Macho Man Randy Savage visits sick kid and makes him worse

[TheSumOfGod]

Meh.

 

[Lantern Venom]

As crazy as Savage is---and he is---after a couple of paragraphs, I knew it was a farce. Even Macho Man isn't that oblivious.

 

[Sarge 2.0]

As crazy as Savage is---and he is---after a couple of paragraphs, I knew it was a farce. Even Macho Man isn't that oblivious.

I dunno, have you seen him lately?

The way I see it, he's not far off from being Ultimate Warrior crazy.

 

[TheSumOfGod]

Just re-read it. That is some seriously funny s**t. Who writes this stuff for The Onion?

 

[Lantern Venom]

I dunno, have you seen him lately?

The way I see it, he's not far off from being Ultimate Warrior crazy.

Oh, he's a certified crazy. I had no doubt of that after I listened to a couple of songs off of that album he made a couple of years ago. Yikes.

That's still a long way from saying that he's dumb enough to wear out a terminally ill kid. At least I hope.

And Warrior....oh boy....to think that his character was more sane than Hellwig himself is frightening.

 

[MichaelDigital]

Even though it's fake, I can still actually see this happening.

Yeah, I thought satirical stories were supposed to be bizarre. I could actually see this happening.

 

[War Lord]

Yeah, I thought satirical stories were supposed to be bizarre. I could actually see this happening.

The Onion has always been good at creating stories that sound plausible but are whacked.

 

[DOG LIPS]

Ha ha ha. Macho Man is a psycho, so I believed this all the way until the end. t:

 

[Lex Luthor]

I dunno, have you seen him lately?

The way I see it, he's not far off from being Ultimate Warrior crazy.

I remember the Macho Man/Ultimate Warrior feud being pretty good back in the day. Although I guess it's not too surprising. Considering they are both nuts, and hard to understand during long, drawn out speeches.

 

[Darren Daring]

"Oooooh yeaaaaaahhhhhh," Savage added.
.

Ha-ha!

 

[Kevin Roegele]

Kool-Aid are attempting to sue Macho Man for stealing the, "Oooooooooooh yeeeeeeeeeeeah" catchphrase. And that's not a joke.

 

[Sarge 2.0]

I thought it was the other way around, but you're probably right.

DDP tried to sue Jay-Z for doing the Diamond Cutter symbol...it didn't work out too well for DDP.

 

[Spidey-Bat]

I believed it unitl I saw it was from the Onion.

 

[Lex Luthor]

Kool-Aid are attempting to sue Macho Man for stealing the, "Oooooooooooh yeeeeeeeeeeeah" catchphrase. And that's not a joke.

And exactly how long has he been saying that s**t?
20? 25 years?
Kool-Aid is a bit slow on the up and up on that one.

 

[kane9321]

ah....dig it

 

[AndThePickles]

Fake but hilarious.

 

[RogueLDN]

this story is awesome

 

[Equint77]

"PHOENIX—9-year-old leukemia patient Tyler Blashock was initially ecstatic to learn Monday that the Make-A-Wish Foundation was sending Macho Man Randy Savage to meet him at the Phoenix Children’s Hospital. But after spending half a day with Savage, Blashock said he wished the 44-year-old wrestler would "just go."

Tyler, who was diagnosed six months ago with acute lymphocytic leukemia and has undergone chemotherapy through painful cerebrospinal injection, said the two-time WWF World Heavyweight Champion was physically and mentally demanding.

"I really only wanted him to give me an autograph and tell me what it was like to fight the Ultimate Warrior," Tyler said. "Not read me bedtime stories and try to feed me."

"Crying hurts," Tyler added.

Tyler’s father Frank said he and wife Helen were "thrilled" that their son would finally have a positive experience, "especially after his hair started falling out."

"But in Tyler’s weakened state, it’s all been too much," Frank said. "Far too intense."

According to Helen Blashock, Macho Man, who arrived wearing dark sunglasses and matching leather hat and vest, burst into Tyler’s hospital room and shouted, "Hey there little dude, I’m here to make you feel gooooood!"

"You could just see the confusion in Tyler’s eyes—he didn’t understand why this was happening to him," Mrs. Blashock said. "He’s been so brave."

Savage, who told Tyler his sickness reminded him of the time he wrestled Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat and "crushed that pip-squeak’s larynx," said that he enjoys helping less-fortunate fans.

"I do what I can to pump the kids up," Savage said. "I’m still on their team even though they can’t tag me in for this fight."

Savage also brought old Wrestlemania videos to watch with Tyler.

"My eyes and my bones and everything aches," Tyler said. "I just want to sleep."

Earlier in the afternoon, Savage lifted the boy’s arm in the air to show that he had won a mock wrestling match, then ran circles around the room, slapping his own face.

"Tyler’s bone marrow is so damaged that there is almost no blood clotting, so the slightest touch will leave substantial bruising," said Tyler’s doctor, pediatric oncologist Suri Prendesh. "It’s also best that Tyler avoid any more playful Savage Elbows or Scoop Slams."

Though Tyler had been showing signs of improvement, doctors feared Macho Man’s "unending" boasts and product plugs were trying the boy’s already-weak immune system.

"Tyler’s still worn out from his biopsy, and this man will jump right in his face and scream, ‘Snap into remission!’" Helen said. "When will my son have some peace?"

"I don’t like when he sings his songs," Tyler said, referring to Savage’s impromptu performance of songs from his rap album Be A Man. "They make me sad."

The Blashocks said they were initially relieved when Savage sprinted out of the room at 10 p.m., but his absence was short- lived.

"We thought it was the end of the ordeal," Mr. Blashock said. "But sure enough, 15 minutes later, we hear, ‘All right, Tyler, let’s clothesline this cancer,’ and we knew tomorrow was going to be another day that our son wouldn’t be able to swallow any food."

Savage also used the occasion to issue a challenge to rival Hulk Hogan.

"Dig it, Hulkster: If you’re not afraid, we’ll throw down right here for the kid," said Savage, who has never defeated Hogan in a professional match. "Then he’ll see once and for all that the Macho Man truly is the greatest wrestler that has ever lived."

"Oooooh yeaaaaaahhhhhh," Savage added.

The overwhelming sensory assault has left the Blashock family wondering how they will ever be able to "beat this thing."

"When Dr. Prendesh politely informed Macho Man that the high fat content in Slim Jims was really too much for Tyler’s sensitive digestive system, he threatened to introduce her to a ‘world of pain,’" said Mr. Blashock. "I guess all we can do at this point is just wait, and pray, and hope he has to visit some other sick kid tomorrow."

From theonion.com

fake or not.... I can actually see Macho Man telling some cancer kid that.

 

[tomahawk53]

I bought it hook line and sinker till the end.

I was about to copy it and send it out in an email to some friends of mine.

LOL!!!!!

 

[jaguarr]

And exactly how long has he been saying that s**t?
20? 25 years?
Kool-Aid is a bit slow on the up and up on that one.

That's my thought, too. I'd say Kool-Aid's got a rat's ass chance of winning that suit, and it serves them right.

jag

 

[Kevin Roegele]

Wouldn't it be Kool if Macho Man won the case, and won so much in damages that the company was sold to him, and he appeared in the adverts alongside the Kool-Aid man?

 

[Incrediblejeff]

I almost brought it till I saw theonion at the bottom.I can see it now.