I'm Going to be the Best Man!

[chaseter]

Well, my cousin is getting married and he has asked me to be his Best Man. I have hesitated to write my speech and the wedding is this weekend. I need some more jokes and lines and help with my speech. If you have any suggestions...please add. This is what I have so far:

I would like to thank all of you for coming out today and sharing this special occasion with Coby and Mandy. Coby, I hope you made the most of your speech because now that you’re married, that’ll be the last time you get to speak for 3 mintues without being interrupted.

For those who don’t know me, my name is Chase, and I have the great honor and privilege of being Coby’s best man. I really appreciate how highly you think of me and for giving me this great honor. You are a great cousin and a great friend.

I think most of you will agree with me that today has been a very emotional day…even the cake is in tiers…! Sorry, I had to do a corny joke.

Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I have known him for over 21 years. He is handsome, intelligent, witty, charismatic…wait…sorry, wrong wedding. I have another one right after this.

Let me first say that the bride, Mandy, looks absolutely smashing today and her bridesmaids are looking pretty good too. Single gentleman, I am sure you all will agree with me that today is a sad day for us single men, as another beautiful lady is taken off of the market. And ladies, I am sure you will agree that today will be passing by without a ripple for all of you.

I would like to thank the parents of the bride and groom. My uncle and aunt, Coby’s parents, Channa and Greg, and Mandy’s parents, Hal and Brenda.

There are some stories you can tell at a wedding and then are some that might be interesting to tell, but can’t really be told. The ones that Coby invented about himself for the Reader’s Letters section of the Penthouse magazine forums would be a perfect example of this. I could go on and on about Coby’s previous relationships, but lets just say 1 turned out to be your lucky number.

I believe that marriage is a wonderful thing for Coby. It will teach him loyalty, love, self restraint, control, and patience. And it will develop in him a sense of responsibility, understanding, and so many other qualities he wouldn’t need if he had just stayed single.

Coby was also telling me he intended to love, nurture, and treat his marriage the same way he does with football he watches every weekend. He says he is going in fully committed, plans to score every week, change ends at half time, and play half the season away from home. That is funny because Mandy told me he will probably end up with a groin injury early in the season.

Coby and Mandy had a fairy tale meeting culminating to this beautiful day. They first met at an Applebees. After small talk over delivering appetizers, Coby then proceeded to take her to yet another restaurant and then to the Academy Award winning movie, Madagascar.

I was reading…imagine that…and found some useful tips about marriage and I would now like to share them with you:
1. Always remember three little words… “You’re right dear.”
2. The best way to always remember your anniversary is to forget it once.
3. Get along with your mother-in-law no matter what. Because in 30 years that is who your wife will be.

Everybody, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to be upstanding, raise your glasses, and join me in a toast to Coby and Mandy, because frankly the man upstairs and I think they were made for each other. May your love for each other be eternal and your house and kitchen always open in case I get hungry. I am sure you are going to be happy together and I believe I speak for everyone here when I say that I wish you both the very best for your future life together as the new Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Congratulations Coby and Mandy.

 

[Darren Daring]

If you're any kind of a proper best man, you'll be too drunk to pronounce most of those words.

 

[Halcohol]

Not bad, I end up doing the music for a bunch of weddings, so I end up hearing a LOT of speeches. This one's pretty good

The only thing I would change is to remove the apology after saying the cake in tiers joke, the joke's corny enough without you pointing out that it is. Maybe just take a pause afterwards, make an apologetic face, and then carry on.

At least that's my 2 cents. Good speech though

 

[chaseter]

I have no problem doing speeches and most of the people there will know I am funny and how stupid I am. I thankfully know timing and don't get nervous. And yes Darren, I will be drinking but they were only allowed champagne...it is at a church.

 

[maxwell's demon]

i can't decide if the cake in tiers is the worst joke i've ever heard or the most ninja robot.

 

[Man-Thing]

speeches at weddings?

I've never heard of such a thing! I only thought that happened in the movies.

 

[chaseter]

i can't decide if the cake in tiers is the worst joke i've ever heard or the most ninja robot.

I meant for it to be corny...gotta give the old folks something they will understand. I can guarantee you that is the only thing they will laugh at or get. Plus the brides family is Church of Christ and they are stict about everything. I call 'em COC's(Church of Christ's)

 

[Kipobe]

I've been a Best Man a few times. Basically, just try not to *********e in the pasta salad, and you should be okay. It works better if they're not serving pasta salad altogether, which they shouldn't because it's not a barbeque. ****ers!!!!

 

[chaseter]

I've been a Best Man a few times. Basically, just try not to *********e in the pasta salad, and you should be okay. It works better if they're not serving pasta salad altogether, which they shouldn't because it's not a barbeque. ****ers!!!!

I have to secret sauce something while I am there...

 

[Halcohol]

I have a joke written for my buddy's wedding next year, at which I'll be the MC.

Set-up: The first time he got drunk, the groom puked on his mom and pissed on his stereo.

The punchline: Here's hoping tonight the only thing Brad gets his bodily fluids on is Melissa!


Too much? Not enough?

 

[Kipobe]

Dude, don't be gross

 

[Halcohol]

Of course not, I'm only kidding. I'd never imagine saying something like that in front of a bunch of grandmas and little cousins.

 

[Holly Goodhead]

Well, my cousin is getting married and he has asked me to be his Best Man. I have hesitated to write my speech and the wedding is this weekend. I need some more jokes and lines and help with my speech. If you have any suggestions...please add. This is what I have so far:

I would like to thank all of you for coming out today and sharing this special occasion with Coby and Mandy. Coby, I hope you made the most of your speech because now that you’re married, that’ll be the last time you get to speak for 3 mintues without being interrupted.

For those who don’t know me, my name is Chase, and I have the great honor and privilege of being Coby’s best man. I really appreciate how highly you think of me and for giving me this great honor. You are a great cousin and a great friend.

I think most of you will agree with me that today has been a very emotional day…even the cake is in tiers…! Sorry, I had to do a corny joke.

Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I have known him for over 21 years. He is handsome, intelligent, witty, charismatic…wait…sorry, wrong wedding. I have another one right after this.

Let me first say that the bride, Mandy, looks absolutely smashing today and her bridesmaids are looking pretty good too. Single gentleman, I am sure you all will agree with me that today is a sad day for us single men, as another beautiful lady is taken off of the market. And ladies, I am sure you will agree that today will be passing by without a ripple for all of you.

I would like to thank the parents of the bride and groom. My uncle and aunt, Coby’s parents, Channa and Greg, and Mandy’s parents, Hal and Brenda.

There are some stories you can tell at a wedding and then are some that might be interesting to tell, but can’t really be told. The ones that Coby invented about himself for the Reader’s Letters section of the Penthouse magazine forums would be a perfect example of this. I could go on and on about Coby’s previous relationships, but lets just say 1 turned out to be your lucky number.

I believe that marriage is a wonderful thing for Coby. It will teach him loyalty, love, self restraint, control, and patience. And it will develop in him a sense of responsibility, understanding, and so many other qualities he wouldn’t need if he had just stayed single.

Coby was also telling me he intended to love, nurture, and treat his marriage the same way he does with football he watches every weekend. He says he is going in fully committed, plans to score every week, change ends at half time, and play half the season away from home. That is funny because Mandy told me he will probably end up with a groin injury early in the season.

Coby and Mandy had a fairy tale meeting culminating to this beautiful day. They first met at an Applebees. After small talk over delivering appetizers, Coby then proceeded to take her to yet another restaurant and then to the Academy Award winning movie, Madagascar.

I was reading…imagine that…and found some useful tips about marriage and I would now like to share them with you:
1. Always remember three little words… “You’re right dear.”
2. The best way to always remember your anniversary is to forget it once.
3. Get along with your mother-in-law no matter what. Because in 30 years that is who your wife will be.

Everybody, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to be upstanding, raise your glasses, and join me in a toast to Coby and Mandy, because frankly the man upstairs and I think they were made for each other. May your love for each other be eternal and your house and kitchen always open in case I get hungry. I am sure you are going to be happy together and I believe I speak for everyone here when I say that I wish you both the very best for your future life together as the new Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Congratulations Coby and Mandy.

You make me want to not live.

 

[PWN3R]

You have to mention Colbert Chase!

 

[TEDDY]

Your the best man! Alright! Someone who is a pro at being manly. I'm the Best TEDDY!

 

[7Hells]

Dont be an attention ****e its not your day its theirs. The shortest speeches are the best.

 

[Man-Thing]

I believe I'm gonna crash this party, and beat everyone up!

 

[Katsuro]

The only thing I would change is to remove the apology after saying the cake in tiers joke, the joke's corny enough without you pointing out that it is. Maybe just take a pause afterwards, make an apologetic face, and then carry on.

Better yet he should kinda trail off, and half-heartedly try to explain the joke, cuz some people might not get it (i wouldn't have if i werent reading it spelled out). You could even do some little hand motions to illustrate it, "you know, tiers... like cuz it's... you know like i-e instead of... yeah you get it"

 

[Man-Thing]

2 words

poop in the punch!

 

[Spelunking Man]

I prefer something short and simple.

 

[chaseter]

You make me want to not live.

Is there a problem in that?

 

[chaseter]

2 words

poop in the punch!

Definitely going to do something memorable...haven't worked it out yet though. Bang the bridesmaids, spike the punch, put ex-lax in the brownies, I don't know yet.

 

[Matt]

If you're any kind of a proper best man, you'll be too drunk to pronounce most of those words.

Don't even have to read the rest of the thread. Wiser words have never been spoken.

 

[Darren Daring]

:big guns: