*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[S.A.A.D.]

You're not taking responsibility though. You just believe women won't like you because you don't have some special quality. Everyone has something that makes them stand out, that makes them special. When I was dating, I made sure to put myself out there, did online dating, joined a co-ed sports team and a running club. In fact the only thing I felt really stood out on my online profile was the running club and that I was training for a marathon. My now girlfriend thought that was awesome and thought I was cute and started communication with me, we found so much we had in common and have been going out now for almost a year. You don't seem willing to give any woman a chance at getting to know you, you also seem to have lousy self confidence, which is basically repellent. Try to break out of your shell a little, try to find a hobby that will make you feel better about yourself, try online dating too, it does work. Also, practice what you preach and take responsibility for your shortcomings, you're young, you've got plenty of time to change them, you just have to work at it.



Do you think some of the attraction to the other girl is the mystery surrounding her? That you somewhat have to chase her, while the girl at work is more of a safe bet. When you actually have a chance to go out with the other girl you may find out one on one you have nothing in common.

Indeed,I don't think that is true,really. I don't tell them not to approach me nor do I wear some sign telling them not to. You can't expect someone to take responsibility for something that they didn't make happen when they had nothing to do with it,it would be a foolish thing to do,there is zero point in that. I don't need to find another hobby to make my self feel better,and I certainly don't hate my self. I try,and do. I blame certain mediums(television and magazines) and women's tendency to very easily become influenced,if I am not just blaming them,and secondly I'm not the one who made myself. If I did,I wouldn't have a severe case of Pervasive Developmental Disorder for the rest of my life.

 

[Erzengel]

You don't seem to be trying to meet the opposite sex. You talk and it doesn't sound like it's really a lot with women at the movie theater. It doesn't sound like you are an open book.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

You don't seem to be trying to meet the opposite sex. You talk and it doesn't sound like it's really a lot with women at the movie theater. It doesn't sound like you are an open book.

You're right,I am not trying to,because I am fully convinced that I am doomed no matter what. It's been like that for a loooonnnnngggg time. Even though I regard myself as an open book on the other hand. I'm just not willing to become super social,super normal,and super extroverted. And if they expect me to or,or want me to,then they can go die in a fire.

 

[Erzengel]

Well then what do you expect to happen if you never take chances? Just because you can turned down 99 times, doesn't automatically mean that 100 will turn you down as well.

You came in here asking for advice of how you never know how to approach a girl and every possible advice that people have given you in this thread you've given excuse and excuse of how you don't want to make the effort, you're doomed, and why should I change how I am, etc.

So if you don't want to make an effort to at least try and come out of your comfort zone, you're pretty much wasting our time here.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Well then what do you expect to happen if you never take chances? Just because you can turned down 99 times, doesn't automatically mean that 100 will turn you down as well.

You came in here asking for advice of how you never know how to approach a girl and every possible advice that people have given you in this thread you've given excuse and excuse of how you don't want to make the effort, you're doomed, and why should I change how I am, etc.

So if you don't want to make an effort to at least try and come out of your comfort zone, you're pretty much wasting our time here.

That's because you guys are in the safe zone,chicks don't like secretly evil and screwed up guys,who hate lots of things,and who are pretty robotic and dead on the inside(me). And because you guys are safe,I see it as a defense mechanism that is used when I start "assuming" that most women are basically one and the same. But anyways. I'm going back to ignoring my situation,so I can stop being pissed off,just a bit at least.

 

[Wylie Times]

That's because you guys are in the safe zone,chicks normally don't like secretly evil and screwed up guys,who hate lots of things,and who are pretty robotic and dead on the inside. And because you guys are safe,
I see it as a defense mechanism that is used when I start "assuming"
that most women are basically one and the same.

That couldn't be farther from the truth.

 

[Anita18]

Indeed,I don't think that is true,really. I don't tell them not to approach me nor do I wear some sign telling them not to. You can't expect someone to take responsibility for something that they didn't make happen when they had nothing to do with it,it would be a foolish thing to do,there is zero point in that. I don't need to find another hobby to make my self feel better,and I certainly don't hate my self. I try,and do. I blame certain mediums(television and magazines) and women's tendency to very easily become influenced,if I am not just blaming them,and secondly I'm not the one who made myself. If I did,I wouldn't have a severe case of Pervasive Developmental Disorder for the rest of my life.

See, there you go again. What's the point of making these generalizing statements only to backtrack and say, "Well, I didn't really mean ALL women" every time we call you on it? That only means you really do believe in these generalizing statements deep down and aren't willing to change your mind about it.

Look, I'm not all that offended that you're making generalizations about women. Really. I don't care. But you're only hurting yourself when you lock your mind into a box like that. You're limiting your own options. Try to think about it that way.

You're right,I am not trying to,because I am fully convinced that I am doomed no matter what. It's been like that for a loooonnnnngggg time. Even though I regard myself as an open book on the other hand. I'm just not willing to become super social,super normal,and super extroverted. And if they expect me to or,or want me to,then they can go die in a fire.

And you don't have to be. My bf and I met on an online dating site, signed ourselves off of that site, and are now hermits together. If we go out, we go out and wander around by ourselves. Nothing much has changed about us. We didn't suddenly have to turn into extroverts to find an SO. There are actually many introverts around, you just don't hear about us because duh, we're hard to find!

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Indeed,I don't think that is true,really. I don't tell them not to approach me nor do I wear some sign telling them not to. You can't expect someone to take responsibility for something that they didn't make happen when they had nothing to do with it,it would be a foolish thing to do,there is zero point in that. I don't need to find another hobby to make my self feel better,and I certainly don't hate my self. I try,and do. I blame certain mediums(television and magazines) and women's tendency to very easily become influenced,if I am not just blaming them,and secondly I'm not the one who made myself. If I did,I wouldn't have a severe case of Pervasive Developmental Disorder for the rest of my life.

So the girls should be approaching you, is that it? As much progress as feminism has made, many girls still want the guy to make the first move. When I say find yourself another hobby, I don't mean do something just to do it, take a class in something you're interested in, it'll get you out there meeting other people, with the added benefit of having something already in common with them.

You're right,I am not trying to,because I am fully convinced that I am doomed no matter what. It's been like that for a loooonnnnngggg time. Even though I regard myself as an open book on the other hand. I'm just not willing to become super social,super normal,and super extroverted. And if they expect me to or,or want me to,then they can go die in a fire.

Oh yeah, there's nothing wrong with your self confidence, seeing as you consider yourself doomed right from the start. Also, no one is saying to become someone you're not, the supersocial butterfly, there are plenty of girls looking for the non-typical guy, but you're not giving them a chance either. You came here asking for advice on meeting someone, that's what we're trying to do, however, you're just crapping on every suggestion we make. So maybe you should just keep praying every night to win the lottery without ever buying a ticket.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

See, there you go again. What's the point of making these generalizing statements only to backtrack and say, "Well, I didn't really mean ALL women" every time we call you on it? That only means you really do believe in these generalizing statements deep down and aren't willing to change your mind about it.

Look, I'm not all that offended that you're making generalizations about women. Really. I don't care. But you're only hurting yourself when you lock your mind into a box like that. You're limiting your own options. Try to think about it that way.


And you don't have to be. My bf and I met on an online dating site, signed ourselves off of that site, and are now hermits together. If we go out, we go out and wander around by ourselves. Nothing much has changed about us. We didn't suddenly have to turn into extroverts to find an SO. There are actually many introverts around, you just don't hear about us because duh, we're hard to find!

You hermits gotta come out of hiding,I mean one of you can at least save my butt.

Unfortunately. The most part is the point,and again,you guys have to keep in mind that everything I say is only meant to represent how I feel.

 

[Erzengel]

If you think all of us don't have issues of some degree, then you are fooling yourself.

Listen, i don't know you from Adam. I hear you say, no legit friends, never had a girlfriend, working a video store and I can't help but think you are a little emotionally stunted in terms of development.

Who knows maybe if you had a good friend right now or a decent relationship for a few years you wouldn't be the "robotic and dead on the inside" person you are today.

The thing is you're 26 and if you think this is how you are going to be the rest of your life, yes it's possible. However, we are the sum of our experiences, you could be a totally different person based on relationships you create. You just have to take the initial step and want to be better and instead of being all doom and gloom.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

So the girls should be approaching you, is that it? As much progress as feminism has made, many girls still want the guy to make the first move. When I say find yourself another hobby, I don't mean do something just to do it, take a class in something you're interested in, it'll get you out there meeting other people, with the added benefit of having something already in common with them.



Oh yeah, there's nothing wrong with your self confidence, seeing as you consider yourself doomed right from the start. Also, no one is saying to become someone you're not, the supersocial butterfly, there are plenty of girls looking for the non-typical guy, but you're not giving them a chance either. You came here asking for advice on meeting someone, that's what we're trying to do, however, you're just crapping on every suggestion we make. So maybe you should just keep praying every night to win the lottery without ever buying a ticket.

Well I wouldn't say from the start,it happened when I became self-aware about it,and even though I am crapping on suggestions. I apologize for doing so and actually appreciate the attempts at helping me. So instead of crapping on all the suggestions.I'm just going to go back to looking at the posts in this thread out of curiosity and/or bordom.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

That's because you guys are in the safe zone,chicks don't like secretly evil and screwed up guys,who hate lots of things,and who are pretty robotic and dead on the inside(me). And because you guys are safe,I see it as a defense mechanism that is used when I start "assuming" that most women are basically one and the same. But anyways. I'm going back to ignoring my situation,so I can stop being pissed off,just a bit at least.

Everyone's got problems, you wallow in self pity, believing yourself to be evil. Well if you keep listening to yourself, who is very pessemistic, it's just going to get worse. You can just ignore your situation (which seems to be working out great for you) or you can try to change it. You don't need to change who you are, just get out there a little. You say you're into more introverted people, join an online dating service, it's basically tailor made for that.

 

[Anita18]

You hermits gotta come out of hiding,I mean one of you can at least save my butt.

Unfortunately. The most part is the point,and again,you guys have to keep in mind that everything I say is only meant to represent how I feel.

How can we save your butt if you're not willing to pull your own weight?

I'm a hermit. I told you what I did. I went to an online dating site. Either you can do at least that, or try amazingfantasy's suggestions involving real-world interactions. But sitting here isn't going to help you do anything.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

How can we save your butt if you're not willing to pull your own weight?

I'm a hermit. I told you what I did. I went to an online dating site. Either you can do at least that, or try amazingfantasy's suggestions involving real-world interactions. But sitting here isn't going to help you do anything.

I'll always endorse online dating sites, I've meet my ex-girlfriend and current girlfriend from them. I just think adding real-world stuff helps, increases they chance of success by not putting all your eggs in one basket.

 

[Erzengel]

I prefer driving past the high schools myself.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Please tell me that you don't do it like Uncle Buck! Driving by high schools that is. t:

Speaking of online dating,I don't understand why people balk at the idea of it,I don't care if they just choose to meet people in the flesh. They should understand that even in person that terrible people can be found,and that some people fair better on the internet then in person. Personally,for those who balk at it,I would like to give them some sweet chin music to their chin. I mean I understand why they balk at it,but they shouldn't when nothing goes wrong for someone.

 

[Wylie Times]

Please tell me that you don't do it like Uncle Buck! Driving by high schools that is. t:

Speaking of online dating,I don't understand why people balk at the idea of it,I don't care if they just choose to meet people in the flesh. They should understand that even in person that terrible people can be found,and that some people fair better on the internet then in person.

Because it's still a relatively new thing. You also hear lots of horror stories and that makes people wary also. I actually met my current girlfriend online and so far it's the best damn relationship I've ever had. t:

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Because it's still a relatively new thing. You also hear lots of horror stories and that makes people wary also. I actually met my current girlfriend online and so far it's the best damn relationship I've ever had. t:

1. Weak sauce.

2. True.

3. That's some fine work.

 

[Erzengel]

Please tell me that you don't do it like Uncle Buck! Driving by high schools that is. t:

Speaking of online dating,I don't understand why people balk at the idea of it,I don't care if they just choose to meet people in the flesh. They should understand that even in person that terrible people can be found,and that some people fair better on the internet then in person. Personally,for those who balk at it,I would like to give them some sweet chin music to their chin. I mean I understand why they balk at it,but they shouldn't when nothing goes wrong for someone.

I'm an advocate for online dating as well but the same rules apply to it as if you are meeting someone for the first time in public.

Image and content are everything. You can't use pictures of you looking like a mess and you shouldn't be doom and gloom if you write about yourself. You are selling yourself. So make you sound appealing.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Sadly,I only do well in dreams,maybe I should wait for the Inception thing to happen in the real world.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

I'm an advocate for online dating as well but the same rules apply to it as if you are meeting someone for the first time in public.

Image and content are everything. You can't use pictures of you looking like a mess and you shouldn't be doom and gloom if you write about yourself. You are selling yourself. So make you sound appealing.

Yup.

 

[uchiha_itachi]

Just be honest or semi-honest. You aren't looking for a relationship OR if it is the girl you work with, tell her you had bad experiences working with someone you dated, etc.

If I do something with the girl at work the "I'm not looking for a relationship" thing is probably the best way to go actually. nothing wrong with some fun though! lol

Thanks Erzengel!

 

[Mac_Hine]

If I do something with the girl at work the "I'm not looking for a relationship" thing is probably the best way to go actually. nothing wrong with some fun though! lol

Thanks Erzengel!

You gotta play the field ma man! Ain't nothing wrong with that.

 

[uchiha_itachi]

I agree...I haven't played in a field for a while....Ifyahknowwhatimean lol

 

[knowsbleed]

Hey Dr Love... you know who I'm talking about...

If a guy has a girlfriend who has an ex-girlfriend and they're still friends and hang out.. should the guy be worried about old flames being re-ignited?

... and before any of you say anything, the guy has definitely had "thoughts".