My life is falling apart!!

[Gamma Ray]

Okay, I am currently engaged, as many of you know… I love my girl to death, she is everything to me, she is probably the only reason I am alive and well today (whole other story)…… this last Friday was almost the end of me… I was getting mad, because she just finished up with school (took summer classes to finish early), and she stayed out this past Thursday after work, to just hang with some co-workers (play darts), I was mad because she never told me where she was (we live together BTW), well she got home around midnight, which is really late for her, she told me where she was, but I was still mad…. Well Friday came, I never gave her a kiss or hug goodbye, I was still mad at her, later that day I messaged her “so how was “playing’” darts, I’m not an idiot BTW”… well that Friday night came, she was working again (waitressing), I went out with my friends, I got home at about 1am, and she wasn’t home, so I got furious (I was drinking to much that night too) and drove down to her work, where I ordered her outside, and yelled at her like no other, I was in her face… some of her co-workers came out, and I started yelling at them…. Katie pleaded with me to calm down, and that she was just about done, and was going to come home, she asked me to wait with her…..I said I would wait by her car… well I waited about 2 minutes, then grabbed a piece of paper and wrote “I’m done with you, don’t expect to see me ever again”… well needless to say, she never came home that night….. when I realized she wasn’t coming home at around 4am, I freaked out (amazing what you realize when you sober up)… I tried calling her over and over again… I was literally breaking apart… she only messaged me once, saying she was fine, and that she would talk to me tomorrow night when she got home from work…

Well, that Saturday, I was a wreck, I haven’t cried in about 10 years, but I was breaking down like no other that day….. I couldn’t eat anything, I felt like puking… I finally got her to message me again, she said that she still loved me, but she’s need some time right now to figure things out……. Well, after reading that, I knew that she was concerned about me, and if I really did love her… so I went out, and bought her a big thing of flowers, and wrote a short note saying that I was so sorry, and that I love her more then anything…. I then had my friend drop them off at her work that night….. well, she finally did come home that night, and we talked, cried, but I could sense that what I did, caused more then a flesh wound to her, I hurt her deep inside…… just knowing that is killing me right now… I still haven’t ate anything… it’s been 2.5 days since my last meal….

I told her yesterday, that I am going to go back to counseling, and that I want her to come along… that I want to change (my temper on Friday was only the tip of the ice-berg. I have belittled her so much in the past, made fun of her meanly, ripped on her family, I have been tearing at her insides for awhile now),

I told her that she makes me want to be a better person… I told her, from now on, I will treat her like I first did when we dated, like a princess…. This past weekend has been so hard on me, harder then my accident a few months ago, harder then anything….. but I also think this weekend was the best thing for us… I finally realized what I have become.. that I have been nothing but a superb jack-@ss to her… but the thing is, I can still tell she his hurt deep inside… do you think her wounds will heal overtime… is there something I can do to reassure her that I am going to change…..???

LOL!

 

[JokerNick]

I don't see why she is with him really. To be honest Joker I think you have some problems and really I dont see you going in for help only seeing another one of these threads pop up a month from now.

I don't understand that tho... it's not like I've done this before, got better, then went back to it..... yes, this has been an on going thing, but I've never realized I needed help till friday.... people can stop drinking, stop smoking, and stop drugs, and some can't, but I know I am one of those who can stop.... first step of recovery is admitting you have a problem, and I've done that,... I am now seeking help.... and to sit there, when you really don;t know me, and say that I'm goiing to fail, is wrong man.... one thing most people say about me, is I have alot of pride,... that i'm always trying to prove something... which can be bad... but in this case, it's good..... i'm going to prove to people that I can be the same guy Katie fell in love with...

 

[Ultimate_Superman]

I want to renew the one we once had DBella

 

[DBella]

Completely agreed. It's definately a 2-way street. ATP and I are very good about letting the other know where we are; just gives us peace of mind. She could fall down a well for I know

Haha! That would be the kind of thing I worry about.

 

[DBella]

I want to renew the one we once had DBella

What did we once have, darlin'? All I know now is I have to get ready to head out to work.

Enjoy the rest of your day, everyone! That's an order!

 

[Ultimate_Superman]

I don't understand that tho... it's not like I've done this before, got better, then went back to it..... yes, this has been an on going thing, but I've never realized I needed help till friday.... people can stop drinking, stop smoking, and stop drugs, and some can't, but I know I am one of those who can stop.... first step of recovery is admitting you have a problem, and I've done that,... I am now seeking help.... and to sit there, when you really don;t know me, and say that I'm goiing to fail, is wrong man.... one thing most people say about me, is I have alot of pride,... that i'm always trying to prove something... which can be bad... but in this case, it's good..... i'm going to prove to people that I can be the same guy Katie fell in love with...

I am just saying from how you talked about everything I dont think you will get the help you need because you'll still act the same towards her and treat her like she belongs to you instead of your equal. I think the woman is old enough to go where she wants to go with out you checking her every move.

 

[Ultimate_Superman]

What did we once have, darlin'? All I know now is I have to get ready to head out to work.

Enjoy the rest of your day, everyone! That's an order!

We had the world when you thought I was Bale for those few hours

 

[JokerNick]

Which was what lead me to say that I think he's obsessive, possessive and abusive and that's not right and it seems that he knows that that's not right. He needs to get better first before he gets into any relationship or renew the one he has now.

not at all. my relationship is whats making me want to get better... without this relationship in the first place. I wouldn't be to the point where i realized I need help...... for someone to get better, they can't always do it alone, they need loving support. and to have katies, would mean the world to me....

I;m not just talking the talk, i'm doing the walking, I've contacted my shrink, he's calling me back today about an appointment......

 

[Fried Gold]

LOL!

QFT

 

[JokerNick]

I am just saying from how you talked about everything I dont think you will get the help you need because you'll still act the same towards her and treat her like she belongs to you instead of your equal. I think the woman is old enough to go where she wants to go with out you checking her every move.

but not when your engaged or married..... that's the hole reason for marriage, for two people to come together and become something greater then either of them could be alone... there's no confident guy out there that would enjoy that his wife is somewhere, but he has no idea where.... that is all biological, men are the protectors and always will be, men have been that since there have been people, and to change because of society now is stupid... just like women are more nuturing... because that is their nature...

as far as checking up, she checks up on me ALL the time... everytime she gets home and I'm not there.... and she waits up for me... it's not like I'm over protective and she's discovering freedom... we both are in the same boat... we both care and worry about one another... and to not worry about your loved one is wrong.. things just got out of hand... and we caught it before it went to far.... love conquors all, and most of you seem to forget that......

 

[Ultimate_Superman]

but not when your engaged or married..... that's the hole reason for marriage, for two people to come together and become something greater then either of them could be alone... there's no confident guy out there that would enjoy that his wife is somewhere, but he has no idea where.... that is all biological, men are the protectors and always will be, men have been that since there have been people, and to change because of society now is stupid... just like women are more nuturing... because that is their nature...

as far as checking up, she checks up on me ALL the time... everytime she gets home and I'm not there.... and she waits up for me... it's not like I'm over protective and she's discovering freedom... we both are in the same boat... we both care and worry about one another... and to not worry about your loved one is wrong.. things just got out of hand... and we caught it before it went to far.... love conquors all, and most of you seem to forget that......

I would worry too if you came to my job in a in a rage from drinking. You are lucky she hasn't left your ass because most women would. To be honest I think what you call love she calls fear and thats why she hasn't left you because you may hurt yourself or something.

 

[DBella]

not at all. my relationship is whats making me want to get better... without this relationship in the first place. I wouldn't be to the point where i realized I need help...... for someone to get better, they can't always do it alone, they need loving support. and to have katies, would mean the world to me....

I;m not just talking the talk, i'm doing the walking, I've contacted my shrink, he's calling me back today about an appointment......

I wish you all the best JokerNick and hopefully this will be the last time you ever lose control of yourself and hurt the one you claim to love most and mean the world to you. Get well.

We had the world when you thought I was Bale for those few hours

A relationship based on lies cannot last.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

but not when your engaged or married..... that's the hole reason for marriage, for two people to come together and become something greater then either of them could be alone... there's no confident guy out there that would enjoy that his wife is somewhere, but he has no idea where.... that is all biological, men are the protectors and always will be, men have been that since there have been people, and to change because of society now is stupid... just like women are more nuturing... because that is their nature...

as far as checking up, she checks up on me ALL the time... everytime she gets home and I'm not there.... and she waits up for me... it's not like I'm over protective and she's discovering freedom... we both are in the same boat... we both care and worry about one another... and to not worry about your loved one is wrong.. things just got out of hand... and we caught it before it went to far.... love conquors all, and most of you seem to forget that......

Seriously, who can argue with this post. Say what you want about JokerNick; though I doubt anybody knows him personally, but he pretty acurately summed up how a married couple should act.

*His drunken fits excluded of course

 

[Ultimate_Superman]

I wish you all the best JokerNick and hopefully this will be the last time you ever lose control of yourself and hurt the one you claim to love most and mean the world to you. Get well.


A relationship based on lies cannot last.

I know

 

[Erzengel]

A relationship based on lies cannot last.

I call it pillow talk.

 

[Ultimate_Superman]

Seriously, who can argue with this post. Say what you want about JokerNick; though I doubt anybody knows him personally, but he pretty acurately summed up how a married couple should act.

But he doesn't act that way. He comes off right now as one of those guys you see on Lifetime that trys killing their wife or GF but if he is trying to change more power to him.

 

[JokerNick]

I would worry too if you came to my job in a in a rage from drinking. You are lucky she hasn't left your ass because most women would. To be honest I think what you call love she calls fear and thats why she hasn't left you because you may hurt yourself or something.

no, she doesn't fear me, not at all.... last night for instance... I was laying down, and she layed next to me on her stomach with her head on my chest... she was just looking at me, lovenly. saying that she is so proud that I am going to get help... and she knows I can do it.... she also said that she can't wait till me get married and have kids... that's not fear man....

like I said, you don't even know me man.... and if a woman leaves a guy, when he's at his weakest, then it wasn't love... as much as everyone thinks I was being the aggressor, I was being weak friday... taking out all my problems on the one I love... that is weak... she saw this... was mad at first, got some space to think and realized that I can be very weak inside, and becuase she loves me, she wants to help.....

 

[JokerNick]

But he doesn't act that way. He comes off right now as one of those guys you see on Lifetime that trys killing their wife or GF but if he is trying to change more power to him.

don't ever say that man... I would die for this girl.... I've promised myself and her, that I will never hurt her again... and I won't.... I know I won't.... becuase friday and saturday basically destroyed me... and if I didn't love her, that wouldn't have happened... i felt alone and depressed and heart broken, and we were still together... that shows how deeply in love I am with her....

 

[JokerNick]

I wish you all the best JokerNick and hopefully this will be the last time you ever lose control of yourself and hurt the one you claim to love most and mean the world to you. Get well.

thanks, i will... i have the best motivation in the world... my girl....

 

[Erzengel]

You 2 both have some growing up to do.

 

[Ultimate_Superman]

no, she doesn't fear me, not at all.... last night for instance... I was laying down, and she layed next to me on her stomach with her head on my chest... she was just looking at me, lovenly. saying that she is so proud that I am going to get help... and she knows I can do it.... she also said that she can't wait till me get married and have kids... that's not fear man....

like I said, you don't even know me man.... and if a woman leaves a guy, when he's at his weakest, then it wasn't love... as much as everyone thinks I was being the aggressor, I was being weak friday... taking out all my problems on the one I love... that is weak... she saw this... was mad at first, got some space to think and realized that I can be very weak inside, and becuase she loves me, she wants to help.....

Your right I don't know you but from what you sound like you seem like the type of person who should not be with anyone till you get better and yes she can help and be there for you but right now I think you two should give each other some space.

 

[JokerNick]

You 2 both have some growing up to do.

most people my age do.... but I can see that, unlike most of them,... that's the difference.....

 

[Ultimate_Superman]

don't ever say that man... I would die for this girl.... I've promised myself and her, that I will never hurt her again... and I won't.... I know I won't.... becuase friday and saturday basically destroyed me... and if I didn't love her, that wouldn't have happened... i felt alone and depressed and heart broken, and we were still together... that shows how deeply in love I am with her....

I'll say it again Joker the way you come off is you come off as one of the people who would hurt her or yourself if she ever left you. Thats why some have said get help then be with her.

 

[JokerNick]

Your right I don't know you but from what you sound like you seem like the type of person who should not be with anyone till you get better and yes she can help and be there for you but right now I think you two should give each other some space.

seem..... i hate that word... seem.... but the thing is, i know myself better then anyone else.... and I know I can do it. I want to do it....I will do it....

 

[Ultimate_Superman]

seem..... i hate that word... seem.... but the thing is, i know myself better then anyone else.... and I know I can do it. I want to do it....I will do it....

Then more power to you.