Looking for some parental advice. Teens, input is welcome as well

[Halloween]

So my 13 year old daughter has wanted contacts for quite a while now. She has worn glasses for about 3 years. We finally decided to go ahead and get her the hard contacts. Now, after several eye doctor visits to get the correct prescription as well as fitting, she is now not wanting to wear them. She acknowledges the fact that she doesnt want to take on the responsibility of taking care of them. Also, she is concerned about how this will affect her at school. She has slightly dark circles under her eyes and is not noticeable with the glasses on. But with no glasses, they are noticeable. I have already told her that we can get some makeup to match her skin color to cover the circles. Its really not a big deal to me, but of course, she is a teen and its so huge for her. She is not wearing them on her own free will, but wearing them because I am telling her to. This is what she wanted. Keep in mind, these are not covered under insurance. This is out of pocket pay and not cheap at all.

So my dilema is this. Either force her to wear them to school and at home, against what she wants to do, or take the contacts back to the doctor and punish her. No TV, no internet, no phone, no weekend activities with friends, extra cleaning duties around the house, etc. for a very, very long time.

Make her accept the responsibility or punish her severely for wasting our money and time?

For the parents on the board, do you have suggestions? For the teens here, what would you do? Thanks in advance.

 

[November Rain]

The choice to wear contacts or glasses for any time is forever going to be hers

I have a male friend that has dark circles under his eyes and i used to give him a really hard time about it, so hard that he still wears glasses clubbing till this day. Not my greatest moment in time but it certainly works.

Here is a trick.

Even though you've gotten her some hard contacts, maybe you should invest in getting her some fun soft ones, perhaps some with different eye colours she can have fun with so she can enjoy the variation. they have colour disposables now or even monthly long subsciption ones that don't cost a fortune but will help her get used to the ideas of how contacts can be fun.

With the different eye colours, she could have different eye makeup to accentuate the colours and this can overall lead to her having different types of make up which would help her get used to not having glasses on and also help camoflague the circles.

I would also recommend the use of Shea butter lotion from Palmers (or any good retailers) which is good with dealing with dark circles and skin in general, i had scars all over my legs as a youth and they are all practically invisible since i started using shea butter a few years ago for general moisturiser.


you can't force kids to do stuff so you have to manipulate them into doing it by making it seem fun and different.

If that all fails, remember the statistic you are 400% less likely to pull when you have glasses on, Unless you want that lil ho to still be at home bugging you when she's 45, i'd trick her into liking lenses pronto...

 

[Halloween]

Thanks for the advice November Rain. She actually loves her glasses. We even got a pink and black combination for her. Her favorite colors. She likes her look the way it is. Problem is, is that I am trying to teach her that you need to follow through on things in life. You cant just ask for things, get them and not use them, especially when they are expensive.

 

[November Rain]

well if they are hard contacts, then there is no real problem here because that means although she may not want to wear them now, she may well do a few weeks, months, years down the line.

no pressure no nadda, all she wanted really was the option giving a situation. All you really have to do is make sure she is aware that in some occassions she would look better with the contacts to encourage their usage.

I don't think the lesson you are trying to teach her is really reflective of the actual situation she is in.

It sounds more like she needs a confidence boost rather than needing to learn to follow through with requests.

if you got her a set of monthly disposables first, that would be a different story.

Just out of interest, how come you went straight for the hard lenses without doing a soft lens trial to see whether she would enjoy them, it seems a bit strange.

 

[Halloween]

The doctor said because of the stigmatism she has.

 

[Halloween]

She definately does not need a confidence boost or moral boost. This kid is happy 100% of the time. Just picky and a little selfish, IMO.

 

[Asteroid-Man]

My uncle's an eye doctor. He told me people shouldn't get contacts until they are at least 16 because that's when the development of your eyes slow down. Other wise, they'll change prescription again and you have to by more. Also it can be irritating at a younger age. I got glasses now. I only use them for reading and tv and PC (if i remember to do it).

 

[PemLam]

So my 13 year old daughter has wanted contacts for quite a while now. She has worn glasses for about 3 years. We finally decided to go ahead and get her the hard contacts. Now, after several eye doctor visits to get the correct prescription as well as fitting, she is now not wanting to wear them. She acknowledges the fact that she doesnt want to take on the responsibility of taking care of them. Also, she is concerned about how this will affect her at school. She has slightly dark circles under her eyes and is not noticeable with the glasses on. But with no glasses, they are noticeable. I have already told her that we can get some makeup to match her skin color to cover the circles. Its really not a big deal to me, but of course, she is a teen and its so huge for her. She is not wearing them on her own free will, but wearing them because I am telling her to. This is what she wanted. Keep in mind, these are not covered under insurance. This is out of pocket pay and not cheap at all.

So my dilema is this. Either force her to wear them to school and at home, against what she wants to do, or take the contacts back to the doctor and punish her. No TV, no internet, no phone, no weekend activities with friends, extra cleaning duties around the house, etc. for a very, very long time.

Make her accept the responsibility or punish her severely for wasting our money and time?

For the parents on the board, do you have suggestions? For the teens here, what would you do? Thanks in advance.

If it was only because of the lack of desire to accept responsibility, I'd agree about the punishment, etc.; however because it involves peer issues at school, I'd probably take a more lenient approach.

I like Nov. Rain's idea about the soft contact lenses, or maybe medium hardness gas permeables. About the money...perhaps instead of taking internet, tv and other things away, why not make her pay you back?

 

[raybia]

So my 13 year old daughter has wanted contacts for quite a while now. She has worn glasses for about 3 years. We finally decided to go ahead and get her the hard contacts. Now, after several eye doctor visits to get the correct prescription as well as fitting, she is now not wanting to wear them. She acknowledges the fact that she doesnt want to take on the responsibility of taking care of them. Also, she is concerned about how this will affect her at school. She has slightly dark circles under her eyes and is not noticeable with the glasses on. But with no glasses, they are noticeable. I have already told her that we can get some makeup to match her skin color to cover the circles. Its really not a big deal to me, but of course, she is a teen and its so huge for her. She is not wearing them on her own free will, but wearing them because I am telling her to. This is what she wanted. Keep in mind, these are not covered under insurance. This is out of pocket pay and not cheap at all.

So my dilema is this. Either force her to wear them to school and at home, against what she wants to do, or take the contacts back to the doctor and punish her. No TV, no internet, no phone, no weekend activities with friends, extra cleaning duties around the house, etc. for a very, very long time.

Make her accept the responsibility or punish her severely for wasting our money and time?

For the parents on the board, do you have suggestions? For the teens here, what would you do? Thanks in advance.

DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT FORCE HER TO WEAR THEM.

GIVE HER THE OPTION OF WEARING THEM OR TAKING THE PUNISHMENT.

Just make she that you stick to the conditions of the punishment no matter how much you may want to give in.

Raybia

 

[Ice-man]

Thanks for the advice November Rain. She actually loves her glasses. We even got a pink and black combination for her. Her favorite colors. She likes her look the way it is. Problem is, is that I am trying to teach her that you need to follow through on things in life. You cant just ask for things, get them and not use them, especially when they are expensive.

she is only thirteen i didn't realize this till i was about 14-15


she needs a bit more growing up to do, trust me shell be a whole different person b the time shes in 9th grade.

 

[PLAS]

as the father of a couple of 10 year old twin girls who sadly inherited my poor eyesight and other miscelaneous eye problems, I can tell you that sometimes it can be hard for kids to get used to the idea of wearing glasses, I've worn them since I was 4 and so have my girls

America, the older one doesn't mind that much about them and wears them most of the time, but Angie, is very reluctant to wear them, even when she's the one who needs them the most

whatever advice I could give you has already been given, so yes, the soft lenses are an option, and you could also teach her an even greater lesson by having her pay her lenses back through her allowance

rasing kids is really not that hard, you just need common sense and to always be one step ahead of them

 

[jaguarr]

Thanks for the advice November Rain. She actually loves her glasses. We even got a pink and black combination for her. Her favorite colors. She likes her look the way it is. Problem is, is that I am trying to teach her that you need to follow through on things in life. You cant just ask for things, get them and not use them, especially when they are expensive.

She won't learn anything from the punishments you're suggesting for her. She's a 13 year old girl. She'll just resent you for punishing her, learn nothing from the experience (except that "Dad is a mean jerk") and the whole thing will be forgotten six months from now. Why not try taking the approach of teaching her responsibility and owning the repercussions of her actions, which is what I think you're really aiming for, by making her pay for the contacts by doing small, odd jobs around the house outside her usual things she's expected to do (like cleaning her room, the dishes, etc.). Pick some things that you know she doesn't really like to do, assign a small payment per job (and you can pay her $2-3 per hour slave labor wages because hey....she's your own kid! ) and explain to her that because she wasted your money with this whole contacts thing that she is going to have to pay you back. It'll make her do enough work she hates doing, taking up the time that she'd otherwise be able to spend with friends or whatever, that she'll get the point and learn the value of money. Kids think their parents have a money tree locked away somewhere, growing an endless supply of cash that they can have access to. This approach is a great way to teach them the value of money and hard work. My folks did it and both my brother and I learned that lesson very well.

jag

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Here's what you do.
Get a myspace account. Use a picture of a cute boy to create a persona of a dreamy teen dude who has a crush on her. Through myspace, as, "Cute Boy", tell her how uncool glasses are, and how sexy she'd look in contacts, and how girls with dark circles under their eyes are so "mysterious" and "alluring".

*b00m*

 

[PLAS]

Here's what you do.
Get a myspace account. Use a picture of a cute boy to create a persona of a dreamy teen dude who has a crush on her. Through myspace, as, "Cute Boy", tell her how uncool glasses are, and how sexy she'd look in contacts, and how girls with dark circles under their eyes are so "mysterious" and "alluring".

*b00m*

the day you have a daughter you'll see exactly what's wrong with your advice

 

[Matt]

I'm with Jag. Punishing her will teach her nothing. Forcing the contacts will prove to be an impotent order, especially as she gets older and is less under your thumb.

Make her pay for the contacts. After that, if she wants to wear them, fine. If not, fine. It was her money that she threw away, not yours and she will learn much more about making rash decisions from it.

 

[mrsparkle]

Nobody likes a speccy.

 

[Mee]

Just poke her eyes out.

 

[jaguarr]

The other option is to threaten to send her to live with Wilhelm for a month.

jag

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Just poke her eyes out.

You are like Solomon.

 

[Mee]

Song of Mee, coming to a Bible near you.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Song of Mee, coming to a Bible near you.

With Boobie Poems?!

 

[Mee]

I'm not that edgy.

 

[guitarsingerguy]

Well, hard contacts are really hard to deal with. They hurt. They fall out very easily. I actually use Focus night and day contacts. They're 30 day leave ins. They allow 40% more oxygen into the eyes, so they're also some of the safest contacts on the market. Punishment however, isn't the answer. Contacts aren't cheap, but they aren't that expensive either. If she really doesn't want to wear the glasses, then she'll go the extra mile for the contacts.

 

[StrainedEyes]

Maybe you should see a doctor about these circles under her eyes Unless they are freckles and/or moles, in which case we should use the appropriate names.

 

[jaguarr]

Maybe you should see a doctor about these circles under her eyes

Or quit punching her when she does something wrong.

jag