*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[JStorm]

Spider-Who, don't know if this will help, but I agree with AM15 for the main reason: she has a boyfriend.

I've been here before and it never turns out well. Honestly, she probably liked the extra attention, other than just from her boyfriend - all people do. Do I shy away from a girl flirting with me at a club or party - no. I enjoy the attention, conversation, etc. When the time comes - if I'm in a relationship - I bow out.

Devil and I met in Atlanta, years ago, because his wife has business there for the weekend. One of her co-workers flirted with me throughout, so much so that Devil even noticed. She had a boyfriend, mentioned him a few times, and I think one of our friends even told me "the hell with it, just try."

Moral of the story, I lived around two hours away and when she got back, I did EXACTLY what you did - the whole Facebook thing. What happened? She started her life back. . now she's married to the dude.

I know this will come off as crude, and I am prepared to take the backlash. . but if I meet a girl - in this exact situation - and there isn't OVERT come-ons, flirting, a phone number given, or a good night kiss she would give to her boyfriend. . then it's a no go.




As MrvlKnight21 says "girl's lie."

 

[JStorm]

Hype craziness.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Spider-Who, don't know if this will help, but I agree with AM15 for the main reason: she has a boyfriend.

I've been here before and it never turns out well. Honestly, she probably liked the extra attention, other than just from her boyfriend - all people do. Do I shy away from a girl flirting with me at a club or party - no. I enjoy the attention, conversation, etc. When the time comes - if I'm in a relationship - I bow out.

Devil and I met in Atlanta, years ago, because his wife has business there for the weekend. One of her co-workers flirted with me throughout, so much so that Devil even noticed. She had a boyfriend, mentioned him a few times, and I think one of our friends even told me "the hell with it, just try."

Moral of the story, I lived around two hours away and when she got back, I did EXACTLY what you did - the whole Facebook thing. What happened? She started her life back. . now she's married to the dude.

I know this will come off as crude, and I am prepared to take the backlash. . but if I meet a girl - in this exact situation - and there isn't OVERT come-ons, flirting, a phone number given, or a good night kiss she would give to her boyfriend. . then it's a no go.




As MrvlKnight21 says "girl's lie."

I have to wholeheartedly agree with you here from personal experience. If the object of one's affection is already in a relationship, despite what they think they're just into flirtations and nothing more. The last married guy I'd had a crush on turned out not to be who I thought they were I suppose because they just aren't as honest as they believe themselves to be. I am so over relationships in general. I'd rather just make myself happy in my own way...like hunting monsters.

 

[LOBO3315a]

I'd say "Oh, nice hot chick showed interest in me. Too bad she has a boyfriend and lives 2 hrs away." And move on with my life.

 

[Spider-Who?]

Yeah, I think you guys are right. I think its just a matter of "lust at first sight" for both of us. And as ive said before, I've been the other guy that chicks have left their bfs for, and its not something I feel good about, nor want to deal with again. Maybe when my friends wedding comes along things will be different, but for now, ill just smile and nod.

Thanks.

 

[Anita18]

Yup. I have a friend who still flirts with some other guy even though she has a bf and wouldn't think of leaving him. (The other guy knows she has a bf too.) She just likes the attention and that someone else shows interest in her. Low self-esteem thing.

I mean, flirting is fine if both parties know it's just fun and won't lead anywhere, but never expect anything more.

 

[JStorm]

Yeah, I think you guys are right. I think its just a matter of "lust at first sight" for both of us. And as ive said before, I've been the other guy that chicks have left their bfs for, and its not something I feel good about, nor want to deal with again. Maybe when my friends wedding comes along things will be different, but for now, ill just smile and nod.

Thanks.

I'm assuming you are referring to a wedding in which you would run into said female again. . ?

Only two scenarios can go down.

One: She is there with her man and you just act like a person who met her once and nothing more. Don't ignore; don't play coy, just be nice, smile, and bear it.

Two: She is alone. In which case, you flat out go in for the kill. Make no mistake about this. Go in with a plan and make it happen. Side point - if she gives you a song and dance about why the BF is not there (illegitimate, mind you) - finish the drill. Anything short of "he's sick, off on business, conflicting plans," etc. FINISH.THE.DRILL. In my opinion, if a girl leaves her man behind for a BS reason, when she could use an escort at a wedding. . she's saying something.

 

[Spider-Who?]

Well, I don't think you should flirt with other people if you're in a relationship. That just leads to emotional cheating which invariably leads to physical cheating...case in point...

 

[Anita18]

Well, I don't think you should flirt with other people if you're in a relationship. That just leads to emotional cheating which invariably leads to physical cheating...case in point...

Well I don't either, but everybody's definition of "flirting" is different. Am I playful sometimes chatting with online male friends? Sure, but I don't go, "Oh baby, I miss you so much, and my bf's out of town" or some stupid crap like that.

AFAIK my friend doesn't do stupid crap like that either. It's playful with a little undercurrent of sexual tension.

 

[Spider-Who?]

I'm assuming you are referring to a wedding in which you would run into said female again. . ?

Only two scenarios can go down.

One: She is there with her man and you just act like a person who met her once and nothing more. Don't ignore; don't play coy, just be nice, smile, and bear it.

Two: She is alone. In which case, you flat out go in for the kill. Make no mistake about this. Go in with a plan and make it happen. Side point - if she gives you a song and dance about why the BF is not there (illegitimate, mind you) - finish the drill. Anything short of "he's sick, off on business, conflicting plans," etc. FINISH.THE.DRILL. In my opinion, if a girl leaves her man behind for a BS reason, when she could use an escort at a wedding. . she's saying something.

Yeah, she's the friend of my buddies fiance. We are both in the wedding party. The wedding isn't for several months so anything could happen between now and then. But like i siad, ill just play the whole thing by ear if and when thw appropriate time comes.

 

[steintym]

I'd say "Oh, nice hot chick showed interest in me. Too bad she has a boyfriend and lives 2 hrs away." And move on with my life.

LOBO probably has the best advice. Seems like it was mainly playful flirting, most likely enjoying the attention.

See how things go at the wedding. If she shows up alone, nothing wrong with going after that bridesmaid.

 

[Spider-Who?]

Yeah, I've already decided how to handle the situation (i agree to just enjoy it and move on), but for the sake of continuing conversation, the main reason that I didn't automatically come to the aforementioned conclusion was due to the fact that 1) she drug my buddy away from the party for nearly an hour to talk about/find out more about me and 2) after telling me about this, my friend and his fiance both gave me their blessings to see what happens without me even suggesting that I would be looking into the situation.

My opinion is that she was interested in more than a simple one night flit session, but my conclusion is to not worry about it and go on with my life. I took the initiative, and she hasn't responded as of yet. Not my loss.

 

[Erzengel]

As long as you left it in her court although I'd be more confident with a more direct statement not a "joking" comment on how you should hang out sometime.

 

[Hurm...]

Well I don't either, but everybody's definition of "flirting" is different. Am I playful sometimes chatting with online male friends? Sure, but I don't go, "Oh baby, I miss you so much, and my bf's out of town" or some stupid crap like that.

AFAIK my friend doesn't do stupid crap like that either. It's playful with a little undercurrent of sexual tension.

LOL that's how I am with my friend as well, and I'm aware she has a boyfriend.

It would be funny if we were talking about the same person haha.

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

LOL that's how I am with my friend as well, and I'm aware she has a boyfriend.

It would be funny if we were talking about the same person haha.

Maybe even a little awkward as well?

 

[Hurm...]

Maybe even a little awkward as well?

We were kind of a thing a few months ago, very flirtatious with each other and hooked up on several occasions. We were going from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend. I told her that we shouldn't commit because I was moving out of the country and she was moving back home. So we made the 2 months we had remaining with each other last, until the night she had to go back. I told her that I didn't want us to separate just because we were far from each other. I talked to her as often as possible (I was travelling to several countries. I had things to take care of and the internet was rarely available to me.) I still talked to her (still acting flirtatious) and tried to keep each other updated on things. When I finally managed to settle down, I found out she had a boyfriend. I was pretty upset, I must admit. Mainly because if it wasn't for the timing of things, I would be the one with her. I continued to try to message her whenever I could and she would reply back. However, over the past few months, she's stopped contacting me. I can kind of understand why, since she has a boyfriend and all, but I'm still upset that the exact thing I was hoping wouldn't happen (us drifting apart), has precisely happened. But hey, If she's happy with whoever she's with, I'm happy for her. I really liked her.

that was oddly long. I guess I just needed to let it out hahahahaha. Kind of been containing myself since the situation....

 

[ProjectPat2280]

I know this is a question thats asked all the time, but whats a proper amount of time to wait to open up communication with a girl who is recently out of a long relationship?

 

[Erzengel]

There's no really "set time". It depends on the person, how the break up was, etc.

Some people need time, others sometimes feel the need to get back out there.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

There's no really "set time". It depends on the person, how the break up was, etc.

Some people need time, others sometimes feel the need to get back out there.

Gotcha. How are you supposed to know that if you havent spoken to the person in some time? Should i just ask her out for a drink to reconnect and catch up? Thing is, i have, well had, history with this girl. She was in a long term relationship(they were engaged at one point) that ended before christmas due to the guy being off his rocker.

 

[Erzengel]

Just say hey it's been a while, let's go out and get a drink/coffee, etc. And just play it from there. You probably know this girl well enough to gauge her reaction during any meetup.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Just say hey it's been a while, let's go out and get a drink/coffee, etc. And just play it from there. You probably know this girl well enough to gauge her reaction during any meetup.

Yea, that was my thinking as well. Thanks for the help.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Here's a hypothetical situation:

Let's say you're in a relationship. A long-distance one (which isn't exactly what you'd like, but it's all you seem to get), but a relationship nonetheless. Things are going alright for the most part. Sometimes your significant other suddenly goes silent for long periods, which can be a little frustrating, but your S.O has health issues so it's not unforgivable. besides, to ask for every single second of a person's time would be selfish. But then your S.O. doesn't say a word to you for days. Almost a week. Worry starts to creep in, but you're not panicking thinking something awful has occurred. And then it turns out that your S.O. was out of state that entire time. Without telling you. Now, you don't expect to know where your S.O is all the time, but going out of town seems like something obvious to tell someone that you're in a relationship with.

 

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