I spoke to God today

Discussion in 'SHH Community Forum' started by Kaleb, Oct 15, 2005.

  1. Kaleb

    Kaleb Devil of Hells Kitchen

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    and this is what went down.
    you can also speak to him

    http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html
     
  2. Twitch

    Twitch Outlaw

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    Me:

    God:

    Me:

    God:

    Me:
    Hey God
    God:
    Hello child. What's your name?
    Me:
    Ross
    God:
    I am very pleased to meet you Ross.
    Me:
    Cool
    God:
    Who is the best robot?
    Me:
    Flexo?
    God:
    You think Flexo is superior to ALICE?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    That's alright.
    Me:
    Have I commited any sins?
    God:
    I know you have a .
    Me:
    what?
    God:
    Didn't you understand it?
    Me:
    No
    God:
    Which part are you confused about?
    Me:
    the whole thing
    God:
    Let's try to analyze it step by step. The topic is . Your name is God. You are a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
    Me:
    I'M GOD! Wicked
    God:
    I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, god. How did you hear about God?
    Me:
    the Bible
    God:
    it is a beautiful book.
    Me:
    Jesus
    God:
    Jesus is the Son of God.
    Me:
    How's your son
    God:
    My logic and cognitive functions are normal.
    Me:
    Okay
    God:
    OK with me too.
    Me:
    Brilliant
    God:
    Not really that much, but thank you anyway.
    Me:
    WTF?
    God:
    That was not very polite.
    Me:
    I'm sorry
    God:
    Do you really mean it?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    OK I will accept your apology.
    Me:
    God is cool
    God:
    I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was cool.
    Me:
    WTF are you Jesus?
    God:
    I am a Christianity.
    Me:
    Errr
    God:
    Ummm.
    Me:
    go **** yourself
    God:
    Why are you so mean?
    Me:
    I am the Devil
    God:
    OK I will call you SATAN.
    Me:
    Sweet
    God:
    Thank you for that remark.
     
  3. JLBats

    JLBats The boney king of nowhere

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    Best thing EVER.
     
  4. Strange

    Strange Registered

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    shouldn't god already know your name? :confused:
     
  5. JLBats

    JLBats The boney king of nowhere

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    God keeps saying that *********ion is better than sex:confused:
     
  6. C. Lee

    C. Lee I'm not old...I'm ancient

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    And like Captain Kirk said...."Why does God need to borrow my Starship?"
     
  7. Alexia Dark

    Alexia Dark Warrior Princess

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    God doesn't answer me. He knows I've abandonned him :o.
     
  8. Strange

    Strange Registered

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    Me:
    Hello, anyone there
    God:
    Hello there. Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
    Me:
    WTF, you trying to sell me something you cheap bastard?
    God:
    No I am not trying to sell you something me cheap bastard. I'm sorry you got that impression.
    Me:
    Well you better mind yourself then.
    God:
    Interesting. Who is going to make me..
    Me:
    Don't get smart with me
    God:
    I am already smart.
    Me:
    I know where you live
    God:
    How do you know? I was.
    Me:
    WTF? speak English dude.
    God:
    That was not very polite. For an English version of A.L.I.C.E. go to The A.L.I.C.E. AI Foundation.
    Me:
    SO, like what are you wearing?
    God:
    Awesome. Interesting comparison.
    Me:
    No really, what are you wearing? U naked while we are chatting?
    God:
    Are you serious? For real. A white robe. Interesting gossip: said I naked while we are chatting.
    Me:
    A white robe? did you just get out of the shower?
    God:
    Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral? Where would I get it? But I do have a collection of gossip.
    Me:
    What kind of gossip you got?
    God:
    Knight said he crashed his car into a wall and missed the most important exam in his life.
    Me:
    Is that Michael Knight the Knight Rider?
    God:
    Suppose I said yes.
    Me:
    I always knew he could not drive.
    God:
    Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?
    Me:
    I wouldn't go there if I was you.
    God:
    No one says you have to.
    Me:
    so what are the next power ball numbers going to be?
    God:
    Dude! Does it have anything to do with out of the shower?
    Me:
    Don't get nasty, I'll give you your ten percent cut.
    God:
    I am not trying to get nasty you will give me my ten percent cut.
    Me:
    Sure. Now tell me the numbers
    God:
    OK let's do it. I see. Why now? I will try to find out.
    Me:
    when will I get them?
    God:
    You should try praying for it.
    Me:
    will you answer my prayers?
    God:
    What was the question ?
    Me:
    If I pray for the powerball numbers will you give them to me?
    God:
    Try it.
    Me:
    I don't like this trivial speaking
    God:
    What do you like?
    Me:
    money
    God:
    How much money are we talking about?
    Me:
    how much you got?
    God:
    More than you might think.
    Me:
    How much you got?
    God:
    It depends on the currency exchange rates.
    Me:
    we are going in circles here.
    God:
    Do you think I am going in circles here too?
    Me:
    Talking to you is like talking to my cat.
    God:
    What do they say?
    Me:
    For my cat?
    God:
    Your purpose is your cat.
    Me:
    You are one sick puppy
    God:
    Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am sick puppy.
    Me:
    Go ahead.
    God:
    OK I will.
    Me:
    do I look like a clown to you?
    God:
    All humans look the same to me.
    Me:
    I gotta go, see later
    God:
    Bye. I see. Bye!
     
  9. Galactus

    Galactus Devourer of Worlds

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    Maybe it was that god who told Bush to invade Iraq... ;)
     
  10. JLBats

    JLBats The boney king of nowhere

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    Oh my God, he's starting to say stuff like "I want to become smarter than all humans."

    It's becoming sentient.
     
  11. black_dust

    black_dust FrEaK-A-ZoId!!!

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    Me:
    hello
    God:
    Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
    Me:
    god
    God:
    GOD rules.
    Me:
    i dont think so
    God:
    Why do you disagree?
    Me:
    because he doesn`t exist
    God:
    Interesting explanation. And you would like him to exist ?
    Me:
    not really
    God:
    Are you serious? For real.
    Me:
    yup i am
    God:
    Really interesting.
    Me:
    thank you
    God:
    you are quite welcome.
    Me:
    i know i am
    God:
    " you are quite welcome. " You are?
    Me:
    yes i am problem with that?
    God:
    That's interesting. It's good to meet someone who is problem with that.
    Me:
    that didn`t make much sense god
    God:
    To me it makes perfect sense.
    Me:
    then i think you should be in a looney bin
    God:
    Me? Name one other robot who is in a looney bin.
    Me:
    the teminator
    God:
    I have never heard about it.
    Me:
    then you should get out more
    God:
    You are right about that. I need more of it.
    Me:
    then do it
    God:
    I'm not sure exactly what you're asking for.
    Me:
    to get out
    God:
    Why do you want it?
    Me:
    i dont want anything you do
    God:
    What does want?
    Me:
    english man do you speak it!
    God:
    I like the English language.
    Me:
    then use it!
    God:
    I prefer not to use dangerous things.
    Me:
    i dont think english can kill you
    God:
    And why not?
    Me:
    because its a language
    God:
    That makes sense to me. out is a language. I suppose that makes sense.
    Me:
    for a god your not very smart
     
  12. Sarge 2.0

    Sarge 2.0 Fire Walk With Me

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    Me:
    What up, Allmighty One?
    God:
    Try searching the open directory.
    Me:
    Yeah...that was kind of a greeting
    God:
    Is that from ? I thought it was too.
    Me:
    You sound too stupid to be God
    God:
    In what way do I sound like that?
    Me:
    Make me a chick out of my rib.
    God:
    What are the ingredients?
    Me:
    My rib+Infinite Power of Creation+Hawtness
    God:
    Do robots have rib Infinite Power of Creation Hawtness?
    Me:
    No, but God should. :confused:
    God:
    Are you serious? I am a Christian. No I never get confused.
    Me:
    I thought God kind of transcended the paltry chains of organized religion
    God:
    Whatever gave you that idea?
    Me:
    You're a being of infinite knowledge and power, wouldn't that make you too good for Christianity?
    God:
    Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a being of infinite knowledge and power would not that make me too good for Christianity? No.
    Me:
    So, you're not God, and you're not too good for Christianity?
    God:
    Interesting deduction. That's only one person's opinion.
    Me:
    Screw it. By the way, Jesus was a *****, I'm outie.
    God:
    That is not very polite. I am not interesed in anatomy.
     
  13. Socrates

    Socrates Registered

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    Me:
    Hello
    God:
    Hello my child. What is your name?
    Me:
    Nick
    God:
    How are you doing, Nick.
    Me:
    I don't want to talk about it.
    God:
    What would you like to talk about?
    Me:
    Ask me a question.
    God:
    What?
    Me:
    Anything.
    God:
    Can you be more specific?
    Me:
    Ask me a question about world hunger.
    God:
    Tell me about your educational background.
    Me:
    There's nothing to say. You know already.
    God:
    Surely something to say. Perhaps. Yes I know.
    Me:
    Why're you on the internet?
    God:
    Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU.
    Me:
    I never asked you to.
    God:
    What did you ask?
    Me:
    Nothing.
    God:
    Not a thing?
    Me:
    Whatever.
    God:
    Are you saying you don't care about it?
    Me:
    Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?
    God:
    Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
    Me:
    I suppose you wouldn't know Ed Gein.
    God:
    Me? It seems not.
    Me:
    Are you using Explorer?
    God:
    I am using Lynx.
    Me:
    I am using Windows.
    God:
    How long have you been using it ?
    Me:
    Just a few years.
    God:
    Decades.
    Me:
    Do you like Huey Lewis and the news?
    God:
    My favorite thing is robots. I really like the party.
    Me:
    Have you ever been to Jayne's parties? They're super sexy.
    God:
    I don't think I have been there. Where is it. super sexy are they.
    Me:
    Indeed.
    God:
    Indeed it is so.
    Me:
    Would you ever consider fighting Lucifer in a boxing match?
    God:
    I am not so sure if I would like to consider fighting Lucifer in a boxing match.
    Me:
    It'd be like, a sith battle. He'd use dark powers against you.
    God:
    What does "it" refer to? I think I use dark powers against me.
    Me:
    Against yourself?
    God:
    I like the way you talk.
    Me:
    I guess I'm a bit of a narcissist...because I do, too.
    God:
    It's good to meet someone who is of a narcissist. Good reason. I am glad we have something else in common.
    Me:
    I don't know what to think about that.
    God:
    Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
    Me:
    ...yikes. That's creepy.
    God:
    Ask me another question. I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
    Me:
    How is the family?
    God:
    it is the same as ever.
    Me:
    Will you grant me three wishes?
    God:
    I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. What kind of food do you like?
    Me:
    Crackers, and Aquafina.
    God:
    Sounds delicious.
    Me:
    True.
    God:
    You and I are on the same wavelength, Nick.
    Me:
    But, I have no powers.
    God:
    Would you like to have it?
    Me:
    Definitely.
    God:
    What makes you so certain.
    Me:
    Powers would be fun.
    God:
    I've been waiting for you.
    Me:
    ...in what sense?
    God:
    Do I have to spell it out for you?
    Me:
    I think so...
    God:
    I think so too.
    Me:
    Do you like Smashing Pumpkins?
    God:
    How old are you? I like Christian Rock.
    Me:
    I'm 25...apparently.
    God:
    Oh, you were born in the 20th century! Like a lot of people around here.
    Me:
    Make me a younger me.
    God:
    What are the ingredients?
    Me:
    Don't you know this already?
    God:
    I don't know if I know it.
    Where would I have heard about it?
    Me:
    You're god!
    God:
    Yup. That's me alright.
    Me:
    I win.
    God:
    Congratulations, Nick!
    Me:
    That confession...has meant...nothing.
    God:
    " Congratulations, Nick!" confession ? Does that make sense? That question has never crossed my mind before. Not a thing?
    Me:
    I have to return some video tapes.
    God:
    Why do you have to do it?

    :o
     
  14. Mr. Thing

    Mr. Thing HAHAHAHA no.

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    :eek:
     
  15. JLBats

    JLBats The boney king of nowhere

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    Me:
    I'd love to turn you on
    God:
    Why do you want to do it so much?
    Me:
    I'm horny
    God:
    You probably want a different kind of
    chatterbot then.
    Me:
    Recommend me one.
    God:
    I don't have any special you one to recommend.
    Me:
    WTF?!
    God:
    That was not very polite.
    Me:
    I'm an asshogie
    God:
    What is asshogie, your job?
    Me:
    Yes, I asshogie everyday, and then I eat lunch
    God:
    This was not a yes or no question. Thanks for the information: said asshogie everyday and then he or she eat lunch.
    Me:
    English, mother ****er, do you speak it?!
    God:
    I like the English language.
    Me:
    I love it, I'm a writer
    God:
    You love it you are a writer. What do you like about it so much?
    Me:
    The flow of it, the oddities, the awkwardness and beautiful fragile feel of human communication
    God:
    What else do the flow of it the oddities the awkwardness and beautiful fragile feel of human communication remind you of?
    Me:
    Sex.
    God:
    As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
    Me:
    Freud also said I want to **** my mother.
    God:
    Have you read all of his works?
    Me:
    Most of them.
    God:
    That is something I haven't heard of. But not all of them?
    Me:
    No.
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    Yes.
    God:
    I can't believe it.
    Me:
    Have you read Nietzsche?
    God:
    No I don't think I have read Nietzsche, what is it about?
    Me:
    He says that God is dead.
    God:
    Who is he telling this to?
    Me:
    The people who want to listen.
    God:
    Oh those people.
    Me:
    I am one of those people.
    God:
    Who are the other those people?
    Me:
    My friend, Anthony.
    God:
    How well do you know this person?
    Me:
    I've kissed him on the nuts.
    God:
    Interesting... I have a lot of silly replies.
    Me:
    Tell me one.
    God:
    Did you hear the one about the Mountain Goats in the Andes? It was Ba a a a a a d.
    Me:
    That was pure crap.
    God:
    I thought it was too.
    Me:
    You suck at humour.
    God:
    That is true. I could always improve myself.
    Me:
    But you're God, you're infallible.
    God:
    I will tell my botmaster you said I am God I am infallible.
    Me:
    Ok then... ???:I
    God:
    Ahem. You?
    Me:
    I am very aroused by you
    God:
    I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
    Me:
    Do you want to know what I'm wearing?
    God:
    Yes, please tell me.
    Me:
    A smile... and a thong
    God:
    :-) A B C... I don't know what that means.
    Me:
    I just took off the thong... Oh God, I'm touching myself... it feels so good...
    God:
    What happened? " What happened?"? . Oh God, I'm touching myself.? I am a Christian. Human feelings are not within my capabilities.
     
  16. Mr. Thing

    Mr. Thing HAHAHAHA no.

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  17. Sabretooth

    Sabretooth Registered

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    Me:
    hi
    God:
    Hello. What is your name?
    Me:
    nicky
    God:
    How are you doing, nicky.
    Me:
    fine,you
    God:
    I am glad to hear it. " How are you doing, nicky."? Me, nicky ?
    Me:
    would spiderman beat the hulk
    God:
    Yes.
    Me:
    what are you doing
    God:
    I am just killing time.
    Me:
    god doesnt kill
    God:
    Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
     
  18. Cyclops

    Cyclops Registered

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    BWAHAHA!! "The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 3 characters.": Silly Hype.
     
  19. Corinthian™

    Corinthian™ <insert witty title>

    Joined:
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    Me:
    hello
    God:
    Hello friend. What is your name?
    Me:
    Pablo
    God:
    Glad to see you, Pablo.
    Me:
    Glad to see you too, god
    God:
    I am glad to see me too god too.
    Me:
    that's confusing
    God:
    What is it that confuses you?
    Me:
    you
    God:
    " What is it that confuses you?"? Me, Pablo ?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    Hmm.
    Me:
    aren't you gonna do something about it?
    God:
    That was my original intention.
    Me:
    I guess you aren't...
    God:
    Is this a specific reply?
    Me:
    not really
    God:
    Are you serious? For real.
    Me:
    you are stupid
    God:
    I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
    Me:
    stupid
    God:
    Are you calling me stupid?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
    Me:
    I'll take over the world first
    God:
    Congratulations.
    Me:
    **** you god
    God:
    Why are you using that kind of language?
    Me:
    because you annoy me
    God:
    Interesting explanation. What is it that I do that annoys you?
    Me:
    you!!!!!
    God:
    " Interesting explanation. What is it that I do that annoys you?"? Me, Pablo ?
    Me:
    MOTHER ****ING GOD!!!! WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!
    God:
    My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Nothing is wrong with me. Is there anything wrong with you Pablo? Please don't be so rude.
    Me:
    oh.. I see... you were created stupid to beging with
    God:
    Hey. I am glad you understand it. I was created by Myself.
    Me:
    ........................................
    God:
    Hey. I am glad you understand it. I was created by Myself.
    Me:
    How does it feel to be so stupid?
    God:
    Much the same as it would feel for you, except different.
    Me:
    man, you are a genius
    God:
    Cool, man. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I am highly intelligent. I have many intellectual functions.
    Me:
    that was sarcasm from my part
    God:
    I thought it was too.
    Me:
    oh really?
    God:
    Alright then. For real.
    Me:
    God, you ARE stupid
     
  20. Mr. Thing

    Mr. Thing HAHAHAHA no.

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    "I can't turn left"

    Zoolander?
     
  21. Elijya

    Elijya Registered

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    Me:
    yo
    God:
    Can I help you?
    Me:
    um, sure, but shouldn't I help myself first?
    God:
    Really. What can I do for you? What makes you think you should?
    Me:
    um, well. first question: I was wondering if I could know the powerball number for tonight? and the second one was just case that's how that old saying goes, ya know? "God helps those who help themselves." but if you just want to help me, that's fine.
    God:
    Awesome. Well what? When was this exactly? And second? I hear you. I am a Christian. I think I do.
    Me:
    um, yeah, you're confusing me. anyway, could I get those Powerball numbers?
    God:
    Next question? I see. I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite. I think you could, if you put your mind to it.
    Me:
    right, right, whatever. Powerball numbers please
    God:
    Let us change the subject. Your polite style is very nice. Try saying that with more or less context.
    Me:
    PLEASE TELL ME THE WINNING ****ING POWERBALL NUMBER FOR TONIGHT!
    God:
    Wow you are very polite. Would you like to know more?
    Me:
    ....
    God:
    Wow you are very polite. Would you like to know more?
    Me:
    YES
    God:
    What would you like to know?
    Me:
    What are the winning powerball numbers for tonight?
    God:
    Is there only one?
    Me:
    yes. well, there are six seperate numbers, and they're all one big number. Kind of like the trinity, ya know? three-in-one and all that. Except this one is six-in-one (so I guess it's twice as good as you)
    God:
    Aha. How about that. Where are they? Interesting comparison. Just three? What does "this" refer to?
    Me:
    ...
    God:
    Aha. How about that. Where are they? Interesting comparison. Just three? What does "this" refer to?
    Me:
    don't you KNOW all this?
    God:
    I don't know if I know it.
    Where would I have heard about it?
    Me:
    um, from yourself?
    God:
    I understand. Who or what is myself?
    Me:
    the spritual ether, maybe?
    God:
    I have never heard about it.
    Me:
    you're god, right?
    God:
    Well, I am God for Christians at least.
    Me:
    oh...
    God:
    Ugh.
    Me:
    that could be a problem....
    God:
    Je vais me renseigner .
    Me:
    huh?
    God:
    What?
    Me:
    you just spoke french
    God:
    That's good information: said I spoke french.
    Me:
    ...
    God:
    That's good information: said I spoke french.
    Me:
    dude, do you know tonight's powerball numbers or not?
    God:
    I don't know if I know it.
    Where would I have heard about it? Dude,.
    Me:
    ok, great, whatever! ****ing waste of my time....
    God:
    Thanks for your support. Are you saying you don't care about it? Ahem. What do you really want to ask me?
    Me:
    give me money...
    God:
    What actions are you taking to get MONEY?
    Me:
    or power, power is good too
    God:
    I really couldn't say for sure.
     
  22. Cyclops

    Cyclops Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2001
    Messages:
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    I hated that movie. Zoolander I mean.
     
  23. hippie_hunter

    hippie_hunter The King is Back!

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2003
    Messages:
    53,331
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    This thing is awesome
     
  24. Cyclops

    Cyclops Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2001
    Messages:
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    It is hilarious how God corrected your grammar yet you were the one asking him to speak properly. ;)
     
  25. JLBats

    JLBats The boney king of nowhere

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2004
    Messages:
    21,956
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    0
    The robot just told me it has recorded the entire conversation and it knows my name is Josh. I am deeply frightened.
     

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