WallCrawl said:
I miss Lionel Hutz so much it hurts.
Henry Winkler as Barry Zuckerkorn on Arrested Development is the only lawyer that comes close to replacing Hutz.
Sorry it got out of hand with the Barry quotes...
Barry: And you dont want to go in front of that judge. I caught him in a drag club.
G.O.B.: What were you doing there?
Barry: Wow... you should be the lawyer.
Barry: Well, if you want to play Eve, you got to get in line behind what, above five homos. That was wrong. I-I am so sorry. Its just that I have one down at the office now, and I mean it is every day.
Barry: So, basically, youre about 2,000 shares short of being the majority stockholders. Now, unfortunately, its a private stock, so you cannot just buy up the shares unless someone is willing to sell.
Michael: Are you sure?
Barry: Thats what they said on Ask Jeeves".
Barry: If you really want to settle this, then your job is to convince that wife of yours that you are willing to go in front of the judge and admit that you never had sex.
G.O.B.: She has a name, Barry. You dont happen to know when it is, by the way, do you?
Barry: Thats why I want to settle. Im not super-prepared.
Barry: Those are the pictures?
Wayne Jarvis: Theyre all over the news.
Barry: Those are balls.
Wayne Jarvis: What?
Narrator: Barry was right. Tobias had inadvertently photographed himself while learning to use his camera phone.
Barry: This close, they always look like landscape. Nope, youre looking at balls.
Wayne Jarvis: Officers! Michael, these men are here just a little bit early because we have photographic evidence which discredits the affidavit you just signed.
Barry: Are those balls? Cause the last time we were here, they were balls.
Wayne Jarvis: These are not balls. This was taken with a traffic camera. It shows you in your car with your father within the last 24 hours.
Barry: Oh... I wish they were balls.
Judge Ping: Mr. Zuckerkorn, youve been warned about touching.
Barry: You said spanking.
Barry: Im sorry about the patch. Im testifying against the Kings this afternoon. You cant see it. I just winked.
Judge Ping: Conspiracy, racketeering, evidence tampering, fraud, theft, grand theft, petty theft.
Barry: Wow, I-I did not get that page.
Barry: Do you want to read it?
Michael: No, it is thick. Why dont we just take it.
Barry: I could kiss you on the (bleep).
Michael: Yeah, wellwhat?
Barry: Good news, and even better news. Your companys stock is unfrozen, and my lawsuit against the L.A. Kings is moving forward.
Michael: How did that happen?
Barry: Ah, maybe I stood above Plexiglas and a puck hit me. It could happen.
Barry: You know what? Dont get too close to me. Cause Ive got an itch you cant believe. I think something laid eggs on me.
Michael: Thanks for the heads up.
G.O.B.: Great news. Dad wasnt crushed to death.
Michael: Was there risk of that?
G.O.B.: Yes. Well, I handcuffed him under the house, but as it turns out, he got free, cause the pipes that I chained him to werent connected to anything.
Barry: Oh, Im not prepared for this case. *runs away*
Lindsay: Oh, Barry, did you talk to a doctor?
Barry: I did. I have poison oak. Do you believe it? How the hell did I get that?
*Shot of Rest Area*
Lucille: She was talking about George.
Barry: Oh, hes the same. Look, I guess we should decide on whos going to speak for the family. I would, but I have Laker tickets.
*Shot of Rest Area*
Michael: I didnt know you had a daughter.
Barry: I dont.
Barry's Girlfriend: I thought you wanted me to call you Daddy.
Barry: Why dont you wait for Daddy in the car?
Barry: The will is not here, the will is at my office next to the hot plate with the frayed wires. I didnt, uh... *Muttering*
Narrator: In fact, Barry had lost George Sr.s will.
Barry: ...how did I get here?
Barry: Just like that? No warning? Youre my only client. What am I supposed to do now? Turn tricks on the street? How much you think I can get for that, by the way?
Michael: All right, this is crazy. Ive got to let Oscar out of prison.
Barry: What about making out? $50, or is that just L.A.? Am I just...?
