Jaws: The Hype Beach Massacre

[GammaMike]

DOG LIPS and Lucy are worthy opponents

I don't eat Mangina's or dog, that dam siringe might poke me in the mouth!

 

[Flexo]

MB, you lazy jerk, get ta work.

 

[DOG LIPS]

Yeah MB, you good-for-nothing lazy sack of basteed.

 

[Batman]

(Guess what, B****es?! It's BACK!)

That Night, In The Same Damned Pla...

*reads script*

...Er... The Docks, I mean. Yeah, The Docks!

Two fishermen walk across the walkway, holding hands, groping eachother as they go along. These two men are then killed by two armed homophobes. And one metrosexual, for some reason.

In their place stand two other fishermen, who are only slightly less homosexual. One takes out a large piece of meat, covered in honey mustard sauce. The other one looks at it, with his mouth watering.

musclesforsupes: "Do... Do we have to throw this out?"

Wilhelm-Scream: "... What kind of dumbass question is that?"

To prove his point...

muscles: "Randor, Wilhelm... RANDOR!"

And now, back to the story...

Wilhelm: "Of course we have to throw it out. We ain't gonna catch anything with two Shania Twain records and a sack of used diapers, after all. Why does it matter, anyway?"

muscles: "...But... But it's food... "

Wilhelm: "So? You've got plenty of food back at your place."

muscles: "But...It's so... faaar..."

Wilhelm looks back, seeing muscles' house a mere twenty feet from the docks. He then gives muscles a digusted look.

muscles: "My wife will kill me if you throw it out! "

Wilhelm: "Muscles, you don't have a wife. You married a Sausage McGriddle for the love of god! And you ate half of it during your vows, too! Now help me get this into the water, before I secks ya, ya lardo! "

muscles, regretedley, complies as the two throw the meat into the water. muscles contemplates jumping in after it, but Wilhelm slaps him before he can go through with it. As the two sit down, a huge Shark fin passes through the water. Neither really seem to notice, though.

muscles: "Hey Wilhelm..."

Wilhelm: "What?"

muscles: "Don't forget to view the Hype Top 25."

Wilhelm: "..."

Wilhelm: "You weenis."

The Shark fin passes them, yet again. Again, they don't seem to notice.

Wilhelm: "Muscles, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're like a brother to me. You've stuck by me through the worst of times, through the best of times, and through... well... just every time I can think of."

muscles: *licks fingers*

Wilhelm: "And I just wanna say... I... I f***in love you, man. I mean that."

Wilhelm attempts to hug muscles. But, due to muscles being a fatass, he only ends up hugging a Jellowy mass of muscles' skin. All of the sudden, the line on their fishing rod goes flying. Wilhelm looks up. muscles daydreams of chicken drums.

Wilhelm: "Holy crap, We've caught something!"

muscles: "Teela?!"

Wilhelm: "No!"

muscles: "...Burgers?!"

Wilhelm: "NO!"

muscles: "mmm... lobster..."

Wilhelm: "Oh shut up, you sack of bacon!"

muscles then starts thinking of bacon. All of the sudden, the fishing line appears to be a strip of bacon, in muscles' eyes.

muscles: "Bacon!"

Wilhelm: "What? NO, MUSCLES, NO!"

muscles then dives onto the fishing line, knawing on it with his teeth. muscles is pulled forward, on the line. He grabs part of the dock, in desperation, while still chewing on the line, though it doesn't actually taste like bacon.

Due to his gerth, muscles ends up pulling half of the docks underwater. As he floats up, he notices the docks are still going out towards the ocean. He simply bobbles in the ocean, still chewing on the line.

Wilhelm: "Oh god... muscles! You fat bastard! Are you okay?"

muscles: "Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd!"

Wilhelm: "Are you hurt?!"

muscles: "No my burger got wet!"

muscles then pulls out a Quarter Pounder with cheese from his pocket. Wilhelm stares in disbelief, before giving him an angry look.

Wilhelm: "Just get your whale blubber butt up here. I wanna watch Desperate Housewives at 8!"

muscles: "Tom Welling, Wilhelm!"

As Wilhelm tries to deduce what, exactly, that means, He notices something horrific. The docks are actually turning around, behind muscles.

Wilhelm: "MUSCLES! SWIM! SWIM, GODDAMNIT! STOP DRINKING THE ****ING WATER AND SWIM!"

muscles, while still slurping the water in his large mouth, starts to swim ferociously as the docks keep coming towards him. However, he doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

Even worse... He's only about one foot away from the remains of the docks. But, due to his large size, he can only paddle for seconds without losing breath.

Wilhelm: "SWIM, YOU FAT **** OF A MAN! SWIM! DON'T LOOK BACK! ...DAMN IT, MUSCLES, I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK BACK! YOU IDIOT!"

muscles begins paddling along, as the docks keep coming closer. A sea turtle passes him. muscles begins shouting random things, pertaining to Randor and McDonalds, mostly.

Wilhelm: "SWIM, SHAMU, SWIM!!!"

muscles stops. He's out of breath. Even though he's barely moved an inch from where he was. He keeps drinking the water around him.

Wilhelm: "IF YOUR FATASS LIVES, I'LL TAKE YOU TO MCDONALDS AFTER THIS! YOU CAN EVEN GET IT SUPER SIZED!"

Then, muscles' eyes widen. Suddenly, He begans moving at super human speeds, towards the docks. He then passes Wilhelm, running onto the docks.

muscles: "BIG MACS!"

Wilhelm looks back to see that the docks that were coming towards muscles are now gone. Wilhelm looks back at muscles, exhausted from calling him a fatass.

Wilhelm: "Can we go home now?!"

Suddenly, muscles drops to the ground, dead, with a harpoon sticking out of his back. Wilhelm looks back, horrified. He see's a Whaler's ship, floating in the distance.

Whaler: "Er... Sorry! Thought he was a Balooga! Our bad!"


R. I. P. musclesforsupes
Beloved husband of a sandwhich

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

[DOG LIPS]

It's back *****es!! Also, there's a badarse new intro pic in the first post.

 

[bored]

first 'hype high' now this! hooray, they're all coming back! now dog lips needs to finish 'hype zombie apocalypse' .

 

[DOG LIPS]

 

[The Last Meatbag]

hey look.......I just saw me old name
















my better name

 

[DOG LIPS]

DOOKIE MAN pwn3d.

 

[Flexo]

IT LIVES!

That means there's still hope for HZA, too!

 

[DOG LIPS]

MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY SECONDS LATER.......MAYBE SOME MINUTES TOO..........NO HOURS THOUGH.........


Chief DL and Deputy Lee were walking quickly along the boardwalk, seeing hundreds of fat, drunk men getting in their boats, preparing to go shark hunting.

Deputy Lee: "He had a hell of a time getting muscles to stop crying over the lost meat! With his weenis!"

Chief DL: "That's not funny. That's not funny at all."

DL then saw a small two-man raft sitting on the dock, filled with supplies.

DL: "Who's ****ing raft is this??"

Deputy Lee: "Oi!!! Oose raft is this??!!"

Just then, Sean Penn and 17 photographers jumped in the raft and it fell off the dock into the water, instantly sinking to the sea floor. DL and Lee looked over the edge at all the bubbles. After several minutes, noone came up again. DL then pulled out a pack of Big League Chew bubblegum and stuffed a huge wad in his mouth. He waved it at Deputy Lee, but Lee was British.

DL: "This is pure chaos, Lee, pure ****ing chaos. Like a fat guy in a dressing room, then he suddenly dies of twinkie loss and they have to break out some ****ing walls to get his fat lard out cause he starts to stink like old cheese."

Lee: "Oi!"

Further down the dock, a pink boat was docking, and a feminine man in all black was disembarking. He looked up and nearly ran into a huge fat fisherman.

Master Bruce: "Hello there!"

Fisherman: "Hello yourself, ****!"

The fat man had over a dozen sticks of dynamite in his hands. DL ran over and grabbed his arm.

DL: "Where you going with that dynamite??!"

Fisherman: "Da boat."

Master Bruce: "Chief!"

DL: "Help me get these men off this boat!"

DL then ran off to another boat full of fat guys. MB looked at the huge men with dynamite and rifles.

MB: "Gentlemen! The officer asked me to tell you that you're overloading the boat!"

Fisherman: "Hey, fudge you buddy, eat my buttsecks!!"

MB: ".....Can you at least tell me where I can find a hotel?"

Fisherman: "Sure, b****, just walk straight ahead!!!" *All laugh histerically*

MB: "Ha ha ha... they're all going to ****ing die!! Naked and alone, the way men should die!!"

The men got silent and stared at him. He had meant to say the last part in his head, but sometimes he slips up a bit since he talks to himself so much.

Back at the station, DL and Lee walked in yelling at each other.

DL: "Talk to them, Lee! They're your people! Make them listen!"

Lee: "They're not my people!! They're Americans and such, matey, crumpets!"

DL: "Are there any Canadians out there?? There better not be any Canadians on my beach, Lee!!"

Lee: "There's not, I swear!!"

Lee was lightly bumped as he rushed out the door by Master Bruce walking in. He then walked up to DL with a big smile on his face.

DL: "Get that stupid smile off your face, weenis."

MB: "S-Sorry, I'm looking for Chief DOG LIPS?"

DL: "Who the balls are you?"

MB: "I'm from the Insitute, I'm-"

DL: "-Oh s***!! You're the guy we sent for! Step on into my office."

DL walked into the bathroom and stepped into one of the stalls, then sat on the toilet. MB stood at the doorway for several seconds, confused. DL waved him in and then shut the door behind him and locked it.

DL: "I'm Chief DOG LIPS."

MB: "Katie Holmes."

DL: "....Your name is Katie Holmes?"

MB: "You son of a b**ch, I said Master Bruce."

MB watched in horror as DL adjusted himself to use the toilet.

MB: "Listen, I know you got a lot on your hands right now but uh..."

DL: (Grunting) "Whaaat can we do for yaaaaaa....? "

MB: ".......Well I think the best thing for me to do is uh...see the remains of the first victim; the girl on the beach?"

DL: "Ok fiiine, just bear with meeeeee will yaaaaa?"

MB: "Riiigghhtt."

 

[Batman]

You weenis.

Good job.


...But you're still a weenis.

 

[DOG LIPS]

Like your face.

 

[Flexo]

.0876 Years later...

Inside the Hype City Mortuary, four men stood; Chief Dog Lips, Sergeant Lee (Newly promoted), Master Bruce, and Town Crier Meatbag (who was sucking on a Kool-Aid juice box - OH YEAH!)

Meatbag - "HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BODY TO BE INSPECTED IN MORGUE!"

Offended, Morg burst from a closet, beat Meatbag to a bloody pulp with a broom, sued him for slander, and jumped out an open window.

Everyone stood bewildered for a moment. Then, in the faintest tones, they heard a screeching voice. Then, came a smell. It was a smelly smell that smelled smelly. The kind of smell you smell when the garbage man dies of a heart attack on top of your used gym sock collection. It wasn't quite as smelly as Master Chief, but it was damned close.

Flexo : "Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu you ladies of Spain. uh... FAREWELL AND ADIEU TO YOU SPANISH LADIES, FAREWELL AND ADIEU!"

Lieutenant Lee (Newly promoted.) : "Oi!!! What's all this then?!"

Major Lee (Newly promoted) then proceded to take off his boot and toss it at the old sailor. Flexo let out a howl like a wouned Ronald McDonald and ran to the nearest tavern. Colonel Lee (Newly promoted) was instanty given a war medal for his actions. Everyone saluted, then shouted

Everyone: "God save the queen!"

Master Bruce, realizing he had to hurry up if he wanted to attempt to steal Chief DL's wife tonight, walked over to the nearest set of remains and pulled the cover.

MB: "My God, this woman didn't die of a boat attack, she was killed by Don King!"

DL: "We know that; you're looking at the wrong body."

MB: " "

MB walked over to the next nearest cadaver and uncovered it.

MB: "THIS WAS NOT A SMELTING ACCIDENT! It wasn't any propeller, it wasn't any dinosaur, and it wasn't Kevin Federline. It was a sea-gorrila! Or, more likely... A SHARK!"

Brigadier General Lee (Newly promoted) : "That's fire!"

 

[The Last Meatbag]

.........

 

[Flexo]

.........

Your avatar makes me imagine that you scream everything you say.

 

[The Last Meatbag]

its funny because his eyebrows make him look a little sad

 

[Swordmaster]

Where. The ****. Am I?!


MB's gonna get it for this.

<Tee-hee>

 

[Batman]

Yar. Two hooks be goin' up for this entry. Arrgh.

 

[Swordmaster]

...

 

[Flexo]

If my math is correct, which is highly doubtful, 0.0876 years comes out to ten minutes.

This has been a Flexo fun fact.

 

[Batman]

If my math is correct, which is highly doubtful, 0.0876 years comes out to ten minutes.

This has been a Flexo fun fact.

 

[Swordmaster]

...We hate you all

 

[Flexo]

 

[bored]

Jeez, Pharoah Lee is really moving up in the world.