Looking for some parental advice. Teens, input is welcome as well

Discussion in 'SHH Community Forum' started by Halloween, Nov 14, 2007.

  1. Halloween Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2007
    Messages:
    1,720
    Likes Received:
    0
    So my 13 year old daughter has wanted contacts for quite a while now. She has worn glasses for about 3 years. We finally decided to go ahead and get her the hard contacts. Now, after several eye doctor visits to get the correct prescription as well as fitting, she is now not wanting to wear them. She acknowledges the fact that she doesnt want to take on the responsibility of taking care of them. Also, she is concerned about how this will affect her at school. She has slightly dark circles under her eyes and is not noticeable with the glasses on. But with no glasses, they are noticeable. I have already told her that we can get some makeup to match her skin color to cover the circles. Its really not a big deal to me, but of course, she is a teen and its so huge for her. She is not wearing them on her own free will, but wearing them because I am telling her to. This is what she wanted. Keep in mind, these are not covered under insurance. This is out of pocket pay and not cheap at all.

    So my dilema is this. Either force her to wear them to school and at home, against what she wants to do, or take the contacts back to the doctor and punish her. No TV, no internet, no phone, no weekend activities with friends, extra cleaning duties around the house, etc. for a very, very long time.

    Make her accept the responsibility or punish her severely for wasting our money and time?

    For the parents on the board, do you have suggestions? For the teens here, what would you do? Thanks in advance. :cwink:
     
  2. November Rain Single Mother

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2005
    Messages:
    13,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    The choice to wear contacts or glasses for any time is forever going to be hers

    I have a male friend that has dark circles under his eyes and i used to give him a really hard time about it, so hard that he still wears glasses clubbing till this day. Not my greatest moment in time but it certainly works.

    Here is a trick.

    Even though you've gotten her some hard contacts, maybe you should invest in getting her some fun soft ones, perhaps some with different eye colours she can have fun with so she can enjoy the variation. they have colour disposables now or even monthly long subsciption ones that don't cost a fortune but will help her get used to the ideas of how contacts can be fun.

    With the different eye colours, she could have different eye makeup to accentuate the colours and this can overall lead to her having different types of make up which would help her get used to not having glasses on and also help camoflague the circles.

    I would also recommend the use of Shea butter lotion from Palmers (or any good retailers) which is good with dealing with dark circles and skin in general, i had scars all over my legs as a youth and they are all practically invisible since i started using shea butter a few years ago for general moisturiser.


    you can't force kids to do stuff so you have to manipulate them into doing it by making it seem fun and different.

    If that all fails, remember the statistic you are 400% less likely to pull when you have glasses on, Unless you want that lil ho to still be at home bugging you when she's 45, i'd trick her into liking lenses pronto...

    :up:
     
  3. Halloween Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2007
    Messages:
    1,720
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for the advice November Rain. She actually loves her glasses. We even got a pink and black combination for her. Her favorite colors. She likes her look the way it is. Problem is, is that I am trying to teach her that you need to follow through on things in life. You cant just ask for things, get them and not use them, especially when they are expensive.
     
  4. November Rain Single Mother

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2005
    Messages:
    13,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    well if they are hard contacts, then there is no real problem here because that means although she may not want to wear them now, she may well do a few weeks, months, years down the line.

    no pressure no nadda, all she wanted really was the option giving a situation. All you really have to do is make sure she is aware that in some occassions she would look better with the contacts to encourage their usage.

    I don't think the lesson you are trying to teach her is really reflective of the actual situation she is in.

    It sounds more like she needs a confidence boost rather than needing to learn to follow through with requests.

    if you got her a set of monthly disposables first, that would be a different story.

    Just out of interest, how come you went straight for the hard lenses without doing a soft lens trial to see whether she would enjoy them, it seems a bit strange.
     
  5. Halloween Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2007
    Messages:
    1,720
    Likes Received:
    0
    The doctor said because of the stigmatism she has.
     
  6. Halloween Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2007
    Messages:
    1,720
    Likes Received:
    0
    She definately does not need a confidence boost or moral boost. This kid is happy 100% of the time. Just picky and a little selfish, IMO.
     
  7. Asteroid-Man Registered

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2005
    Messages:
    18,009
    Likes Received:
    1
    My uncle's an eye doctor. He told me people shouldn't get contacts until they are at least 16 because that's when the development of your eyes slow down. Other wise, they'll change prescription again and you have to by more. Also it can be irritating at a younger age. I got glasses now. I only use them for reading and tv and PC (if i remember to do it).
     
  8. PemLam Let the butthurt flow!

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    5,285
    Likes Received:
    0
    If it was only because of the lack of desire to accept responsibility, I'd agree about the punishment, etc.; however because it involves peer issues at school, I'd probably take a more lenient approach.

    I like Nov. Rain's idea about the soft contact lenses, or maybe medium hardness gas permeables. About the money...perhaps instead of taking internet, tv and other things away, why not make her pay you back?
     
  9. raybia Signing off

    Joined:
    May 2, 2004
    Messages:
    12,658
    Likes Received:
    0
    DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT FORCE HER TO WEAR THEM.

    GIVE HER THE OPTION OF WEARING THEM OR TAKING THE PUNISHMENT.

    Just make she that you stick to the conditions of the punishment no matter how much you may want to give in.

    Raybia
     
  10. Ice-man Registered

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    1,862
    Likes Received:
    0
    she is only thirteen i didn't realize this till i was about 14-15


    she needs a bit more growing up to do, trust me shell be a whole different person b the time shes in 9th grade.
     
  11. PLAS Registered

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2000
    Messages:
    21,085
    Likes Received:
    0
    as the father of a couple of 10 year old twin girls who sadly inherited my poor eyesight and other miscelaneous eye problems, I can tell you that sometimes it can be hard for kids to get used to the idea of wearing glasses, I've worn them since I was 4 and so have my girls

    America, the older one doesn't mind that much about them and wears them most of the time, but Angie, is very reluctant to wear them, even when she's the one who needs them the most

    whatever advice I could give you has already been given, so yes, the soft lenses are an option, and you could also teach her an even greater lesson by having her pay her lenses back through her allowance

    rasing kids is really not that hard, you just need common sense and to always be one step ahead of them
     
  12. jaguarr Be Your Own Hero

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2003
    Messages:
    43,569
    Likes Received:
    1
    She won't learn anything from the punishments you're suggesting for her. She's a 13 year old girl. She'll just resent you for punishing her, learn nothing from the experience (except that "Dad is a mean jerk") and the whole thing will be forgotten six months from now. Why not try taking the approach of teaching her responsibility and owning the repercussions of her actions, which is what I think you're really aiming for, by making her pay for the contacts by doing small, odd jobs around the house outside her usual things she's expected to do (like cleaning her room, the dishes, etc.). Pick some things that you know she doesn't really like to do, assign a small payment per job (and you can pay her $2-3 per hour slave labor wages because hey....she's your own kid! :up: ) and explain to her that because she wasted your money with this whole contacts thing that she is going to have to pay you back. It'll make her do enough work she hates doing, taking up the time that she'd otherwise be able to spend with friends or whatever, that she'll get the point and learn the value of money. Kids think their parents have a money tree locked away somewhere, growing an endless supply of cash that they can have access to. This approach is a great way to teach them the value of money and hard work. My folks did it and both my brother and I learned that lesson very well.

    jag
     
  13. Wilhelm-Scream Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    Messages:
    46,300
    Likes Received:
    0
    Here's what you do.
    Get a myspace account. Use a picture of a cute boy to create a persona of a dreamy teen dude who has a crush on her. Through myspace, as, "Cute Boy", tell her how uncool glasses are, and how sexy she'd look in contacts, and how girls with dark circles under their eyes are so "mysterious" and "alluring".

    *b00m*
     
  14. PLAS Registered

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2000
    Messages:
    21,085
    Likes Received:
    0
    the day you have a daughter you'll see exactly what's wrong with your advice ;)
     
  15. Matt IKYN Guy Groupie

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2000
    Messages:
    80,956
    Likes Received:
    8
    I'm with Jag. Punishing her will teach her nothing. Forcing the contacts will prove to be an impotent order, especially as she gets older and is less under your thumb.

    Make her pay for the contacts. After that, if she wants to wear them, fine. If not, fine. It was her money that she threw away, not yours and she will learn much more about making rash decisions from it.
     
  16. mrsparkle Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2006
    Messages:
    1,360
    Likes Received:
    0
    Nobody likes a speccy. :word:
     
  17. Mee 2 E's are better than 1

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2005
    Messages:
    18,898
    Likes Received:
    3
    Just poke her eyes out.
     
  18. jaguarr Be Your Own Hero

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2003
    Messages:
    43,569
    Likes Received:
    1
    The other option is to threaten to send her to live with Wilhelm for a month. :o

    jag
     
  19. Wilhelm-Scream Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    Messages:
    46,300
    Likes Received:
    0
    You are like Solomon.
     
  20. Mee 2 E's are better than 1

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2005
    Messages:
    18,898
    Likes Received:
    3
    Song of Mee, coming to a Bible near you.
     
  21. Wilhelm-Scream Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    Messages:
    46,300
    Likes Received:
    0
    With Boobie Poems?! :eek:
     
  22. Mee 2 E's are better than 1

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2005
    Messages:
    18,898
    Likes Received:
    3
    I'm not that edgy.
     
  23. guitarsingerguy Who am I?

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2003
    Messages:
    12,444
    Likes Received:
    35
    Well, hard contacts are really hard to deal with. They hurt. They fall out very easily. I actually use Focus night and day contacts. They're 30 day leave ins. They allow 40% more oxygen into the eyes, so they're also some of the safest contacts on the market. Punishment however, isn't the answer. Contacts aren't cheap, but they aren't that expensive either. If she really doesn't want to wear the glasses, then she'll go the extra mile for the contacts.
     
  24. StrainedEyes All the way up it!

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2000
    Messages:
    16,332
    Likes Received:
    0
    Maybe you should see a doctor about these circles under her eyes :huh: Unless they are freckles and/or moles, in which case we should use the appropriate names.
     
  25. jaguarr Be Your Own Hero

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2003
    Messages:
    43,569
    Likes Received:
    1
    Or quit punching her when she does something wrong. :up:

    jag
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice
monitoring_string = "afb8e5d7348ab9e99f73cba908f10802"