My Life Sucks. With Pictures!!!

[Not Jake]

Listen guys, right now my life is down the gutter. I've really effed it up big time. I'm not going to detail everything for you guys, but an aspect of my life sucking is that I have become lax in my collegiate career. You see, I have not gone to classes all semester. Gonna have my financial aid revoked, the way I figure. Really gonna hurt for money soon, best I can tell. STATEMENT COMMA SELF-REFERENTIAL OBSERVATIONAL FIGURE OF SPEECH.

Now, I'm a smart guy. Also self-involved and emotionally crippled, but smart nonetheless. I have been thinking about it these past few sleepless nights, and I am pretty sure I was slightly depressed at the start of the school year, and that I'm more than slightly depressed at this point in time. I am going to look into free campus counseling tomorrow. I know they'll say I'm depressed no matter what, because I'm kind of cynical towards their whole situation, diagnosing depression, I mean, REALLY, someone goes there of their own accord, they are going to come away with a diagnosis of mild depression no matter what, but WHATEVER, that's what I want. Diagnosed depression is a major blame factory. Blame jackpot, right there. BACK OFF MAN I'M DEPRESSED I CAN'T HELP IT. That's the ticket.

SO. The only way I can deal with stuff, the only way I've ever been able to deal with stuff, is comedy. I like The Funny, I think I have it in abundance, and I use it. It makes me feel good, to be funny, even if I'm the only one I'm entertaining. Segue here, I'm gonna take a worry about my real life and amuse myself. Hopefully you guys, too. In light of the upcoming money problems weighing on my mind, I present to you a little segment I call $h!t I Can't Afford.


Let's start off with some simple stuff.

Clothes

I need some new clothes, man. For the ladies! Do you know what else I have on my person when trying to get the ladies?

Not the girls I actually like, just the girls I'm trying to lay at some party. I'm the scum of the goddamn earth. But you know, I've got 3 roommates, and sometimes you want to go out and have fun, and not having any cash for beer just kills the whole prospect. It takes away from the fun. Speaking of taking away from the fun...

The Nintendo Wii. God, I want this. That last sentence wasn't taking God's name in vain. It was me, talking to God, telling him what I would like. I would like one of these.

Media! I won't have enough money for entertainment products, such as issues of Astonishing X-Men, or slim DVD sets of Buffy, or this Buffy statue I had my eye on...

 

[Not Jake]

Then there's the serious stuff. Like, stuff essential to my being.

Rent.

A roof over my head. The ability to live with my buddies. I am in trouble.

Also,

College. I don't know if I'll be able to get financial aid for next semester. I don't know if I'll have to start paying off this current semester 'cause of my bizzad grizzades. All I know is that I have this horrible feeling of despair just hovering over me like a storm cloud. I told you guys this thread was gonna be funny.

Since I'm feeling so down, how about antidepressants!

Can't afford those. Also, probably the worst thing (to me): My parents finding out about all this.

My dad is mad about my grades and wasting money on college. He has a moustache. Contrary to your current belief, he is not Albert Einstein. My mom is frowning because she's worried about her son being depressed. I have a great mommy.


It's 6 am, Jake time. I'm gonna try to get 4 hours sleep before work. L8r, sk8rs.

 

[Dope Nose]

I'm not sure what your parents are like but I would recommend talking to them about your finances. I know it may be difficult and that you may be in for a lecture but honesty really is the best policy and if they can help it will probably go a long way to helping your feelings of depression.

generally speaking, don't try going it alone. talk to your friends/family about your problems because as much as you may feel like the situation is your responsibility we all need support. also, maintain perspective. remember that regardless of what happens the world isn't going to end, and that although things seem dark now they won't always be that way.

 

[maxwell's demon]

this is my new favorite thread.

PS- your life sounds like a recurring dream/nightmare i used to have.

 

[Iceman]

Great pictures t:

Keep them coming, ..at least..... until your internet connection falls into the "$h!t I Can't Afford" category.

 

[Ahura Mazda]

I am going to make a scandalous suggestion....stop living your life online until you have sorted out the offline part. get to classes or at least prepare for exams.

I once missed a year of lectures, following a bad breakup, and was lacking in money following lending a freind £10k but I ended up cramming the night before exams and living off noodles for 6 months. So there is a light at the ened of the tunnel but you have to be pro active to see it.

Good luck

 

[Ronny Shade]

I'm sorry, man What can I do?

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

I thought it was going to be with actual pictures of you and your life sucking, not drawings that would look best magnetted to the refrigerator door.

 

[DOG LIPS]

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

heh, you can't aford a Wii. Heh

 

[Themanofbat]

I thought that thing with a blue strip on it was a positive pregnancy test.

 

[Erzengel]

heh, you can't aford a Wii. Heh

I'm going to buy a Wii and just keep in the corner and never play it.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

I thought that thing with a blue strip on it was a positive pregnancy test.

Heh, that would've been a lot funnier, if he drew a positive preg-test and said, "I can't afford to procreate right now."

 

[Halcohol]

Heh, that would've been a lot funnier, if he drew a positive preg-test and said, "I can't afford to procreate right now."

All you need is a flight of stairs and boom- problem solved.

 

[Themanofbat]

What the ^%#^ is a Wii????

Some fancy Hawaiian drink???

 

[Halcohol]

The new Nintendo system. Where've you been all year?

http://wii.ign.com

 

[Iceman]

What the ^%#^ is a Wii????

Some fancy Hawaiian drink???

You really are old

 

[jaguarr]

If you can't afford ass-defining jeans there is NO way you're ever going to get laid. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. I don't make the rules of the game, so don't blame me. Virgin.

jag

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

If you can't afford ass-defining jeans there is NO way you're ever going to get laid. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. I don't make the rules of the game, so don't blame me. Virgin.

jag

I've seen guys in kilts get laid. Maybe it's time for a homemade kilt, Not Jake.

 

[The Lizard]

The Nintendo Wii. God, I want this. That last sentence wasn't taking God's name in vain. It was me, talking to God, telling him what I would like. I would like one of these.

[/IMG]

Gamers get no sympathy from me on any level. Even homeless, leperous, sexually-abused, starving, crippled gamers. No sympathy.

 

[jaguarr]

I've seen guys in kilts get laid. Maybe it's time for a homemade kilt, Not Jake.

I don't think it would take the wimmins-folks very long to figure out he made his kilt out of a tablecloth. No one likes a pseudo-Scot.

jag

 

[Darthphere]

This thread is brilliant.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

This thread is brilliant.

Why don't you ever make threads?

 

[Darthphere]

Why don't you ever make threads?

I do, just not in Community.

 

[Darren Daring]

Darth should make threads. I'd post in em.