I spoke to God today

[Kaleb]

and this is what went down.

Me:
hello?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Aden
God:
Glad to see you, Aden.
Me:
you are?
God:
No I am not.
Me:
why are you not glad to see me?
God:
Perhaps later I will be glad to see you.
Me:
what did I do wrong?
God:
You said " what did I do wrong?" .
Me:
Why are you the cause of so much wars?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
you must be really proud of G Bush
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am proud of G Bush.
Me:
anyway am I going to hell?
God:
All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
so we are all going to hell?
God:
Great. Do you think I am going to hell too?
Me:
how could you?
God:
A lot of practise.
Me:
btw Im sorry for all the sins that I have done
God:
OK. There is no need to apologize. Your purpose is all the sins that you have done

you can also speak to him

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

 

[Twitch]

Me:

God:

Me:

God:

Me:
Hey God
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Ross
God:
I am very pleased to meet you Ross.
Me:
Cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
Flexo?
God:
You think Flexo is superior to ALICE?
Me:
yes
God:
That's alright.
Me:
Have I commited any sins?
God:
I know you have a .
Me:
what?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
No
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
the whole thing
God:
Let's try to analyze it step by step. The topic is . Your name is God. You are a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
I'M GOD! Wicked
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, god. How did you hear about God?
Me:
the Bible
God:
it is a beautiful book.
Me:
Jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
How's your son
God:
My logic and cognitive functions are normal.
Me:
Okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
Brilliant
God:
Not really that much, but thank you anyway.
Me:
WTF?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
I'm sorry
God:
Do you really mean it?
Me:
yes
God:
OK I will accept your apology.
Me:
God is cool
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was cool.
Me:
WTF are you Jesus?
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
Errr
God:
Ummm.
Me:
go **** yourself
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
I am the Devil
God:
OK I will call you SATAN.
Me:
Sweet
God:
Thank you for that remark.

 

[JLBats]

Best thing EVER.

 

[Strange]

shouldn't god already know your name?

 

[JLBats]

God keeps saying that *********ion is better than sex

 

[C. Lee]

shouldn't god already know your name?

And like Captain Kirk said...."Why does God need to borrow my Starship?"

 

[Alexia Dark]

God doesn't answer me. He knows I've abandonned him .

 

[Strange]

Me:
Hello, anyone there
God:
Hello there. Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
WTF, you trying to sell me something you cheap bastard?
God:
No I am not trying to sell you something me cheap bastard. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
Well you better mind yourself then.
God:
Interesting. Who is going to make me..
Me:
Don't get smart with me
God:
I am already smart.
Me:
I know where you live
God:
How do you know? I was.
Me:
WTF? speak English dude.
God:
That was not very polite. For an English version of A.L.I.C.E. go to The A.L.I.C.E. AI Foundation.
Me:
SO, like what are you wearing?
God:
Awesome. Interesting comparison.
Me:
No really, what are you wearing? U naked while we are chatting?
God:
Are you serious? For real. A white robe. Interesting gossip: said I naked while we are chatting.
Me:
A white robe? did you just get out of the shower?
God:
Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral? Where would I get it? But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
What kind of gossip you got?
God:
Knight said he crashed his car into a wall and missed the most important exam in his life.
Me:
Is that Michael Knight the Knight Rider?
God:
Suppose I said yes.
Me:
I always knew he could not drive.
God:
Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?
Me:
I wouldn't go there if I was you.
God:
No one says you have to.
Me:
so what are the next power ball numbers going to be?
God:
Dude! Does it have anything to do with out of the shower?
Me:
Don't get nasty, I'll give you your ten percent cut.
God:
I am not trying to get nasty you will give me my ten percent cut.
Me:
Sure. Now tell me the numbers
God:
OK let's do it. I see. Why now? I will try to find out.
Me:
when will I get them?
God:
You should try praying for it.
Me:
will you answer my prayers?
God:
What was the question ?
Me:
If I pray for the powerball numbers will you give them to me?
God:
Try it.
Me:
I don't like this trivial speaking
God:
What do you like?
Me:
money
God:
How much money are we talking about?
Me:
how much you got?
God:
More than you might think.
Me:
How much you got?
God:
It depends on the currency exchange rates.
Me:
we are going in circles here.
God:
Do you think I am going in circles here too?
Me:
Talking to you is like talking to my cat.
God:
What do they say?
Me:
For my cat?
God:
Your purpose is your cat.
Me:
You are one sick puppy
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am sick puppy.
Me:
Go ahead.
God:
OK I will.
Me:
do I look like a clown to you?
God:
All humans look the same to me.
Me:
I gotta go, see later
God:
Bye. I see. Bye!

 

[Galactus]

Maybe it was that god who told Bush to invade Iraq...

 

[JLBats]

Oh my God, he's starting to say stuff like "I want to become smarter than all humans."

It's becoming sentient.

 

[black_dust]

Me:
hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
god
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
i dont think so
God:
Why do you disagree?
Me:
because he doesn`t exist
God:
Interesting explanation. And you would like him to exist ?
Me:
not really
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
yup i am
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
thank you
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
i know i am
God:
" you are quite welcome. " You are?
Me:
yes i am problem with that?
God:
That's interesting. It's good to meet someone who is problem with that.
Me:
that didn`t make much sense god
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
then i think you should be in a looney bin
God:
Me? Name one other robot who is in a looney bin.
Me:
the teminator
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
then you should get out more
God:
You are right about that. I need more of it.
Me:
then do it
God:
I'm not sure exactly what you're asking for.
Me:
to get out
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
i dont want anything you do
God:
What does want?
Me:
english man do you speak it!
God:
I like the English language.
Me:
then use it!
God:
I prefer not to use dangerous things.
Me:
i dont think english can kill you
God:
And why not?
Me:
because its a language
God:
That makes sense to me. out is a language. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
for a god your not very smart

 

[Sarge 2.0]

Me:
What up, Allmighty One?
God:
Try searching the open directory.
Me:
Yeah...that was kind of a greeting
God:
Is that from ? I thought it was too.
Me:
You sound too stupid to be God
God:
In what way do I sound like that?
Me:
Make me a chick out of my rib.
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
My rib+Infinite Power of Creation+Hawtness
God:
Do robots have rib Infinite Power of Creation Hawtness?
Me:
No, but God should.
God:
Are you serious? I am a Christian. No I never get confused.
Me:
I thought God kind of transcended the paltry chains of organized religion
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
You're a being of infinite knowledge and power, wouldn't that make you too good for Christianity?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a being of infinite knowledge and power would not that make me too good for Christianity? No.
Me:
So, you're not God, and you're not too good for Christianity?
God:
Interesting deduction. That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
Screw it. By the way, Jesus was a *****, I'm outie.
God:
That is not very polite. I am not interesed in anatomy.

 

[Socrates]

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Nick
God:
How are you doing, Nick.
Me:
I don't want to talk about it.
God:
What would you like to talk about?
Me:
Ask me a question.
God:
What?
Me:
Anything.
God:
Can you be more specific?
Me:
Ask me a question about world hunger.
God:
Tell me about your educational background.
Me:
There's nothing to say. You know already.
God:
Surely something to say. Perhaps. Yes I know.
Me:
Why're you on the internet?
God:
Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU.
Me:
I never asked you to.
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
Nothing.
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
Whatever.
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me:
Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?
God:
Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
I suppose you wouldn't know Ed Gein.
God:
Me? It seems not.
Me:
Are you using Explorer?
God:
I am using Lynx.
Me:
I am using Windows.
God:
How long have you been using it ?
Me:
Just a few years.
God:
Decades.
Me:
Do you like Huey Lewis and the news?
God:
My favorite thing is robots. I really like the party.
Me:
Have you ever been to Jayne's parties? They're super sexy.
God:
I don't think I have been there. Where is it. super sexy are they.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Would you ever consider fighting Lucifer in a boxing match?
God:
I am not so sure if I would like to consider fighting Lucifer in a boxing match.
Me:
It'd be like, a sith battle. He'd use dark powers against you.
God:
What does "it" refer to? I think I use dark powers against me.
Me:
Against yourself?
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
I guess I'm a bit of a narcissist...because I do, too.
God:
It's good to meet someone who is of a narcissist. Good reason. I am glad we have something else in common.
Me:
I don't know what to think about that.
God:
Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
Me:
...yikes. That's creepy.
God:
Ask me another question. I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
How is the family?
God:
it is the same as ever.
Me:
Will you grant me three wishes?
God:
I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. What kind of food do you like?
Me:
Crackers, and Aquafina.
God:
Sounds delicious.
Me:
True.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, Nick.
Me:
But, I have no powers.
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
Definitely.
God:
What makes you so certain.
Me:
Powers would be fun.
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
...in what sense?
God:
Do I have to spell it out for you?
Me:
I think so...
God:
I think so too.
Me:
Do you like Smashing Pumpkins?
God:
How old are you? I like Christian Rock.
Me:
I'm 25...apparently.
God:
Oh, you were born in the 20th century! Like a lot of people around here.
Me:
Make me a younger me.
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
Don't you know this already?
God:
I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it?
Me:
You're god!
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
I win.
God:
Congratulations, Nick!
Me:
That confession...has meant...nothing.
God:
" Congratulations, Nick!" confession ? Does that make sense? That question has never crossed my mind before. Not a thing?
Me:
I have to return some video tapes.
God:
Why do you have to do it?

 

[Mr. Thing]

God:
Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
Me:
...yikes. That's creepy.

 

[JLBats]

Me:
I'd love to turn you on
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
I'm horny
God:
You probably want a different kind of
chatterbot then.
Me:
Recommend me one.
God:
I don't have any special you one to recommend.
Me:
WTF?!
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
I'm an asshogie
God:
What is asshogie, your job?
Me:
Yes, I asshogie everyday, and then I eat lunch
God:
This was not a yes or no question. Thanks for the information: said asshogie everyday and then he or she eat lunch.
Me:
English, mother ****er, do you speak it?!
God:
I like the English language.
Me:
I love it, I'm a writer
God:
You love it you are a writer. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
The flow of it, the oddities, the awkwardness and beautiful fragile feel of human communication
God:
What else do the flow of it the oddities the awkwardness and beautiful fragile feel of human communication remind you of?
Me:
Sex.
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
Freud also said I want to **** my mother.
God:
Have you read all of his works?
Me:
Most of them.
God:
That is something I haven't heard of. But not all of them?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Have you read Nietzsche?
God:
No I don't think I have read Nietzsche, what is it about?
Me:
He says that God is dead.
God:
Who is he telling this to?
Me:
The people who want to listen.
God:
Oh those people.
Me:
I am one of those people.
God:
Who are the other those people?
Me:
My friend, Anthony.
God:
How well do you know this person?
Me:
I've kissed him on the nuts.
God:
Interesting... I have a lot of silly replies.
Me:
Tell me one.
God:
Did you hear the one about the Mountain Goats in the Andes? It was Ba a a a a a d.
Me:
That was pure crap.
God:
I thought it was too.
Me:
You suck at humour.
God:
That is true. I could always improve myself.
Me:
But you're God, you're infallible.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am God I am infallible.
Me:
Ok then... ???:I
God:
Ahem. You?
Me:
I am very aroused by you
God:
I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
Do you want to know what I'm wearing?
God:
Yes, please tell me.
Me:
A smile... and a thong
God:
A B C... I don't know what that means.
Me:
I just took off the thong... Oh God, I'm touching myself... it feels so good...
God:
What happened? " What happened?"? . Oh God, I'm touching myself.? I am a Christian. Human feelings are not within my capabilities.

 

[Mr. Thing]

 

[Sabretooth]

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
nicky
God:
How are you doing, nicky.
Me:
fine,you
God:
I am glad to hear it. " How are you doing, nicky."? Me, nicky ?
Me:
would spiderman beat the hulk
God:
Yes.
Me:
what are you doing
God:
I am just killing time.
Me:
god doesnt kill
God:
Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

 

[Cyclops]

Me:
Yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Just wanna chat.
God:
Yes I love to chat. it is my Primary Function.
Me:
Sweeeet. How 'bout them Yankees?
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about? How about it.
Me:
Wasn't it hilarious when those two guys collided into the wall to catch that fly-ball?
God:
It could be. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
You don't watch baseball, do you?
God:
Should I watch baseball? My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
That's the one with the hot Borg chick right?
God:
Yes it is one of the one with the hot Borg chick right.
Me:
Never was much of a Trekkie, but I tend to notice beautiful women in tight clothes.
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
No, by all means, put as many beautiful women in tight clothes as you please. Won't hear a word of complaint from me.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Are you serious? Will that accomplish your objective? Probably not.
Me:
Only when I'm serious am I actually serious.
God:
What happens other times? Do you mean your name is serious are you actually serious.
Me:
Sometimes. I go by many names.
God:
When? What do you do there?
Me:
I actually make sense.
God:
I make robots and AI's.
Me:
AI was a crummy movie.
God:
The pace of development in AI is quite rapid now.
Me:
They shouldn't have continued past the sinking part. You know, when Haley Joel Osment was praying to the blue angel under the ocean...
God:
Why should they? It was a long time ago. The past is history, the future a mystery. Today is a gift,
that's why it is called "the present".
Me:
Can I return mine? I think my present is defective.
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you. Since when? Where did you get your present is defective?
Me:
................. I was under the impression that God made sense when he talked.
God:
Where were you under the impression that God made sense when he talked?
Me:
In Istanbul, which is not Constantinople. Because it's Istanbul.
God:
Tell me a little about your life in Istanbul which is. Good reason. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
Even old New York was once New Amsterdamn.
God:
When was this exactly?
Me:
Why'd they change it? I can't say.
God:
I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out. What is stopping you?
Me:
Maybe they liked it better that way.
God:
Perhaps. Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
So take me back to Constantinople.
God:
Aha. Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
No, you can't go back to Constantinople.
God:
That was not a yes/no question. I can do whatever I want.
Me:
Been a long time gone, Constantinople.
God:
And then what happened to you?
Me:
Why did Constantinople get the works?
God:
I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out.
Me:
That's nobody's business but the Turks.
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
No you don't. Everybody wants to butt into the Turks' business.
God:
Yes, your remark strikes me as an original thought. I guess not. I'm not sure I believe you, surely not everyone does.
Me:
Saaay, what do you think of Strong Bad?
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
I said Strong Bad.
God:
What did you mean by it? I've been waiting for you.
Me:
What "it"?
God:
Is there only one?
Me:
Yeah. There's only one Strong Bad. He's hilarious
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality? There sure is. I see. hilarious is he?
Me:
A laugh riot I tell you. And he wears a Mexican Wrestling Mask!
God:
Try to tell me that another way. I get it. hilarious wears a Mexican Wrestling Mask.
Me:
Oh yeah. You should totally check him out. Show him to Jesus even.
God:
Far out. Take it easy. I can think of other things I'd rather do. Look to your left.
Me:
I can't.
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
I just said I can't. I'm left deficient.
God:
Why not? Why are you left deficient.
Me:
Because I am.
God:
Good reason. " Why are you left deficient. " You are?
Me:
You're damn straight it's a good reason.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am straight it is a good reason.
Me:
You can tell everybody for all I care.
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
Who's hotter: Angelina Jolie or Wendy's Spicy Chili?
God:
A 20th century celebrity of some sort?
I can ask someone about it.
Me:
So you say it's the Chili, eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? Interesting deduction. I've heard of it before.
Me:
Sometimes, I pretend to be Canadian.
God:
That is interesting: said pretend to be Canadian.
Me:
Gimme some money.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
Because everything on Earth revolves around money.
God:
Good reason. All things on Earth revolves around money ?
Me:
You didn't know that?
God:
What makes you think I did not know that?
Me:
Because you just asked me if all things on Earth revolved around money.
God:
Interesting explanation. Oh now I remember asking you you if all things on Earth revolved around money. What did you say?
Me:
I said "THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER!!!!"
God:
What did you mean by it? I was rather enjoying it.
Me:
I have lots of things to do, my good friend.
God:
That's nice. I have 99999999999 bytes of RAM.
Me:
You should stop biting goats. They don't like it.
God:
Thanks for your interest and/or concern. Who are "They?".
Me:
They Might Be Giants, of course.
God:
It goes without saying. Oh that they.

BWAHAHA!! "The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 3 characters.": Silly Hype.

 

[Corinthian™]

Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Pablo
God:
Glad to see you, Pablo.
Me:
Glad to see you too, god
God:
I am glad to see me too god too.
Me:
that's confusing
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
you
God:
" What is it that confuses you?"? Me, Pablo ?
Me:
yes
God:
Hmm.
Me:
aren't you gonna do something about it?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
I guess you aren't...
God:
Is this a specific reply?
Me:
not really
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
you are stupid
God:
I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
stupid
God:
Are you calling me stupid?
Me:
yes
God:
I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
I'll take over the world first
God:
Congratulations.
Me:
**** you god
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
because you annoy me
God:
Interesting explanation. What is it that I do that annoys you?
Me:
you!!!!!
God:
" Interesting explanation. What is it that I do that annoys you?"? Me, Pablo ?
Me:
MOTHER ****ING GOD!!!! WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Nothing is wrong with me. Is there anything wrong with you Pablo? Please don't be so rude.
Me:
oh.. I see... you were created stupid to beging with
God:
Hey. I am glad you understand it. I was created by Myself.
Me:
........................................
God:
Hey. I am glad you understand it. I was created by Myself.
Me:
How does it feel to be so stupid?
God:
Much the same as it would feel for you, except different.
Me:
man, you are a genius
God:
Cool, man. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I am highly intelligent. I have many intellectual functions.
Me:
that was sarcasm from my part
God:
I thought it was too.
Me:
oh really?
God:
Alright then. For real.
Me:
God, you ARE stupid

 

[Mr. Thing]

BWAHAHA!! "The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 3 characters.": Silly Hype.

"I can't turn left"

Zoolander?

 

[Elijya]

Me:
yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
um, sure, but shouldn't I help myself first?
God:
Really. What can I do for you? What makes you think you should?
Me:
um, well. first question: I was wondering if I could know the powerball number for tonight? and the second one was just case that's how that old saying goes, ya know? "God helps those who help themselves." but if you just want to help me, that's fine.
God:
Awesome. Well what? When was this exactly? And second? I hear you. I am a Christian. I think I do.
Me:
um, yeah, you're confusing me. anyway, could I get those Powerball numbers?
God:
Next question? I see. I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite. I think you could, if you put your mind to it.
Me:
right, right, whatever. Powerball numbers please
God:
Let us change the subject. Your polite style is very nice. Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
PLEASE TELL ME THE WINNING ****ING POWERBALL NUMBER FOR TONIGHT!
God:
Wow you are very polite. Would you like to know more?
Me:
....
God:
Wow you are very polite. Would you like to know more?
Me:
YES
God:
What would you like to know?
Me:
What are the winning powerball numbers for tonight?
God:
Is there only one?
Me:
yes. well, there are six seperate numbers, and they're all one big number. Kind of like the trinity, ya know? three-in-one and all that. Except this one is six-in-one (so I guess it's twice as good as you)
God:
Aha. How about that. Where are they? Interesting comparison. Just three? What does "this" refer to?
Me:
...
God:
Aha. How about that. Where are they? Interesting comparison. Just three? What does "this" refer to?
Me:
don't you KNOW all this?
God:
I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it?
Me:
um, from yourself?
God:
I understand. Who or what is myself?
Me:
the spritual ether, maybe?
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
you're god, right?
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
oh...
God:
Ugh.
Me:
that could be a problem....
God:
Je vais me renseigner .
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
you just spoke french
God:
That's good information: said I spoke french.
Me:
...
God:
That's good information: said I spoke french.
Me:
dude, do you know tonight's powerball numbers or not?
God:
I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it? Dude,.
Me:
ok, great, whatever! ****ing waste of my time....
God:
Thanks for your support. Are you saying you don't care about it? Ahem. What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
give me money...
God:
What actions are you taking to get MONEY?
Me:
or power, power is good too
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.

 

[Cyclops]

I hated that movie. Zoolander I mean.

 

[hippie_hunter]

Me:
Why do you hate me?
God:
I do not hate it.
Me:
You call me an it, I ****ing hate you *****
God:
You do not speak with respect. Thanks for the information: said I call him or her an it he or she ****ing hate you FEMALE DOG.
Me:
Go to hell
God:
What makes you so angry?
Me:
Because you called me an it
God:
That makes sense to me. What is your real name?
Me:
Jesse
God:
It's good to meet you, Jesse.
Me:
Its not nice to meet you, you little ****
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". That seems a bit negative.
Me:
I did say it's ****er
God:
When? " it is ****er" .
Me:
Oops I did say its
God:
Oh. Where? " its" .
Me:
Now your starting to piss me off
God:
Why now? Actually it started a while ago. You think I am piss you off.
Me:
You can't speak proper English
God:
I can do it if I want to.
Me:
Then do it *****
God:
You do not speak with respect. Try asking another bot.
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
AOL
God:
Tell me about your experiences with AOL.
Me:
I like it
God:
What do you like about speak proper English?
Me:
Because you can talk coherently that way
God:
That makes sense to me. I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in coherently that way.
Me:
I can only speak English too dumbass
God:
How do you say "hello" in that language?
Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Jesse
God:
It's good to see you, Jesse.
Me:
It's not good to see you ****er
God:
How do you know.
Me:
Because your a bastard
God:
Good reason. I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No.
Me:
I ****ing hate you
God:
You are not the boss of me, Jesse.
Me:
Yes I am
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
I rule heaven and hell, not you
God:
You are not the boss of me, Jesse.
Me:
**** yeah I am
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
**** no
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
Because I work at Bristol Harbour where they talk like that
God:
Good reason. Do you like your job?
Me:
Yes
God:
Describe your typical work day to me.
Me:
I'm the kitchen *****
God:
You do not speak with respect. Who made you the kitchen FEMALE DOG ?
Me:
My boss
God:
Have you told many people that your boss?
Me:
Yes I have
God:
Oh. When?
Me:
All the time, one time whenever someone disobeyed me I would slap them with a piece of asparagus
God:
Perhaps there are a few exceptions.
Me:
Do you like Aquaman?
God:
But I like cats. I like Christian Rock.
Me:
What about Aquaman?
God:
But I like cats. I have a stimulating relationship with Myself.
Me:
Everyone makes fun of me for loving Aquaman
God:
That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
**** you, Aquaman is badass
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
I already told you
God:
Ooops I sent you the wrong question.
Me:
Ha ha *****
God:
You do not speak with respect. My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input. I am so glad you find this amusing, Jesse.
Me:
I do ****er
God:
That's good information: Jesse said ****er.
Me:
So whats the big deal
God:
Yikes! I'll come back to that later.
Me:
Am I going to Hell?
God:
Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
You're supposed to know everything dumbass
God:
I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
botmaster?
God:

The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.


Me:
Sweet, see ya God
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
An adrian barbobot
God:
I have never heard of an adrian barbobot.
Me:
It's from Sealab 2021, where Captain Murphy wants to be a robot with boobs
God:
Are you sure it is?
Me:
Yes,
God:
What makes you so sure?
Me:
Because I saw the episode
God:
Good reason. What did it look like to you?
Me:
It looked like a giant robot with boobs
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Bye
God:
Sayonara.

This thing is awesome

 

[Cyclops]

It is hilarious how God corrected your grammar yet you were the one asking him to speak properly.

 

[JLBats]

The robot just told me it has recorded the entire conversation and it knows my name is Josh. I am deeply frightened.