! t:

 

[Marx]

She is an incredibly stubborn and head strong woman. She's not incapable of apologizing but she refuses to back down on this. Sure, she invited me to dinner...in the same email where she bluntly said that she does not take back anything she said to me. A gesture of dinner is not going to cut it when she was so vicious. Maybe that makes me pigheaded? I don't know.

There would be several people at this dinner, including my best friend, but I just don't feel comfortable with it. I know how she operates and I know that she would try to trap me into a conversation.

...and thank you for the birthday wish!

 

[Marx]

I did decide to email her. I took the more "civil and adult" approach...

 

[Marx]

...and I was just met with more hostility and pot shots from her mother in response to my email. On top of that, she's now saying that my best friend agrees with her. She went on to say that her door is always open to me & spideyboy, just me, or JUST SPIDEYBOY. I'm starting to wonder if she might try to destroy my relationship with spideyboy.

Edit: I tried to respond again and she has blocked and deleted me on facebook. I apologize to all of you again for bringing this drama up in here. I feel like I'm back in high school...

 

[Pink Ranger]

Mrax, you've done everything you can. You're at the stage where you can comfortably ignore this humanoid and just get on with the good things going on in your life.

 

[Marx]

She definitely succeeded in making me feel like crap. She's a vindictive *****. Plain and simple. And you're right, it's time to move on to happier things.

 

[Lasirius]

Don't apologize, man -- that's what this thread is for t:. Well, at least you got a concrete answer. She didn't invite you to dinner in means to make amends with you but on the contrary.

It is sad that she's behaving like that. On the bright side, you already know her intentions. Now you can move on and emphasize on the things that are truly important and worthwile of your time.