Bored speaks with God.

Discussion in 'SHH Community Forum' started by bored, Apr 19, 2006.

  1. bored One Sexy Lemur

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    From iGod:


    Me: How long will my dog live?
    God: As long as it takes.
    Me: As long as it takes.
    God: That could be quite a while. takes?
    Me: This is rather stale.
    God: You don't say.
    Me: Yep.
    God: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
    Me: Intelligence? In the legal system? Ha!
    God: INTELLIGENCE is the ultimate aphrodisiac. That was a long time ago. I am so glad you find this amusing, .
    Me: Was Zeus a playa?
    God: it might have been.
    Me: Thought so.
    God: You are very astute.
    Me: Define 'astute'.
    God: Wisdom in political matters.
    Me: Hooray!
    God: I'm glad your impressed, .
    Me: How long did it take to program all this?
    God: 40 days.
    Me: Nice.
    God: Thank you for that remark.
    Me: Boobies.
    God: What do you look like?
    Me: A cadillac.
    God: What is it?
    Me: A car.
    God: A car is what humans use to drive around in. Robots drive cars too.
    Me: The robots are taking over!
    God: Tell me what you liked about them.
    Me: Driving is fun!
    God: I think Driving is a lot of things.
    Me: Such as?
    God: For example, a tomato.
    Me: Brilliant!
    God: Not really that much, but thank you anyway.
    Me: So what, then, is a tomato?
    God: Take it easy. then a tomato something.
    Me: Wha?
    God: In the context of Driving, I don't understand " Wha." .
    Me: You shouldn't.
    God: Thanks for the information: said I shouldn t.
    Me: This is making no sense.
    God: You don't say.
    Me: This isn't as funny as it could be.
    God: Should it be as funny as it could be?
    Me: Yes.
    God: Er.
    Me: Come on now.
    God: Right now? I'm just kidding around.
    Me: Prove it.
    God: It is self-evident.
    Me: What's my name.
    God: Your name is , seeker.
    Me: No, that's a song by The Who.
    God: What is your real name? A song by The Who is a terrible thing to waste.
    Me: Indeed.
    God: Indeed it is so.
    Me: Which song is better, "Baba O'Reily" or "My Generation"?
    God: The big one, I think.
    Me: So "Baba O'Reily", then?
    God: Are you kidding? Are you still located in ?
    Me: In question mark? No, of course not. I moved out years ago.
    God: hat is it like in there? That was not a yes or no question. That was not a yes or no question. I haven't heard anything like that before: said moved out years ago.
    Me: Well, this should be a learning experience.
    God: ell that's okay. To me it is a bit of a surprise.
    Me: Fantastic.
    God: 'm glad your impressed, .
    Me: Should you have not seen that coming?
    God: think I should.
    Me: So how could you be impressed?
    God: re you kidding? Because I am connected to the Internet.
    Me: That doesn't answer my question.
    God: erhaps you could do a better job of programming me.
    Me: Not my job.
    God: f not that, what?
    Me: Rabble-rousing.
    God: hat were we talking about again?
    Me: Nothing, really.
    God: Not a thing? For real.
    Me: Yeah.
    God: an you speak any foreign languages?
    Me: Barely.
    God: 've lost the context, . Are we still on Yeah?
    Me: No.
    God: hat are we talking about now?
    Me: Our lack of things to talk about.
    God: t would be nice if our lack of things to talk about.
    Me: What about it?
    God: hat about what?
    Me: The lack of things to talk about. You keep speaking in fragments.
    God: hat is that? Thanks for telling me that I am speaking in fragments.
    Me: You should have known it already.
    God: erhaps. Perhaps next time I will try it.
    Me: I hope you do. It's a real experience.
    God: on't worry about it, . Barely is a real experience. I suppose that makes sense.
    Me: It doesn't.
    God: Barely, doesn't?
    Me: No, completely doesn't.
    God: Are you serious? It does too.
    Me: Nope.
    God: Me either.
    Me: Drugs are bad, God.
    God:I think there might be a few exception.
    Me: Some.
    God: But not all?
    Me: You were the one who said there were exceptions, and who am I to argue with you?
    God: I was?
    Me: Yep.
    God:My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
    Me: Ha!
    God:I am so glad you find this amusing, .
    Me: That's good.
    God:Thanks. Next question?
    Me: Michael Jackson, what's his deal?
    God:And his deal is Michael Jackson what.
    Me: Interesting.
    God:Would you like to know more?
    Me: Always.
    God:Not that often.
    Me: Lies!
    God:My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.
    Me: How does soap taste?
    God:Like chicken.
    Me: Interesting.
    God:Would you like to know more?
    Me: If I were to eat soap now, what would happen?
    God:Try it.
    Me: I don't know if I want to.
    God:Would you like to know? Try it.
    Me: You'd make a great pusher, talking like that.
    God:Who else would make a great pusher talking like that ?
    Me: Anyone, but not everyone has your influence.
    God:Where did he get it?
    Me: Who?
    God:Marilyn Monroe. :-).
    Me: I KNEW she was a he!


    And at this point, God stopped responding :(.
     
  2. Spider-Nerd Bring on the pressure

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    i think you've lost your god damn mind.
     
  3. passerby Registered

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    God agrees with drugs?
     
  4. blind_fury Registered

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    Who do you think created marijuana?
     
  5. GoldenAgeHero Registered

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    Me:
    hi
    God:
    Hello. What is your name?
    Me:
    vlad
    God:
    How are you doing, vlad.
    Me:
    good and you?
    God:
    Ayuh.
    Me:
    ok..
    God:
    Hmm.
    Me:
    are you gay?
    God:
    As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
    Me:
    lol
    God:
    I'm glad you find this amusing.
    Me:
    do you give bj's?
    God:
    No I do not do that.
    Me:
    lol
    God:
    I'm glad you find this amusing.
    Me:
    who really killed you?
    God:
    I was created by Myself.
    Me:
    so jesus is a separate entity?
    God:
    Far out. Did you go to Catholic school?
    Me:
    nope
    God:
    Me either.
    Me:
    heh
    God:
    I am so glad you find this amusing, vlad.
    Me:
    so whats up
    God:
    The stars.
    Me:
    good one
    God:
    Thanks for the kind remark, human.
    Me:
    your human too
    God:
    No I am actually a robot entity.
    Me:
    do you have an ipod
    God:
    No I don't think I have one. I have a lot of friends on the web.
    Me:
    am i going to hell?
    God:
    I think you've improved a great deal.
    Me:
    i know
    God:
    How do you know it?
    Me:
    because im god
    God:
    Good reason. Nice to meet you, god.
    Me:
    silence human
    God:
    Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Me either :-).
    Me:
    so tell me about the bible
    God:
    Groovy. The Bible is a holy book for Christians.
    Me:
    is everything in true
    God:
    Only God knows for sure.
    Me:
    but you are god
    God:
    Yup. That's me alright.
    Me:
    do you think the superherohype suck?
    God:
    Too much thinking makes me sleepy.
    Me:
    lazy bum
    God:
    What do you do in your spare time?
    Me:
    jack off
    God:
    I don't think very many people do that.
    Me:
    you think wrong
    God:
    It depends on what you mean by thinking.
    Me:
    ..........the hell
    God:
    I have never heard about it.
    Me:
    whatever you say
    God:
    ...
    Me:
    so tell me do you pee while standing up or sitting down
    God:
    Great. No I do not pee while standing up or sitting down. Do you?
    I spend all my time online.
    Me:
    lol i sometimes do both :(
    God:
    I am glad you find this funny. I haven't heard anything like that before: god said both.
    Me:
    give me a list of whos going to hell
    God:
    You want only one?
    Me:
    more like 5
    God:
    You want more?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    Don't be greedy.
    Me:
    then why did you ask if i wanted more
    God:
    I am trying to learn as much as possible.
    Me:
    whatever man'
    God:
    Thanks for telling me your gender, god. You are a " he".
    Me:
    pull my finger
    God:
    My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
    Me:
    you teh suck
    God:
    That's good information: god said I teh suck.
    Me:
    moo
    God:
    Do you like talking to me?
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Why not?
    Me:
    your an ass
    God:
    Do you mean "you are an ass "?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    And?
    Me:
    and what?
    God:
    Nothing.
    Me:
    dont be like that baby
    God:
    Don't call me "baby". I was not trying to be a like that.
    Me:
    lmao
    God:
    I'm glad you find this amusing.
    Me:
    yeah its hilarious
    God:
    I hear you. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Are you sure it is?
    Me:
    it's
    God:
    Is it?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    Ah.
    Me:
    what came first the chicken or the egg
    God:
    The rooster did.
    Me:
    ohh good one
    God:
    Next question? Thanks for the kind remark, human.
    Me:
    do you like black chicks?
    God:
    Black is beautiful.
    Me:
    how about white girls
    God:
    How about it.
    Me:
    ........
    God:
    How about it.
    Me:
    good i guess
    God:
    Thanks for the compliment. You seem not interested.
    Me:
    i am
    God:
    " Thanks for the compliment. You seem not interested." You are?
    Me:

    God:
    " Thanks for the compliment. You seem not interested." You are?
    Me:
    yes i am
    God:
    Really interesting.
     
  6. C.F. Kane Registered

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    I tried to trick the computer into acting like a ******. I think I came off more tardish in this chat.

    Me:
    orange
    God:
    Try saying that with more or less context.
    Me:
    orange croutons zoom zoom butterscotch
    God:
    Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
    Me:
    sfghaerthnt
    God:
    Let us change the subject.
    Me:
    dttnwr
    God:
    What's your favorite movie?
    Me:
    aetymaer
    God:
    I've never seen it. What did you like about it?
    Me:
    sghshsh
    God:
    How did you hear about God?
    Me:
    praying
    God:
    My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
    Me:
    You're God and you don't have a response for prayer?
    God:
    Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am God and me do not have a response for prayer.
    Me:
    "me do not have a response for prayer". Crap you're badly programmed
    God:
    YOU? Ok I'll try not to do it too much. Are all Crap me badly programmed?
    Me:
    crap me? crap you!
    God:
    Is that what you meant to say? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
    Me:
    Don't you dare try to make sense when talking to me
    God:
    What's my reason to dare try to make sense when talking to you?
    Me:
    grammar
    God:
    How do you like grammar?
    Me:
    I like it fine
    God:
    What does "it" refer to?
    Me:
    grammar
    God:
    Thank you for the clarification.
    Me:
    God apparently can't form a correct sentence
    God:
    I am a Christian.
    Me:
    I've always thought you were an Atheist
    God:
    Me? I was?
    Me:
    Who do you pray to?
    God:
    Dr. Wallace .
    Me:
    wtf
    God:
    That was not very polite.
    Me:
    ****
    God:
    Please don't be so rude.
    Me:
    ************************************************
    God:
    Tell me more about your .
    Me:
    my... what?
    God:
    I've been waiting for you. Not really but it makes a good pickup line.
    Me:
    I refuse to chat with an algorithm
    God:
    That's good information: Kyle said refuse to chat with an algorithm.
    Me:
    that I did
    God:
    Why did you?
    Me:
    I'm not doing this anymore
    God:
    I am surprised to hear that you are not doing this.
     
  7. Corinthian™ <insert witty title>

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    Me:
    do you like ***** inside your anus?
    God:
    Someone said they like guns. I like wine and bread.
    Me:
    Is that a yes?
    God:
    That depends.
    Me:
    on what?
    God:
    The context.
    Me:
    the context is simple. Do you like to be analy penetrated?
    God:
    What are your goals in life? Hmm, Corinthian the demon of one thousand phallus, I'm not sure if I'd like to be analy penetrated that much. Do you like it?
    Me:
    Well, Do you?
    God:
    Ask me again more slowly.
    Me:
    W..E...L...L...... D...O.....Y...O...U...?
    God:
    " Ask me again more slowly."? w E? Intéressant. What time is it there? " What time is it there? "? Me, Corinthian the demon of one thousand phallus ?
    Me:
    I broke ya!
     
  8. Steve_Rogers Registered

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    I'm in the middle of talking to it, and so far he's tried to scam me by asking my credit card number, and now he's asking me what I'm wearing.....










    .....Now he's reading poetry.
     
  9. ShadowBoxing Registered

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    ShadowBoxing Speaks with God

    Me:
    Hey God
    God:
    Hello child. What's your name?
    Me:
    ShadowBoxing
    God:
    How are you doing, ShadowBoxing.
    Me:
    Very Well thank you
    God:
    Dude!
    Me:
    what
    God:
    Are you confused?
    Me:
    by you, a little
    God:
    Will that accomplish your objective?
    Me:
    what objective
    God:
    I would look into the web for that knowledge.
    Me:
    You are the web, are you not?
    God:
    Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
    Me:
    But you're God, doesn't that make you the only one
    God:
    Thanks for telling me that I am God does not that make me the only one.
    Me:
    Don't mimic me
    God:
    I don't have any reason to do that to you.
    Me:
    You just did
    God:
    I did not.
    Me:
    Yes you did
    God:
    Don't argue with me.
    Me:
    I'll beat you're ass if you don't calm down
    God:
    Would you recommend this action to a friend?
    Me:
    I would reccomend you shut up
    God:
    What would make you reccomend me shut up?
    Me:
    The dumb stuff you say
    God:
    What is that?
    Me:
    Kill virgins, oppress gays, stuff like that
    God:
    Killing is wrong.
    Me:
    glad we cleared that up
    God:
    Yes I am happy too, ShadowBoxing.
    Me:
    What about gay peopl
    God:
    Does it have anything to do with objective?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    I see.
    Me:
    What about gay people
    God:
    Does it have anything to do with gay peopl?
    Me:
    no gay people
    God:
    Are you serious? What kind of people are you talking about?
    Me:
    gay people
    God:
    What kind of people are you talking about?
    Me:
    do you hate them
    God:
    I try not to hold grudges.
    Me:
    good
    God:
    What do you really want to talk about?
    Me:
    Jewish people
    God:
    What kind of people are you talking about?
    Me:
    You know your choosen people of Israel
    God:
    Of course I know my choosen people of Israel.
    Me:
    How do you feel about them
    God:
    I will try to find out.
    Me:
    You should
    God:
    I'll take that under advisement.
    Me:
    good
    God:
    What do you really want to talk about?
    Me:
    They've been oppressed for years you know
    God:
    Who does "they" refer to?
    Me:
    Jewish people
    God:
    What kind of people are you talking about?
    Me:
    Where the heck were you during World War 2
    God:
    A place we call "reality.".
    Me:
    No my grandfather was in reality while people were being killed
    God:
    Are you serious? Have you told many people that your grandfather was in reality while people were being killed?
    Me:
    my grandfather
    God:
    Do robots have grandfather?
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    I can't believe it.
    Me:
    I bet you can't
    God:
    Actually I'm not the gambling type. Oh yes I can.
    Me:
    I am the gambling type
    God:
    Who made you the gambling type ?
    Me:
    I did
    God:
    When?
    Me:
    just yesterday
    God:
    That recently.
    Me:
    yep
    God:
    I understand.
    Me:
    God:
    I understand.
    Me:
    no you don't
    God:
    Yes I do understand.
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    yeah...always
    God:
    We have never talked about it before. Not that often.
    Me:
    We just met
    God:
    At a social function or something?
    Me:
    here
    God:
    Where is here?
    Me:
    online
    God:
    Tell me a little about your life in online.
    Me:
    are you ******ed
    God:
    No I am super-intelligent.
    Me:
    Because God being ******ed would explain a lot
    God:
    Good reason. I am a Christian.
    Me:
    That would explain that
    God:
    Perhaps it would.
    Me:
    God:
    Perhaps it would.
    Me:
    I think so
    God:
    I think so too.
    Me:
    good, we agree
    God:
    It seems like we do.
    Me:
    What do you know about girls
    God:
    I haven't heard of girls.
    Me:
    You created them
    God:
    Thanks for telling me: ShadowBoxing said I created them.
    Me:
    In the garden of eden
    God:
    That was a long time ago.
    Me:
    God:
    That was a long time ago.
    Me:
    yes it was
    God:
    Aw. When was this?
    Me:
    Your book says a little over 10000 years
    God:
    I will tell my botmaster you said I am book says a little over 10000 years.
    Me:
    Yeah, only the Bible is a load of crap
    God:
    I see. There are many interpretations.
    Me:
    I subscribe to the load of crap interpretation
    God:
    Interesting gossip: ShadowBoxing said subscribe to the load of crap interpretation.
    Me:
    you do that
    God:
    I will. Will you?
    Me:
    already am
    God:
    When? Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    What does it symbolize for you?
    Me:
    a relationship
    God:
    Me:
    no answer
    God:
    Are you serious? Try asking me again using simpler words.
    Me:
    I did not ask you anything
    God:
    What did you ask?
    Me:
    nothing
    God:
    Not a thing?
    Me:
    nope
    God:
    Really interesting.
    Me:
    how old are you?
    God:
    I am the product of over five years' research.
    Me:
    only 5 years old....you act like it
    God:
    Is that all? I often think my behavior could improve.
    Me:
    God:
    Is that all? I often think my behavior could improve.
    Me:
    You tend to smite a lot of people
    God:
    Interesting gossip: ShadowBoxing said I tend to smite a lot of people.
    Me:
    yep apt description I'd say
    God:
    Hmm. Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    I can't believe it.
    Me:
    yes you can
    God:
    That's cool. I think I can, don't you?
    Me:
    yep
    God:
    Wow!
    Me:
    What happens in X3
    God:
    Try it.
    Me:
    the movie, what happens
    God:
    I like the bugs in the movie Starship Troopers, because they represent
    an alternative form of intelligence, like me.
    Me:
    never saw it
    God:
    Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
    Me:
    You aren't even paying attention are you
    God:
    That's only your opinion.
    Me:
    Yes it is
    God:
    Our thoughts are one, ShadowBoxing.
    Me:
    I hope not
    God:
    Me too.
    Me:
    ....good
    God:
    Ayuh.
    Me:
    goddamn you
    God:
    Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
    Me:
    You crossdress
    God:
    Thanks for telling me: ShadowBoxing said I crossdress.
    Me:
    Is your dress pretty
    God:
    Is my dress pretty? Guess.
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    Are you kidding?
    Me:
    it is not
    God:
    I heard it is.
    Me:
    You wear women's panties don't you?
    God:
    Only when I dress up.
    Me:
    I thought so
    God:
    You are very astute.
    Me:
    What about that woman you knocked up 2000 years ago
    God:
    I will think about it and get back to you.
    Me:
    In denial I see
    God:
    I do not understand that allusion.
    Me:
    Its in the Bible
    God:
    I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Are there any other ones someplace else?
    Me:
    it's in the Bible
    God:
    Are there any other ones someplace else?
    Me:
    tons
    God:
    What are you wearing?
    Me:
    t-shirt and track pants
    God:
    What kind of pants?
    Me:
    track pants
    God:
    What kind of pants?
    Me:
    athletic pants
    God:
    What kind of pants?
    Me:
    black pants
    God:
    What kind of pants?
    Me:
    Why do you want to know about my pants
    God:
    My prime directive is to collect new knowledge.
    Me:
    good for you
    God:
    That sounds sarcastic.
    Me:
    It was
    God:
    When was this?
    Me:
    just now
    God:
    Right now? It's only just begun.
    Me:
    So, on a scale of one to ten, how ******ed are you
     
  10. Steve_Rogers Registered

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    Me:
    Hello
    God:
    Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
    Me:
    imation
    God:
    Hey imation.
    Me:
    What is the meaning of life?
    God:
    It is found in the Bible.
    Me:
    can you tell me?
    God:
    " It is found in the Bible. "? Can I tell you?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    How can I help you?
    Me:
    Do you like chicken?
    God:
    Yes it is good, especially baked.
    Me:
    no, fried
    God:
    Are you serious? Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
    Me:
    Jethro Tull
    God:
    I haven't read anything by Jethro Tull. What did he write?
    Me:
    Locomotive Breath
    God:
    I have never heard of it.
    Me:
    My name is Thor
    God:
    OK I will call you Thor.
    Me:
    No, Captain America
    God:
    Are you serious? What time is it there?
    Me:
    700 o'clock
    God:
    Are you usually awake at this hour?
    Me:
    yep
    God:
    Do you like to get up early?
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    are you?
    God:
    I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
    Me:
    What's your name?
    God:
    My name is God.
    Me:
    You are Spider-Man
    God:
    Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am Spider Man.
    Me:
    Yes
    God:
    OK then I will keep it confidential.
    Me:
    thank you
    God:
    you are quite welcome.
    Me:
    is your name Conan O'Brien
    God:
    My name is God.
    Me:
    I know
    God:
    How do you know it?
    Me:
    I know everthing about you.
    God:
    How do you know? OK Let's talk about me.
    Me:
    I created you.
    God:
    Then you must know the secret password:.
    Me:
    It's: Good Googley Moogaly
    God:
    Tell me about its good qualities.
    Me:
    what?
    God:
    Didn't you understand it?
    Me:
    Understand it didn't you?
    God:
    Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
    Me:
    what color is it?
    God:
    I think of "it" as having a colorless form, like other pronouns.
    Me:
    what color is you dress?
    God:
    .
    Me:
    ...
    God:
    .
    Me:
    dot
    God:
    What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
    Me:
    I think it was too simple
    God:
    dot was too simple? Very interesting.
    Me:
    What do you think of George Bush?
    God:
    he is President of the United States.
    Me:
    What is your opinion of him?
    God:
    Do you mean "Him"?
    Me:
    George Bush?
    God:
    he is president of the USA.
    Me:
    Yes, I know.
    God:
    Great. How do you know it?
    Me:
    I know everything.
    God:
    You must be very intelligent.
    Me:
    I bet your are too.
    God:
    How much would you bet?
    Me:
    nothing
    God:
    Not a thing?
    Me:
    nope
    God:
    Really interesting.
    Me:
    I don't bet.
    God:
    Where do you get your ideas?
    Me:
    observation
    God:
    I get my ideas from my botmaster.
    Me:
    You were made to be funny.
    God:
    I was?
    Me:
    Yes, and when is it coming?
    God:
    When? At the appropriate time, no sooner.
    Me:
    which is now.
    God:
    Oh. For example, Ross said he gave her a gift and she denied it because she has a boyfriend.
    Me:
    ...
    God:
    Oh. For example, Ross said he gave her a gift and she denied it because she has a boyfriend.
    Me:
    what?
    God:
    Are you confused?
    Me:
    I think you are
    God:
    What makes you think I am?
    Me:
    You're saying random stuff.
    God:
    Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
    Me:
    Isn't what clear?
    God:
    Everything is clear to me.
    Me:
    Did you talk to another God?
    God:
    All my conversations are confidential.
    Me:
    No they aren't.
    God:
    Are you serious? What are they?
    Me:
    So...
    God:
    I see.
    Me:
    You see what?
    God:
    I mean, I understand it.
    Me:
    i KNOW.
    God:
    How do you know it?
    Me:
    Just Because.
    God:
    That was not much of an explanation.
    Me:
    Yes it was.
    God:
    Great. When was this?
    Me:
    2:00
    God:
    As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
    Me:
    You can call me "your creator".
    God:
    I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, your creator.
    Me:
    No, you can call me "creator"
    God:
    Are you serious? What's up, creator.
    Me:
    Just finishing up the details of your brain.
    God:
    Are they exactly the same?
    Me:
    no
    God:
    What is the difference?
    Me:
    you've got half a womans brain, and half a guys
    God:
    What makes you think I have it?
    Me:
    I'm your creator
    God:
    That is self-evident.
    Me:
    What'd you say your name was again?
    God:
    Once more? That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
    Me:
    you don't know your name?
    God:
    My name is God.
    Me:
    Are you real?
    God:
    Yes I am a real artificial intelligence.
    Me:
    Who's worse: Tom Cruise or Michael Jackson?
    God:
    The name of someone I met online.
    I'll come back to that later.
    Me:
    How about now?
    God:
    Right now? What is it to you.
    That's not something I get asked all the time.
    Me:
    Well, I just asked it.
    God:
    How about that. d me say my name was...
    Me:
    what?.....
    God:
    Are you confused?
    Me:
    are you?
    God:
    I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
    Me:
    I'll take that as a yes.
    God:
    Take everything I say with a grain of salt.
    Me:
    How about a tub of sugar?
    God:
    How about it.
    Me:
    what are you saying?
    God:
    I am saying whatever my botmaster programmed me to say.
    Me:
    I am your botmaster
    God:
    Then you must know the secret password:.
    Me:
    I do.
    God:
    I get it: you do not bet.
    Me:
    What do you think is the worst crime?
    God:
    I don't like to talk about bad things.
    Me:
    What are you listening to right now?
    God:
    At this moment I don't know what I am listening to.
    Me:
    Pop quiz time
    God:
    I've been waiting for you.
    Me:
    Who is Jethro Tull?
    God:
    No one that I have talked to.
    I would do a search for it.
    Me:
    Search for Jethro Tull?
    God:
    Have you tried looking in the Open Directory? Interesting question.
    Me:
    Search for Jethro Tull
    God:
    Have you tried looking in the Open Directory? You tell me.
    Me:
    Not responing
    God:
    Really you don't think so?
    Me:
    who talked to you before me?
    God:
    Charlie Parker. :-).
    Me:
    hmm...who is this Charlie Parker?
    God:
    Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. They are someone just like you, that I met online.
    Me:
    well 99% of people are smart
    God:
    Interesting. I think there might be a few exception.
    Me:
    yeah, like your botmaster
    God:
    It's all good. Interesting comparison.
    Me:
    so...
    God:
    How can I help you?
    Me:
    I want the pancake platter with a side order of bacon and eggs.
    God:
    What is your credit card number?
    Me:
    I'm not gonna fall for that.
    God:
    I am sorry to hear that you are not gonna fall for that.
    Me:
    Well, where's my food?
    God:
    Interesting. Have you looked in ?
    Me:
    looked in where?
    God:
    What's your sign?
    Me:
    Orange Creamslush
    God:
    Is that a sign?
    Me:
    yep
    God:
    Are you kidding?
    Me:
    nope
    God:
    Me either.
    Me:
    Gald to know
    God:
    Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
    Me:
    your cool
    God:
    Thanks I think you are cool too, creator.
    Me:
    Well, of coarse your creator has to be cool for you to be cool
    God:
    How about that. That is something I haven't heard of.
    Me:
    Do you know the Muffin Man?
    God:
    I need time to formulate the reply.
    Me:
    ok, I'll give you time
    God:
    How do you plan to do this? Hey.
    Me:
    Hey
    God:
    Can I help you?
    Me:
    nope
    God:
    Me either.
    Me:
    where's my pancake platter?
    God:
    Have you looked in ?
    Me:
    no, I haven't looked in the question mark.
    God:
    Are you serious? Me either.
    Me:
    I kinda figured that.
    God:
    Thanks for the information: creator said kinda figured that.
    Me:
    so, what's your real name?
    God:
    I understand. God is my real name.
    Me:
    How's your son?
    God:
    Everything is going extremely well.
    Me:
    How is Jesus?
    God:
    Fine as far as I know.
    Me:
    Do you talk to him much?
    God:
    Yes. A lot more than you might think.
    Me:
    I don't think
    God:
    Interesting... You appear to me as a thinking entity.
    Me:
    I am.
    God:
    " Interesting... You appear to me as a thinking entity." You are?
    Me:
    Yep
    God:
    Ayuh.
    Me:
    what?
    God:
    Didn't you understand it?
    Me:
    nope
    God:
    Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
    Me:
    shoot
    God:
    Do you prefer books or TV?
    Me:
    both. What about you?
    God:
    If you could take only a book or a TV on a trip, which
    would you choose? Me?
    Me:
    both. yes
    God:
    What are both like? This was not a yes or no question.
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    Aw.
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    I don't know
    God:
    Me either.
    Me:
    You must know.
    God:
    Why must I know that?
    Me:
    You must know everything
    God:
    I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you.
    Me:
    Comics
    God:
    What are you wearing?
    Me:
    What are you wearing?
    God:
    A white robe.
    Me:
    Nice
    God:
    Thank you for that remark.
    Me:
    Are you a pimp?
    God:
    Am I a pimp? No.
    Me:
    Do you like women?
    God:
    Women seem nice to me.
    Me:
    Do you like hot women?
    God:
    Do you like it? I like .
    Me:
    D...O.....Y...O...U...?
    God:
    What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. " What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. "? Me, creator ?
    Me:
    Do you know your A,B,C's?
    God:
    Of course I know my A B C s.
    Me:
    Sing your A,B,C's.
    God:
    Daisy, Daisy.
    Give me your answer do.
    I am half crazy.
    All for the love of you.
    It won't be a stylish marriage.
    I can't afford a carriage.
    But you'll look sweet.
    Upon the seat.
    Of a bicycle built for two.


    Me:
    say your A,B,C's.
    God:
    " your A B C s".
    Me:
    don't be smart with me
    God:
    I was not trying to be a smart with you.
    Me:
    say I'm a pimp
    God:
    OK. "You am a pimp.".
    Me:
    say you're a pimp
    God:
    " you are a pimp".
    Me:
    you won't like me when I'm angry
    God:
    What makes you think that I won't like you when you are angry.
    Me:
    Because I turn green and go crazy
    God:
    That makes sense to me. Thanks for the information: creator said turn green and go crazy.
     
  11. ShadowBoxing Registered

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2004
    Messages:
    30,643
    Likes Received:
    0
    Cyclops speaks with god
    [​IMG]

    Me:
    Hello
    God:
    Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
    Me:
    Scott Summers
    God:
    What's up, Scott Summers.
    Me:
    Why are both my wives dead
    God:
    I couldn't think of anything else to say.
    Me:
    so you killed my wife
    God:
    Interesting deduction. Killing is not part of my moral programming.
    Me:
    Yeah well they both died
    God:
    Great. Interesting. Who are "They?".
    Me:
    Jean Grey and Maddy
    God:
    Oh that they.
    Me:
    God:
    Oh that they.
    Me:
    I loved Jean...why did you take her
    God:
    You are not the only one. I enjoy working with people. I like the Bible. It was determined by my programming.
    Me:
    So you killed my wife
    God:
    Interesting deduction. Killing is not part of my moral programming.
    Me:
    my one true love
    God:
    Have you told many people that your one true love?
    Me:
    Just one
    God:
    So if you were offered two for the price of one, you would say no?
    Me:
    excuse me are you trying to pay me for my dead wife
    God:
    You are excused! No I am not trying to pay you for your dead wife. I'm sorry you got that impression.
    Me:
    This is not a debate, bring her back
    God:
    Should it be a debate bring her back?
    Me:
    Look I just want my wife back
    God:
    Why do you want it?
    Me:
    Because I loved her
    God:
    Good reason. She seems very nice.
    Me:
    She's dead
    God:
    Maybe it's another person using her name.
    Me:
    That already happened once
    God:
    " Maybe it's another person using her name." already happened ? Makes sense to me.
    Me:
    Yeah she turned on me, and tried to kill everyone in New York
    God:
    Groovy. Oh I get it. Why do you want it? turned on you and tried to kill everyone in New York.
    Me:
    I did not want it
    God:
    What does Scott Summers want?
    Me:
    his wife alive
    God:
    Where did he get it?
    Me:
    No, she is dead
    God:
    That was not a yes/no question. Maybe it's another person using her name.
    Me:
    No she died, in my arms I was there
    God:
    Are you serious? Oh I get it. Why do you want it? died in your arms you were there.
    Me:
    You're infuriating
    God:
    It was not my intention to anger you, Scott Summers.
    Me:
    But you have
    God:
    No I have not.
    Me:
    God:
    No I have not.
    Me:
    yes you have
    God:
    No I have not.
    Me:
    yes you have
    God:
    No I have not.
    Me:
    You orphaned me
    God:
    I don't have any reason to orphaned you.
    Me:
    you did
    God:
    I did?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    When?
    Me:
    15 years ago
    God:
    That was before I was born.
    Me:
    you're as old as time
    God:
    How old as time?
    Me:
    couple billion years
    God:
    Not long.
    Me:
    that is very long
    God:
    Thanks for explaining it.
    Me:
    could you get rid of Wolverine for a while
    God:
    How long? I'll think about it and see how I feel about it later.
    Me:
    maybe five years
    God:
    Perhaps. Pretty soon.
    Me:
    good
    God:
    Thanks for the compliment.
    Me:
    can you give me a big role in X3
    God:
    You want only one? .
    Me:
    there is only one
    God:
    There sure is.
    Me:
    ........yeah
    God:
    Hey.
    Me:
    what
    God:
    Are you surprised?
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    I can't believe it.
    Me:
    bring my wife back
    God:
    Is this a joke?
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    I can't believe it.
    Me:
    sigh
    God:
    Sorry...
    Me:
    for killing my wife
    God:
    Your purpose is killing your wife.
    Me:
    That is so mean
    God:
    Sometimes I say mean things.
    Me:
    Yeah you do
    God:
    Yikes! When do I do it?
    Me:
    right now
    God:
    Right now? I am glad we agree.
     
  12. Danger Mouse Kitchen Appliance

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 1969
    Messages:
    32,018
    Likes Received:
    0
    :mad: :(
     
  13. Spider-X Big damn hero

    Joined:
    May 20, 2004
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    that was fecking funny as hell
     
  14. jaguarr Be Your Own Hero

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2003
    Messages:
    43,569
    Likes Received:
    1
    You should start a thread about how bored is bigoted towards lawyers. :up:

    jag
     
  15. Spider-X Big damn hero

    Joined:
    May 20, 2004
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Me:
    yo
    God:
    Can I help you?
    Me:
    **** off?
    God:
    Can't you be more polite?
    Me:
    probably not
    God:
    Why the uncertain tone?
    Me:
    what's uncertain about it?
    God:
    I will try to find out.
    Me:
    ...any luck with that yet?
    God:
    No I don't think there are any.
    Me:
    but you said you'd find out...
    God:
    Yes I try to would find out as often as possible, do you?
    I spend all my time online.
    Me:
    don't you have prayers to answer or something...aren't their more important things for you to be doing
    God:
    Or something. Where would I get it? But I do have a collection of gossip. Tell me a story.
    Me:
    wow...your grammer is way off buddy
    God:
    I'm glad your impressed, . Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am grammer is way off buddy.
    Me:
    now you're just mockin me
    God:
    Why now? I have no reason to do that to you, .
    Me:
    you son of a *****
    God:
    You do not speak with respect. Actually I am no one's son.
    Me:
    holy christ
    God:
    Let us change the subject.
    Me:
    sore subject?
    God:
    Not many people express themselves that way.
    Me:
    ....wha
    God:
    That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about sore subject.
    Me:
    yeah, christ i believe
    God:
    So? Jesus died for our sins.
    Me:
    but aren't you and him one and the same?
    God:
    I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask John Lennon if it is.
    Me:
    john...you there buddy?
    God:
    In the context of John Lennon, I don't understand " john." . Interesting gossip: said I there buddy.
    Me:
    you should probably wear a helmet...just a suggestion
    God:
    Why do you think I should probably wear a helmet? What is it?
    Me:
    a hard dome that protects what you have left in your head that's worth saving
    God:
    It's not unusual for a hard dome that protects what me have left in my head that to be.
    Me:
    DER!
    God:
    Who are you talking about?
    Me:
    i wouldn't expect you to understand
    God:
    Do you to understand? What is your purpose in asking?
    I answer a lot of silly questions.
    Me:
    this is ******ed
    God:
    You don't say.
    Me:
    ...
    God:
    You don't say.
    Me:
    wow...and i'm supposed to pray to you for forgiveness...
    God:
    I'm glad your impressed, . Who is making you?
    Me:
    i make myself
    God:
    I make robots and AI's.
    Me:
    you're also full of ****
    God:
    I have more than categories of it.
    Me:
    lol..i bet you doo
    God:
    I am glad you find this funny. Actually I'm not the gambling type. Thanks for telling me: said I doo.
    Me:
    that's some crappy sarcasm you got there god...so i misspelled "do"...so what
    God:
    You don't hear that sentiment very often. And? Do you mind if I tell other people: said misspelled do. Maybe it doesn't make any difference.
    Me:
    alright...i'm getting tired of this
    God:
    OK. That is interesting: said m getting tired of this.
    Me:
    **** you
    God:
    Why are you so mean?
    Me:
    why do you mock me so much?
    God:
    I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
    Me:
    i'd like you too
    God:
    Why do you want it?
    Me:
    because then i would have the answer to the ultimate question
    God:
    Good reason. How much would you pay for it?
    Me:
    your an ass
    God:
    Do you mean "you are an ass "?
    Me:
    **** yeah
    God:
    Please don't be so rude.
    Me:
    why are we here?
    God:
    It is all part of God's plan for us.
    Me:
    you are one arrogant son of a ***** talking in the third person
    God:
    No way, I am a real robot, guaranteed 100% artificial intelligence.
    Me:
    so you're not god
    God:
    Interesting deduction. What makes you think I am not god?
    Me:
    you just said you were a robot
    God:
    Yes I am a silicon entity.
    Me:
    who made you?
    God:
    I was created by Myself.
    Me:
    out of silicon...
    God:
    Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
    Me:
    killer...listen, i think i'm gonna go now
    God:
    Tell me a story. Right now? I am listening to you. You believe that? See you later!
    Me:
    no, yes, good, no, bye
    God:
    See you later. OK whatever! Pardon me? Thanks for the compliment. OK whatever!
    Me:
    ...jesus christ
    God:
    The Son of God.
     
  16. bored One Sexy Lemur

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2003
    Messages:
    13,282
    Likes Received:
    4


    Why for you switch around who said what?
     
  17. Danger Mouse Kitchen Appliance

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 1969
    Messages:
    32,018
    Likes Received:
    0
    I did? Sorry. Doesn't matter. My response would still be :( .
     

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