*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

When was the last time you went out with her?

I was out a couple of weeks ago with friends, she came out to meet me and while I was still with my friends we stayed together all night.

Sounds like a power shift. The chaser now wants to be chased.

Every time you text or ring, you give her a bit more Vangina Power. I'm not into games, but that doesn't mean they don't happen. The best chance you have of getting her, in whatever context you're wanting, is to back off. Like fishing, relaxing the line, but with a smaller rod and not as much slime.

Heh, that last bit rhymed.

Yeah, I have backed off now, I havent been in touch for a few days, but thats because she never txt back last time I txt her, but just thinking about the first 2 weeks when we first started to arrange going out, its just totally different, personally i'm not up for games, but I dont know if other factors are involved, hell, she may have met someone she likes more, in which case i'd just take it on the chin and back off, but she wont tell me.

Have you tried talking to her about her behavior? Instead of trying to play hard to get as it seems to be the consensus, try talking to her about it directly. Don't sound accusatory when you talk to her, but just let her know that you're confused as to why she seems to be distancing herself from you.

If she plays some sort of game, I'd leave. Communication is one of the tribunal to a decent relationship and if she thinks playing hard to get is going to get you anywhere without discussing it, I'd think twice about being with her.

Just my two cents.

Thanks, the problem is the only time I see her is when she is in work, at which point she is surrounded by other staff and customers, so its difficult to talk, I did text her asking her if she was okay, but she never got back to me, so i'm just confused, i'm not going to come accross as an ass to her because i'm just not like that, but I would like a bit of honesty.

 

[Eggyman]

Nice one, Jamon. Like I said, I don't like games. Hentchy has it right on the money. I just mean give it some slack because if she isn't biting (why do I keep coming round to fishing?) then pressure could push her further away. A bit of distance can do wonders in helping someone realise how much they like you. Why? Because they'll miss you. Anyway, if you do decide to do the direct route of talking to her, be careful how much you say: This situation has been going around in your head so will likely seem more serious than it is... just be cool.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

Nice one, Jamon. Like I said, I don't like games. Hentchy has it right on the money. I just mean give it some slack because if she isn't biting (why do I keep coming round to fishing?) then pressure could push her further away. A bit of distance can do wonders in helping someone realise how much they like you. Why? Because they'll miss you. Anyway, if you do decide to do the direct route of talking to her, be careful how much you say: This situation has been going around in your head so will likely seem more serious than it is... just be cool.

Yeah I will be, I'm a cool guy anyway so not going to go mad at her, I just want to know, if she says she still wants to go out, thats great, if she says she doesnt, i'll just be a man about it and back off and just be friends, but I am just really confused, she was really coming on strong at first, a little too strong you could say, and now, nothing I just dont know whats changed, in all honesty its my fault we havent been out yet, but I have explained the reasons for this too her and apologised, so again, really confused at this point.

 

[Frodo]

I dunno, it could be afew things. She couldwant you to chase her now or she could have felt you had your chance, and now she's not gonna wait around for another date. It could also be she's met someone else and now she's keeping you at distance because she did come on so strong at first, but since she's met another guy and she doesn't want her date with you to get in the way. Though that scenerio depends on how much time has passed since she's been giving you the run around. Whatever the case, I think you're doing the right thing Jamon by playing it cool .

 

[Erzengel]

To give her the slight benefit of the doubt, she could honestly have things going on in her life. What Hench she said, communication is key. Play it cool and be honest with her. I think after a couple of weeks, another date is in order. If she flakes out on you or gives excuses a couple times, there's your answer as well.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

I dunno, it could be afew things. She couldwant you to chase her now or she could have felt you had your chance, and now she's not gonna wait around for another date. It could also be she's met someone else and now she's keeping you at distance because she did come on so strong at first, but since she's met another guy and she doesn't want her date with you to get in the way. Though that scenerio depends on how much time has passed since she's been giving you the run around. Whatever the case, I think you're doing the right thing Jamon by playing it cool .

Its been about 10 days since she started giving me a bit of a cold shoulder, so the other guy thing could be a possibility and I have considered it, I just dont know.

To give her the slight benefit of the doubt, she could honestly have things going on in her life. What Hench she said, communication is key. Play it cool and be honest with her. I think after a couple of weeks, another date is in order. If she flakes out on you or gives excuses a couple times, there's your answer as well.

Yeah, I thought things might be going on in her life so thats why I kept in touch with her, just dont know what to do now, whether to text her again or what, she was texting me back on Saturday night then I text on Monday night and she never text back and havent heard from her since, I just dont know.

 

[Erzengel]

Eh, try and contact her again to make plans and see what happens. If she doesn't respond, move on.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah if she's not mature enough to be honest with you about what's going on (especially when y'alls are no longer in high school anymore), then it's time to move on.

 

[Mac_Hine]

One more text and if there is no response, I say move on. I think because she was coming on too strong at first and you kept canceling plans (even if it was legitimate), her ego might have gotten a little hurt.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

Eh, try and contact her again to make plans and see what happens. If she doesn't respond, move on.

Yeah if she's not mature enough to be honest with you about what's going on (especially when y'alls are no longer in high school anymore), then it's time to move on.

One more text and if there is no response, I say move on. I think because she was coming on too strong at first and you kept canceling plans (even if it was legitimate), her ego might have gotten a little hurt.

Maybe, think i'll leave it till the weekend then give her a text, i'll see her at the weekend at some point anyway as we always drink in the same places but i'll give her a text tomorrow or Friday I think.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Maybe, think i'll leave it till the weekend then give her a text, i'll see her at the weekend at some point anyway as we always drink in the same places but i'll give her a text tomorrow or Friday I think.

Why don't you call her? Texting is so inpersonal.

 

[Mac_Hine]

Cool but make it a teasing type of text though not all serious. Something along the lines of how you know she's really shy to talk to you. Something fun like that.

 

[Mac_Hine]

Why don't you call her? Texting is so inpersonal.

I say text her first and then when she responds back, call her right away 'cause now you know she's near her phone.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

Why don't you call her? Texting is so inpersonal.

Well thats another thing, at first she was phoning me all the time, now its totally stopped

Cool but make it a teasing type of text though not all serious. Something along the lines of how you know she's really shy to talk to you. Something fun like that.

I will i'll ask her what she is upto and make a joke, i'm good at that!, I really just dont get it though, a few weeks ago you'd think we were already a couple, in fact I felt she was moving a bit fast but never said anything and now its just nothing.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

Thanks, the problem is the only time I see her is when she is in work, at which point she is surrounded by other staff and customers, so its difficult to talk, I did text her asking her if she was okay, but she never got back to me, so i'm just confused, i'm not going to come accross as an ass to her because i'm just not like that, but I would like a bit of honesty.

I think it's also time to stop relying on texts to speak with her. See if you can't leave her a message asking to call you. I think you should speak face to face, but if you really can't see her, then a phone call is much more preferable to that.

When you do talk to her [actual talk, not text ], just be honest and tell her you're confused. You deserve to know what page the both of you are on in terms of the relationship. Also, just offer to be an ear to talk to in case there's something going on in her life that's making her distant. It could have nothing to do with you, but offering your services as a shoulder and a pillow can help you build trust with each other, which is the second pillar of a healthy relationship.

Nice one, Jamon. Like I said, I don't like games. Hentchy has it right on the money. I just mean give it some slack because if she isn't biting (why do I keep coming round to fishing?) then pressure could push her further away. A bit of distance can do wonders in helping someone realise how much they like you. Why? Because they'll miss you. Anyway, if you do decide to do the direct route of talking to her, be careful how much you say: This situation has been going around in your head so will likely seem more serious than it is... just be cool.

I agree, but if it were me, and I was having a problem outside the relationship and the guy I was dating distanced himself from me, I'd get pissed and walk away. It's possible she's just too proud to admit there's an issue, and there just needs to be some more communication back and forth between them.

Why don't you call her? Texting is so inpersonal.

I completely agree.

My other thought is this:

If you're really having all this difficulty seeing her, maybe it is time to cool the relationship jets for a while, you know? Maybe it's just not a good time for either of you, especially if communicating is taking this much effort. I'm a veteran of long distance relationships and even after one becoming a short-distance relationship, communication is still very high, probably even more so.

Best of luck with everything! I hope my ramblings help a little bit.

 

[BlackLantern]

I think it's also time to stop relying on texts to speak with her. See if you can't leave her a message asking to call you. I think you should speak face to face, but if you really can't see her, then a phone call is much more preferable to that.

agreed

When you do talk to her [actual talk, not text ], just be honest and tell her you're confused. You deserve to know what page the both of you are on in terms of the relationship. Also, just offer to be an ear to talk to in case there's something going on in her life that's making her distant. It could have nothing to do with you, but offering your services as a shoulder and a pillow can help you build trust with each other, which is the second pillar of a healthy relationship.

WRONG!!!! **** like this will get you a one way trip to the Friend Zone

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

Thanks guys, you've all been very helpful but I just still dont know what to do, I'll send her a text on Friday I think and see how it goes. I'm still confused as hell really, so i'll have to find out in due time what the problem is I suppose.

 

[Frodo]

Well, that's all you can do. Even if things don't turn out the way you may want them to, at least you'll know where things stand and be able to move on from there.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

WRONG!!!! **** like this will get you a one way trip to the Friend Zone

I guess every person is different. I can only give advice based on what I know.

I'm curious about that, actually... So in your travels, BL, every time you've offered support you've ended up in the friend zone? When you're in a relationship do you give any support at all? How do you draw the line?

 

[terry78]

I think being her shoulder to cry on AFTER you've gotten into the relationship is a must, but beforehand it could give the impression that you're just another one of her girlfriends. As soon as they start talking to you about other guys, it's a red flag.

 

[Aesop Rocks]

Look at the white shoes!

 

[BlackLantern]

I guess every person is different. I can only give advice based on what I know.

I'm curious about that, actually... So in your travels, BL, every time you've offered support you've ended up in the friend zone? When you're in a relationship do you give any support at all? How do you draw the line?

offering emotional support prior to gettin' them cheeks = Friend Zone, as for the rest of that, I'll let terry answer

I think being her shoulder to cry on AFTER you've gotten into the relationship is a must, but beforehand it could give the impression that you're just another one of her girlfriends. As soon as they start talking to you about other guys, it's a red flag.

and he said it all intelligent and purdy

 

[Frodo]

That's true.

 

[BlackLantern]

so there is this girl Ive been on and off with for the past 6 months, lately we've been on and she has this very cool friend and I may, just may have a shot at 'the belt'

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

Again thanks for help guys, cant say its cleared my head but it has helped me some, i'll try and get in touch today or tomorrow and see what happens.