Not-At-All-Original-Publications Presents: Spammers in Space!

[hippie_hunter]

My fictional counterparts are just not having their days. First it turns out that I was dating a pedo in Hype the Series and now I have touched Brett Spinner. And I hate Star Trek, especially Data

 

[bored]

This entry is dedicated to the memory of TheSumofGod, who was tragically banned after posting an inappropriate picture of a nun being sodomized.


---------------------------


Mr. Thing: All done.

DBella took Mr. Thing's bottle away, giving him a strange look.

Karem-Knight: We are left without the guidance of the Moderators. I must say, I am surprised at how order has been kept in their absence.

DBella: Um, thanks, I guess.

Hippie Hunter: I'm back.

DBella: What happened to Data?

Hippie Hunter: Oh, him, well, I tried opening his control panel, but it didn't go well. It looked like it'd been welded shut, so I had to cut it open, and alot of oil spilled out. Really wierd oil, too. Kinda reddish. I couldn't find any switches, so I closed it all back up. I don't know what the deal is with him now. He's making all these funny noises. Kinda sounds like he's shrieking in pain or something, but he's a robot, so who knows?

Holly Goodhead: I was under the impression that he was just an actor.

DBella: He does say that alot.

Karem-Knight: Ladies, do not be deceived by a machine. The only joy they are capable of taking is through trickery.

Holly Goodhead: You know, we never really figured out who you were on the flight up.



Malice: I'm very ashamed of you, Dog Lips.

Dog Lips: Oh, you sound like my parents. And my grandparents. And my teachers. And my parrish priest. And my last two girlfriends. And all of my bosses. And my pimp. And-

Malice: Wait, what was that last one?

Dog Lips: My bosses?

Malice: No, after that.




DBella: Hey, Holly, check this out on the radar. Something's coming towards us.

Holly Goodhead: That's odd. It doesn't look like an asteroid, which is good. I think it might be a ship of some kind.

Mr. Thing: It's requesting permission to dock. Bella, you're in charge while the Mods are out. What do you say?

DBella: Grant it, I suppose. Hippie Hunter, come with us to the air-lock. I'm letting whoever this person is on, but I want to make sure they're not pulling anything.

Mr. Thing: Not until you show up.

DBella rolled her eyes, reached into her pocket, and produced a tazer.

Mr. Thing: Uh-oh.



Elijya: So, do you think Dog Lips has learned his lesson?

Malice: No doubt. He's not going to act up again after his punishment.

Elijya: Did we make the right decision in Modding him?

Malice: Of course. He's still wet behind the ears, though. That's all.

Elijya: In fairness, you did dump water over his head.

Malice: It was funny in context. I just hope he can eat all of those potatoes and still be able to function within a week. Hey, look, it's the janitor.

The Squirrel walked down the hallway, carrying a mop over his shoulder.

Elijya: Hey, Squirrel, what's the word?

The Squirrel: Johannesburg.

Elijya: Huh?

The Squirrel: Yeah, you wouldn't get it, whitey.

Elijya: Dude, you're white, too.

The Squirrel: Of course I am. That's only my slave skin-tone!

Malice: Somebody's been reading comics written by Reginald Hudlin again, haven't they?

The Squirrel: Maybe. Hey, are you guys going to see who's docking with us?

Malice: Somebody's docking?

The Squirrel: Yeah. DBella and a few of the others just left the Bridge to check it out.

Elijya: I didn't know we had more people coming.

Malice: Hey, hold on, Squirrel, who all left with her?

The Squirrel: Zev, Holly Goodhead, and Hippie Hunter.

Malice: But if they're all gone, than that means the Bridge is run by...

Malice and Elijya looked at each other, then took off running.



Meanwhile, on the Bridge...

Mr. Thing: I am Space-Thing, all shall tremble before my might! Hey, what does this button that says "Gravity Shut Down" do?

Karem-Knight: I implore, mighty Space-Thing, don't do it! Think of all those aboard this vessel who rely on gravity to not go floating about like feathers!



Zev: Well, here we are.

DBella: There's smoke in the air-lock. That can't be good.

Hippie Hunter: Hold on, that's not smoke. I think it's dry ice.

The door opened.




FunBobPants: Master, the second pod has made it, succesfully.

Master Bruce: Excellent. The Earthlings will finally regret insulting me with their disgusting kitschy piano rock!




DBella: Is anyone in there?

Hippie Hunter: I see someone. Hey, are you okay, buddy?

There came a strange laughing from inside the air-lock.

Zev: Whoah.

DBella: Hello? Who is that?

They could see a sillhouette forming. Somebody slowly moved his way out of the mist.

DBella: Hello, I'm DBella, a ranking officer on this mission. Who would you be?

The mysterious stranger laughed again.

mysterious stranger: Enter.... THE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[hippie_hunter]

So is Brett Spinner dead?

 

[Mee]

mysterious stranger: Enter.... THE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All hope is lost.

 

[enterthemadness]

..yes! I am in a fan fic!

 

[DBella]

Does anyone here know better than to put a woman in charge? Hippie hunter just cut someone up like a fish (is cannibalism involved in this story? *licks lips*) and God knows what Man-Thing and KK are doing on the bridge, coz they certainly don't seem to know what they're doing? And the appearance of enterthemadness sounds like a very bad omen.

Bad update, bored and by that, I mean... brilliant!

 

[hippie_hunter]

Does anyone here know better than to put a woman in charge? Hippie hunter just cut someone up like a fish (is cannibalism involved in this story? *licks lips*) and God knows what Man-Thing and KK are doing on the bridge, coz they certainly don't seem to know what they're doing? And the appearance of enterthemadness sounds like a very bad omen.

Bad update, bored and by that, I mean... brilliant!

He needed to be put out of his misery. He was already not feeling well and if he was, he was forever typecast as Data. It's for the best.

 

[DBella]

He needed to be put out of his misery. He was already not feeling well and if he was, he was forever typecast as Data. It's for the best.

I didn't say what you did was wrong.

 

[bored]

DBella: What the-

enterthemadness: Enter... THE MADNESS!

DBella: Yes, we got that, now-

enterthemadness: Enter... THE MADNESS!

DBella: Is that your name, or a command?

enterthemadness: Both! I am enterthemadness, and in my presence, you shall enter...

Zev: The madness?

enterthemadness: No. THE MADNESS! Like that.

Zev: Oh, okay, I've got you.

enterthemadness: Excellent. Now, kindly enter... THE MADNESS!

Enterthemadness gazed deep into Zev's eyes.

Zev: Dude, I am not that kind of guy.

enterthemadness: Do not resist me, Zev.

Zev: Oh, that is just too much. I mean, I'm cool with you making choices about your own life, but chicken is a two-footed street light. Huh?

enterthemadness: Excellent. You are entering... THE MADNESS!

Zev began jumping up and down.

Zev: When will the bacteria be liberated?!!!!!!!

enterthemadness: Delightful. Now, you Hippie Hunter. You must enter...

Hippie Hunter: THE MADNESS!?

enterthemadness: Indeed.

Hippie Hunter: How 'bout not?

Zev: Flaboogin!

DBella: Zev, snap out of it!

Holly Goodhead: Who is this clown, anyway?

Hippie Hunter: Clown?

enterthemadness: Do clowns give you fear, Hippie Hunter? Even more than hippies? Of course they do. Hippies are passive, and easily hunted. But clowns, they fight back. Pies, seltzer, tiny cars which can hold entire armies. It terrifies you, the thought of it. It drives you... MAD.

Hippie Hunter: No.

enterthemadness: Yes!

Enterthemadness grabbed Hippie Hunter's head, and screamed.

enterthemadness: CLOWNS! CLLLLOOOOWWWWNNNNNSSSS!!!!!

Hippie Hunter: Oh Xenu, the face paint, the red noses, it's terrible! Get them away from me!

Hippie Hunter scrambled away, weeping and screaming.

Holly Goodhead: Run, Bella!

The two women took off.

DBella: Get to the Bridge! Hopefully, one of the Mods will be back!

enterthemadness: I shall save them for later. For now, this vessel is my playground.

He wandered off, finding a room filled with tools and equipment for various things. On a table in the middle of the room was a weak, bloody actor.

Brett Spiner: Who... are... you?

enterthemadness: Enter.... THE MADNESS!

Brett Spiner: Kill me... please...

enterthemadness: Umm... yeah.... Would you like to enter.... THE MADNESS!?

Brett Spiner: So much pain...

enterthemadness: Know what? I think I'll skip you.

 

[Batman]

Holly Goodhead: Who is this clown, anyway?

Hippie Hunter: Clown?

enterthemadness: Do clowns give you fear, Hippie Hunter? Even more than hippies? Of course they do. Hippies are passive, and easily hunted. But clowns, they fight back. Pies, seltzer, tiny cars which can hold entire armies. It terrifies you, the thought of it. It drives you... MAD.

Hippie Hunter: No.

enterthemadness: Yes!

Enterthemadness grabbed Hippie Hunter's head, and screamed.

enterthemadness: CLOWNS! CLLLLOOOOWWWWNNNNNSSSS!!!!!

I laughed out loud at that part. Dare I say it, I... lol'ed.

Great chapter, bored.

 

[hippie_hunter]

Clowns, f**king clowns

And Brett Spinner is still alive

 

[enterthemadness]

t: I'm taking over the ship! Hoo-ray!

Nice chapter, Bored.

poor Brett...if only he would enter...THE MADNESS. His pain would've gone a way...

 

[DBella]

Clowns, f**king clowns

And Brett Spinner is still alive

Looks like you forgot to shut off his CPU when you cut him open!


Other than that... EXCELLENT!! Best chapter so far, bored. I could so see this as a horror flick. enterthemadness gives me the heebie jeebies. And clowns... nothing can be worse than that! Absolutely love this chapter.

 

[enterthemadness]

Looks like you forgot to shut off his CPU when you cut him open!


Othare than that... EXCELLENT!! Best chapter so far, bored. I could so see this as a horror flick. enterthemadness gives me the heebie jeebies. And clowns... nothing can beworse than that! Absolutely love this chapter.

I do? That's nice to know... even through you're talking about my character in the script--err fan fic.

 

[DBella]

^Yes, you... err... your character does that. I get goosebumps each time I read enter... THEMADNESS!!! :heart:

 

[bored]

Dog Lips: Say it again for me.

bored and Abaddon: We're sorry .

Dog Lips: Damn right you are. I don't know how many weeks it'll be before I can walk, or eat, or properly move my bowels again after all those potatoes.

bored: But it was fun, wasn't it?

Dog Lips: If it wasn't, I wouldn't be paying some kind of harsh price.

Jaguarr: I added some herbs in there to make it easier on you.

Jag

Dog Lips: On you? I'm the one eating them!

Jaguarr: Not what I meant.

Jag

Dog Lips: Oh, right, you've got do that thingy.

Jaguarr: What thingy?

Jag

Dog Lips: You know, where you say 'Jag' after every statement.

Jaguarr: Ah, yes. You must understand, it's a tradition that I do this. It was done by my father, Jaguarr XVI, and my grandfather, Jaguarr XV, and my great-grandfather, Le Jaguerre XIV.

Jag

Dog Lips: And it just goes back for hundreds of years, then?

Jaguarr: Oh, no, it was my great-grandfather's idea. He started it in college to annoy one of his frat brothers, and it just sort of stuck.

Jag

Something buzzed on Dog Lips's hip.

Dog Lips: Crap, that's my pager. Abbadon, could you move my arm for me? It's tired from spooning potatoes.

Abaddon grabbed the pager. There was a message from DBella. It said, "Crazy man is invading the ship, and driving people mad. Help us! Also, don't tell Malice!"

Suddenly, Malice and Elijya stormed into the room.

Malice: Dammit, Dog Lips, we leave you alone for a second, and this happens!

Dog Lips: You made me stay here .

Malice: Oh, right. Anyway, Mr. Thing is in charge of the Bridge right now! What the hell?

Dog Lips: He is? That's not good.

Elijya: He took all the chair cushions, and made a little fort. It has woman's underwear outside of it. He calls it Ft. Bra! This cannot stand!

Dog Lips: Crap. Alright, Abbadon, bored, help me up. We're going to fix this mess.



Meanwhile, on the Bridge...

DBella: *panting* We should be safe here, Holly.

Holly Goodhead: What if that thing finds us, though?

Karem-Knight: What thing would this be, ladies?

DBella: Some crazy alien called enterthemadness. It makes people enter the madness.

Karem-Knight: Well, I'd challenge it to harm you here, under the protection of myself and the mighty Space-Thing.

Mr. Thing: Who utters my name? Oh, right, Karem-Knight, only other person here. Wait, is that DBella? Excellent. I knew that you would come to your senses, Bella. Join Space-Thing, and together we shall rule the Multiverse! Except for that one dimension where they're all dinosaurs. And maybe that one where all the superheroes are dead, and it's just villains, but there's a power struggle, and that one newbie shoots everyone, but it was really a conspiracy by his dad to make sure he's not a puss. Ooh, and Earth-Prime. Let's stay away from that. Everyone's so damn emo there.

Holly Goodhead: Dammit, Mr. Thing, we're in trouble! Didn't you hear what we just told Karem-Knight?

Mr. Thing: Space-Thing was resting in Ft. Bra. What is the trouble?

Someone began pounding on the locked door from the outside.

DBella: It's him! We're safe as long as he can't get in.



The Squirrel: Hello? Come on, guys, I need to empty the trash bins!



Karem-Knight: If that knave tries to harm any one of you, he shall feel the wrath of Sir Karem, Knight of the Dilapidated Shoes!

Mr. Thing: Huh?

Karem-Knight: Why, that is my full title. It was bestowed upon me by the great King Arnold Schwarzenegger, master of the Kingdom of Kali-phone-Ya.

Holly Goodhead: How do we know you're not related to that guy out there?



The Squirrel: Screw this, I'm gonna go collect Sum's shredded documents.

enterthemadness: Oh, I think not, you master of the custodial arts.

The Squirrel: Huh?

enterthemadness: Yes, it is I, the one who is feared throughout the galaxy. I have conquered worlds in the name of my master (by playing beer pong)! I have defeated the greatest of champions, at beer pong. I have made entire societies tremble, during beer pong. I have-

The Squirrel: Okay, I get it. You're good at beer pong.

enterthemadness: Yes. But when I just want to have fun, I drive people insane!

The Squirrel: By being wierd.

enterthemadness: No. By inviting them to enter... THE MADNESS!



bored: Dammit, I'm tired. You ate too much, Dog.

Dog Lips: Agreed. Let Mr. Thing do what we wants with the Bridge right now. I say we go and, *achem* pray with JAL.

Abaddon: Good times.

bored: I've been meaning on further studying the book of "Sin City".



A few hours later, on the Bridge...

DBella: I haven't heard it in a while.

Holly Goodhead: Should we go out and look? There are alot of peole who we'll need to warn about this.

Mr. Thing: Good plan. Karem-Knight, you go outside.

Karem-Knight: At once!

Karem-Knight unlocked the door, and slipped out.

Karem-Knight: Hello? Mad alien creature?

The Squirrel: Babble babble babble.

Karem-Knight: Oh my. Everyone, it seems the janitor is out here. How are you, Mr. The Squirrel?

The Squirrel: Babble babble babble.

Karem-Knight: Ah, yes, I've noticed that myself.

DBella: Wait, why is he just saying 'babble'? He's not even babbling, really.

The Squirrel: Babble babble babble... madness...

 

[enterthemadness]

Yes, I get goosebumps each time I read enter... THEMADNESS!!! :heart:

I see how it is...

Bored--

Good chapter. Loved the Ft bra part. Just good overall.

 

[bored]

DBella: It got the janitor. That poor, poor janitor.

The Squirrel: Babble babble babble.

Holly Goodhead: Could he say anything else?

The Squirrel: Babble babble.

Holly Goodhead: Okay then.

Mr. Thing: Wait, is that two 'babbles' for 'yes', and one for 'no'?

The Squirrel: Babble babble.

Mr. Thing: Good. Just making sure we're on "Star Trek" rules here.

Karem-Knight: We must prevent more people from being driven mad by this horrid beast. What shall we do?

Holly Goodhead: We need to contact the Mods, and see if they're able to ban him.

DBella: And if they're not?

Mr. Thing: We dook ourselves.

Karem-Knight: Well I, for one, am not going to just stand here and allow good people to defacate in terror. Come, we find the Moderators!



J Alba's Lover: It is in this scene that the Passion of the Alba is truly is truly evident.

Dog Lips: Not to mention that tight stomach. Girl must work out alot.

J Alba's Lover: Indeed.

He unpaused "Sin City". They were on the scene where Nancy was tied up by the Yellow Bastard.

bored: Dude, you know all Hartigan's thinking downstairs is "I'm tappin' that when this is over". I mean, I know how it ends and all, but how could you not?

J Alba's Lover: 'Tap that'? You would not 'tap that', bored. The Alba is not 'tapped'.

Abaddon: Dude, if you believe that, then I've got a bridge I'd like to sell you, dirt cheap.



Malice: Weeee!

He went down the water slide.

Elijya: Dude, take my picture!

Elijya slid down, and Malice snapped a shot from his Polaroid camera. What? I'm not being paid to say that. It's an instant camera, that's all. Polaroid usually makes those.

Malice: Okay, let's look at this. It's about done. Oh, dude, you mooned me, you jerk-wad!

Elijya: Pwned! Hey Twylight, bring us more Doritoes!

Twylight, still in her maid's outfit, groaned, and left to get chips for the Mods.

enterthemadness: Well, well, well, who is this lovely lady?

Twylight: Ugh, who are you? Don't we have enough pervs on this space station?

enterthemadness: Oh, I wouldn't worry about them. I've been taking care of them.

Twylight: Good for you.

enterthemadness: Beauteous maid, come join me, and watch as I send the chauvinists who give you trouble into the depths of... MADNESS.

Twylight: Whoah, hey, take it easy, dude. We only just met. Look, you're kind of cute, so I'll give you my number, but I'm working now. We'll talk later, okay?

enterthemadness: Indeed.

Twy gave him a slip of paper with her cell number, and left to get the Mods' chips.

enterthemadness: Mmm... I'd like to enter her... MADNESS. But seriously, I get to drive people insane, and I might score. I love this job.

 

[enterthemadness]

DBella: It got the janitor. That poor, poor janitor.

The Squirrel: Babble babble babble.

Holly Goodhead: Could he say anything else?

The Squirrel: Babble babble.

Holly Goodhead: Okay then.

Mr. Thing: Wait, is that two 'babbles' for 'yes', and one for 'no'?

The Squirrel: Babble babble.

Mr. Thing: Good. Just making sure we're on "Star Trek" rules here.

Karem-Knight: We must prevent more people from being driven mad by this horrid beast. What shall we do?

Holly Goodhead: We need to contact the Mods, and see if they're able to ban him.

DBella: And if they're not?

Mr. Thing: We dook ourselves.

Karem-Knight: Well I, for one, am not going to just stand here and allow good people to defacate in terror. Come, we find the Moderators!



J Alba's Lover: It is in this scene that the Passion of the Alba is truly is truly evident.

Dog Lips: Not to mention that tight stomach. Girl must work out alot.

J Alba's Lover: Indeed.

He unpaused "Sin City". They were on the scene where Nancy was tied up by the Yellow Bastard.

bored: Dude, you know all Hartigan's thinking downstairs is "I'm tappin' that when this is over". I mean, I know how it ends and all, but how could you not?

J Alba's Lover: 'Tap that'? You would not 'tap that', bored. The Alba is not 'tapped'.

Abaddon: Dude, if you believe that, then I've got a bridge I'd like to sell you, dirt cheap.



Malice: Weeee!

He went down the water slide.

Elijya: Dude, take my picture!

Elijya slid down, and Malice snapped a shot from his Polaroid camera. What? I'm not being paid to say that. It's an instant camera, that's all. Polaroid usually makes those.

Malice: Okay, let's look at this. It's about done. Oh, dude, you mooned me, you jerk-wad!

Elijya: Pwned! Hey Twylight, bring us more Doritoes!

Twylight, still in her maid's outfit, groaned, and left to get chips for the Mods.

enterthemadness: Well, well, well, who is this lovely lady?

Twylight: Ugh, who are you? Don't we have enough pervs on this space station?

enterthemadness: Oh, I wouldn't worry about them. I've been taking care of them.

Twylight: Good for you.

enterthemadness: Beauteous maid, come join me, and watch as I send the chauvinists who give you trouble into the depths of... MADNESS.

Twylight: Whoah, hey, take it easy, dude. We only just met. Look, you're kind of cute, so I'll give you my number, but I'm working now. We'll talk later, okay?

enterthemadness: Indeed.

Twy gave him a slip of paper with her cell number, and left to get the Mods' chips.

enterthemadness: Mmm... I'd like to enter her... MADNESS. But seriously, I get to drive people insane, and I might score. I love this job.

Good chapter. Why so long inbetween posting new chapters?

 

[hippie_hunter]

Why does twylight go from man to man

 

[enterthemadness]

Why does twylight go from man to man

Because vampries kills all of her partners...

 

[The Apatow Crew]

I see i'm a popular person to put into these stories.

 

[enterthemadness]

I see i'm a popular person to put into these stories.

not mine... because I always forget you.

 

[The Apatow Crew]

not mine... because I always forget you.

But i'm always same same character going on and on about Alba. Until someone kills me.

 

[enterthemadness]

But i'm always same same character going on and on about Alba. Until someone kills me.

If I ever write a fourth chapter in the Starship Hype Series, you will have a new character, you'll be a different character.