King of The Hill!

[Sloth7d]

My future self comes through a portal and zaps you unconscious with laser. He then traps you in Pandora's box right before calling Dr. Who to take you to a place where you'll never escape. He then goes back in time to save me from Se7en's malicious assault. Afterwards we deprive the hill of all it's economically valuable resources and leave to make our own hill with hookers and beer. In fact, forget about the hill.

 

[Ultra Lantern]

Edit

 

[Anubis]

I escape the Pandorica with a bobby pin, strangle Doctor Who then eat his hearts gaining power over all time and space, then I go back to the day you were born, and install a mind control chip, prompting you to turn over ownership of the hill to me, and serve as my time slave for all eternity.

 

[Ultra Lantern]

I arrive with a machine gun and kill everybody.My hill now.

 

[Anubis]

I regenerate into an indestructible, unkillable body, then rip your head off as a reward. MY HILL B***HES!

 

[Ultra Lantern]

Another small black hole opens and sucks you in.The black hole then closes.It's now mine.

 

[Sloth7d]

Your slaying of Anubis frees me of his mind control. Exactly as planned. I write everyone in this topics name in the Death Note. The Hill is mine.

 

[Ultra Lantern]

I take the Death Note and rip it up.I then stab you with a big nife.My hill now.

 

[PSYLENTGuardian]

Turns out he had an ace in the hole. I shoot you in the head, and now I dominate this hill for me, myself, and I.

 

[Anubis]

I escape from the black hole, absorbing it's dark mysterious power, and I swallow the entire hill in a black hole. The Hill is mine, inside my Black hole universe.

 

[Ultra Lantern]

I use a device that Brainiac 5 gave me and I pull the hill out of the black hole universe.It's now my hill.

 

[SE7EN]

I asexually reproduce until I've amassed an army of bizzaro SE7EN's (They all know what's in the box). Much like fire ants to an unsuspecting horticulturist's foot, we bite and spit on you until there is nothing left (think dissolving flesh kind of like that movie with that guy from Jurassic Park that got in the star trek thingy with the ariel insect and then transformed into Starscream with a glitch and a lot of back and facial hair...)... Anyway, having rid the hill of it's invaders, I assimilate each and every offspring (think that guy from lord of the rings that dresses like men in black but instead of mind taker does the whole body taker...eh you get the point) until in my infinite power hike my leg at the top and dance a jig!




Then, I run around in circles yelling: "Nanny nanny boo boo, you can't get me"!

Unfortunately, I trip and sprain my ankle.

...I hobble back to center and hold on to the hill top with tooth and nail.

Come and get me.... if you dare....
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnn..............

 

[Ultra Lantern]

I sneak up behind you and hit you in the head with a bat.You run away screaming.It's now my hill.

 

[Godsfireworks]

Your hill? THIS. IS. MY HILL! *boot*

 

[SE7EN]

I calmly approach the bottom of the hill.

I look up at the summit and see my enemy.

I casually stroll up the hill, stand in front of you, meet your eyes with mine, and give you a warm sturdy hand shake and a smile.

I follow your discourse on how the hill is in your possession and shall remain so.

I nod assuredly as you explain that nothing and no one will remove you from your throne.

I agree to your terms and turn as if I am sincere in my concession.

I then bend slightly forward...
I focus all my energies inward...
I recreate in my mind all the glorious details of my earlier meal...
mmmm, fajitas, baked beans, broccoli, sauerkraut...
I think back to my training...
I focus all my energies backward...

I release an greenish tinged invisible fog so incredibly thick that even the Gods cough, hold their breath and give me an enthusiastic thumbs up...

It's hard to rule the hill with no oxygen left in the air.

I humbly kick your asphyxiated body down the hill...

Good to be back, now where was I?....

 

[Godsfireworks]

good thing years of living with my brother's extinction-event inducing farts made me immune to those noxious gases, that and being around the sulphur vents of many volcanoes. Asphyxiated? ha! you would be so lucky. I stride straight up the hill, grab you by your hand, shake it firmly, pat you on the head...

Then proceed to grab you, spin around and hurl you into orbit. Hill mine once again...

 

[Ultra Lantern]

Zap! You're vaporized.It's my hill!

 

[Alpha-Bit]

I-I recite the alphabet until it drives you crazy and you run away.I'll take the hill!

 

[Godsfireworks]

I sing twinkle twinkle little star, you have a sudden realization it has the same tune as the alphabet, your mind is blown, literally, your head explodes and your body tumbles off the hill, mine once again.

 

[Ultra Lantern]

You stand there with pride and 2 arms come around you.You hear a soft voice whisper in your ear.As you turn around you see something hideous,It's Lindsay Lohan and she looks like a zombie.You scream in terror and run away.It's my hill now!

 

[SE7EN]

I sit and meditate... slowly... peacefully... I think of the many ways I can defeat you... I come to the conclusion that any one will do... I procure a rock hammer... I calmly, collectively chip away at the bottom of the hill... I work my way toward the center of the hill... I then work my way up to the summit... I carefully, skillfully extract infinitesimally small amounts of dirt until I can just see you from my tunnel without alerting you to my presence... I calmly, quietly acquire your footwear... I then quickly, suddenly, skillfully, spitefully spring up from my hidden sanctuary...

I then proceed to beat you to death with your own shoes...

 

[Ultra Lantern]

As you try to kill me with my shoes,Lindsay Lohan pulls out a knife and stabs you in the throat.You now have trouble breathing and die.It's now my hill!

 

[Godsfireworks]

Lindsay begins singing to celebrate, you clap your hands over your ears, too late, the horrific screech of contradicting pitches causes you to fall down with a siezure. The chorus begins, your head explodes. Lindsay stops for a second, and a .50 cal rips through her chest. As you both fall, I rise. Hill mine.

 

[SE7EN]

I do the unthinkable....

I start blowing bubbles which immediately distracts you. Without looking where you are stepping, you trip over Lohan's rotting corpse and roll down the hill. As you roll down, I jump incredibly high in the air and ready my knee for the ultimate blow. With surgical timing, I come down upon you just as you reach the bottom with my knee cutting you in twain! Finally as I ascend to my newly reclaimed throne upon the top of the hill, the last of the bubbles comes down to rest upon my brow and....

*pop*

 

[Ultra Lantern]

As you stand on the hill,you don't notice an army of flesh eating ants approaching you from behind.They devour you in seconds and then leave.It's my hill!