If Pitof Directed ______-Man

[MutantCircus]

...

 

[That-Guy]

Okay, here's a thread where we can come up with superhero movies we can thank God that Catwoman director Pitof didn't get his hands on but if he did, they would have been a total betrayal of the character. The idea is one person posts a character, and then someone else comes up with how silly Pitof's "vision" would be for the character. For example: Pitof's "Aquaman."

Clarence Court (Martin Lawrence) is a street hustler from Aberdeen who drinks a bottle of radioactive Aquafina. This gives him the ability to transform into the Pacific Ocean. He goes up against the evil CEO of Aquafina, Ingbert Von *****ebag (Kelsey Grammar) and his evil wife, the psychotic shapeshifting alien/porn star, Bimboella (Demi Moore). There's also a steamy romance between Aquaman and a beautiful whaling ship.


Next: Pitof's "Captain America"

 

[That-Guy]

sorry about that...my computer froze up as I was doing this.

 

[MutantCircus]

this thread is screwed up in a weird way...

 

[shinlyle]

If Pitof directed Spider-man, he would be a 17 year old illiegal immigrant living in Spanish harlem(played by Enrique Iglesias). His arch nemesis would be an evil INS agant played by Carson Daly. Pablo Valdez gains superpowers from a drug dealing giant spider who offers him a chance to beat the INS in exchange for his soul. Pablo agrees and is given the ability to shrink down to the size of a spider!! He uses this ability to hide from the evil INS agent who has discovered that he has the power to fly around as long as he has TRL's greatest hits playing through his specially designed headphones of EVIL.
His love interest is played by the now popular again JAnet Jackson.
Spidey's costume includes a leather speedo, a leather zip-up mask with an inner gag device, and leather boots. He also shoots webbing from his dick.
How's that? Is that "Pitof" enough for you?

 

[MutantCircus]

Originally posted by shinlyle
If Pitof directed Spider-man, he would be a 17 year old illiegal immigrant living in Spanish harlem(played by Enrique Iglesias). His arch nemesis would be an evil INS agant played by Carson Daly. Pablo Valdez gains superpowers from a drug dealing giant spider who offers him a chance to beat the INS in exchange for his soul. Pablo agrees and is given the ability to shrink down to the size of a spider!! He uses this ability to hide from the evil INS agent who has discovered that he has the power to fly around as long as he has TRL's greatest hits playing through his specially designed headphones of EVIL.
His love interest is played by the now popular again JAnet Jackson.
Spidey's costume includes a leather speedo, a leather zip-up mask with an inner gag device, and leather boots. He also shoots webbing from his dick.
How's that? Is that "Pitof" enough for you?

you nailed it, man. but you forgot the nipples. the suit would include nipples.

 

[Ruined Angel]

Batman:

Batman would not be Bruce Wayne, he would be an ugly, spotty teenage boy named Nigel Nigelson (played by the dude who plays Fez on That 70s Show) a poor, uneducated illegal immigrant who's parents are alive and well (and happy despite living in poverty). Instead of being a straight playboy he'd be a gay ballet dancer with a frightening (but funny, gotta have some camp after all) obsession for sequines and the colour pink.

All is peachy in little Nigel's world until his beloved homosexual male ballet teacher Danse Trott (Ozzy Osbourne in a "memorable" cameo) is killed by not mobsters but jealous student Scarlett Rage (Britney Spears) who has a secret crush on Nigel who really fancies Danse. See, as a "dramatic plot twist" Nigel and Danse were having a passionate affair, never mind that Danse was old enough to be his father. Danse's death doesn't seem to affect Nigel too much but just for kicks he decides to become a vilgianti. He makes himself a Bat costume, main colours being pink and silver, stick. Seeking answers for Danse's death brave and fearless Nigel sets out for the truth...only to be totally charmed by Scarlett, realise he's straight, and elope to the nearest Little White Chapal in Vegas where they get married, live happily ever after, and Nigel hangs up the Batsuit forever.

 

[Aethea]

I think that the cat who kisses Patience in the movie probably barfed into her mouth, and she got the idea of making a costume suitable for prostitution and toe fetish-hungry men!

 

[the a1ant]

 

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by a1ant

hello, Mr Pitof.





Warner Bros and Pitof present...

Batman

Please excuse the quality of this pic. I just did 3 minute quickie with it on Photoshop. Just wanted to give a draft-like idea of what it could be like if he made Batman.

 

[The Batman]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

[Razia]

*shudders* (@_@)

You at least coulda put a male torso on it. XD

 

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by Razia
*shudders* (@_@)

You at least coulda put a male torso on it. XD

but it doesn't make it as funny, Razi

 

[That-Guy]

WOW, this has been a hilarious thread so far... very creative, all of these little stories, and that photo manip is priceless.

Okay here we go:

Pitof's Hellboy

Rebellious teenager Jake Jocasta (Jack Osbourne) wants nothing more than to rebel against the world and be the lead singer in a British heavy metal band. But then one day he's driving along in his car and he sees another car broken down so he stops to help. He helps the stranded driver (who happens to be Satan, played by Garry Shandling) change a tire and as a reward, Satan bestows magical powers on Jake. It gives him tons of devilish abilities that he uses to offend public morals. Now, every time Jake attends a Janet Jackson concert, he can make BOTH of her breasts fly out. He can also call up Howard Stern at anytime during a broadcast and instead of getting a busy signal, Jake (Hellboy) can get through and say any crude thing he wants with out it getting bleeped out. But soon a "hell and damnation" preacher, Reverend Ezekiel Judges (Leslie Neilsen) catches onto Hellboy and tries to expose him. Also there is a cameo by Arnold Schwarzeneggar as Jesus.

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

Originally posted by MutantCircus
...

I think this more belongs in Misc. Movie since it could deal with movie subjects other than CINO.

 

[Weapon_X_2]

Superman

Verne Troyer stars as Superman, whose plant was blown up and sent to earth only problem is the peole of earth r giant comapred to our hero who is only 32 inches tall but earth sun gives him the power of super speed, strangth, and ability to fly. While on earth Superman gets a job working at thr newspaper the Star, where he meets and fall in love with Lois Lane (Queen Latifh(sp)) and makes friend with ace homosexual photoagapher Jimmy Olesn(Clay Atkin) and make enemys with Lex Luther(Robin Willams).Will Superman be able to stop the evil Lex from taking over the world , will Superman be able to ride the rides at Six Flags! Find out Summer of 2006 as WB PResent Superman: Tiny Man of Tommorw!!

 

[DDRSkata]

Pitof Presents...

Wonder Woman

Olma Orgy (Beyonce), a porn star with idyllic dreams of being a pop star, is killed when she doesn't make it to the hospital in time to get her stomach pumped. She is revived by a magical talking ***** with a rope on the end, which tells her she's one of twelve Wonder Women. She runs out of the ambulance and cuts pieces off her stripper costume to become Wonder Woman! Turning the ***** rope into a lasso, she screws the hell out of crime!

 

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents....The FLASH!!!

Born into a very conservative household, young Apu (played by Leonardo Decaprio) is taught to keep quiet and mind his buisness and to NEVER reveal his bare flesh to anyone. One day, when strolling through the cemetary, he discovers a magical stone. Afraid of how much trouble it could cause if anyone found the stone, he decides to pick it up and throw it into a ssmall pond nearby. When he lifts it, he falls to the ground, in searing agony, and he feels his body begin to change, he grows breasts, his hair lengthens, and he is soon a nude woman( played by Britanny Spears), who is complelled to show everyone her nude body!! So, now, every time the sun sets, the transformation occurs, turning him into, the FLASH!!!
Not everyone is happy with this, however. A lone pimp, Captain Cold (Played by P. Diddy) has noticed a loss in his buisness, and decides to *****-slap our heroine, which is her only weakness!!!

Coming to a theater near you.... Summer 2005...

 

[snowball_83]

Originally posted by shinlyle
If Pitof directed Spider-man, he would be a 17 year old illiegal immigrant living in Spanish harlem(played by Enrique Iglesias).

That could be really interesting!

 

[Guyverjay]

Originally posted by Joseph_Freefall
Warner Bros and Pitof present...

Batman

Please excuse the quality of this pic. I just did 3 minute quickie with it on Photoshop. Just wanted to give a draft-like idea of what it could be like if he made Batman.

LOL good stuff

 

[That-Guy]

Pitof's X-Men

Professor X (Halle Berry) recruits a team of superpowered circus performing midget stuntpeople to be his new crime fighting custodial staff. They are Cyclops (Halle Berry), Jean Grey (Halle Berry), Storm (Halle Berry), Rogue (Halle Berry), Wolverine (Halle Berry), Iceman (Halle Berry), Colossus (Halle Berry), and Pyro (Halle Berry). They boldly face off against the evil health insurance Provider Magneto (Halle Berry), and his team of evil customer service reps, Sabertooth (Halle Berry), Toad (Halle Berry), and Mystique (Halle Berry). They also have to deal with the evil Col. William Stryker (Halle Berry), who wants to rid the world of all midgets. Go see it.

 

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's X-Men

Professor X (Halle Berry) recruits a team of superpowered circus performing midget stuntpeople to be his new crime fighting custodial staff. They are Cyclops (Halle Berry), Jean Grey (Halle Berry), Storm (Halle Berry), Rogue (Halle Berry), Wolverine (Halle Berry), Iceman (Halle Berry), Colossus (Halle Berry), and Pyro (Halle Berry). They boldly face off against the evil health insurance Provider Magneto (Halle Berry), and his team of evil customer service reps, Sabertooth (Halle Berry), Toad (Halle Berry), and Mystique (Halle Berry). They also have to deal with the evil Col. William Stryker (Halle Berry), who wants to rid the world of all midgets. Go see it.

LOL!! Nicely done!! Roy will be in line nevt summer waiting on it.

 

[MutantCircus]

Pitof presents... THE HULK

Bruce Banner is now Carl Carlson, a mild-mannered plumber who is working ono a dirty toilet when an unusual mixture of toxic fluids and feces splashes all over him. This makes him angry and he turns into the Hulk, a large purple woman in a pink thong and bikini top, and this beast has the uncontrollable desire to destroy the ***** of evildoers by screwing them to death, as well as having a special "plumber sense" and a plunger that is also a *****! An evil plumbing company notices that Carl is getting more bussiness than they are, so they decide to wipe him out, as the Hulk uses her massive genitals to make them cry for mercy, while giving them the plunger ***** up the ass! Finally the Hulk battles the boss, using a unique fighting stly that includes giving blowjobs. The evil boss is soon defeated and Carl is left to search in sewers everywhere to find a cure, while meeting up with another plumber who informs him that Princess Peach has been captured once again!

 

[That-Guy]

[Roy] Hlle is HOt. Pittof's eX-men will ROC!!!!!1 [Roy]

 

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents... Martian Manhunter

Halle Berry is J'ane J'anz. In a city where there are no men of her species, she is licked on the lips by every other Martian woman on the planet, imbuing her with incredible powers, so that she may find the last Martian man, so that her people may breed and thrive!! In order to find her fellow shape shifter, she does some investigating, and discovers that her shape-shifting hunk is hiding on a Planet called Earth. Seeing as how he is immune to telepathic scans, she must take on the burden of sleeping with every man on the planet until she finds the one that completes her!!! She is... the Martian Manhunter!!!!!