If Pitof Directed ______-Man

[Knightsaber Priss]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's Silver Surfer

Rip Tidalbeef (Heath Ledger) is a surfer in Sydney, Australia who gets drunk one night and fills up a wave pool with radioactive mercury. Then he tries to surf in it. The result turns him into the ultimate bohdizoppa, The Silver Surfer! He has no powers or special abilities, all he has is a surfboard and silver skin which he uses to fight of crocodiles and wild kangaroos in the Australian outback. Steve Irwin costars as the films villain, the Baby Dangler, a man who likes to pick up smal children and dangle them over flesh eating carnivorous animals. Also, Paul Hogan gets to drive through the background of one shot in a Subaru.

I think we have a winner! I can't wait to see the dramatic foinal battle where the Silver Surfer saves a baby being dangled by Steve Irwin near a vicious croc. Pulse Punding action that will be!

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

Originally posted by shinlyle
LOL!! Very good, and very true. Pitof probably used GINO for his inspiration to do CINO!!

I bet Pitof was on the phone with Dean and Emmerich getting some tips on how to take a beloved character and piss on it by throwing out the chiseled in stone canon elements.

 

[That-Guy]

Pitof's Fantastic Foursome

Four famous porn stars are exposed to gamma radiation and then learn they are one of 16 sets of pornoheroes. Ms. Fun-plastic (Chasey Lain) is a superhero who can make her breasts stretch to gargantuan size. Invisible Panties Girl (Jenna Jameson) has the uncanny ability to make any article of clothing that touches her skin immediately disappear. The Human Touch (Sky Lopez) frequently has abnormal hot flashes that cause her to tear the clothes off of random people in public places and have wild, freaky sex. The Thing (Ron Jeremy)... well... think about it. They go up against their archnemesis, Dr. Poon (Paris Hilton) whose ameteur porn tape has outsold all of their films put together.

 

[Spike_x1]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Pitof presents... Martian Manhunter

Halle Berry is J'ane J'anz. In a city where there are no men of her species, she is licked on the lips by every other Martian woman on the planet, imbuing her with incredible powers, so that she may find the last Martian man, so that her people may breed and thrive!! In order to find her fellow shape shifter, she does some investigating, and discovers that her shape-shifting hunk is hiding on a Planet called Earth. Seeing as how he is immune to telepathic scans, she must take on the burden of sleeping with every man on the planet until she finds the one that completes her!!! She is... the Martian Manhunter!!!!!

Isn't that the plot of the porno I just watched?

 

[King Krypton]

Originally posted by Weapon_X_2
Superman

Verne Troyer stars as Superman, whose plant was blown up and sent to earth only problem is the peole of earth r giant comapred to our hero who is only 32 inches tall but earth sun gives him the power of super speed, strangth, and ability to fly. While on earth Superman gets a job working at thr newspaper the Star, where he meets and fall in love with Lois Lane (Queen Latifh(sp)) and makes friend with ace homosexual photoagapher Jimmy Olesn(Clay Atkin) and make enemys with Lex Luther(Robin Willams).Will Superman be able to stop the evil Lex from taking over the world , will Superman be able to ride the rides at Six Flags! Find out Summer of 2006 as WB PResent Superman: Tiny Man of Tommorw!!

The sad part is, Jon Peters would actually hire Pitof and use this storyline....

 

[King Krypton]

Jean-Christophe Comar

Jean-Christophe Comar? Jean-Christophe Comar?!?! How the heck did he come by such a stupid name like "Pitof"? What was wrong with his given name? Did he want a name that was as stupid as he is?

 

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by King Krypton
Jean-Christophe Comar? Jean-Christophe Comar?!?! How the heck did he come by such a stupid name like "Pitof"? What was wrong with his given name? Did he want a name that was as stupid as he is?

That seems to be the only explanation. I for onr happen to think that he didn't want his given name associated with this film, so he heard some of the people reviewing the script saying how pissed off people were going to be about htis movie, and he thought they said "pitof". And an idiot director was born...

 

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by Spike_x1
Isn't that the plot of the porno I just watched?

*gasp* It might be an old Pitof film!!!! Man... how things come full circle...

 

[Adam West]

John Peters presents: A film by Pitof.

Green Lantern.

When an alien ship crashes to earth, Halle Jordan (played by Halle Berry) is bestowed the power of the Green Lantern, and power belly button ring. With her new found power, and green leather costume, She sets out to rid the world of evil including, but not limited to, Giant robot spiders, Male chauvanists, and the Christian coalition (who think her outfit is a little too risque, and a bad influence on little girls everywhere). When the evil Sinestro (played by Ashton Kutcher) arrives, she faces her greatest challenge: Accesorize or die!

 

[That-Guy]

Pitof's Deathblow

Constance Cost (Charisma Carpenter) is a prostitute who gets beaten up and left for dead by the film's villain, The John (John Leguizamo). She gets revived from the dead and imbued with the power to kill men by giving them a hummer that is so good they die from happiness. She finds out that she is one of 69 Deathblows who have come from all over the globe, all decendants of Cleopatra. Also in the film is the hooker that The John trains to become Deathblow's arch nemisis, Deathanal (Anna Nicole Smith).

 

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's Deathblow

Constance Cost (Charisma Carpenter) is a prostitute who gets beaten up and left for dead by the film's villain, The John (John Leguizamo). She gets revived from the dead and imbued with the power to kill men by giving them a hummer that is so good they die from happiness. She finds out that she is one of 69 Deathblows who have come from all over the globe, all decendants of Cleopatra. Also in the film is the hooker that The John trains to become Deathblow's arch nemisis, Deathanal (Anna Nicole Smith).

LMAO!! And don't forget the evil Madam.... Death's Head!!

 

[guy-spidey]

Pitov's Iron(ing)-man
Gus Steel, a lonely middle aged dry cleaner from Jersey City, has his Mom & Pop store bought out by McCleanee's a nationwide dry cleaning franchise.
While Gus is removing his belongings, he finds out that McCleanee's refuses to use light starch. Feeling responsible Gus dresses in 1880's wild west fashion with two iron's strapped to his side. Ironing Man rides around on a suped up ironing board vowing to battle incompetent dry cleaners and his life long nemisis Rip Van Wrinkle.

 

[DDRSkata]

Originally posted by guy-spidey
Pitov's Iron(ing)-man
Gus Steel, a lonely middle aged dry cleaner from Jersey City, has his Mom & Pop store bought out by McCleanee's a nationwide dry cleaning franchise.
While Gus is removing his belongings, he finds out that McCleanee's refuses to use light starch. Feeling responsible Gus dresses in 1880's wild west fashion with two iron's strapped to his side. Ironing Man rides around on a suped up ironing board vowing to battle incompetent dry cleaners and his life long nemisis Rip Van Wrinkle.

Iron Man
Iron Man
Does whatever an iron can...

 

[Blayton]

Batman if this guy made it Bruce would be wearing a pink wrestlers mask, no shrit, and a thong.

 

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by guy-spidey
Pitov's Iron(ing)-man
Gus Steel, a lonely middle aged dry cleaner from Jersey City, has his Mom & Pop store bought out by McCleanee's a nationwide dry cleaning franchise.
While Gus is removing his belongings, he finds out that McCleanee's refuses to use light starch. Feeling responsible Gus dresses in 1880's wild west fashion with two iron's strapped to his side. Ironing Man rides around on a suped up ironing board vowing to battle incompetent dry cleaners and his life long nemisis Rip Van Wrinkle.

That's a classic

 

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by guy-spidey
Pitov's Iron(ing)-man
Gus Steel, a lonely middle aged dry cleaner from Jersey City, has his Mom & Pop store bought out by McCleanee's a nationwide dry cleaning franchise.
While Gus is removing his belongings, he finds out that McCleanee's refuses to use light starch. Feeling responsible Gus dresses in 1880's wild west fashion with two iron's strapped to his side. Ironing Man rides around on a suped up ironing board vowing to battle incompetent dry cleaners and his life long nemisis Rip Van Wrinkle.

Beautiful.... simply beautiful...

 

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by guy-spidey
Pitov's Iron(ing)-man
Gus Steel, a lonely middle aged dry cleaner from Jersey City, has his Mom & Pop store bought out by McCleanee's a nationwide dry cleaning franchise.
While Gus is removing his belongings, he finds out that McCleanee's refuses to use light starch. Feeling responsible Gus dresses in 1880's wild west fashion with two iron's strapped to his side. Ironing Man rides around on a suped up ironing board vowing to battle incompetent dry cleaners and his life long nemisis Rip Van Wrinkle.

2nd thing to make me smile today. Well...actually, I laughed more.

 

[shinlyle]

How about Pitof directs...."The Losers".

A boy(roy) is a pathetic waste of space who *********es too much. One day, while sneaking into his mom's bedroom, he sees a movie entitled, "Monster's Ball". He becomes bored to the point of turning it, until he sees a very trashy-looking actress(Halle Berry) getting screwed from behind by an old redneck actor(Billy Bob Thornton). He becomes obsessed with Halle's boobs and neglects his dating years in order to stay inside and watch the scene over and over again. One day, he hears about a new movie starring the woman who happened to be in what he calls his "first sex scene". It is a movie called "Catwoman". Using the screen name "roy", he goes online to tell everyone how "Hot" Halle is. No one listens, and he is put down time and again to the point of being called a loser.

Rediculed by his adversary, shinlyle(shinlyle), and his friends mutantcircus(mutantcircus), That_Guy(That_Guy), Ruined Angel(Ruined Angel), GOdzilla2000(CrouchingGoblinHiddenSpider-Man), and a host of others, he realizes that he will never win his battle, and returns to his room where he continues watchng his "first sex scene" over and over, until the day comes that the EVIL shinlyle and his band of "bashers" have left the internet.
They say, some days, he still srufs this sight, trying to tell everyone they should see Catwoman because "Halle is hot".

Based on a true story

 

[roy]

Shinlyle,

Visualize what you want. You seem very callow.

Roy

 

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by roy
Shinlyle,

Visualize what you want. You seem very callow.

Roy

Callow, that is a little out of your standard vernacular. You must have watched Mallrats recently. Good for you.

Now, you know you would want ot be in that movie. You never know, Maybe I can get Halle to do a cameo and you can beat off to her in person!!! Wouldn't that be your little pubescent fantasy come true?

See ya'.

"Loser", coming in theatres... I mean, to theatres on July 23rd!

 

[roy]

Proves my point...

Roy

 

[shinlyle]

roy drinks his own pee cuz he is a ****.

 

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by shinlyle
How about Pitof directs...."The Losers".

A boy(roy) is a pathetic waste of space who *********es too much. One day, while sneaking into his mom's bedroom, he sees a movie entitled, "Monster's Ball". He becomes bored to the point of turning it, until he sees a very trashy-looking actress(Halle Berry) getting screwed from behind by an old redneck actor(Billy Bob Thornton). He becomes obsessed with Halle's boobs and neglects his dating years in order to stay inside and watch the scene over and over again. One day, he hears about a new movie starring the woman who happened to be in what he calls his "first sex scene". It is a movie called "Catwoman". Using the screen name "roy", he goes online to tell everyone how "Hot" Halle is. No one listens, and he is put down time and again to the point of being called a loser.

Rediculed by his adversary, shinlyle(shinlyle), and his friends mutantcircus(mutantcircus), That_Guy(That_Guy), Ruined Angel(Ruined Angel), GOdzilla2000(CrouchingGoblinHiddenSpider-Man), and a host of others, he realizes that he will never win his battle, and returns to his room where he continues watchng his "first sex scene" over and over, until the day comes that the EVIL shinlyle and his band of "bashers" have left the internet.
They say, some days, he still srufs this sight, trying to tell everyone they should see Catwoman because "Halle is hot".

Based on a true story

Another instant classic! But I gotta tell ya, shin, if this kid hangs himself I think you'll be held partially responsible!

 

[roy]

ok.

 

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Another instant classic! But I gotta tell ya, shin, if this kid hangs himself I think you'll be held partially responsible!

How did the Joker say it?

"If you wanna make an omelet, you have to break some eggs!"

I'm not worried about it. This kid probably can't even tie a knot anyways...