I've been Banned from Wal-Mart

[Dew k. Mosi]

Dear Ms. Mosenberg:

Over the past six months, you have been removed from the Wal-mart several times for causing quite a commotion in our Studio City store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and, as a result, will ban your entire family from shopping in any of our stores if even one more incident occurs. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

Three of our clerks are currently attending counseling from the trouble you've caused. All complaints against you have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Brown
President and CEO
WalMart Complaint Department

MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton — Complaints — Things Ms. Dewdrop Mosenberg has done while shopping:

1. November 15, 2005: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. November 23, 2005: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. December 10, 2005: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. December 23, 2005: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares!" ..... and watched what happened.

5. January 10, 2006: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-away.

6. January 23, 2006: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Feburary 15, 2006: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers she'd invite them in if they'd bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. March 5, 2006: When a clerk asked if she could help her, she threw herself down on the floor, began to cry and wailed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. March 26, 2006: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked her nose.

10. April 2, 2006: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. April 15, 2006: Darted around the store, looking around suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. April 26, 2006: In the auto department, practiced her "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. May 1, 2006: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, "PICK ME! — PICK ME!"

14. May 12, 2006: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, she assumed the fetal position and screamed, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least, just today....

15. May 16, 2006: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled very loudly, "Hey, Somebody! I need some toilet paper in here!"

They just sent me this letter in the mail

 

[DOG LIPS]

Ha ha ha. I need to try some of those.

 

[Super Flight]

They just sent me this letter in the mail

did you really do all that??

 

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

You & your silly antics, Dew. When will you learn?

 

[Bat Attack]

Hilarious. I've seen that list somewhere before though. I know I have.

 

[PWN3R]

If this is real, well then you are my hero.

 

[Tsunulia]

11. April 15, 2006: Darted around the store, looking around suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.


I'm so trying this one.

 

[Mr. Credible]

They just sent me this letter in the mail

holy mariah carey!!!

some of those had me laughing sofa king hard i'm litterally in tears... bravo.

 

[Untilteld]

That is amazing You are a pro.

 

[Boom]

Your first name is Dewdrop ?

 

[The Storm]

Dew you are my hero. Thats hilarious

 

[Holly Goodhead]

You see nothing--Dew

 

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

I feel Dew could've just added all that extra stuff & make us believe she actually did all that stuff so she can feel special.

 

[Bat Attack]

I knew it wasn't real.

 

[Spider-X]

oh come on...this can't be real...

 

[BatMatt]

c'est faux

 

[Backdrifter]

This can't be real...

10. April 2, 2006: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

That is the best one.

 

[Iglius]

If its true, I think I'm in love, and if its not, it doesn't matter, because either way its causing a HYPE. See, its funny because thats the name of the site we're on.

Mission accomplished, Dew

 

[Holly Goodhead]

13. May 1, 2006: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, "PICK ME! — PICK ME!"

That's silly, I actually used to do that when I was little but instead I would scream "You mother sucks ***** in Hell Karas!" or "Let Jesus **** me!"

 

[The Storm]

13. May 1, 2006: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, "PICK ME! — PICK ME!"

That's silly, I actually used to do that when I was little but instead I would scream "You mother sucks ***** in Hell Karas!" or "Let Jesus **** me!"

Holly!!!

 

[Boom]

13. May 1, 2006: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, "PICK ME! — PICK ME!"

That's silly, I actually used to do that when I was little but instead I would scream "You mother sucks ***** in Hell Karas!" or "Let Jesus **** me!"

THAT WAS YOU?!?!

 

[PWN3R]

I bet this is fake.

 

[Holly Goodhead]

Holly!!!

My psychologist told me I was precocious. Then we did it.

 

[Dew k. Mosi]

Your first name is Dewdrop ?

WHat did you think Dew was short for?

 

[Tsunulia]

Ya gotta love the hippie children