My life is falling apart!!

[Super_Ludacris]

You cant allow yourself to be insecure about where or what your girl is going and/or doing. Trust issues and control that rage....

 

[Sofa]

Well, duh, I'm not being subtle about it

Dude, relax. Say what you have to say and i will too. I wasnt even talking to you.

 

[JokerNick]

You cant allow yourself to be insecure about where or what your girl is going and/or doing. Trust issues and control that rage....

those are my two downfalls. Trust goes back a long way... I was hurt, very bad about 4 years ago, and I'm still not better, just getting worse...

and that brings on the anger...

 

[Darren Daring]

you really look into stuff to much man... I always feel tht threads are meant for questions, more then statements.... so IDK...

Let me tell you something, that post you just posted, see it above me? It's a statement. Several of them actually.


What's with the elipses?

 

[Darren Daring]

Dude, relax. Say what you have to say and i will too. I wasnt even talking to you.

I know, that's why you quoted whatshisface

 

[JokerNick]

Let me tell you something, that post you just posted, see it above me? It's a statement. Several of them actually.


What's with the elipses?

elipses, please explain?

also, it seems that you like to never actually duscuss the topic at hand... someone made a thread about someone having surgery, and you talk about how he reffered to him by his name... you like to discuss, or basically argue about something that is not the topic at hand... if you don't like the way someone writes something, then don't respond....

 

[Erzengel]

Today class I will give you an example of ellipses.

I do not know....why....JokerNick.....uses.....(......)..... throughout....his....posts.....

 

[Darren Daring]

elipses, please explain?

also, it seems that you like to never actually duscuss the topic at hand... someone made a thread about someone having surgery, and you talk about how he reffered to him by his name... you like to discuss, or basically argue about something that is not the topic at hand... if you don't like the way someone writes something, then don't respond....

Elipses, those are those dots you routinely palce at the end of your disjointed ideas for seemingly no reason. They usually come in threes, but occasionally in fours. I suffer no displeasure towards them, and no wrath towards you for your use of them, I simply seek to learn of their reason for being.

P.S. I talked about the topic of the thread earlier, remember? I said she should dump you because you're a horrible boyfriend/person?

 

[kypade]

He just wants you to stop posting "...." instead of periods and commas.

 

[y2jversion1]

I have belittled her so much in the past, made fun of her meanly, ripped on her family, I have been tearing at her insides for awhile now

You do realize that even though you're sorry and going through counselling, the inner wounds you've caused her will not easily heal and that every outburst you have, doesn't matter if not often, is mentally driving her away from you.

It seems as though you've already been to counselling (hence the "I am going BACK TO counselling) - that's good on you - however going to counselling and then making the same mistakes over again means shiot.

You're 22 for ****'s sake, if you've got problems like this now - they'll more than likely increase as you get older. Heck, imagine you have a family and a daughter..what, you gonna threaten to disown her if she comes home a bit later than usual..even though she tells you where she is?

Trust is the sole foundation of any relationship - be it gf's, friends, family or whatever - if you cannot trust your gf, you will never be happy and only torment her and yourself. I see that you had trust issues in the past (maybe with someone else) and that is overflowing here - you cannot let the *****storms of your past **** up your present relationships. If you keep looking through the 3d glasses of your past, boy, you ain't gonna get far in life.

This rage & irrational thinking/actions will do nothing for you than a) shorten your lifespan and b) isolate you from everyone who (used to) love you.

Hopefully what you learn out of counselling actually sticks this time. Either that or maybe you just need a good old ass-kicking from the poor girl's brother (if she has one) or dad to straighten your ass out.

 

[Mee]

Today class I will give you an example of ellipses.

I do not know....why....JokerNick.....uses.....(......)..... throughout....his....posts.....

Do you....think....maybe he....is.....William Shatner?

 

[JokerNick]

Today class I will give you an example of ellipses.

I do not know....why....JokerNick.....uses.....(......)..... throughout....his....posts.....

oh, I see, I thought I meant something else... sorry, my brain really isn;t all her today...

if it bugs you, tough, that's how I write sometimes....

 

[Darren Daring]

oh, I see, I thought I meant something else... sorry, my brain really isn;t all her today...

if it bugs you, tough, that's how I write sometimes....

Yes, We've been through all this. It doens't really bug me, and we can all tell it's how you write. I... Would just... like... to know... why. What is the reason for it? Why do you write this way sometimes?

Go.

 

[JokerNick]

You do realize that even though you're sorry and going through counselling, the inner wounds you've caused her will not easily heal and that every outburst you have, doesn't matter if not often, is mentally driving her away from you.

It seems as though you've already been to counselling (hence the "I am going BACK TO counselling) - that's good on you - however going to counselling and then making the same mistakes over again means shiot.

You're 22 for ****'s sake, if you've got problems like this now - they'll more than likely increase as you get older. Heck, imagine you have a family and a daughter..what, you gonna threaten to disown her if she comes home a bit later than usual..even though she tells you where she is?

Trust is the sole foundation of any relationship - be it gf's, friends, family or whatever - if you cannot trust your gf, you will never be happy and only torment her and yourself. I see that you had trust issues in the past (maybe with someone else) and that is overflowing here - you cannot let the *****storms of your past **** up your present relationships. If you keep looking through the 3d glasses of your past, boy, you ain't gonna get far in life.

This rage & irrational thinking/actions will do nothing for you than a) shorten your lifespan and b) isolate you from everyone who (used to) love you.

Hopefully what you learn out of counselling actually sticks this time. Either that or maybe you just need a good old ass-kicking from the poor girl's brother (if she has one) or dad to straighten your ass out.

my agner, trust issues, come from my past... I had something pretty bad happen to me 4 years ago... and it still eats at me to this day.... like I said, I was so depressed, so down, so near just becoming a bum, untill I met Katie, liek i said, she gave me something that no one else could have, a reason.... she saved me... she is my godsend... and it sucks that i took this, for me to realize it.....

 

[JokerNick]

Yes, We've been through all this. It doens't really bug me, and we can all tell it's how you write. I... Would just... like... to know... why. What is the reason for it? Why do you write this way sometimes?

Go.

just do......

 

[Morg]

Okay, I am currently engaged, as many of you know… I love my girl to death, she is everything to me, she is probably the only reason I am alive and well today (whole other story)…… this last Friday was almost the end of me… I was getting mad, because she just finished up with school (took summer classes to finish early), and she stayed out this past Thursday after work, to just hang with some co-workers (play darts), I was mad because she never told me where she was (we live together BTW), well she got home around midnight, which is really late for her, she told me where she was, but I was still mad…. Well Friday came, I never gave her a kiss or hug goodbye, I was still mad at her, later that day I messaged her “so how was “playing’” darts, I’m not an idiot BTW”… well that Friday night came, she was working again (waitressing), I went out with my friends, I got home at about 1am, and she wasn’t home, so I got furious (I was drinking to much that night too) and drove down to her work, where I ordered her outside, and yelled at her like no other, I was in her face… some of her co-workers came out, and I started yelling at them…. Katie pleaded with me to calm down, and that she was just about done, and was going to come home, she asked me to wait with her…..I said I would wait by her car… well I waited about 2 minutes, then grabbed a piece of paper and wrote “I’m done with you, don’t expect to see me ever again”… well needless to say, she never came home that night….. when I realized she wasn’t coming home at around 4am, I freaked out (amazing what you realize when you sober up)… I tried calling her over and over again… I was literally breaking apart… she only messaged me once, saying she was fine, and that she would talk to me tomorrow night when she got home from work…

Well, that Saturday, I was a wreck, I haven’t cried in about 10 years, but I was breaking down like no other that day….. I couldn’t eat anything, I felt like puking… I finally got her to message me again, she said that she still loved me, but she’s need some time right now to figure things out……. Well, after reading that, I knew that she was concerned about me, and if I really did love her… so I went out, and bought her a big thing of flowers, and wrote a short note saying that I was so sorry, and that I love her more then anything…. I then had my friend drop them off at her work that night….. well, she finally did come home that night, and we talked, cried, but I could sense that what I did, caused more then a flesh wound to her, I hurt her deep inside…… just knowing that is killing me right now… I still haven’t ate anything… it’s been 2.5 days since my last meal….

I told her yesterday, that I am going to go back to counseling, and that I want her to come along… that I want to change (my temper on Friday was only the tip of the ice-berg. I have belittled her so much in the past, made fun of her meanly, ripped on her family, I have been tearing at her insides for awhile now),

I told her that she makes me want to be a better person… I told her, from now on, I will treat her like I first did when we dated, like a princess…. This past weekend has been so hard on me, harder then my accident a few months ago, harder then anything….. but I also think this weekend was the best thing for us… I finally realized what I have become.. that I have been nothing but a superb jack-@ss to her… but the thing is, I can still tell she his hurt deep inside… do you think her wounds will heal overtime… is there something I can do to reassure her that I am going to change…..???

You have a trust problem, if you can't trust your gf then how the heck can you married her?

 

[JokerNick]

You have a trust problem, if you can't trust your gf then how the heck can you married her?

I don't know.... I love her, I hope I change before I destroy what we have....

 

[y2jversion1]

my agner, trust issues, come from my past... I had something pretty bad happen to me 4 years ago... and it still eats at me to this day.... like I said, I was so depressed, so down, so near just becoming a bum, untill I met Katie, liek i said, she gave me something that no one else could have, a reason.... she saved me... she is my godsend... and it sucks that i took this, for me to realize it.....

Everyone has issues from the past - however again, if you let them cloud the judgement of your present or future, you're hurtling down the path of 'destruction'.

I mean, imagine switching places with Katie for a while - if she was in your place, coming from anger/trust issues and often took it out on you - how would you feel? How much of Katie's outbursts would you be able to take? How much would be too much until you figured that you didn't deserve that (the outbursts) and looked somewhere where you were more appreciated?

She gave you a reason - learn to appreciate her ALL THE TIME. She is your godsend, then treat her like you mean it ALL THE TIME. Don't say things just for the sake of saying them. Walk the talk. Action are louder than words my friend.

 

[Morg]

I don't know.... I love her, I hope I change before I destroy what we have....

You need to sit down and talk with her, if you can't trust her then your marriage is doom from the start, maybe see a marriage counselor or something

 

[Hades]

my agner, trust issues, come from my past... I had something pretty bad happen to me 4 years ago... and it still eats at me to this day.... like I said, I was so depressed, so down, so near just becoming a bum, untill I met Katie, liek i said, she gave me something that no one else could have, a reason.... she saved me... she is my godsend... and it sucks that i took this, for me to realize it.....

Eh, you shouldn't live for somebody else man....

 

[Topdawg]

first of all stop drinking, and do alot of things for her and with her that she likes, make her feel good.

and oh yeah....apologize.

 

[JokerNick]

Everyone has issues from the past - however again, if you let them cloud the judgement of your present or future, you're hurtling down the path of 'destruction'.

I mean, imagine switching places with Katie for a while - if she was in your place, coming from anger/trust issues and often took it out on you - how would you feel? How much of Katie's outbursts would you be able to take? How much would be too much until you figured that you didn't deserve that (the outbursts) and looked somewhere where you were more appreciated?

She gave you a reason - learn to appreciate her ALL THE TIME. She is your godsend, then treat her like you mean it ALL THE TIME. Don't say things just for the sake of saying them. Walk the talk. Action are louder than words my friend.

I agree. its something I'm going to start doing..... we went out to dinner last night with her family... in the past, I hated them, and she new that, but yesterday, i told her that I'm starting new with them, I talked to her dad for awhile, and her mom... she actually gave me a hug goodbye....

it's easier said then done with my past.. that's why I need the conseling... I'm not going to say what happened on here, because the backlash towards me would be forever going.....

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

she is probably the only reason I am alive and well today

That's a problem right there. She's like Star Wars and you're like StarWarsAgent. Not healthy.

but she’s need some time right now to figure things out…….

Ha, worst thing in the world to hear. It pretty much means that you're over. Even if she takes you back after being such an ass****, (which is a common behaviour among abused women), you may even slog through and continue to keep eachother on/off, miserable/happy for years, but it will end eventually.

so I went out, and bought her a big thing of flowers,

I heard some women talking about flowers and I agreed with them. After a while, the Pavlovian response to "flowers" is suspicion, fear, pain.....because so many dudes only buy flowers when they've done something horrible, so that's the association. lol

I told her that she makes me want to be a better person… I told her, from now on, I will treat her like I first did when we dated, like a princess…. This past weekend has been so hard on me, harder then my accident a few months ago, harder then anything….. but I also think this weekend was the best thing for us… I finally realized what I have become.. that I have been nothing but a superb jack-@ss to her… but the thing is, I can still tell she his hurt deep inside… do you think her wounds will heal overtime… is there something I can do to reassure her that I am going to change…..???

1) You will not "treat her like a princess from now on", so why make that promise. Start at just treating her like a human being.
You could rub her feet for 2,700 hours, buy her 20 fur coats and become her 24/7 multiple orgasm hook-up.....it won't erase the memory of how cruel and possessive you've been, AND it won't erase that tendency in yourself.

2) My ex-fiance and I went to counseling to try and save our 4 year relationship.
I was super, mega skeptical, only went because she wanted to.
So of course I was blown away when the most amazing insights were revealed to me, it was like taking a sledge hammer and painfully bashing away at a shell of denial and debris that had slowly been caking over my psyche.
Then, cynical I, was all, "Oh, doi....I guess there's a reason that people do this counseling crap, and they're not just Oprah-esque drama dweebs!

However.....when the fighting was getting worse and worse, and the apologies and make-up screw-a-thons started to ring more and more hollow....we'd both agree that we were 2 effed up people, but that we truly in love like never before and that it would be a shame to have had met, but ended up wasting eachother on self-improvement....
(meaning, since this was the the deepest, both the happiest and the unhappiest, most intense relationship we'd ever had, and the first time we'd both been with someone we really wanted to be with forever.....we were both unleashing all this pent up emotional crap that neither of us had been aware of, so it would suck to find out what wretched jerks we were at the core NOW, emotionally tear eachother up as some ignorant reflex, lose our incredible Love, and then get so low that we'd eventually, on our own, get counseling, mature, and have learned so much about what NOT to do in a relationship, that we'd be freaking phenomenally aware, careful, loving, fun and well-adjusted Lovers with someone ELSE, down the road.)

Sadly, that's just what happened. I can't even believe, I mean seriously can not believe I was the person I was when I was with her.....but a lot of that is because I was like 18 - 23 when I was with her and I'm 35 now.

I'd say go for the counseling, but my guess would be that these relationships where a "big personality change" is required can not last, that the pain/guilt is too hard to release, and that sadly, it's after they end, that the big changes take hold and then you go on and become a better person to be in a relationship with....IF you're successful.

But you definitely have to be motivated to change because you're unhappy with what a jealous, possessive and angry ass**** you are as a PERSON, not just because you're afraid of losing her.

 

[JokerNick]

Eh, you shouldn't live for somebody else man....

well, when you can't live for yourself.... its hard to explain....

 

[Darren Daring]

That's a problem right there. She's like Star Wars and you're like StarWarsAgent. Not healthy.[/font]


Ha, worst thing in the world to hear. It pretty much means that you're over. Even if she takes you back after being such an ass****, (which is a common behaviour among abused women), you may even slog through and continue to keep eachother on/off, miserable/happy for years, but it will end eventually.



I heard some women talking about flowers and I agreed with them. After a while, the Pavlovian response to "flowers" is suspicion, fear, pain.....because so many dudes only buy flowers when they've done something horrible, so that's the association. lol




1) You will not "treat her like a princess from now on", so why make that promise. Start at just treating her like a human being.
You could rub her feet for 2,700 hours, buy her 20 fur coats and become her 24/7 multiple orgasm hook-up.....it won't erase the memory of how cruel and possessive you've been, AND it won't erase that tendency in yourself.

2) My ex-fiance and I went to counseling to try and save our 4 year relationship.
I was super, mega skeptical, only went because she wanted to.
So of course I was blown away when the most amazing insights were revealed to me, it was like taking a sledge hammer and painfully bashing away at a shell of denial and debris that had slowly been caking over my psyche.
Then, cynical I, was all, "Oh, doi....I guess there's a reason that people do this counseling crap, and they're not just Oprah-esque drama dweebs!

However.....when the fighting was getting worse and worse, and the apologies and make-up screw-a-thons started to ring more and more hollow....we'd both agree that we were 2 effed up people, but that we truly in love like never before and that it would be a shame to have had met, but ended up wasting eachother on self-improvement....
(meaning, since this was the the deepest, both the happiest and the unhappiest, most intense relationship we'd ever had, and the first time we'd both been with someone we really wanted to be with forever.....we were both unleashing all this pent up emotional crap that neither of us had been aware of, so it would suck to find out what wretched jerks we were at the core NOW, emotionally tear eachother up as some ignorant reflex, lose our incredible Love, and then get so low that we'd eventually, on our own, get counseling, mature, and have learned so much about what NOT to do in a relationship, that we'd be freaking phenomenally aware, careful, loving, fun and well-adjusted Lovers with someone ELSE, down the road.)

Sadly, that's just what happened. I can't even believe, I mean seriously can not believe I was the person I was when I was with her.....but a lot of that is because I was like 18 - 23 when I was with her and I'm 35 now.

I'd say go for the counseling, but my guess would be that these relationships where a "big personality change" is required can not last, that the pain/guilt is too hard to release, and that sadly, it's after they end, that the big changes take hold and then you go on and become a better person to be in a relationship with....IF you successful.

But you definitely have to be motivated to change because you're unhappy with what a jealous, possessive and angry ass**** you are as a PERSON, not just because you're afraid of losing her.

That's what I meant with my first post.