Man-Thing
Avenger
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- Apr 27, 2003
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Some facts about George Lucas' neck...
It is the father of every kid in this town!
It's poop is considered currency in Argentina.
I once saw it scissor-kick Angela Lansbury.
Did I ever tell you about the time George Lucas' neck took me out to go get a drink with it? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally George Lucas' neck takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half — until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. George Lucas' neck yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'
It once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
It hated Mexicans! And it was half-Mexican! ...And he hated irony!
The story of Johnny Appleseed is based on George Lucas' neck... except for the part about planting appletrees... and not raping men.
It did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies.
It once inhaled a seagull.
It drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
It orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson.
Did I ever tell you about the time George Lucas' neck went hunting? George Lucas' neck decides it's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle.
I remember one time, George Lucas' neck took his family to SeaWorld...They were watching Shamu the whale and George Lucas' neck got splashed. So George Lucas' neck yells, 'I'm George Lucas' neck and no one gets me wet!' So it climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, 'Now how do you like it?' And then damn if George Lucas' neck didn't step in there and finish the show.
We once had a bachelor party for George Lucas' neck. It ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
George Lucas' neck's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.
George Lucas' neck named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that.
If you drop a phonograph needle on George Lucas' neck's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds.
Did I ever tell you about the time it taught his son how to drive? It did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. George Lucas' neck said it would've happened sometime.
It breastfeeds John Madden!
George Lucas' neck once rode upon a steed, perchance to spy a lady.
It dated raped David Bowie.
It killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
It taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child.
It slept with all of our wives, punched us in the face, and we loved it for it.
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