Not-At-All-Original-Publications Presents: Spammers in Space!

I too chuckled at that.

I'll get you yet, damned Earth scum. :cmad:
 
Can we avoid it if I say that the "I'm from the internet" picture made me lol?
 
I'll settle for no less than a cameo spot.
 
Zomg glorious return!

---------------------------------


Master Bruce: This planet, Lieutenant Pants, tell me about it.

FunBobPants: Mars?

Master Bruce: Indeed.

FunBobPants: Well, it's called the Red Planet.

Master Bruce: Did you just say "The Red Planet"?

FunBobPants: Yes, sir, I did.

Master Bruce: Egads! An entire planet is Communist! They must be destroyed.

FunBobPants: Master, the planet is uninhabited.

Master Bruce: Ha! Serves those pinkos right! My spy on Earth will be delighted to hear about this.

FunBobPants: The space-gorgon, sir?

Master Bruce: Yes, the space-gorgon. He must know. I shall write to him immediately!

Master Bruce pulled a pen from his pocket, and grabbed a piece of paper from his printer. Yes, that's right, an alien overlord has a printer. What's wrong with that? Shut up.

Master Bruce: *writing* Dear Ann Coulter...




Bathrat: So, sinewave, you tell me about making the movies on Earth now, ken?

sinewave: Well, "The Real Brokeback Mountain" ended up not winning the Oscar.

Bathrat: Oh, ani slicha. What about "Migration of Ricky Williams"?

sinewave: Just got nominated, but we won't know if it won until we get home. Poor Ricky can't even get work in Canada anymore, did you know that?

Bathrat: Lo!

sinewave: Yeah. The CFL adopted a "No More Idiots from America" rule. Damn Eli Manning just couldn't stop killing hookers.

Maxwell's Demon: Hey guys, the captains want us for some reason.

Bathrat: They want us? Oh joy, is sexy time!

Maxwell's Demon: No, that's after dinner. I think your scanners have picked up another ship coming close to Mars, Bathrat.



Elijya: Enterthemadness tells us the readings we are getting resemble the Crown Ship of the Fleet of the Fanboy Nebula, which is several thousands of light years from Earth and thousands more from common sense. It is ruled by Master Bruce, a tyrant known for questionable employment practices. They are the ones who attacked the Space Station. If they find us here, there's nothing we can do. We are, as they say in classier circles, ****ed.

Enterthemadness: Bathrat, is this the only place you have set up on this planet?

Bathrat: No. There is Four Seasons inside Giant Face.

Enterthemadness: I am being serious.

Bathrat: Me, too, ken?

bored: There's a Four Seasons on Mars?

Bathrat: They make investment for future. Is far, but we go. I call ahead, make arrangements. All of you pack bags now!



Master Bruce: We don't have any real missiles, do we, Lieutenant Pants?

FunBobPants: No, Master Bruce. We'll have to send a ground force to exterminate the Earthlings. I suggest we get Enterthemadness from Mars first.

Master Bruce: I don't want to go near that Red Planet. Is there at least a nice hotel we can stay at?

FunBobPants: Sir, the planet is not Communist, and there is a Four Seasons located in the big rock that looks like a face. Should I book you a suite there?

Master Bruce: Yes, and get me a room while you're at it.

FunBobPants: ....
 
Space gorgon... Ann Coulter...

You, sir, are a genius. :up:
 
Master Bruce settled into his hotel room.

FunBobPants: Master, please don't jump on the bed.

Master Bruce: I shall cease when I feel the time is right!

FunBobPants: We have work to do, though, Master.

Master Bruce: Oh, yes, I forgot. It is almost as if our work advances so slowly that it is sometimes easy to forget what we are doing.

FunBobPants: How odd.

Master Bruce: I agree. Have we located Enterthemadness's ship?

FunBobPants: Yes, sir. Some of your minions are going to pick him up now. In the meantime, we should settle some other business.

Master Bruce sighed, and took off his clothes.

Master Bruce: Never again shall I bet on Keith Richards in the Death Pool.

He burst out of the room, and began shouting "Who wants to buy my hot dog!" at the top of his lungs down the hallway.



Enterthemadness looked through a set of binoculars.

Enterthemadness: This planet is so dusty, and monotone. Are we to travel there?

Elijya: Yep. You've got to enter... the redness.

Twylight: Let's ignore that.

Enterthemadness: I agree.

bored: And here's bored, and his nutty sidekick, Abaddon!

Abaddon: Hey wait, why am I the sidekick?

bored: Cuz I got to it first. You know the rule.

Abaddon: *sigh* Yeah, I guess I do.

Elijya: What are those two idiots doing?

Dog Lips: It's some of our old shtick.

Malice: Our shtick, Dog Lips?

Dog Lips: Well, you know, we used to be the Trio.

He gazed at them, nostalgicly.

Hippie Hunter: Hey, Malice, how do you spell "nostalgically"?

Malice: N-o-s-t-a-l-g-i-c-a-l-l-y. How come?

Hippie Hunter: Oh, no reason.

Don't start this again, Hippie Hunter. I'm the third person narrator, and I can make life very difficult for you.

Hippie Hunter: Hardly.

How so?

Hippie Hunter: By directly addressing me, you are no longer third person.

Yeah, well, the rest of the party left without you.

Hippie Hunter: Huh?

An hour ago!

Hippie Hunter: D'oh!
 
The party, wearing space-suits and riding on out-dated Mars rovers, which Bathrat had collected during his time on the Red Planet and converted into vehicles, headed to the Martian Four Seasons.

Corinthian: Mars, it, you know, it only has the one season.

Bathrat: Oh, ken, but we terraform.

bored: When? People have talked about that for years, ever since Snoop Dogg held the first rap concert on Mars.

Bathrat: Yes, but it actually will happen soon. It will be great fun!

Karem-Knight: I simply cannot contain my excitement at the thought of a Mars which can actually sustain life!

Enterthemadness: Nobody ever told me, what does that one do, exactly?

bored: Nobody knows.

Elijya: Hey, don't you talk like that about Karem-Knight! You haven't earned what he's earned!

bored: What?

DBella: Has anybody seen Hippie Hunter? I don't why I just thought of that. We left the camp an hour ago.



Meanwhile, a few miles back, Hippie Hunter pedaled for his life on the ten-speed he had found in Bathrat's kitchen. Why it was in the kitchen, he really couldn't say.



Malice: Bathrat, how far is this hotel?

Bathrat: We travel for many more hours before reaching.

Karem-Knight: An epic quest for comfort, shelter, and Skinemax!

Malice: Hm... What time is it?

bored: Ten a.m.

Bathrat: Stupid person. We are on Mars. Is 4 p.m. on Mars.

DBella: Isn't what time it is kind of arbitrary, given that the only people on Mars are from Earth?

Bathrat: Time set by Martians?

DBella: There are Martians?

Bathrat: Nachon.

DBella: Where are they?

Bathrat: I kill.

DBella: You... what?!

Bathrat: I kill Martians. I use great weapon from Earth. It is called "syphillis".

bored: You cleaned these seats before we left, right?

Bathrat: No.




Master Bruce: Lieutenant Pants, I grow bored. Has our search party located Enterthemadness yet?

FunBobPants: Our search party? You mean Erundur?

Master Bruce: Yes.

FunBobPants: No. In fact, I think he's down at the bar right now.

Master Bruce: What?! How dare he skip his assignment to go drinking and not tell me?! I'm going to go reprimand him this instant! Lieutenant Pants, inform the staff of the hotel's lounge that I am on my way. And have them prepare an appletini for me.
 
enterthemadness: We are about an hour from the hotel. I grow weary of riding on this pitiful vehicle.

bored: They weren't actually vehicles. They were robots that Bathrat seems to have stolen and screwed seats onto.

enterthemadness: Robots, you say?

Mars Rover: Help... Me....

Elijya: Know who he reminds me of? Data.



meanwhile, back on the Tukiluka Memorial Space Station....

Brett Spiner: Hello? Anyone? I'm feeling much better! Anyone?

Squeekness: I'm not the only one they left behind!

Brett Spiner: Good lord, a talking gerbil! Killitkillitkillit!



Mr. Thing: So, you know who hasn't said much in a while? Me.

Malice: And we were happy with that.

Karem-Knight: Soon, we will be out of this harsh terrain, and lounging in the glorious sauna of the Four Seasons Mars! Oh, my skin tingles with excitement!

bored: Does anyone else remember that he basically forced his way on to the ship in the first place?

Twylight: Oh, leave him alone, bored. He's so cute!

Abaddon: But he sounds like the French kid from "South Park", and I once heard him speak ill of Joss Whedon.

Dog Lips: We'll deal with his blasphemy later, Abbs.

Mr. Thing: Yes, you bad don, you!

Holly Goodhead: Go back to not talking.

Mr. Thing: :csad:

Dog Lips: Has anyone else wondered if they're worried about us back on Earth?



Meanwhile, back on Earth...

Wolf Blitzer: Ladies and gentlemen, the invasion of heavily-armed lemurs dressed as famous athletes extends to its fifth day. The entire American midwest, as well as, oddly enough, parts of Liechtenstein, have been overrun. President Bush has stunned the world by ordering a previously thought to be unready countermeasure to stop them: Chinchillas dressed as rock stars.



bored: We'll call them once we get to the hotel. I'm sure everything will be fine once we check in.
 
Wow, nothing in almost a month? Not a bad chapter, btw. Please finish when you have the time.
 
damnit bored! It's in space and there's NO Asteroid-Man!?


Asteroid-Man launches a giant asteroid at the ship in a rage fit
 
Bathrat woke up after a long, refreshing nap.

bored: 'Bout time!

Bathrat: Why are you complain, Mr. bored?

bored: We've been waiting here for you to finish your damn nap. Do you know how long this story, er, adventure has been idle?

Bathrat: Why is it my fault?

bored: Well whose fault would it be, if not yours? It certainly wouldn't be mine!

Elijya: Bored, we all know it isn't your fault that we haven't done anything for such an extended period of time. It is your fault, however, that we've been at rest long enough for Hippie Hunter to catch up to us on his ten-speed.

Hippie Hunter: My ass is chafed, and the bell on this bike is broken.

bored: Well, can we get moving again? I feel like we've been sitting around doing nothing for so long that the general public must surely have forgotten all about us.



Meanwhile, back on Earth...

Wolf Blitzer: The epic war between lemurs and chinchillas has taken a dramatic new twist, as it seems that a small platoon of capybaras is about to join the fray. No one is sure whose side they will take, if any, but... You know what? **** it. Rodents, or marsupials, or whatever the hell any of these things are have taken over the damn planet! Who's even watching this anymore? Wanna know something? I'm not wearing pants! You can't tell, because of this desk I'm sitting behind, but I'm not wearing pants! I took them off before we started broadcasting this morning. Oh, and I'd been free-balling it this week. Yes, somebody is going to have to either burn or at least sterilize this chair after I'm done. And you know something? I think I'm gonna make that punk Lou Dobbs do it!




Elijya: Well, Hippie Hunter has found us, Bathrat is awake, and we've got time to continue the story.

DBella: Story?

Elijya: What story?

DBella: You said "we've got time to continue the story".

Elijya: What? No! Crazy woman, I said "we've got time to continue travelling".

DBella: No, you said-

Karem-Knight: Silence!

DBella rolled her eyes, and stomped on Karem-Knight's big toe.

Elijya: Dammit, now one of our people is immobilized! Bored, give up your spot on that rover so Karem-Knight can use it.

bored: He already had a seat, though.

Elijya: I am the law!

The group of astronauts, journalists, aliens with questionable allegiances, and that one crazy dude that nobody was sure why he was even there pressed on. Not for long, really. They were only a few miles from the Four Seasons Mars. Of course, a few miles can take an eternity if one has to put up with the a capella musical stylings of Zev the whole time.




Master Bruce woke up from a long bender.

Master Bruce: Dammit, how long was I out?

FunBobPants: You came and went. I've never seen someone get so drunk on one appletini.

Master Bruce: Um, what? No! No, I had several alcoholic beverages! I am a tough drinker!

FunBobPants: Of course, master.


-------------
Yes, boys and girls, bored finally had time to sit down and write some more of this crap for your amusement! What will happen next to our heroes? Tune in next time (which we promise won't be several months from now) to find out!
 
I haven't kept up with this. Is the Squirrel janitor still in it?
 
The party from the Tukiluka Memorial Space Station finally reached the Four Seasons Mars.

enterthemadness: Well, that was a tedious journey.

A valet emerged from the hotel.

terry78: Grrrreeeetings! Velcome to le "Four Seasons of Mars"!

Corinthian: You got a wierd voice, ese.

Bathrat: Ken, I am agreed.

terry78: How dare joo make fun mah speej impediment! Joo can't even place it, can joo?

bored: Why do you keep talking to me?

enterthemadness: What?

Abaddon: Bored is Jewish.

enterthemadness: Is this so? Can I ask you a favor?

bored: *sighing* I'll help roll your CD over when we've got our rooms.

enterthemadness: Excellent.


Meanwhile, inside the lobby.

Erundur: Excuse me. My uncle would like to have a bloody mary sent to his room, but whenever he orders one, somebody keeps telling him that he's a pervert. What does that even mean?

The Original Bamfer: I ahm sorry, m'lady-

Erundur: I'm not a lady.

The Original Bamfer: My apologies, ma'am.

Erundur: Hey!

Erundur turned around, suddenly concerned that the desk attendant may be on to something. As he looked up from checking his junk (the attendant was totally wrong), he noticed a large group of people standing outside. A somewhat offended-looking valet was driving off what appeared to be a Mars rover with seats screwed on to it. Among the group was somebody who looked familiar.

Erundur: Yegads, it's enterthemadness! I've got to tell Uncle Master Bruce!



Malice: Okay, I'll get everybody's rooms reserved. I want everyone to meet in an hour in the dining room, so we can plan what to do about those aliens that are looking to kill us.

Mr. Thing: Strategy! Alright!

Karem-Knight: We shall turn the tables on them, possibly confusing the wait-staff in the process!

Erundur: Hey! Hey, enterthemadness!

enterthemadness: Huh?

Erundur: Hey, etm! Over here! It's me, Erundur! My uncle is your boss!

enterthemadness: Um, hi... Erundur.

Twylight: Do you know this guy?

enterthemadness: Nope.

Erundur: Who are these people? Did you make friends, enter? Oooh, I've got to tell Uncle Master Bruce! He'll be so happy to see you safe!

enterthemadness: Yes... Well... I hope he's doing okay up in the ship.

Erundur: Oh, no, he's not in the ship. He's here, in this hotel. Hold on, I'll go page him.

enterthemadness: Somebody stop him!

Erundur: What? What's wrong?

Dog Lips: Bored, Abaddon, let's get him!

Erundur: Oh, biscuits!

Erundur turned and ran. Bored tackled him, then Abaddon smacked him before he could make a bland football joke.

bored: Good thinking, Abbadon.

Erundur: Wait, are you... Earthlings?

bored: Most of us. I'm not to sure about Karem-Knight.

Bored pointed to the guy skipping about, singing about kites.

Erundur: And enterthemadness has joined you?

Dog Lips: Yeah.

Erundur: Uncle Master Bruce isn't going to like this.

Malice: Well, enter, what should we do with him?

enterthemadness: Tie him up, throw him in a closet, and for Xenu's sake, don't let his uncle find us!
 
Hello, people. Some recent correspondence with enterthemadness has reminded of this little goof-off which I sort of left behind a year and a half ago. I've been reading through the old posts, and was actually pretty happy with what I'd written. Anyway, what I want to know is do people think it is worth doing this again? It's all pretty silly and arbitrary, but that was really popular in this section of the Hype for a while.
 
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